As I wait for my family to get back to me with a confirmation number so I could pick up my bus ticket. I’m pretty much stranded and left hanging. The only info I was given was that my bus leaves in the morning. I’ve been awake all night. Showered around 6:30am. Called the GreyHound around 7am. Only to find out that they cannot tell me my route or give me my ticket until I can give them the confirmation number…which I do not have. I was not given any details.
So I’m starting to think that maybe my discombobulation and lack of organization may just run in the family. I already had one cousin admit that she too has the same problem when it comes to being punctual.
Since I am waiting to hear back, I might as well blog…or fall asleep.
I know I haven’t been very positive lately. Hopefully that will change. Ultimately I am control on what I let into my world, and what I let effect me. So I can just as easily shut it out. Even if some may disagree with that choice. But that’s what I do, kind of a defense to protect myself. I will block it out, or kind of ban it from my world.
I did the same to my mom. I had to. Nothing she says is positive, and people like that mentally drain you. She would always vent. Criticize. It seemed like she couldn’t say anything to express gratitude. I told her the same thing “I am not a psychiatrist.” And she too got all pissy with me. But she’s one of those people; You’re wrong, she’s right. The world evolves around her. I’m just expected to sit there and take in all her negative bullshit that she vents. So that she can feel somewhat better, and leave me …drained. That’s the best word to describe it. You sit there and listen to someone speak negatively enough it’s like a demon sucking your energy, or taking your light. People like that are selfish, they take and take. Rather then trying to change or put a stop to what it is that is causing them to do this, they continue this habit. So when I sense that kind of thing, yeah, I tend to want to put a stop to it as soon as possible.
You’ve already witnessed what it does to me inside my head for yourselves. It’s not good. Not only is it draining, it’s contagious.
Anyway, in my last blog I mentioned a little about being an artist, and having to push limits and boundaries. I guess that’s something I noticed years ago. Back in high-school actually when I started to become fascinated with Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali and Slipknot. Everyone I look up to, has all done it. They’ve all had to go against the grain. Take risks, and shock the world.
A lot of people do not understand Marilyn Manson. But he is an artist in so many ways, musically, artistically, he’s even made himself a work of art.
So yeah, a lot of people are going to disagree with things I do. Even if I’m posing half nude. I’m gonna be misunderstood. But that’s the road I’m taking. Not pornography. That image I created of myself is meant to be artistic. Not pornographic. Pretty much baring all, no make-up. No hair gel. Completely natural. But showing no private parts either.It’s symbolic. At that time in my life, a re-birth.
I’m following the lead of my ideals, they seem to know what they are doing and have succeeded.
I was watching an interview of Salvador Dali, and I laughed. When he said what he enjoys doing the most is “becoming more Dali.” I understand that completely, because I am becoming more “Pooks”.
Another thing I’ve noticed with the people I admire is that there is some kind of duality within themselves. For example: Marilyn Manson’s name is two names combined; Marilyn Monroe & Charles Manson. Which is symbolic of a ying- yang, light & dark kind of thing. So even though a lot of people may just see the darkness of Marilyn Manson from first impressions, there is a light side as well.
Salvador Dali said there is the artist, and then there’s this Charles Chaplin kind of comedian side to him.
Corey Taylor, a front-man for two completely different kind of bands; Stone Sour and Slipknot. He uses music therapeutically. Through slipknot he fights his inner demons, his morbid thoughts.And he gives a visual expression or interpretation of what those thoughts create through his masks. As for Stone Sour, the band is very diverse. But it also allows him to express a more sensitive side.
Anyway, I’m not feeling so negative anymore. Kind of relieved at the moment.Not sure what is going on with this trip to Trout Lake. I was just told my bus leaves in the morning. And since no one is getting back to me with a confirmation number, I might just go to bed. I’ve been awake all night cleaning and packing. I’m kind of getting tired now.
It sucks I cancelled my visits and appointments for something not well thought out. I could have seen my children today. But hey, I don’t think any of us have done this before. They booked and arranged things on their end. But yeah, lack of communication. Shit happens. I’m going to bed. – Pooks