Well I didn’t get an application form into the Home County Festival to be a volunteer, matter of fact, I didn’t even make it to that event.
Although, I did manage to fax NNEC accepting their offer to financially support me during school, paying for my tuition and books. So I just need to find a part-time job. So far, no luck. I don’t know how many online applications I’ve done, even with a new spiffy resume, and more recent experience, not a peep from any employers.
Maybe I shouldn’t have answered that question asking wither or not I’m aboriginal. Why should that matter anyways?
Anyway, I’m going to try not to stress about it. The Indigenous Services did offer support, and if I continue to struggle, they will help by referring me to some employers. That will be my last resort, my back up, if all else fails.
Besides that, on Tuesday I went to a gathering at Victoria Park. It was one of those events posted on Facebook. #HoodiesUp A Vigil/ Rally for Trayvon & Marrisa. I don’t know much about the Marissa case. But I believe Trayvon’s killer is guilty. You cannot tell me Zimmerman didn’t have a choice. Today’s society is unfair to coloured people. I read a comment on facebook, someone said the “It’s not justice, the system really means “just us.” It’s a shame that Trayvons family don’t get justice, and Trayvons murderer is set free. Zimmerman could have been the adult in the situation, and just drive, or walk away.
I know there’s some protesters that believe that this is a distraction. Being flashed all over the media, so that our focus is teared away from other matters. But I went to give my respect to a life that shouldn’t have died the way it did. I’ve always believed that you should respect the dead.
Plus, what happened in Trayvons case, is kind of a wake up call of reality, of the system I face. It really exposed itself for how judgmental it is, on colour, on weight (they really picked on Trayvon’s friend for her weight and hair style & interrogated her for 7 hours straight). The colour of skin, one’s appearance, should have had nothing to do with the case. You’d think our system would be able to see past that. No. How sad is that?
Anyway, the #HoodiesUp Vigil/ Rally for Trayvon & Marissa turned out to be rather peaceful. We sat in a circle, lit candles, and ate skittles. I silently prayed. After I am done having a cigarette, I sprinkle the remaining tobacco and pray. I prayed that Trayvons family do get justice in some way, and they do find peace in their hearts. I prayed that Trayvon finds his way in the afterlife.
It’s sad how much hate is in this world, and quite honestly, I think the Bible is responsible for a huge part of it. That’s just my opinion. Ya know? Because Jesus is supposedly white. Amazing how powerful a book can be. It’s got the world wrapped around it’s finger. Maybe it’s not so good after all, and it is actually evil.
Anyway, I’ve ranted so many times on what I think about that. Onto something else. My Summer Orientation and Tour at the University. I thought I was going to be extremely late, but I actually made it. It get’s me excited about the experiences ahead. I’ve met other mature students that will be attending, as well as someone, named Beth, who knows someone I know, and about the New School of Colour. She seemed rather interested in speaking with me, and wanted to see what I do. So I told her to look up Pooks82, she’ll find me.
The tour wasn’t as overwhelming as I thought it would be. Our tour guides, which were 2 University students, they did a good job. I took down some notes at the orientation, to try to remember some of the resources available in case that time does come where I will need assistance with something. Which I am more than sure that time will come. This will all be totally new to me. Plus, one of the reasons I didn’t do so well at Fanshawe College a decade ago, was because I was too afraid to ask for help. That’s not going to happen this time.
On Wednesday I saw my kids, as I do every Wednesday. I gave them M&M’s and grape juice. They like to pretend the M&M’s are coconuts, or whatever else their great imaginations come up with. Then we played tag, actually a game called “Tickle Monster.” Where I am “It” throughout the game, and I chase and tickle. They love it.
My son did get a rug burn on his stomach from my daughter and I trying to pick him up and carry him to the other side of the room. It was one of the many things we do. My son thinks it’s funny because it is challenging to do. He’s heavy, so he got dragged. But while he got dragged, his shirt lifted and his stomach slid across the rug. Thus causing the rug burn. Luckily we found ice in the freezer. It wasn’t severe, more like a light pinkish burn, so not red. Still, enough to make my son uncomfortable, but the ice did help a bit. Note for next visit – No dragging.
I had an Ontario Works appointment this week. My worker and I were trying to see if Ontario Works will support me as a part time student. I have a feeling it’s not likely. Ontario Works will support if your term is 1-2 years. But I’m pretty sure Arts and Humanities goes to 4 years.
I keep having all these workers ask me, why didn’t apply as a full-time student? Because the Ontario Works worker I had before the one I have now suggested it. Matter of fact, she was a bit discriminative, and didn’t want me to register at all. She kept saying “Oh, but you’re not ready.” “You’re nowhere near ready”. But in the back of my head all I could hear was what a worker from the Women’s Community House said to me years ago. “Don’t wait until the perfect time. It will never be the perfect time. You just have to go for it.” So I remained persistent about wanting to go to school, and this worker finally cracked a bit, and suggested part time. Apparently that will make things a bit difficult and challenging for my first year. But according to Indigenous Services, I can move up to be a full-time student next year if I do well this year.
On Friday I was supposed to get all dressed up for interview practice at Leads. I missed my appointment. My own fault. I tend to put other peoples needs before myself. So I was getting bombarded with messages from people, when I should have said that I am busy. Sure it’s nice of me, but that kind of thing seems to backfire on my ass every time I need to make myself a priority.
I was supposed to do homework, figure out how to answer 5 questions for this interview practice. But only managed to browse through them the night before. Anyway, it was a bit of a frustrating morning for me. All dolled up and uncomfortable. I think this interview process is ridiculous, dress up, be fake, get a job. So, I did manage to do that, but the heels slowed me down, I missed the bus… I decided to say “Fuck it!” and go home and change into something more comfortable. By the time I’d get to my appointment, it would have been over by then.
Speaking of homework, I am also to practice my breathing exercises. That hasn’t happened yet either. As well as self-care. I suppose some things I’ve done can be qualified as self-care. Walking, a form of exercise. I’ve been posting poetry, older poetry even, so it seems to show me where I’ve been, and how far I’ve come. My photography, I do as a recreational activity. It keeps me entertained. But it allows me to be creative, and to seek things out.
I do feel a bit over booked. Do this! Do that! I am suddenly back where I was years ago, surrounded by workers with expectations getting me to jump through numerous hoops. It can get a tad bit over-whelming.
Anyway, My sister’s pregnant, and sometimes needs reassurance that whatever she’s experiencing is completely normal. Plus, sometimes she feels lonely. And even though I’m not physically there for her, I am still there for her. Just a text, or phone call away.
I had a friend that wanted me to help out with a garage sale. Which I did put some slides in some boxes, that never even made in the garage sale. I guess she wants to document them first before she sells them. I didn’t even make it to the garage sale. I was exhausted, and overslept. Missing the garage sale entirely. Luckily, it went well without me.
I did manage to get my friend out to a community event. She doesn’t really get involved in the community. She feels she doesn’t fit in. Still, we had a good time at the Old East Village Block Party. I took some pictures, ate some food, watched some bands play live. It was cool.
I thought it was interesting that she said she feels like an alien that fell from Mars. I told her that is kinda like what I say about myself, I’m an alien that fell out of my U.F.O. I’ve been saying that for years. It use to annoy my sister. I would point at a flickering star, or satellite, whatever it was, and say that was my U.F.O hovering without me. Haha!
Anyway, after the Old East Village Block party, I chilled with my friend on her porch for a while. But then parted ways, because I didn’t want to sit still. So I left, and went for a long walk down a bicycle trail. It was a perfect evening for a walk, because it wasn’t too hot. The weather was actually tolerable.
I could walk forever if I wanted to. I walk till I’m practically doing a zombie shuffle to get back home. So today I am taking the day to recuperate my muscles, and so that the blisters can heal. I should be back out and about tomorrow, ready to take on another interesting week. – Pooks
“Our most significant opportunities will be found in times of greatest difficulty.” – Thomas S. Monson