Honestly, if it weren’t for my children, I’d say let humanity destroy themselves, humans are a naive and stupid species anyway.
If you haven’t noticed, I have been feeling rather dark lately, angry, filled with hatred, and even depressed. More or less feeling rather powerless lately.
Unity, it’s a beautiful dream, but will never cease to exist as long as religion, and capitalism, and this thought that some people are more superior than others remain. I mean seriously? It’s 2014. Why the fuck do we even have a Royal family?? Kings and Queens are medieval ancient shit. Have they really done anything for their supposed kingdom? I mean, besides living their lives relishing in their wealth while millions bust their ass for barely anything.
Oh, and it seems like the religious people are the most naive. They got it in their heads that this is the way it’s meant to be, but no, this is the way their passive selves let it be. So yeah, they are kind of getting on my nerves.
Besides that, I keep telling myself I’m going to make it to school today. But then I don’t. I am letting my education slide through my fingers. Do I really want to participate in this system of conformity? Not really. Not to mention that every time I do attend, it just makes me hate capitalism even more. It is turning into a rather depressing experience. The more I learn, the more angry or sad I feel for humanity.
Perhaps this spiral began with that wire sculpture project. I was doing fine, but then, I disliked looking at this metal sculpture that was supposed to represent me made up of metal parts. I am not a machine. But that is the whole purpose of education, to mold you into the system so you work like a machine.
I find myself asking if it’s really worth draining my energy over. Is it really worth stressing over? A number on a piece of paper? So that in the future I might get more paper with more numbers on it. This is supposed to be a good thing. I am supposed to want that. But I don’t.
I don’t function based on a clock. I function based on creativity and inspiration, which can happen at any spontaneous moment. Such as the other day, I was sitting here at the computer, and boom. A poem came to mind and I rushed to find paper and pen to jot it down. Those words needed to be written, and seen. My body is merely just a portal.
Another thing, I tend to do things at my own pace. So even though I may not be with the rest of the class, it’s not like I’m not learning. I just don’t do anything in an orderly fashion once so ever. To boot, I have the natural tendency to make things 10 times harder for myself in a sadistic kind of way. If I don’t create my own struggle, what the fuck am I learning?
I just can’t help but think, with all the shit is happening in the world today, I feel like my energy needs to be conserved for something else. Plus, I always hear people say “Do what makes you happy.” Well, conformity is not it. Matter of fact, this whole education thing has become quite a miserable experience. Not so great as it is made out to be.
Honestly, I doubt I will ever be able to be molded into the system. It can get frustrating. Somewhat saddening because I’m not a part of something. But do I really want to be a part of that? Honestly, I feel like I’m not meant to be.
So excuse me if I feel rather pessimistic lately. Gloomy, kind of hopeless, and powerless. I have a habit to look outside of myself, rather than within. Observing the chaos I have no control over.
I was going to go help construct this 30 foot snake to bring to protests against oil and pipelines. But I didn’t even do that. I just feel anti-social, and I don’t want to be around people.
People will just continue to slave away, drive their cars, go to school, go to work, go to church. Ignore and deny the bigger picture. Not everyone is going to wake up. Perhaps that’s what is getting me down. I can dream of a world without poverty, money, and oil. A world of unity. But it will never exist as long as people remain ignorant. And as long as religion and Capitalism exist, there will always be sexism, racism, hate towards gay people, war based on greed, etc. There will always be barriers making it impossible for people to see that people are just people. The Royal Family is no different than you and I, they are just people. The Capitalists are no different than you and I, they are just people. To the people in suits and uniforms, they are just people!! The list goes on and on. Every single one of you are just people!! But no, let’s create illusions that some are better than others for whatever stupid reason. Bullshit!
It’s a shame how easy people are manipulated. Just a bunch of mindless sheep that would rather be told what to do, and what to think, than think for themselves. Too blind to see that an education, and religion are part of a system to control what you think. I believe they call it “social order”. The 1% are the shepherds, and millions are gullible sheep.
But that’s the way it’s meant to be, right? Fuck you! – Pooks
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”- Gloria Steinem