Reading over a court order. April 12th, 2011, My ex reported to C.A.S that our son told him that when he was a baby his mom ( Me) told him to touch everyone’s privates. Smh. Ridiculous. The freakin guy will try anything. Obviously C.A.S ain’t buying that, otherwise they wouldn’t be closing our file. They did an investigation, and clearly it went nowhere. Yeah, lies are hard to prove aren’t they? Then again, Lies only get you so far buddy. Sad really. He tries so hard to make me out to be the “goof” ( London slang that is equivalent to a pedophile) , yet he’s making himself look 10 times worse. Burying himself in lies. I’ll stick to the truth. With lies your walls will crumble, with the truth you can only rise.
I think a lot of my friends and family would define him as a pathological liar. As for his friends and family, would say that I am a crackhead whore. I got a lot of people that can vouch otherwise. A LOT. I’ve said it many times, my only addictions are caffeine and cigarettes. I enjoy my Mocha’s, Coffee, and Coca-Cola.
This was a status on Facebook, but I really do try to keep my Facebook up and perky so to speak. So I removed it, and placed it here, where my more personal shit goes. It gives my followers the option to read it or not. I know there’s other people out there, and they might be down in the dumps. So they could use some positive enlightenment. So I’ll post positive uplifting quotes, stuff that makes me laugh. Who knows, it might make others laugh as well. So yeah, I try to keep my venting to a minimum on Facebook. If people really want to see what’s going on in my mind. They can come here.
I’m currently cleaning my home, which I usually do on Sundays. I stumbled upon a Court Order. Not the one I was looking for, but a previous one. I’m searching for the most recent one for Merrymount. They need a copy of it. If all else fails, and I cannot find it, I’ll ask either C.A.S, or my lawyer to fax it to them. It’s ridiculous how much paper is given to me, bills, OW, flyers, newspapers, then programs I’m involved with. They all just keep handing you heaps and heaps of paper. I have a filing cabinet that will come to good use. Until then, boxes come in handy. Until I feel up to the challenge of filing and organizing them into files.
Confession, I normally don’t read my Court Orders. It get’s passed to me, I take it home and chuck it in a corner, and forget about it. It’s almost like reading a tabloid. Like; “Ugh! What’s he saying now?” kinda thing.
But things keep getting better. I have returned to the New School of Colour on Monday evenings. I’ve been missed. They’re such a wonderful bunch. By the way, the New School of Colour has a website; http://www.newschoolofcolour.com/ . So keep an eye on it!
I see my children on Wednesdays. We always have a blast. So much so that time just flies.
I am closer and closer to getting back into school. I still need to look into it more. So far I know I am to apply into a faculty, or more. So I’m thinking; Arts & Humanities. Start there and see where it leads me. And I will have to browse their site some more to see what they have for writing classes. Or if there is a faculty for that.
More opportunities reveal themselves as I keep going. Such as a program that will help me manage cash, and work a cash register. The Goodwill Career Centre will notify when that class is available in the future. I am certain that will help me out immensely with my job search. Because even though I am preparing myself for school, I plan to go part-time, and work part-time.
I am still volunteering of coarse. I love volunteering at The Arts Project, I do my best to grab up as many hours as I can get. I want to learn as much as I can while I’m there surrounded by art and other artists.
Which reminds me, I’ve got some work completed, as in art. Finally. I’ve shared on my personal Facebook so far. I think I’ll wait until they’re framed before I share them here, or on my Facebook Fanpage. It was weird, just a burst of motivation and inspiration lately. I’m just glad that I got something done this year. Last year there were way too many distractions.
Besides that, I actually heard from my sister. It’s felt like ages. She wants to come back to London, and she asked to crash at my home, along with her boyfriend. We’ve tried this before years ago, and it turned out ugly. I kicked her out, and she got vindictive. She put toothpaste in the keyhole of my apartment. I really don’t want to go through that again, wither she’s using or not. Her and her boyfriend seem to be into their alcohol. So that makes me a bit stand off-ish. My home is my haven. It’s my escape from everyone else’s nonsense and bullshit. Do I really want to take on the drama of two alcoholics? No. I love my sister dearly. I think about her often. She’s been there, even when I pushed her away. Behind my back, she standing up for me. I hate having to say no to her, but I say no out of love. Not only am I not allowed to have boarders, but soon this won’t just be my home. The kids will be here too. Even if it’s just weekends. It’s their castle. So as their mother, I protect it. I haven’t seen my sister in a year or two, I have no idea what kind of condition she’s in. Wither or not her and her boyfriend are sober. I know if the kids were here, she would respect my home. But they’re not, yet. I’m not going to let her treat me like a door-mat again, that’s for sure. Maybe I struggle a bit there with trust. But can she really blame me? I think after all the bullshit I’ve overcome, yeah a person is bound to have some trust issues. It’s going to take a lot more to earn it. Start showing me reasons to say yes. I want to say yes, but my gut is sayin “no”. I mean, she’s a great sister, she’s a great aunt. But if she’s using, she’s somebody else. I can’t take that chance. I’ll wait til I see her in person, see for myself, before I let her into my home. So yeah, I’m a bit cautious, and she may hate me for awhile for saying no. Someone else will have to come to her aid. If there is one thing she can always count on me for, is that I will always be the big sister, and what I have to offer is; “tough-love.”
On another note, I have not returned to church. So to my beloved friends that did attend that church and moved, if you ever read this, I hope you understand. I kind of felt like my blogs, my thoughts were being used in sermons as examples of what not to do. These are my thoughts, my heart gets poured into these. I’m not going to let others tell me what to think, I am more than capable to think for myself, obviously. If that is so wrong, then so be it. I’ve always had a rebellious edge to me anyway. Besides, I’ve been told many times that I don’t need to be in a church to praise God.
I still believe in my Creator. I believe that my Creator is always with me. Walking with me, helping to laugh every time I look back. Maybe one day I will be so happy going forward, and there will be no looking back, period. – Pooks