Powerless

Okay. So I have been P.M.Sing hardcore this last little while. That’s usually the time where I need my space. So yeah, I take a day or 2 away from people. The first two days are the worst, I’m freakin loopy as hell. Anything could make me either pissed off, or cry. It’s either one extreme or other. Yesterday I was watching a movie, it was one of those sappy scenes, normally they would not get to me, but no, when I’m P.M.S I’m overly sensitive. It’s pathetic. I seriously can’t help but laugh at myself afterward because it is that pathetic.

So yeah, as long as I can get through the first two days without doing to much damage. I’m fine. Two days of being a bit psycho, overly opinionated, and being more pathetically sensitive than I already am

Anyway, enough of that, lets move on. I did manage to get stuff done finally. Without putting it off and continually saying “I’ll do it tomorrow” every freakin day.  I had to pull an all nighter mind you, but it was worth it. I got everything I needed to get done by 4pm. I called Daya counseling, and of coarse, they just told me they were over booked and to try another time. I actually made it to the Food Bank this month. So I have food at home, not much, but it works. Then I had to pay my Reliance bill and hand in a copy of the bill stamped, and a receipt to OW. Done. My money will probably be released by midnight. I hope so, I need a smoke.

It looks as though I will not be getting a phone this month. $100 of my shelter money will be going to pay off Reliance. So instead of receiving $225, I’ll probably be getting $125. Unless, I sell my art or something, a new phone is not likely to be in my possession any time soon.

Although, if any reader is interested in purchasing my art, I have a little gallery of what is available at the following link:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.320332171317762.81842.320288887988757&type=3

Anyway, my next project I’m working on at the New School of Colour will be my first Oil Painting. When I sketched it out, all I can say is I even freak myself out sometimes. The stuff that comes out of my head… I really hope I can pull it off.

Besides that, there has been drama between my friends and I. One is resolved, the other, just gonna shrug it off and move on. Just because I don’t like this friends boyfriend, this friend thinks so morbidly and says “Wouldn’t it be funny if her boyfriend ran Pooks over with his bus.”  Why would you even think that?! I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that wouldn’t think too lightly of this guy if they knew what the fuck my friend is going through.  What he’s put her through. But no no no, she claims to be in love.  And this shit is stuck on repeat. I feel like I have been placed in my sisters position that occured over a year ago, when she tried to warn me about my now ex, I did not listen. I wish I had though, because she was right.

Anyway, this friend of mines boyfriend, why I do not like him. He’s hurt my friend numerous times emotionally. Which in my opinion, is even worse than physical pain, it lasts longer. Physical pain is temporary. He has said that she does not deserve his unconditional love. He compares her to his exes and says that she is not good enough, because she’s in low income housing and on welfare. He uses her for sex. He laughed at her during the act, and called her boring, said he was sick of her.He doesn’t even trust her.

She is now planning their wedding. Because she thinks their in love. Love is acceptance, not sex. A lot of people confuse love for sex. Also, a relationship without trust isn’t much of a relationship at all.  I wish there was more I could do, but I did my best, she chose to ignore my warnings and forgive him…again.  Sounds so familiar. Funny how tables turn. I can only back off, and let shit run their coarse. Let her live her own life. Let her learn for herself. I am powerless. All I can do is just be there when needed, and hope that I am wrong. Hope that he can change for the better as she believes. Although if it were “love” as she claims it is, neither would have to change who they are. – Pooks

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By pooks82

Attempting to organize chaos

I didn’t make it out today. Not to church, not anywhere. It’s not a complete waste of a day, I did work on my next art project for a couple hours. I keep trying to push myself with my art, challenging myself with things I originally didn’t think I could do.

I actually had to do my research for the piece,; A bit of human anatomy (the skeleton structure), and machine parts ( such as gears, and fans).

What I want to accomplish with this piece is kinda like H.R Giger meets Max Ernst meets Pooks. If that makes any sense.  I hope I could pull it off.

As usual,  there’s a lot of detail. So it will probably take a month or more to complete.

Anyway, I’m not saying today was completely unproductive, but I hope tomorrow I can get done what I need to. Such as calling Daya counseling again. Going to Leads employment services and filling out an application.  When I called, that’s what they said I should do. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have wasted a good 75 cents on the pointless phone call. That could have gotten me a can of Coke.

Anyway, I’m not sure how I will handle next month without my internet, which I have been using as my main source of contact. It’s going to be weird. But I will get a new phone. So it’s not like I’ll be completely without some form of contact.

I told the C.A.S worker not to give the number to my ex, the whole reason I had my number changed before I had lost my phone was because of him. It was getting ridiculous. Seriously, I’d get insane text messages accusing me of being in a green vehicle with someone, trying to run over my ex and the kids. I’ve been minding my own business, trying to move the fuck on. Plus I do not know anyone that drives a green car. Most of my friends take the bus, or ride a bike. So yeah, of coarse I had my number changed.  Someone is kinda coo-coo! I don’t need that bullshit while I’m trying to get my life together. Ugggh… So yeah, I also mentioned that if something does get arranged where I can have the children over, I want very little contact with my ex as possible. So a C.A.S driver will be needed.

Anyway,  the New School of Colour is tomorrow evening. Even though I will more then likely be late, as usual. I am rarely ever on time. Everything is so unorganized and chaotic in my world, kinda like my art. Maybe it kind of reflects through it or something.

Besides that, I got my very own paint brushes. New art toys. I look forward to testing them out and seeing what I could do with them. It should be fun.

I finally priced my self-portrait piece as $80. 00. I have 2 interested buyers, Marshall and G.G ( two members of the New School of Colour), the race is on.

If I sell it, maybe then i could finally pick myself up a thumb drive, transfer my art onto it, and start looking into options when it comes to returning to school. Maybe even buy time for the phone I don’t have yet in advance, and the rest could go to simple pleasures like smokes and caffeine. It’s all planned out right here, but will I be able to stick to it? And whose to say it will be sold right away? I may have to wait for whatever reason.

Now I’m just thinking too much. That’s not really new. But yeah, I’m going to end it as is. – Pooks

By pooks82

Thank you

I am glad to say that things are okay. I look forward to church, and things are already making a positive turn.  There is only forward, and I was wrong to doubt a friendship. Turns out I’m not expected to be perfect. My friends are amazing.  Maybe there’s just some things I struggle with, forces of habit and behavior, from being in abusive relationships. Things I will need to work on. I am determined to break a cycle, even if that means taking a look at myself. It is me that pressures myself to be perfect. Reverting back to being that people pleasing robot.  Habits can be broken. And I am accepted the way I am. A bit of a spaz sometimes, emotionally constipated sometimes, fun and quirky at other times. So the biggest judgments, besides the Creators, is the one on myself. Which I’ve been known to be very hard on myself.  One day at a time, some days will be better then others. But everyday has something to teach, and I am thankful. – Pooks

By pooks82

WTF

Things have been awkward between a friend and I these last couple days.

It’s like she’s never bickered with a friend before. It’s kind of pathetic, so I flat out told her to grow up.  Friends don’t always agree, friends will argue and have their moments. I don’t know. Her idea of friendship is if you’re not constantly happy, and you speak up and tell her to stop doin somethin your not in the mood for at that particular time, then you must be “judging her”. All I said was I wasn’t in the mood for any bragging, which she was doing at that time. Playfully mind you, but I just wasn’t in the mood. So she turns around and says something like “something just clicked in her head” about me. I wanted to drop it, but no. I questioned it. So she’s saying that maybe she was wrong about me. So apparently, if I’m not a happy freakin minagerie person to be around all the freakin time, then I must be judgmental and like everyone else.

I had a rough day! People have them! I spent an evening listening to her whine and complain about her fibromyalgia.  I kept my mouth shut. I listened to it. I was there. It drained the fuck out of me. Seriously, picture yourself with someone whining, complaining…whining some more…complaining some more… for hours. That’s a lot of negativity to take in. No, I don’t know what it is like. But I do have rheumatoid arthritis. You don’t hear me bitching, whining and complaining about it. I just live with it.  It’s not every-bodies problem, I am the one to live with it.  Anyway, she never use to be this irritating until after she was diagnosed. Now it just seems like she sucks it for all it’s worth. I see it as an attention thing. Everybody will be laughing, having a good time, the moment she’s not getting attention, time to play the pity party.

I have another friend that has the same thing, fibromyalgia, and you would not even be able to tell she has it unless she told you. She comes across as a very happy perky type of person. She does not make a big deal about it. She carries on with life and makes the best of it.She appreciates the little things. She’s very grateful, and spiritual. She is one of my favorite people to talk to because she is so positive.

I could be wrong. It’s suppose to be painful all over. But when it comes to this friend of mine, it comes across as theatrics.

But no, supposedly I’m mean and judgmental. I prefer the words , fed up.As a replacement for meds, I get used…

Used for amusement. I’ve been questioning lately wither or not am I even her friend or just her amusement? Something she can laugh at while she sits on her ass. The amount of shit I put up with, most people would not consider that a friendship. Considering she puts me down every chance she gets. Jealousy, it’s an ugly thing. Will she ever admit it? No.

So things are becoming awkward, and I am the supposed “bad guy” for speaking my mind.

It’s no wonder she’s had trouble making friends over the past few years if this is how she treats them.  A slight little bicker, and it’s the end of the world. You got to be able to communicate to maintain a friendship. I’ve been saying my opinion very bluntly. I am very in tune with my emotions, I know damn well I cannot keep them locked in.

Anyway, she’s kind of leaving me hanging. Not responding to me. I’ll give her time. I know some of the things I say can be harsh and are like a verbal slap in the face. But that is part of who I am. If you can’t handle it, that is not my problem.  I will say it like it is, wither you like it or not. I will be real with you, not giving you sugar coated bullshit. You’re not no fuckin baby.  Why the hell would I treat you like one?! I will tell you what is on my mind, wither it be written, or straight from the mouth.  Point is, I will be true to myself. If I’m wrong, I will admit it.  But from my point of view, yeah, somethings not right with this picture!

As I said before. I do not know much about fibromyalgia. I don’t fully understand it.I just know I’m getting sick of hearing about it. I suppose I could be more sympathetic, but then again, I don’t want to be taken advantage of. That has happened in the past between me and a schizophrenic. He called one of his “alter ego’s”  Baby. And I could not stand that one. He used it to manipulate to get his way. To the point, where he was freeloading and mooching off me. No wonder my ex did the same to me. Saw someone else do it. I was easy prey. Too nice for my own damn good I think. It took awhile till I was actually able to put my foot down with that dude, and kick him the fuck out. Hopefully I won’t have to do the same with this friend.- Pooks

By pooks82

Intolerant

I have been in a crumby mood lately. I don’t know, just surrounded by too much negativity.

When I said I was empathetic, it doesn’t mean come to me like I’m a psychiatrist. Spill the beans to me like I am, or something. Or whine and complain to me for hours about your physical pain. It’s draining. And I can tell you straight off the bat that I am not the person to go running to. I will eventually snap and tell you the last thing you want to hear because at that point, I am drained, tired, cranky and fed up.

I often say I am like the Pheonix, very sensitive to energy around me. It’s like I absorb it, and shoot it back out. So if it’s negative, negative is what you will get in return. People act soooo surprised and shocked when I do. But it’s like, what do you expect? After a while, I just want to throw a giant diaper on these people and stick a soother in their mouths.

I don’t know how real psychiatrists or counselors do it. For a change, I actually feel empathetic for them if this is the kind of crap they go through. I don’t even know what it is about me that is attracting all this, but I wish it would stop. I struggle as is getting my own life in order.

Maybe it’s because I’m nice. I am a listener. I don’t know. People think they can just take advantage of that shit, and shit all over me so to speak. I sure as hell ain’t no professional, that’s for sure. I reach a point where I snap, and become rude.

I cannot handle everybody’s fuckin problems.  Sure I’m opinionated, my opinion is one thing and should be taken with a grain of salt. Honestly, I think I suck at giving advice. But still people insist on coming to me.

So today, I isolated myself from the world. I needed a break from this nonsense. I’m still in a crumby mood. Just because there’s all this negativity in me now, and it needs to get out. Art does come in handy for that, but I wouldn’t have to if people didn’t use me as some kind of venting outlet. It isn’t fair to me. It’s kind of selfish of them, because they don’t even consider how their behavior effects others.

I do try to sit there and listen. I do try to be understanding. But I could only take so much negativity before it starts breaking me down.

That is why I try so hard to make others laugh. I try to do the opposite of what these people are doing to me. Rather than draining someones spirit, lift it.

Today, I was still too drained. All this began last-night.  I needed time away from those people. Away from drama. Away from pity parties. People rely on me too much to the point they get kind of clingy. It’s a lot of pressure to put me. Technically, it’s not my problem. Why they try to make it my problem?! I don’t know.

I rarely talk about myself to people, because I don’t want to be a downer. I know damn well my life is fucked up. So I’m constantly asking how others are. So maybe I bring it on myself. Sometimes it’s actually nice to hear about someone elses life. Minus the ones that whine and complain. Hearing the stories where people are grateful, and appreciate the little things. I love those stories.

Anyway, hopefully I will be a bit more like myself tomorrow. I’ve been a bit off these last couple of days. Things have been gettin on my nerves so easily. I feel intolerant. I’m not a doctor. I’m not a psychiatrist. I’m not even a fuckin counselor.  Bitch at somebody else, and give me a break.  Thank you. – Pooks

By pooks82

Short & Brief

So I had a C.A.S worker come to my home, and I think things went well. She basically wanted to know what I wanted, what my goals were.  Since the kids are well adjusted and have a routine with my ex, and the problem isn’t between him and the children, it’s between him and I, I told the worker I want my weekends back, but to have very little contact with my ex as possible. I explained why, and why I had changed my number before I lost my phone. I was getting harrassed by my ex. It has been a vicious cycle that has been going on for over a year, and I’m done. He will act all sweet, then I reject his ass, then I get harassed with verbal abuse and rumors.

I told the worker what I’ve been trying to do, and that low income is a barrier. Something always comes up. My hair going green, my cell phone getting lost and stolen. What I want to do eventually is get a thumb drive, get my art onto it, and see a pre-admission counselor at Fanshawe College. Things, just haven’t been working out as planned.

I am to call DAYA counseling next week since they were over booked this week.  Things have been kind of chaotic this month. Shows, and volunteering. So I’m slowly getting back on track.

Next month I will be going without my internet, since I will be blowing my measly $225 on a new cell phone. I will probably still be able to blog from the library, although my vlog on youtube will be inactive for awhile.

I don’t really have much else to say, so I will leave it at that. – Pooks

By pooks82

I Define

I just read something that perhaps I needed to read…

“Remember, taking offense never comes from God.” – Quote by From Faith to Faith, A Daily guide to victory By Kenneth and Gloria Copeland.

From time to time my mind gets suckered into the past. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not there anymore. I am somewhere better. I am safe, and I am grateful. Sometimes I forget, and let myself fall into dark memories that only live in my mind because I keep them there. They no longer exist, yet I keep them alive. Re-living it. There’s no need to.

And sure I may have some jealous haters out there, and their words were harsh. I define who I am, not them.

I am a mother, an artist, a writer. I am native. I am Canadian. I am laughter. There is barely a day where I am not laughing. I am fun. I am strange, unique in my own way. I’m a woman with blue hair for crying out loud. I know I’m different. I am a bit of a tom boy that enjoys to diva it up the odd time. I am rebellious. I am a metal head that also loves punk. I am a maggot. I am opinionated. I am shy, unless I am comfortable around my surroundings.  I am disorganized. I am NOT punctual. I am laid back, but also energetic and outgoing. I am creative and imaginative. I love to dream. Surrealism is my forte.  I am easy to get along with. I am like a sponge, I love to learn. I am not a know it all. Matter of fact, I play “the idiot that knows nothing, that asks lots of questions.” People enjoy to teach, it makes them feel good. But hey, I love to learn. So I am a never ending pupil. I am stubborn. I am determined. I am a listener. I think very deeply. I analyze things.  I am very attentive to detail. I am clumsy. I am empathetic.  I am open. I guess that would make me vulnerable for being so open. I am honest, some would say “a bitch”, or blunt. I am kind to those that are kind to me. I am spontaneous.  I am assertive. I am a survivor. I am a soldier. My goal is to try to portray myself as light.  To be light. I am an alien goddess. I am Pooks. I am a child of my Creator.

Point is, I like who I am. I like what I am becoming. I like where life is taking me, I’m enjoying the ride. That’s all that matters. This journey is between my Creator and I. – Pooks

 

By pooks82

Call me when it’s over…continues

I know my ex, and my mom do not deserve any space within my head. But they still manage to sneak in from time to time.

For my children’s sake, I will get this house clean. The goal is to get my weekends back, if anything.

I know I’ve been out of the loop for awhile. Haven’t gone to see my children for months. Supervised visits interfere with their school. Which I’d rather not do, I’d prefer weekends. But I guess C.A.S are to play god, and I am to “earn” my time with my children.

I think they’ve been through enough. So even though I am the one to make sacrifices, I would be willing to take weekends.  Not changing their world entirely. I’m not like my ex, selfish and not even considering what they’d be going through. My ex has them in school and what not. They are well adjusted. I will do my best not to make too many big changes.

I haven’t been to a visit since I yelled at the last C.A.S worker. She told me visitations were cancelled. After that, I tried to make amends and work something with my ex.  I tried to forgive. But, then he turns around saying nasty shit behind my back because he jealous of a male friend. I did, I lied and said I kinda had a boyfriend. Which I don’t. But I only did it with the hopes that that would get my ex to fuck off when it comes to “reconciling” and him hoping to get his dick wet. So he’s a sore loser. Cannot take rejection, cannot take no for an answer. He turns around and calls me a whore, makes fun of my body type, my crooked teeth, etc.

I’m fed up with that immature shit. So when he tried to act all sweet in a text message after the fact. I ignored it, and changed my number.This cycle of bullshit has been going on for a year, and I am done. No means no.

I will try to co-operate with C.A.S. There’s a new worker on the case anyway. I did not get along very well with the last one. She seemed to have been well manipulated or dick whipped or something.

I don’t regret one bit shutting it all out. I made it impossible for people to get a hold of me. Perhaps I needed to get away from it all for awhile. Get my head on straight. Focus on me for a change. Get away from all the bitching, the nagging, and the demands to be “super human.” I realize that I am not, and that C.A.S’ expectations of perfection is impossible.

This is who I am, you either like it, or you don’t.  – Pooks

Following is a song I think is well suited to how I feel towards the abusers that were in my life. They know damn well who they are. Their names are never mentioned in this blog. I leave it up to them if they want to reveal themselves.

By pooks82

Call me when it’s over

I lost my cellphone yesterday.

I swear I have the worst luck when it comes to phones. Rogers cutting my satellite cord, screwing my shit over with Bell because I’m the one that’s got to pay for the damage. Bullshit.

Now I lose my cell phone. A phone is a “big deal” in today’s society. If you don’t have one, you’re screwed.  Everybody, employers, workers, ask of you to do one thing; “Call them.” For a measly 2 minute conversation.  My cell was just good for texting anyway, and I was due for a new cell phone. My cell was going kaput on me. I dropped it so many times, on the ground, in the snow. I’ve spilt coffee on it, etc. It’s amazing it worked for as long as it did. So whoever picked it up, and is going to try to pawn the piece of junk, Good luck with that. The screen was gibbled. You cannot make calls on it without sounding choppy to the other person on the other end.  It was a piece of crap.

As a parent, it is important to have some kind of phone for emergency purposes. So considering I have re-connected with C.A.S, something will need to be done about that quickly.

I will need to blow all my money next month on a phone, and sacrifice my internet for a month.

Not to long ago I just changed my phone number. I’m hoping I will be able to keep that number rather  then having start over with another number.

So, yeah, next month I will be flat ass broke.. again. This month it was to make my hair more presentable, since I participated in the fundraiser Go Blue! Go Bald for Make a wish foundation, and my hair went green, not blue.  It was pricey to fix. Costed the rest of the money I had, $140, but thank you Prespa for rescuing the green disaster on my head.

So yeah, another month I go without a thumb drive that I would like to transfer my art onto and present to a pre-admission counselor at Fanshawe.  Just keep running into barriers.

As for job searching. I need a phone. I’ve been trying to job search, and use e-mail as a form of contact. But it never fails, an employer will always ask you to “call” them.

So I’ve decided that I will go without my internet for a month to get this stupid annoying technology that is supposedly a “must have” in today’s society. Yup, blow my measly $225 that I get on a cell phone. Wait til I get the next cheque, (that money ya get since we don’t get return on income taxes anymore, it all just gets stretched out through the year and given), spend THAT just to put time on the stupid thing.

This world is stupid and materialistic. All for paper. Which supposedly “symbolizes” gold and value.  If we just did what we are gifted to do, and trade, the people in “power” would not be where they are. But I guess us people are too stupid, we just follow along with supposed “rules” , therefore putting those people in power in their place. Yet we bitch, complain, and protest like that will do anything. What would happen if we all turned around and said “fuck the idea of money”, and went back to trading. People actually did what they were good at, their given talent. Not just some job to “pay the bills”.  But whatever, I’m just one in a million. Plenty out there follow like sheep, and I feel like I’m being forced into a bullshit system.

Funny how this little rant began just from losing a cell.  Haha! So yeah, anyway, back to the phone. I will need to get something pre-paid. No contracts attached. For someone that sucks at routine as much as I do, it’s best to avoid the contracts. I’m more of a “in the spur of the moment”, kind of person. Things are more spontaneous. therefore, unorganized. Which can become somewhat irritable sometimes.

But I would rather live my life like an adventure, rather than stressed out about ridiculous things. I am only given one life to live. I think people forget that and waste so much of it taking shit too seriously.

On another note. I noticed that I do have some kind of psychological problem when it comes to cleaning.  I do it and I feel defeated. I guess I’m suppose to feel some kind of accomplishment doing so. But I figured it out. Why I refuse and procrastinate so much. My work field use to be janitorial. Something I am trying to get out of. It was my supposed mom that lined me up with that work because she didn’t believe I was capable of doing anything else. She always treated me like some kind of retard or something. More like, she doesn’t want me to be anything else. Even at my graduation, everybody else was happy for me, but her. I surprised other family members with how many unexpected awards I had gotten. Nope, she still insisted I was stupid. She’s like a jealous step mom or something. Just because she didn’t graduate. She didn’t get out of a relationship she didn’t want to be in sooner, and had kids. She’s so bitter about it and blames my dad. It takes two to have intercoarse.  Lets go back farther, shall we? She tried to get herself fixed.  She didn’t want anymore kids. It was my dad that wanted a daughter. Since my mom fucked her body up without talking this shit out sooner with my dad, she went to C.A.S.  That’s where I came into the picture. My mom brought my dad the choice between me and a deaf boy. My dad chose me. My mom never wanted me. So… I’m the little black sheep she took her shit out on for years.  Rather then hurting her own kids, I was picked to be the punching bag. She still tries to sweep it all under the carpet, and pretend shes a saint.

Well, I can bluntly say the truth. She was abusive. Mocked me when I spoke. She’d slap me in the face, she throw things at me, she’d throw me in the closet and choke me ( she’ll deny everything, but I remember it like it was yesterday.). Lets not forget that time I didn’t want help with my homework. She tried to force her help on me. Just because I said no, she smashed my face into floor giving me a bleeding nose. I never brought my homework home again after that episode.  She even hurt me because I wouldn’t pet the dog!! Seriously?! I had and still have a fear of big dogs. I’m more of a cat person.I cannot help it. The way I think, the thing is half my size, probably stronger, and all it would take is a bite to the neck and I’m done for. Everybody is expected to act like it never happened. Just sweep it under the carpet. Rrrright.  It’s out now, and I don’t care.

Cleaning, another reason I struggle with it is because of that time my ex told me to get back into the kitchen like a bitch. I was assaulted that day. He grabbed me by the throat and dragged me around by the hair.

I am haunted by all this shit, and hopefully sharing it. Getting it out there will help me let go of it. So that I can do a simple freakin task such as cleaning. It should not interfere the way I function day to day, it was years ago, but it does.

By not cleaning, I feel like I’m saying “Fuck you” to both of them.  But following through with cleaning, I feel defeat. It’s kinda stupid, but that’s just the way it is. Yeah, I know. I’m “Fucked in the head”, but I wouldn’t be interesting if I wasn’t. -Pooks

By pooks82

Ray of Sunshine

To get ya caught up here. I’m going to share my FB statuses/comments from earlier today.

“Just got home. It’s been a busy day since I had left around 2pm. Court was 2:30pm. The kids will be living with their dad for another 6 months, until our next court date. So that means more time to make Pooks spirit luminous. I met the new C.A.S worker, and scheduled a home visit. Yup, Time to get things moving forward now that I am more confident, and have had a year to gain support. It takes a community to raise children, and I am quite fortunate to have been led to what I have now.” – Pooks around 6pm

“My ex stood at the top of the escalator waiting. He just stood there and stared. I ran into C****, and she started talking to me. She’s new at the NSOC. Newho, my ex got sick of waiting and left. I guess he was hoping to talk to me alone. But these days, it’s like I can’t go anywhere without running into someone I know. It’s kinda funny. Lol.Afterward, I ran into Christine at the bus stop. We were catching the same bus. So I talked to her for a bit. I get to my stop, get off the bus, cross the street and whose there? Julie. So I walk with Julie to her place, we have coffee and catch up. Now I’m home, gotta change my shoes, and it’s off the Ark. It’s just go go go today.” – Pooks around 6pm

“Things have a funny way of working. Something tells me, I was bein looked after today. I did pray for guidance this morning, and well… can’t get anymore guided then that.” – Pooks around 6pm

“Soooo…at The Ark. Since C**** has been warned numerous times, has been banned from NSOC. And she’s causing alot of drama and what not upstairs. Newho…She was accusing muh Ducky of taking pictures of her yesterday. Ducky did not have her camera. I did. I recorded Duckys t-shirt and Birthday wishes to Hailey. So no, she wasn’t recorded. Newho…one more accusation, or disrespectful disturbances and she’s banned from the Ark.” – Pooks around 9:30

“Ya don’t mess with the New School of Colours super stars, Pucky and Dooks! \m/” – Pooks around 9:30pm

C**** is someone that recently just began to come to The Ark. She’s been a bit of a nuisance since her arrival. She is Ducky’s friend S****’s ex. I told her plenty of times I don’t want to get involved with their problems. She’s harassed staff afterwards. Falsely accused my Ducky of something she did not even do. I was the one with the camera that night, and no I did not record her. I recorded the art on Ducky’s t-shirt, and birthday wishes to Hailey. So only people that know Hailey were recorded. Waaay before her time.

I’ve been doing my best not to judge, trying not to get involved. Yet somehow Ducky and I were dragged into this. Not cool. I use to think that she was just there for the same reason everybody else was. But now, I believe S****, and that C****’s just going to the Ark to stir up shit in spite of S****. Very immature. S**** is just trying to move on, and she refuses to let him. She wouldn’t be acting this way if she didn’t care. Otherwise she wouldn’t be going through all this trouble, making such a big deal of it…Kind of reminds me of my ex’s tantrums to be honest. Drama, drama, drama.

I don’t like how C**** keeps trying to get me to pick sides, and be a judge. I refuse to do it. But when ya start giving my friends lives grief, then yeah, something isn’t right. My Ducky got pretty stressed she got dragged into it. So I spoke up and backed her up. She did not have a camera. She had left hers at home that night. Which is the truth. Anyway, she’s walking a fine line to be banned from the Ark.

I think Ducky and I’s presence at the Ark is valued. Along with our Melishee. We are like a ray of sunshine. Bringing more laughter into the Ark.

Bob saw how upset it made Ducky, and another friend of ours; Kim. So he had a word with C****. I don’t know what was said, but she took off pretty quick afterward. I don’t blame the staff at the Ark. A line needs to be drawn at some point. She’s been given plenty of warnings.  So, one more time, and she will be banned.

The Ark is meant to be a positive place. It’s more than just a free meal. It is redemption. Helping those in need, offering stepping stones so that people can lift themselves back up.

But you know what they say, misery loves company. It’s amazing the lengths people will go to just to make another person suffer for their own pleasure. Thinking it will make themselves feel better. But actually they only make it worse for themselves.

It is in the past now, there is only forward. Nothing is going to bring me down. – Pooks

 

By pooks82