I haven’t written in awhile, because I thought I had nothing to write about. I was thinking, what’s so exciting about me doing paper work? I mean, I have applied for school, and it’s just getting everything on my check-list in so that the University can finish processing my application.
But after much thought, I have been doing more than just that.
I’ve volunteered 3 times this month at The Arts Project. I helped fold, and package post cards for the Art Skate event. I was a floater at Fanshawe College’s Second year students art exhibition called “Still Standing.” And I was a floater for the “A Love Affair with London” art show, which was a 60th anniversary show by the London Gallery Painting Group. I hope to be as good as those artists one day. They clearly have a lot of experience. I was flabbergasted by what some of them did with water colour paint, which I find isn’t so easy to master, because water colour paint tends to bleed, and you have less control over it.
Besides that, I have been trying to get my own work out there. I have been working on numerous projects. Bouncing from one to the other. I have a dark oil painting I’m working on at the New School of Colour (Ark Aid Street Mission location), which has been getting some attention, and it’s not even done yet. People can’t wait to see it complete. Of coarse, they will have to be patient. New School of Colour runs Mondays and Wednesdays at the Ark Aid Street Mission, and I can only attend one of those days. Plus, on the day I do go, it does get crowded. So the space to work, is sometimes a challenge.
Then there’s my painting at the New School of Colour (My Sister’s Place location), which is being done in acrylic paint. I think it’s funny how my painting and I get treated like royalty there. Volunteers make sure that no one disturbs my prop, or my painting. They make sure I’m all set up and ready to go. Perhaps it’s how much they value my painting that I find funny. I normally paint things from out of my head, but this one is different. I was challenged to paint a still life, an object in front of me. Which happens to be fake orange flowers. It’s been getting a lot of compliments. People that walk by as I paint say it is beautiful, or it’s amazing, or it’s gorgeous. I guess the facilitator wants it for an art show that will take place some time in April. He did tell me the date, but I don’t remember those kind of details unless I write it down.
Besides that, there is another acyclic painting I have at home that I am working on. I am going to try to submit it into the Framing the Phoenix art show. It’s a mental health exhibition, which I think I am more than qualified. A life time of abuse and, well…trying to break that cycle on my own. Having to learn to interact with other people differently than what I have known and seen. It’s on-going, and I’m continuously learning. I fuck up every now and then. But the difference between me and my abusers is that I own up to my mistakes. I don’t try to sweep it under a carpet, forget about it, or pretend like it never even happened. I have been bouncing from counselor to counselor over the years. Yeah, I think I’m qualified. Hopefully my painting doesn’t get rejected. It does express my confusion towards religion, and I don’t know. People could possibly be offended by it. Religion is a touchy subject.
So yes, besides trying to get my ducks all lined up in a row for school. Appointments, and whatnot, I have been busy.
My homework from my last Leads appointment is to record my sleep hours. And believe me, looking at it on paper, it’s amazing I can even function! I sleep very irregular hours. One day, up at 5am. The next day I’m sleeping in. Then I’m awake at 6am. And it’s just like a tug of war with sleep. On the days where I do get up early, I definitely do my best to squeeze in a nap. Yesterday, I took a half an hour nap before I went to go visit my children. Their awesome by the way. My daughter said she was an alien, she even made a headband with antennas that had pom poms on the end. Freakin adorable. Mama’s lil alien! And my son, same as always. My energetic lil clown that always knows how to make his mama laugh.
I spoke to someone from First Nation Housing yesterday, told them that there’s a settlement conference in April. But until I can financially support my children, I will have visits else where. Which confused the person I was talking to. She was wondering why OW wouldn’t support me. I’ve talked to two workers about it, both said that it would be best if I got a part-time job or go to school. So I am going to do my best to take on both. Be a part time student, and a part time employee. Whatever it takes, if it means time with my children.
Supervised access isn’t really necessary. But I requested it, considering the domestic violent background between me and my ex. So once C.A.S isn’t involved anymore, another third party can still be there. I already did an intake at Merrymount at the beginning of the year to get that all arranged for when C.A.S closes our file. They will make sure that my ex and I have no contact during the picking up and dropping off of our children. My visits will be supervised. But I really don’t mind. At least until I get a job, or go to school. Once that happens, I can finally have my kids home for the weekends. Then who knows, maybe I will be too busy at that point to be concerned with whatever comes flapping out of my exes mouth.
Things are good. I may have struggles and fights with friends from time to time. But hey, I believe we crossed paths for a reason. Maybe there is something they can learn from me, or something I can learn from them. Point is, they are meant to be there, and I am not going to fight that anymore, just accept it.
So far I can say I am loving where life is taking me, even though I have no idea where that is going exactly. But I’m loving the journey. – Pooks