Perfectly fine with loose screws

So I am participant in Make a wish foundations: Go Blue! Go Bald! Although in my case, I kind of went green. Haha!

So I have stayed up all night, so that I can make it out early today to get it fixed by a professional. My hair will be blue.

Up with Art is less than a week a way, and the closer it gets, the more nervous I get. I hear friends that attended the event last year talk about it, and it sounds HUGE! It’s a collaboration show between local known artists and “street” artists like myself.  CTV News will be there. I’ll get to witness how a silent auction plays out. I’ve never been to an auction before. It will be interesting. I’m both excited and nervous. Thankfully I’m not alone, I’ll be joined by people who have become like a family to me over this past year, The New School of Colour. So that it self is comforting to know. And this experience isn’t just new to me, it is new to others as well.

What else? My sister is pregnant. I am very happy for her, and I pray for her and the father to be. That they have strength to conquer any temptation to past addictions. That their past remains in the past. Because they have a bright life-changing future ahead. My sister has always dreamed about becoming a mother, and I think she will do great. She’s scared, as most new moms are.  Considering all the darkness and pain she’s been through over the years, she deserves this. She deserves to happy. I know she will be amazing, because I’ve seen it with my own eyes when she was around my children. She made an excellent Aunt, giving my children and I wonderful memories. I know she can do the same for her own child.

I think about my own children regularly. There isn’t a day that goes by where they do not enter my thoughts. I miss them. But I believe I was given this time to work on me. To heal, and become a better person. Not just for me, but for them. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on my way.

I believe I can be their mother, and that my ex does not HAVE TO BE present just for it to be possible. I’d be happy with just weekends. I recently changed my cell number to avoid anymore conflict with him.  Through out the year I’ve been getting harassed through text messages. He’d start all nice, than get all lovey dovey on me hoping to get laid. I’d reject him, and he’d throw a tantrum. Then I experience more verbal abuse. That same cycle kept repeating itself. I’ve been through enough. Our children have been through enough. Damn rights, I cut contact.

Job searching has been difficult. So hopefully this other agency that my Ontario Works worker referred me to can help. The huge gaps in my resume concerns employees. Those periods where I was in these isolating abusive relationships. Not something I want to bring up at an interview. Another thing, lack of recent references, and lack of experience. I love to learn, and I’m willing to try new things. I just need to be given the chance.

I will be starting counseling soon. It could be good I guess. But my past experiences are that I get past on from one councilor to the next, starting over each time repeating myself like a parrot. Supposedly that’s good for you. I find it irritating. I can’t stand repeating myself, because that means that whomever I’m speaking to isn’t really listening. My best form of communication is writing, therefore whatever I’m thinking goes straight to my readers brain. Nothing is missed, and my point has been made.

I will try it anyway. Supposedly I have a few screws loose, according to my ex, C.A.S, etc. I don’t see anything wrong with me. I like the way I am. I have become very interesting. Maybe it’s not “normal”, or “socially acceptable”.  Since I’ve gone to church, I accept the way I am, and believe I’m meant to be this way. The Creators little rebel against power, control and judgment.

Okay, so my sleeping patterns could use some improvement. I either sleep too much, or too little. There’s no balance. And I’m not the most organized or punctual person. These are things I still need to work on, and I know it. They are habits which can be changed with time and practice, not over night. You have no idea how many attempts I’ve tried to turn my clock around. I admit, without my children, I have become fond of sleeping. Dreaming actually. The less realistic the better. It’s an escape from my reality. So sleep has become a problem. Not to that point where I’m laying in bed all day and night trying to rot away. I do make an effort to get out of bed, and get out of the house. It’s not as bad as it use to be, it’s just backwards. I’m awake all night, and I sleep business hours away. It gets frustrating, especially when there are things to be done during business hours. So that’s where all nighters come to play. I don’t sleep at all just so I can accomplish what I want to get done. Such as today, I didn’t sleep at all last night. I will be comatose by the end of the day. Out like a light. To get me through the day, a shit load of caffeine.

I’d like to think I’m a pretty happy person for the most part. My self-esteem and confidence have improved, although I struggle with doubt now and than. I call them “my blue phases”. Waves where I feel sad.  But I keep in mind what one of my idol (Corey Taylor) has said ” Everything you feel is temporary.”  And each time, I get through it.

Things will continue to get better if I keep going forward. Pushing myself to do so.

I’ll share something from last Sunday’s service at Church. It’s really been good for me going there. Even my friends say they’ve noticed positive changes since I’ve started to go.

“The love of the world and the love of the Father are incompatible. The only way to receive the best God has for us is to let go.”

C.A.S thinks I’m detached from the world as is. Incapable of bonding. I’m very capable of bonding. But as for detaching myself from the world, that was only the beginning. – Pooks

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By pooks82

Go Blue! Go Bald! 2012

Sponsor Pooks

Go Blue! Go Bald! 2012.

I am becoming a participant in this years Go Blue! Go Bald! event. It is is a fund-raiser for the Make-a-Wish foundation which grants wishes to children who have life threatening medical conditions.

It’s something I have been wanting to do for a while. I wish I could have grown my hair longer for it, but the time is now.

My goal is to fund-raise $1000 or higher. I could use all the support I can get.  Click on the link if you are interested in sponsoring me. It is for a great cause, and I think I could rock a blue faux (or mo-) hawk.

I pick up my kit on Monday, lets do this! 😉

By pooks82

The gift of Giving

On a positive note, minus my own personal problems. At least I can do something for others with Up with Art approaching. %50 of whatever my art piece raises will go to The Unity Project, helping the homeless.

I somewhat helped Jeremy Jeresky with a New School of Colour workshop that included children from The Women’s Community House. Me, being the harshest critic on myself, think I could have done better.

But I always analyze myself and think that, especially when it comes to  children.

I sent an e-mail out to see how I would be able to participate in Make a Wishes Foundations ; “Go Blue! Go Bald!” event. A fundraiser to raise money for the Make-a-Wish foundation. An organization that grants wishes to children with life threatening medical conditions.  I wouldn’t mind getting a blue faux halk, or mohawk for a good cause. Hopefully it’s not too late to participate.

Giving to others lifts my spirit, even though I myself barely have much to give at all. Even if it’s just laughter.

I don’t know. Even though the world tries to force the illusion that money and material things are important, they aren’t.

I don’t know who the controlling bitch was that came up with the idea of money, and that you have to “work” for it. I look at it as stepping into a form of slavery. So yeah, of coarse I don’t look forward to becoming involved with it. But I believe it wasn’t always like that. It’s not meant to be. There was a time where we shared, and traded. We are all given gifts (forms) of talent for a reason.

I also find it strange how we value vehicles more so than ourselves. Cars get given paved roads, parking lots, and their own built house a.k.a the garage. We fight, and people die just for oil to power their engines. We pollute our own natural resources for the sake of a car! We will cut down trees, which supplies our oxygen, for the sake of a car! Does this not sound stupid to anyone else?

The world is supposedly “in order.” But couldn’t be anymore chaotic and ridiculous.

I kind of trailed off to a complete different topic, but they both relate to giving. It’s like we forget how. Blinded by this “fend  for yourself” attitude. Selfish and greedy. I don’t want to forget.

So even though I don’t have much to give, I am going to give all that I can. – Pooks

By pooks82

It all piles up

I admit I am a bit frustrated.

This world has an obsession with having to make “phone calls.”

I do not own a home phone, and my cell phone doesn’t work so great for phone calls. It’s been dropped, had beverages spilt on it, it’s amazing that it still works enough as it does. It’s basically only good for an alarm clock and text messages.

I use to have a home phone through Bell. I had a pretty good deal for internet, basic satellite and a home phone. That was until a Rogers employee came to my home, cut my satellite cord and tried to sell me their packages instead. I got charged up the ass from Bell for the damage. An extra $600. I’m on financial assistance, there is no way I could pay that off. I got to try to stretch $160 p/ month as is.

So now I’m with Odynet, my form of communication is the internet, e-mail, facebook, etc.

I’ve come to realize that not having a phone has put a damper on many things. Such as job searching. Rather than booking an interview through e-mail, employers will e-mail me telling me to CALL THEM to book an interview. So each 2 second phone call costs me more money, 75 cents each. Almost a dollar per call.

To top it off, I have been suspended off Ontario Works. So now there are more hoops for me to jump. My worker keeps calling my cell. I tell these people, E-MAIL!! It’ the best way to get a hold of me. No one listens. I feel like in order to be heard, I have to get pissed off. And it sucks, I hate ranting. I hate bitching. I hate nagging! I hate sounding like my mom! I don’t like to raise my voice in order to get shit done!

I’ve been waiting all day for e-mails from my OW worker, my lawyer, employees, etc.

I feel out of the loop when it comes to court. I was told I was going to get an e-mail for the next court date, I never did. I just know it was set for March, and March is almost over. C.A.S and my ex know more of what is going on than I do.

I know I am suppose to “call” C.A.S to book an in home appointment. I haven’t yet. I am flat ass broke. Plus, my home is still a mess. Finding the motivation to clean this place…I don’t know. I doubt myself.

I do want to see my kids again, I just wish I were more stabilized.

I’ve been job searching for a year, and have had no luck because of the huge gap between jobs, lack of experience, etc. Well I’m sorry I got into two fucked up isolating relationships that took away a good 7 years.  It doesn’t mean I’m not capable of learning.

Whatever, I’m ready to throw job searching out the window. And hope that I can get back into school and not fuck that up.

Union Gas is going to cut me off, considering I haven’t paid a thing since I got here. Same goes with my Reliance water bill. I don’t get that much per month, so I figure what’s the point of trying? So the money I do get goes to coffee, cigarettes, and $55 for internet.

I don’t know why OW let me move here, out of London Housing where everything was inclusive. They must have known I would not be able to make ends meet. What the fuck?!

If there were images in the dictionary, my face should be placed by the words “Screwed over.”

For some dumb reason, I keep trying though. Trying to sort shit out and achieve the impossible. I go through phases where I revert back to trying to sleep it all away to nights where I don’t sleep at all.

I’m under a lot of stress. You wouldn’t know it if you were to meet me in person. Because I come across so cheerful.

I’m not the most organized person, and it doesn’t take much to over-whelm me. I am ALWAYS late for appointments.  But I must keep reminding myself, one thing at a time. And not to worry, the Creator has it all under control. Everything happens for a reason. Why I must go through this bullshit, I don’t know. But it’s all apart of “his” plan.

Sometimes I think I should just pack up and leave. Move into a bachelor apartment. Why am I even trying to hold onto a 3 bedroom house? I’ve been waiting a year for my children to come home, and maybe that’s just not going to happen.

Tomorrow is another day, and I will try to take my mind off all this. I don’t even know where to begin plucking away. It would be nice if my OW worker would return my e-mail. – Pooks

 

 

 

 

By pooks82

“Come clean.”

I would have typed out a blog yesterday, but since I was out all day, by the time I had gotten home I was too tired.

I wanted to share something. Sure I could say it’s coincidental, but I don’t think so.

In the past, C.A.S had put my words into quotations in court papers. Trying to make it look bad or something. Ridiculing me for telling the truth, and making me sound like an addict.

Even part of my family, if you want to call them that, forsakes me.

Just this past Sunday, those exact same words were in quotations, and the Pastor at my church was getting everyone at the church to repeat those words over and over. What were those words? “Come clean.”

Come clean before God respecting ourselves.

It caught me off guard, because I’ve been kind of on this rebellion that barely anyone understands. Against power, control, and judgment. But I have a feeling that my Pastor gets it. You wouldn’t expect a Pastor to encourage this rebellion, but he has. He says things like, “Be relentless,” “Be Real”, “Influence and draw others.”

During my suicidal phase I believe I was called out of it, to serve a purpose. I believe I was led to the Ark and The New School of Colour. I’m not 100% sure what exactly, but I know my goal is to be inspiring. I try to lift the spirits of others with laughter. I try to be “Luminous.” I try to be the light in someones day.

So, no matter how many people look down or ridicule this path I’m on. I’m certain it is the right one.

Sure I don’t have money, a job, or all those materialistic things. I’ve been job searching for a year, and without it, with the very little that I do have; I am grateful. I feel like the wealthiest person alive. I have made wonderful friends, and support .

Even though I have no clue where this path in life will take me, or what’s to come next. Rather than being scared of it, I am accepting and enjoying it.

I’ve felt alienated a lot of my life. I know I’m not the only person that has felt this way. Now I think I’m starting to figure out why. I really don’t belong here. None of us do. – Pooks

By pooks82

“Confrontation” gets in2 “Up with Art”

I am going to share what I typed out for an artist statement, even though it isn’t necessary since the testimonial I had used for The New School of Colour ( Which I submitted as my artist bio for the art show “Up with Art”) is good enough to qualify as both my bio and statement. But hey, I can still share it online.

Here it goes…

“I use art as a form of expression. I’m told numerous times that I am very in tune with my emotions, and am extremely passionate when it comes to my art. For me it is therapeutic.  Art allows me to let go of the negative emotions and turn it into something captivating. I could have said beautiful, but not all art has to be beautiful. It could be horrific, but still captivating. I look up to artists such as; Salvador Dali, Pablo Picasso, H.R Giger, and my high school art teacher (Rhonda Bobinski). I strive to be a multi-media surrealist artist, and to be inspiring.

My work is a collage of thoughts, emotions, and ideas. It may not make much sense to my viewer, but it makes perfect sense to me. Some of my art is experimental, and my surroundings take an influence on my art. I like to challenge myself by manipulating and mixing mediums together to see what I can create. In a lot of my pieces you will notice that a woman wearing a gas mask appears quite frequently. Whenever I am experiencing a struggle in my life, she appears in my art. To me she resembles strength. She’s a warrior.

“Confrontation” is my most revealing piece yet. In past projects I would just give glimpses or hints of my own life experiences. It’s about my abusive ex taking our children, and not returning them home. It reveals a secret that he wanted to keep silent, our miscarried child; Lucius. At that time he had a restraining order, he wasn’t supposed to be around but he was. Closer to the center images become more positive with things that symbolize art, music and laughter. It reveals my spiritual journey. All I’m trying to attempt with this project is the truth. Lying to workers for the sake of my ex cost me the loss of my children. Plus refusing to reconcile and have intercourse with my ex. Him not being able to take no for an answer, I paid the price for saying no.

While creating “Confrontation” I was being harassed through text messages by my ex, which added more angry emotions and darkness to the art piece.  I am done lying. It’s not worth it, and I choose the path of truth. ”

Anyway, all the paper work is complete and I handed in my art work to be framed. I am in.

So yeah, this year Pooks will be a part of “Up with Art”. My friend (Marshall Custus) reminisces of last years show. It sounds like quite the experience. I look forward to it.

“Up with Art” takes place at the Palace Theatre in London, Ontario on April 5th, 2012. Tickets are $20 in advance. Or $25 at the door. It is a fund-raising event in support of Unity Project for Relief of Homelessness. For more information call (519) 433-8809, or go to the website at: www.upwithart.ca

Hope to see you there! 🙂

 

By pooks82

Self -Talk

Yes I am a bit emo lately. But hey, it is my moon time. I am in the most vulnerable state. I am overly sensitive to all energy that surrounds me. It’s either one extreme or the other, which is crying to ranting like some kind of spaz.

I know I get my head stuck in the past a lot, which is probably why I am sharing so much of it. I am making an attempt to let go of what I no longer want to hold onto; the past.

Being that it is 5:27am, I probably will not sleep today because I want to get stuff done. Things I’ve been to scared to do, due to fear of change. I’ve gotten too comfortable with the way things are.

So today I will face some responsibilities. Things don’t have to be this way. Trying to stretch $160 to last throughout a month. The only person that can make any changes in my life is me. Waiting for change to come to me isn’t going to happen. I must make the first move.

I got to stop being so scared of failure, and at least try. That way I can say I tried. And even if I do “fuck up”, look at it as a learning experience. You learn nothing if you’re too afraid to make mistakes.

I’m lecturing myself. To basically suck it up buttercup.

I’m not the same person I was in the past. A lot of changes have been made, and I’m not about to stop now.  – Pooks

By pooks82

The Truth Hurts

I cannot sleep. I’ve fallen into this pattern where I cannot sleep at night, but I sleep all business hours away. I get nothing done, and I just get really disappointed with myself.

I have a chance to see my kids again. C.A.S had left me a voice mail message saying that they want a home visit; they had received my court papers which stated what I wanted. If not full custody, than I want my weekends back. This would mean I would have to clean my house. I made some attempts, but the motivation seems to not be there. I do want to see my kids again, I do love them dearly. But a part of me thinks I do not deserve to be a parent.

Sure it was me that got involved with all the programs and resources. I knew I needed help. But I have been hiding a secret, something that eats me up inside. Every time I remember it, It’s like I relive it, and I am showered with guilt. Asking myself, how could I be so stupid TWICE?!

I am haunted by a horrific memory that makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be a parent. I just tried to lie down and go to sleep, but this memory replays in my mind. It literally breaks me down into tears each time.

My ex was in jail. So I was living with our two children on our own. Dakota was just a baby, Anakin was a toddler. Anakin had started to get these uncontrollable tantrums.  Once during these tantrums I tried to get him to look at me. It’s like he wasn’t even there, he was locked within himself. It scared me.

During these tantrums Anakin would throw things down the stairs. His game system, VCR, his desk. Whatever he could. He broke the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs.

This one time, I lost it. Got him to pick the stuff up and bring the stuff back up to his room.  I was holding Dakota, yelling at Anakin. I put Dakota down. Thinking it was okay, because she hasn’t started to crawl yet. So as I was lecturing Anakin, I neglected to notice I left the bedroom door open. Dakota crawled out of the room. Anakin’s room was at the top of the stairs. Suddenly I heard a bunch of thumping down the stairs. It was Dakota. I yelled her name and ran after her. At the bottom of the stairs I picked her up, she didn’t cry. She fell asleep. I panicked and went to the neighbor and told her about it. She said that happened to her son too, and not to worry about it. I should have taken her to the hospital anyways, but I was scared C.A.S would be called and that would be it. I would have lost my children right then and there. So I put Dakota to bed and prayed.

Another time, yep. It happened again. This time Anakin was name calling and being rude. We were in the living room. I put Dakota down, thinking I would make it back down before anything could happen. I escorted Anakin to his room, lectured on how I don’t tolerate disrespect. As I left the room and looked down the stairs, who has almost reached the top? Dakota. She followed me. I tried to slowly reach her, reaching my arms out. But she looked up at me, lost her balance, and fell backwards.

What kind of parent makes the same mistake twice? I look back and wonder why I didn’t do what most parents would have, which is placed her safely in her crib.

My guilt is eating me alive. The hardest person to criticize me is me.

She survived both times, survived my stupidity. She could have had a concussion. She could have died, and neither times I took her to the hospital because I was too scared of the consequence. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe my children were taken from me by my ex because I don’t deserve them.

I don’t even think he knows of this incident. Barely anyone does. It was my shadowy secret that I cannot take anymore. So I am confessing; I fucked up. I’m not perfect.

I don’t know. Maybe C.A.S is right, I am a risk. I can’t even handle getting my own life back in order, how do I expect to take responsibility for other lives if I cannot even take care of myself?! – Pooks

By pooks82

Shedding Skin

Lastnight I discovered my cousin is experiencing an abusive relationship. So my thoughts and prayers right now go to her and her child.

I hope that she listens to the people that love her, and she does get her and her baby out. No one deserves to be treated that way. Wither the abuser is drunk or not, alcohol is just an excuse.

I don’t want her to make the same mistake I made, giving my abuser the benefit of the doubt, it cost me my children the next time I stood up for myself and said no.

It’s been almost a year later and my ex still doesn’t get it. I cannot “be friends” with him. That’s like letting a kidnapper keep in touch. Plus you cannot change a cheetahs spots. I know better now, I know he hasn’t changed, no matter how many times he says he has.

I hope my cousin has the courage the strength to do what is best for her child. Unlike me, I cowarded and put my children and myself at risk when I let my ex return while he had a restraining order.

I know it’s scary, and these type of people manipulate you into thinking they are all that you have. No one else cares. You get isolated from the people that do care, the ones that actually try to help. For example, my ex use to talk to me and say that C.A.S was just trying to break our family apart. So I’d lie to the workers, as if it were my ex and I against the world. I wanted to believed  him. I wanted to believe I actually meant something to him.

I was a fool. I never meant anything to him. I look back and realize just how fucked up shit actually was. When we first “got together”. He was just suppose to be a one night stand. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, heck I just got out of court from a previous abusive relationship. We do it one night, and suddenly he thinks he’s in love. And he pushes and pushes to move in with me right after. THAT IS FUCKED UP!

I was just something he used for money and sex. I got pregnant with my son, and his true colours were made clear. He didn’t believe he was his child, so him and his friends started with the verbal abuse. I was called a slut, skank, whore, crackhead, etc. He even broke into my apartment once. I lived in an apartment building on the second floor. He climbed up and broke in because he thought he would “catch me in the act.” Wrong! I was in bed asleep.

Our relationship was off and on. Numerous times I tried to get out of this shit on my own. I’d get harassed by through phone calls. Once a C.A.S worker was there and witnessed this happening. Him calling repeatedly. And leaving rude slandering messages on my voice-mail.

But I kept trying to “work it out.” Even when 6 days before our son was born he was fucking someone else.

I keep hearing the same shit. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t even think he truly knows what those words mean.

Years go by, things are fine whenever I have money in the bank. Whenever I didn’t, he’d take off to play with his “boys”. in their gay little “clubhouse”. So alot of the responsibility was on me. Dealing with the workers, raising our son. Where the fuck was he? Getting drunk and high with “the boys”.

I had gotten pregnant with our daughter. So I would be left by myself, and he would take our son to see “the boys”. I barely ever got to hang out with my son anymore. I should have seen how things were dividing then. This one time he said we were going to his parents farm. Turned out he just meant him and our son.

He has said he was going to make breakfast, of coarse that wasn’t happening. He was sleeping in until 2pm in the afternoon like he usually does. So I was like, never-mind, I’ll do it. At the time he was sleeping in the basement. He came up the stairs really cranky and heading out for a smoke. He than made a remark on how I shouldn’t leave the children in the living-room unsupervised. Shortly after he made a sexist remark telling me to get back into the kitchen. So yeah, that pissed me off. I tried to stand up for myself, told him if he was going to be like that he can go live with his brother.

I was assaulted when our daughter was a baby. He was holding her while he assaulted me. He grabbed my throat, squeezed it, and threw me into this wicker shelving unit we had in the hallway. I remember crying and saying “what are you doing?!” He then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into the living-room. Pinning me onto the futon mattress that was laid out on the floor. I scratched his face, to try to get him off. He got up and took our daughter with him to the neighbors. She was being breastfed, and was hungry. So she was crying. We both called the police. He tried to say it was me that was crazy. As he usually does.

So he wound up in jail. And had a restraining order filed against him. He broke that restraining order a week after it was set by calling me. I remembered what happened the last time I tried to be assertive, so out of fear, I let him return.  I had gotten pregnant again and miscarried.

Here I was trying to be a super human. Handle all the resposibilites. Please the ex, please the workers with lies. Trying to keep everyone happy. But I was falling apart.

My ex didn’t even include me in family outing. I was treated like a bitch to watch over the stroller and bags. While he goes and has fun with the children.

My house got disrespected. Garbage and clothes all over the floor. I was expected to do everything.

I got so much disrespect I shut down. I just quit. I used to internet to ignore EVERYTHING! Since things weren’t going the way he liked it, he broke up with me, and finally started to go back to his own apartment. Yes, he has his own place that whole time, but just would not leave my place. We agreed that he would have the children on weekends. And he’d come by weekdays after the kids got out of school and daycare. After a while, he’d take the kids to his friends place during that time. So I never really saw my children, only in the morning and at bedtime. It was heart breaking.

Of coarse his hormones kicked in, and he’d ask if I’d want company that night. This happened numerous times, each time he was shot down. He blames the internet. Which he does, he blames everybody and everything but himself. Pointing the finger everywhere else. So he hacked my face book account making it so I cannot access it. Heaven forbid I socialize with anybody else. I created fake accounts, as a male only adding females. Thought maybe he wouldn’t be so insecure about it. He hacked those too. He accused me of mimicking his personality. He wishes.I was mimicking Corey Taylor damn it! Glad I did, I’ve learned some things doing so.

Since all his attempts to get his dick wet failed, to get back at me, being the vindictive immature ass that he is…The weekend came and I brought the children to his place, and returned home. Thinking they would return home on Sunday. They never did.

Those false accounts have been shut down. I feel I no longer need them.  I used them to make others laugh. Just posted jokes and sarcasm. It kinda helped to make others laugh even though I wasn’t feeling so great myself. I’m pretty sure my own new face book account is safe from being hacked.

I’ve been waiting a long time for my children to return. Tolerating more false accusations created by my ex. He’s even got C.A.S believing I’m mentally unstable. I did, I snapped at a worker once. I yelled at her. I tried to tell her the truth. But what does she do? She twists my words and puts them into quotations in court documents. Such as the words “Come clean”. Come clean as in the TRUTH! Yeah, I yelled at her, for putting my kids at risk and having them live with my abuser.

It’s not over yet. I’ve been on a spiritual journey since the kids were taken and I sank into depression and suicidal thoughts. Something was there when I thought I was alone. Go ahead and call me crazy.  But I believe the Creator saved me, and led me to the Ark Aid Street Mission and The New School of Colour.

If anything, it is the beginning of my rise.

I have family members that dislike that I am so in-tune with my emotions. I was given this spirit and soul for a reason. As well as the story of my journey. I am to share it, and I will in as many forms as I can.  – Pooks

By pooks82