Things have been rather eventful and progressive lately.
I volunteered at The Arts Project for the opening reception of The Paper 8, on February 8th. It did well. There was plenty of people, which surprised me considering the amount of snow we got prior to the event. I called in just to make sure it was still happening, since I noticed other businesses were closing due to the weather. It worked out for the Arts Project since the crowd procrastinated as long as they could to avoid going back out in the cold. It was a long night, but I enjoyed myself. I greet people at the door, hang their coats, and keep things tidy as the event takes place.
As for my progression at Leads, it is something to be proud of. I had quite the adrenaline rush after my appointment. The change of my thought patterns have been pointed out. Remember how I had homework sent home with me awhile back? I used an example of the issues that I was having with a friend of mine. If you recall, I was saying she was all clingy and whatnot. Anyway, I brought up to the facilitator that runs the art program I volunteer and participate at, because the person that I was experiencing this conflict with also attends this program. He suggested that I take time away. So I did. After a week or two, I returned. Things are back on track. I did some thinking while I was away, such thoughts as; is this really worth holding a grudge over? Will it effect my future? Should it effect my present? Stuff like that. I have come to the conclusion that; no, and it shouldn’t. So I decided to let it go. After-all, she is a good friend. Like, they say; everyone you meet has something to teach you. And where my weakness are, such as looking at things logically, and considering the facts, is where her strengths are. I do tend to be emotionally impulsive. Plus, when we are getting along, we tend to bring out the best in each-other. So, anyway, in my homework. I said that it isn’t just about me. Since I need to consider other people around me, which is the other participants that go to this art program. The New School of Colour encourages diversity, and unity. So I feel that it is important to co-exist wither we are getting along or not. So it’s just the fact that I managed to work through that. And perhaps what needed to change was myself, and my own thoughts and perspective. Had I not done that, I’d still be bitter, and kind of stuck within myself.
My visit with my children was a bit challenging last week. My children refused to agree on something that we could do together. My daughter wanted to play with the dollhouse, or with the toy kitchen and plastic food. As for my son, he wanted to play scenarios where there is always a bad guy, it’s war, blood, guts, and explosions. So I tried to work something out by trying to coax my son into toning it down, and yeah. Thought, maybe we could play something my daughter wanted to play. But no, my son stormed off to the table and ignored me for the remainder of the visit. Of coarse he says that I “always” choose what my daughter wants to play. That isn’t necessarily so. I try to make it so that all three of us can play “together.” So I played with my daughter, following her lead. I wasn’t going to force my son to play. If he doesn’t want to, I’m not going to make him. That’s his choice. Of coarse it did hurt my feelings a bit that he ignored me. Matter of fact, I had to cry it off that night. Sometimes when you love someone so much, it hurts. But because I love him that much, I am going to go to our next visit next week like it never even happened. I have an idea up my sleeve. Both of them like animals, cat’s and dogs. So I am going to bring two plush toys with me next time, with the hopes that things work out better. Usually when they puppeteer an animal toy of some kind, there is no violence involved.
On Valentines Day, I went to the One Billion Rising event. Once again, amazed at how many people came out to the event. There was so much support. People standing up against violence towards woman. A friend of mine said that it was quite suiting that I went out to the event, considering I am a survivor of domestic abuse. True, and it does mean a lot me. It strikes a cord. I feel as a survivor I am to share my experiences, I am to speak…in my own way, that is. I use this blog for one, and art as another form of expression. There is also my poetry. I feel like that is partly what I am supposed to do, raise awareness, become an inspiration of survival. Who knows? Sharing my journey & experiences might help someone else get through it. Not that all experience the same exact thing, but similarities. Abuse does have patterns of behavior. It does help to recognize those patterns in order to break the cycle.
Anyway, a blogger I follow, Kellie Jo Holly, she is creating a charity that financially supports domestic abuse survivors. Donations will pay for therapy, and living expenses for up to six months after a victim has left their abuser. In order for a victim to survive, and not return to their abusive relationships, they need the emotional, and financial support. To make a donation to this charity click on the following link:
I would also like to say thank you to the 258 people ( currently, and rising), who have viewed my video I created of the One Billion Rising event. If you haven’t seen it, you can view it below.
Besides that, I also attended the EVAC (East Village Arts Collective) S.O.S Open House last night. Of coarse I support EVAC. EVAC is the home of my very first art show with the New School of Colour. Like my fellow New School of Colour artists ( Sarah, and Geoff), I hope to have my own solo art exhibit held at EVAC one day. Places such as EVAC and the New School of Colour are what allow me to do what I do by offering me the space, and the materials to create art. EVAC is cooperatively run by volunteers. They host concerts, exhibits, workshops, etc. They were recently in trouble of having to close their doors for good, but the good news is, is that the event raised enough to keep EVAC afloat for another couple of months. I think they add some positivity to the east side of London, considering the east doesn’t really have a good “reputation.” I’ve been to many shows, and some workshops, and from my own experience I’ve seen with my own eyes that it does bring the community together. So if you look past the negative judgments people have made of the east side of London, and seek the positive, EVAC is one of those positive places.
I had also put a video together of the event that took place at EVAC. So if you want to see for yourself, by all means. Check it out.
What else? I got a couple e-mails, and it’s been confirmed, my application fee has been received by the Ontario Universities Application Centre, and Western University has received my application. As the announcers on X-Factor say a gazillion times; “It starts now!” Yeah, I’m getting pretty nervous. I still need to hand in my transcripts. Which I will get right on that once the long weekend is over. Plus getting things going with NNEC or OSAP. Start applying for those, apply for both in case one declines. Although an acquaintance from Red Lake, Ontario, that works as a Financial Aid, told me that my best bet would be to go with NNEC, even though they are strict.
So yeah, sometimes I wonder if I can do it. Be a student part-time, work part-time, parent part-time. I admit, the change is scaring me. I have had moments of doubt. But then I think that isn’t really being fair to myself. Doubting myself before I even give it a try. Who knows? I might enjoy school this time around. So yeah, leap for it. I’ve waited long enough to be ready. I’m never going to feel 100% ready. Even though I am kind of blind folded with no sense of direction. I just got to take my chances and go for it. Give myself a chance for a change. I don’t really have anything to prove to anyone else, just to myself. And maybe I am scared of failure. I’ve led my grades slide before. Failure does have this negative black veil over it. So I’ve failed before, it’s not the end of the world, life went on. Perhaps I wasn’t mentally ready, mature or strong enough yet. I was on a path of a doormat, that got ruffled and tattered, but never shredded apart.
I have a friend that believes and admires me, and she’s miles away. I’ve never met her before. But I am somehow having an impact on her. She said the thing she likes about me most is that I do not surrender myself to anything or anyone that tries to think for me. So maybe I fear I’m that same person I was back then, when in reality, life has molded me and changed me a lot since my first attempt at a post secondary education. Yes, in some ways I’m the same. Quiet around strangers, and unfamiliar surroundings. I quietly observe until I am comfortable to speak. The difference, I do not tolerate disrespect. I stand up for what I believe. I am no longer a doormat. Perhaps I am ready. – Pooks