Only Time Can Tell

Jumping back into the life of Pooks!!

Not too much has been happening. There has been a lot of sleep, distracting myself with cartoons,  and thinking about my next move, what am I going to do next? If I cannot conform, then what can I do? It is clear I cannot keep up with this system of madness. I will always draw back and do things at my own pace. Attempting to keep up makes me drained and tired. I’m tired enough as is being an anemic. So I guess I’m picky about what I put my energy into. I burn out rapidly, so it’s got to be what I consider worthwhile. Sitting in classrooms with professors talking about “Capitalists this, and Capitalists that” isn’t my idea of worthwhile.  Matter of fact, I’m sick of hearing about them.

I guess doubt doesn’t help either. I doubt I ever will be able to fit into this system. Not to mention, I fear of what I will lose by doing so. So I guess you can say I was defeated by my own mind. I set up my own failure on purpose.

I’ll get to pondering about that more later. In the mean time, onto other things…

Surprisingly the exchange last Friday for my visit with my kids went well. My ex and I actually communicated without any bickering. So every other week, exchanges are between the two of us, and the other exchanges take place at Merrymount. Fridays are a good 4 hour visit, than the week after I get weekends. Meaning, this weekend will be a sleepover visit.

Anyway, he filled me in with how my son was getting bullied from students and teachers, and he basically asked for my approval to remove our son from that school. He’s thinking either trying to get our son into a Catholic school or see if he can get him back into Madame Vanier where our son did very well in class.  I gave the okay. It’s in our son’s best interest.

Here’s where it get’s interesting. My ex believes that the teachers are being discriminative towards our son because of me. Our son having a native mother. So his behavior MUST be my fault or something. I guess they did try to point the finger at me, but my ex stuck up in my defense. Thank you. Because the truth is, my involvement in their lives is a positive. Not a negative. Yes, my children’s mother is a fuckin native, and clearly isn’t your average woman either. Haha! Deal with it. That doesn’t mean to go picking on my son, because of his alienated mother that doesn’t fit in the system.

Grown adults shouldn’t be picking on 8 year old’s that don’t understand your stupid system anyways. Let alone the discrimination behind it. He doesn’t understand why he’s being treated so poorly. Trying to slam his fingers in doors, singling him out, etc. If he’s misbehaving, it’s no wonder! Ya know?! He behaves just fine with his mama. Quite excellent mind you. He catches on quickly. So don’t treat him like he’s stupid, because he’s not. I find if you just LISTEN to what he has to say, and acknowledge his existence, give him EYE CONTACT, that goes a long ways. Something I feel these teacher’s are lacking.

But then again, thanks to our system, we have teachers that aren’t really passionate about teaching, they are passionate about a pay cheque. Therefore, not really engaged in doing their job, challenge or no challenge.

Yes, my son can be a hand full sometimes. He’s hyper, and easily distracted. I think that may have something to do with me drinking coffee during my pregnancy, and him being in my womb at the time. It’s a possibility. He was born fully caffeinated. Haha!

I think one of the ways he copes  with these difficulties he endures is that tries to interact with others through humor. So he’s a bit of a class clown. Which I think is pretty intelligent, because laughter is universal. Sure, he may make abrupt noises that make no sense to an adult, but it can get other children cracking up in laughter.

So don’t say or treat my boy like he’s stupid, because he’s not. If anything, he’s advanced, and misunderstood. I think he is being underestimated, because I’ve seen with my own eyes how quickly he catches onto things.  Not to mention, he asks A LOT of questions.  He questions everything, and that makes this Mama proud.

The fact that my son was experiencing discrimination kinda pissed me off for awhile. Not sure if it will be any better in a Catholic school. We’ll see.

I’m sorry, but I cannot change my skin I was born with, and neither can my son change who his mother is. Society will just have to accept that.

If anything, my children being bi-racial, they are a mix of French, Ojibwe, and Irish, to me they are beautiful rainbows of ethnicity. If others cannot see that beauty, than they should really take a look at themselves, because the problem isn’t my children, the problem is flat out racism.

Anyway, back to the pondering of the life of Pooks. Even though I’m not sure what I will do next, it would seem this name is taking a life of it’s own. slowly, but surely.

I was told yesterday my painting called “Brainwasher” got sold. That’s excellent news. Considering it took me over a year to complete. So all that work did not go to waste. The painting will go to a happy home. So thank you to whomever bought it.

On Monday I also completed my second oil painting which will be in this years Up with Art. That’s pretty exciting. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get my painting done on time, but I did it. So now Pooks can return to the big event, and hopefully sell an art piece that will benefit the homeless. I haven’t participated in Up with Art since 2012. Last year I was on hiatus, stranded way up north after taking a trip that should have been a week or 2,  which turned into much longer than that. It was very stressful trying to get back. I think the next time I travel, I will be paying my own way, that would save me from having to depend on others that weren’t so reliable at the time.

Other than that, I did a huge cut from my Facebook friend list on my personal account. No point keeping people I rarely talk to, or people I know interact with my supposed mom, or other haters, and are just there to pick up gossip. For example my childhood bowling coach, who I know is buddy-buddy with my supposed mom. No thanks. Good bye.

Speaking of him, I think he’s the only one that bought my book so far. Which is funny, because I deliberately put a picture of me topless on the cover which he had made remarks about in the past. To me, the picture symbolizes a transformation in my life. I woke up from my endless sleep of depression, and woke up as Pooks. That picture caught that awakening. What this bowling coach said was; “So this is what you do now? A picture is worth a 1000 words.” Like, I’ve become some kind of whore or something. Wow, was he ever wrong. That picture is now the cover of my book, and Pooks will grab your soul and throw it through an emotional spin cycle with every word in that book. Yeah, your mind is in for a ride with that one. Haha!

Back to the list of people on FB, I gave people that seemed supportive, but then they’d turned around with rude comments the boot. Maybe that’s the way you interact with your friends, but obviously we’re not that close. So yeah, bye. Yeah I kept some acquaintances, fellow activists with similar views, people I respect, and friends and family I do trust.

What else? During that exchange on Friday my ex threw in the words that we are like fire and water. Sure, that’s the way we need to be as parents. I’ll co-operate as a co-parent. But I’m still not ever going back to our disastrous relationship. From the experience in our relationship for those 5-6 years I’ve noticed he’s only interested when he wants something. What could I have that he wants now? A 3 BEDROOM HOUSE!! Sorry, if that is the case, I’m not interested in mooches.

I’d be more interested in a man that can take care of himself, that is not interested in what I have, but is interested in what I am. Whatever the fuck that is, I don’t even know. An anomaly for reasons I’ve yet to discover.

I could be wrong, and paranoid. Still questioning his motives for this sudden change of kindness. I’m pretty sure I was just a “dip-shit” in his mind. That I have not forgotten.

So yes, when it comes to interacting with him, one on one, I am cautious. Just because I am nice in return, and am willing to co-operate as co-parent does not mean I trust him. I am well aware he can be manipulative. Wither he is or not this time, will take time to reveal. Obviously. In order to work together, some kind of bond needs to be made, and any trust between us is going to take a while to re-build, if at all. He’s never trusted me from the start. So why is it so different now? Could it be a sudden realization that our children DO NEED THEIR MOTHER?! Hmm? Why the sudden change of heart? Or is it just an act? Questions, questions… that only time can answer. And for now, until I figure out what the heck I’ll do next, I have plenty time on my side. – Pooks

“If you think like others, how can you be sure you’re thinking at all?”- Daniel Delgado F

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Floating within a Hollow Void

Yesterday at the New School of Colour the facilitator asked how school was going, and I flat out said ” Not good. It just doesn’t feel right.” Which he then offered to help, but as I said before, this term has gone out the window. There is no saving it. It’s fucked. I appreciate the offer, but it’s kinda  late for that now.  It’s March, and school is out next month I believe.

It could be that my own mind is my barrier. It often is. But I am really not interested in playing societies little game. You only live for so long, why risk wasting it doing something that will make you miserable? It’s bad enough the stuff I have been learning has done nothing but fill me with hatred. Not good. I was such a happy spirit before entering school, filled with hope and dreams. But after sociology, even though I do love learning about it, it makes me hate humanity and my hope for humanity dangles by a thread. Why continue to do something that fills me with so much negativity?

I suppose I could try to make up for this term during the summer, but I don’t think that will change the way I feel about it all. Education is a part of the system. A part of me wants to detach from it because of that. It’s whole purpose is conformity, to turn me into another mule working in favor for the Capitalists. And even though you can go in with the intentions to be a glitch to change the system, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that is the intention you will leave with. It’s whole purpose is to transform you into a part of their machine.

So yes, I am filled with doubt. Not only do I believe I cannot do that. But I can’t even mentally picture myself graduating. Not without it tampering with my essence, with what makes my art, my writing, and me entirely unique.

I gave my individuality and passion up to an abusive relationship before, I’m not about to let the system abuse me either. I just got out of an abusive relationship 3 years ago, why the fuck should I tolerate such oppression from the system, let alone any personal relationships?!

So clearly I have some contemplating to do. Wither or not to keep trying with this education thing, which isn’t working, or find another route.

“But you worked so hard to get there.” Not really. It was just paper work. Did I really want to go? Not really. It was just to see if I can, and I did, I got in. But also to go against an OW worker who treated me like I was a dumb-ass that couldn’t. Not only that, I felt like there was no other choice. I’ve been in London for a little over a decade, and could only get volunteer placements. No one will hire my Native ass. Have I really been trying though? Not really.  It’s not like I have ever really wanted to participate in this bullshit 9- 5 game anyways. It’s a waste of time, and energy. I could be doing something more productive.  Some would say that is irresponsible, lazy, etc, etc. But lets face it, we are all going to die one day, YOU ARE NOT IMMORTAL!Yet you live your lives as if you are, or because your churches promise you eternal life after this slave driven life, to be a slave in the next life.

Perhaps my values are different from the people that make those accusations of being irresponsible and lazy. They are the ones convinced they need money to live. Therefore value money and the material things they can buy with money. Which is all a bullshit illusion, but they are too brainwashed to see that. I’m sorry that I think I am different, and that my life actually has a meaning besides living a life of slavery. I was meant to write for a reason, and I was meant to create art for a reason.  I’d rather live my life doing things that matter to me, and not what matters to everybody else.

I feel as if I’ve been plunked on this planet to create as much as I possibly can while I’m here. That is my purpose.

There was a time I thought motherhood was my purpose, but that was clearly taken from me. I’m not saying I still can’t be a great mother, I still do my best with the time that I do have. But during that gap while not having them, I was reminded that I am an artist and a writer within. Clearly I was reminded for a reason, what that reason was, I don’t know yet.

Some people may say I’m not thinking of my kids when it comes to this whole downward spiral of an education. I don’t have them. They are not coming back, and I only have visits. Thank this racist society! I have come to accept that, maybe others need to as well. I’ve jumped through numerous hoops, and it all doesn’t even fuckin matter. You really think an education is going to make a difference? Or a job? Haha! Wow. That’s really ignorant of you. If you haven’t noticed, I am Ojibwe. Not only that, but a female native that has experienced a shit load of abuse. I am fuckin trash to this society. So why the fuck should it matter what I do?

I am grateful for the time I do get with my kids. I at least get to see them. As for their best interests, my education is not it. If anything, since they are in their fathers care, he should be the one busting his ass to improve.  Because let’s face it, overall, majority of the time, I just got myself to take care of.

Not to mention, wasting my time becoming a sheep in the system would take me away from what would actually be in my kids best interest, and that is defending their future environment, which our governments and banks are fucking up royally.

I swear, if there were any actual “terrorists” besides the ones within our Governments, they should be aiming for where it hurts them the most. Not air planes, and city land marks. If they really wanted to kick these fuckers in the balls, they’d aim for their precious banks. Clearly these “terrorists” aren’t that bright. Which makes me believe that there aren’t any. It’s just the government making up more bullshit. But that’s what they’re good at right? Bullshitting.

So that is where my head is at now. Questioning if an education is even worth wasting my time over.

If I really want to become an artist and writer, then I should just do it. Forget these distractions that will just throw me off course.

Anyway, 2 days from now, I will have a small art piece in an art show called The Twitter Art Exhibit (#twitterartexhibit) in Orlando, Florida.  All proceeds go to The Center for Contemporary Dance, Special Needs Classes,  in Orlando. I hope the show has a great turn out. I may not be able to travel, but at least my art got to.

As for the other art pieces,  I have an art piece at home I’m re-doing.  It was called “Ringleader in Paris.”  The original was in chalk pastel, and graphite. But since that piece has gone missing, or was stolen from the New School of Colour studio, I decided to re-do that art piece, but with oil paint. My goal is to make the missing, or stolen, version look like a rough draft. So far, I think I am accomplishing that goal, it looks so bright in colour. The original I just tried to make it look a fictional sepia photograph. I say fictional because the characters are illustrated, and distorted. They remind me of those bizarre puppets I seen in elementary school. Really big eyes, distorted, over exaggerated facial features.  The image is basically a couple in front of the Eiffel Tower. Anyway, I may need to re-name the piece as well, or add to the title. Such as; “Ringleader in Paris: Revived” .

The other oil painting I’m doing is at the New School of Colour. Hopefully I’ll be quick, and be able to finish it by the next art session, because that is going to be the painting that will be submitted into Up with Art this year. Up with Art takes place at the Palace Theatre on April 12th. The clock is ticking.

So yeah, my internal clock is backwards. The artist/writer wakes up at night and creates. Wither it be art, poetry, whatever. I am starting to brainstorm on my next book. My first one feels like a rookie book. I just threw various work together, from my blog, my poetry, and my art. I think I’ll focus the second one more on my poetry, and show some of my photography that I do for fun. It might take a while to complete, because I’ll need to write a lot of poetry.

I haven’t been to counseling for awhile. Not since my counselor had me repeat after her, that I’m not going to let the Capitalists stop me. I couldn’t even look at her when I repeated the words. I just had to let that stir inside my head for awhile. Not to mention, when she made that comparison to Martin Luther King Jr and I.  That’s a pretty freakin big comparison. Not to mention frightening, because of the disappointment that I am not. Those are big shoes to fill. No pressure or anything.  I don’t know what she see’s or expects. For all she knows, she thinks I’m doing well. But I don’t think  my mind is anywhere near to when she had seen  improvement.  I mean, I feel like I’m in a dark place. I’ve been in darker places. But still, I am struggling with optimism.  It may not seem like it, I’ll still smile, and laugh. As I’ve come to realize from counseling, laughter is my coping mechanism. Without it, I’d still be a mess. I’d probably still be stuck in bed. But no,  I am here, writing… – Pooks

“I felt very still and empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo.”- Sylvia Plath

Dysfunctional by Choice

I still have not made it back to class. What can I say? I suck at Mondays, and to top it off, I suck at mornings. I fall right back into the sleep patterns of a night owl. Completely backwards.

Although last Monday, even though I was awake at 6:30am, I looked up at the topic that was going to be discussed in my Sociology tutorial, and it was about Aboriginals. A topic that would just get me more depressed than I already was at the time. I mean, Aboriginals aren’t really respected in society. Matter of fact, Aboriginals get looked down upon as less than homeless people. At least those are the things that are being taught within these textbooks. Really depressing shit. So I didn’t go. I didn’t think my frame of mind at the time could handle anymore depressing knowledge of how fucked up our society really is.

Not only that, but one of the places I do stop in is Indigenous Services, and it seems like every time I do show up, I’m getting dragged into the office, where I have to explain how much I’m fucking up and blah blah blah. Not something I look forward to. I mean, that’s what my counselor at SOAHAC is for. She’s the one that deals with my mental issues.

As for my other two classes, I’m pretty sure I fucked those right up this term. I mean I already mentioned what happened with Visual Arts and staring at a wire sculpture of myself, and not liking what had I seen.  I haven’t been back since. As for Art History; Art, Media, and Popular Culture?  I feel like the Professor had said all I needed to hear within one sentence on the first day. He mentioned how it was Capitalists that decide what is considered art.

Funny how I wanted to know more about Capitalists and the world around me, and that’s all I hear about. Capitalists this. Capitalists that. Yeah,  now I know what they mean by be careful what you wish for.  Although it seems like students are expected to want to be like the Capitalists, Haha! I don’t think so! Why would I want to be part of a class that makes others suffer to benefit themselves and their wealth? Seems heartless to me. Just a bunch of sellouts that sold their soul.

So I am questioning wither or not this education thing is for me. I mean, it seems like it is meant to turn me into something I’m not. Not a trap I want to get caught up in. Besides, these days, an education doesn’t guarantee a job, but it definitely guarantees a huge debt.

Sure when I started, the plan was to learn something in a field that can get me a job that can help invest in what I love to do. But my concern is the time. Say I did actually graduate, and got a job doing something I was never meant to do in the first place. My time and energy could be taken away by a job I couldn’t give a fuck about, leaving me with no time or energy for what I do love to do.  See the dilemma? Do I really want to make that sacrifice? Not really. That would be giving up who I am, to slave away for the benefit of somebody else. I can just see myself being too tired and drained to create art, or to write freely.

Anyway, for the past week,  it was like I shut myself off. I have no desire to function and play by the rules in this little game, or system. It’s like I only come back to life when I am either going to see my kids, or when I want to create.  Other than that, I am dysfunctional. It’s like the way this system works, you are meant to value material things, and money so that you can buy and consume those material things. Why? So that your money can go back to the greedy Capitalists. So that you’ll want more money, slave for it, buy more junk, and the money goes back to the greedy Capitalists. It’s a never ending cycle that only benefits the Capitalists in the end. Well, people may forget what is truly valuable in this world, but I haven’t forgotten, and I refuse to let it go. That goes for my kids, my gifts ( art and writing) , and Mother Nature.

I’ll make another attempt to go to school on Wednesday, just for the sake of learning. But I honestly feel like when it comes to my dreams, I will have to take the road less traveled. Meaning I will have to put more time and energy into my art and writing, instead of playing or following by society’s rules, or “formula” to success. I’m starting to see those as distractions, taking me away from I need to do.

I was watching a documentary on David Bowie, and how he did not want to conform either. The only thing he was a slave to was his art. Sure he had his struggles, but he was committed. That commitment eventually led to his success.

Besides all that, my kids finally spent the night over. Although I will have to talk to Merrymount, so they can pass along the message to their father,  that our kids need to bring another set of clothing if they are going to spend the night. Everything I had, they out grew, and I gave away to 2 bartering events. So, they don’t have clothes here. What I ended up doing was giving them both a long t-shirt of mine to cover themselves with,while I threw the clothes they were wearing in the wash.

Besides that, they slept rather well over night.  I was surprised. I was expecting it to be a rough night, but it wasn’t. Perhaps the dim lamp lights, and classical tunage I was playing on youtube actually did help. I had classical music playing for 2 hours after they went to bed. And since I normally watch a movie before I sleep, I made sure to pick something they would not be interested in. So I chose a musical movie, The Newsies. I don’t know how it ended because I fell asleep. I was exhausted.

Surprisingly enough, I actually got my son and daughter outside, and away from my computer. My son will play online computer games, and if he’s not doing that, than that’s all he talks about.  It can get frustrating, I find myself wondering if he’s here to visit me, or my computer. Even when he plays, he plays as if it were a video-game. “Click Menu.” “Press A-A!” , meanwhile I’ll be sitting there trying to play with him, but I’m just like “What?!” Completely confused, because I don’t play video games. Not to mention, I’m baffled. Who does that?? This cannot be healthy. I have never seen or heard children play that way EVER! Normally children mimic the world around them. When he plays, he only mimics video games. Video games have robbed him of his imagination, it’s quite sad actually. Even my cellphone can be an issue, because he knows he can play games on it. Imagination is such a huge part of childhood. It seems like the only game that we play that doesn’t  end up being video game related is Hide N’ Seek. Life is not a video game, and it looks like Mommy is going to have to be the one to teach him that, because his dad sure as hell isn’t.

I am grateful that my daughter has taken an interest in art. Which means her imagination can be endless, not based around just one thing.

So yeah, I do have a challenge set before me , and that challenge is my very own son. Taking him to a park worked, he got to run, climb, and jump around. I think I will be trying to at least continue that during visits, make that more regular when they are with me.  Take advantage of the warmer weather approaching. At least make some of our time outdoors.

I originally just wanted to go for a walk. Just share something I love to do with my kids, walking with no particular destination. Plus, I wanted to work off all that food we just ate, and then we stumbled upon the park. That was a bonus.

While we were walking my son and daughter pretended the puddles were lava, and they were hopping from snow bank to snow bank.  That’s more like it. THAT is a healthy imagination. If going outdoors is what inspires it, than that is what we shall do.

Newho, that is enough rambling for today. An update and sharing concerns, and basically providing you, my reader, a window into my life.

For awhile there it did seem like I had given up, but nope. I mean, I have always wanted to publish a book. Didn’t realize how easy that was. Especially on Lulu.  By doing so,  one dream was accomplished, and I was like, now what do I do?  Start working on the second book. Write more, paint more, create more. – Pooks

p.s –  If you’re interested, you can find my book; Random Thoughts of an Alien Goddess, at the following link:

http://www.lulu.com/ca/en/shop/pauline-king-shannon-pooks/random-thoughts-of-an-alien-goddess/paperback/product-21456243.html

creativity_quote

Creation of book by The Tribe dedicated to OTEP SHAMAYA

So I got kicked out of the making of the book called; Offerings , A book dedicated to Otep Shamaya by a girl that calls herself by the name Art Saves . Why? Because I got sick and tired of seeing people give up hope on the project because the supposed leaders of the group failed to communicate. It was like they ditched the project entirely, and people have been waiting over a year for the finished product.

To paint a clearer picture, I was invited to be in a Facebook group called ; Creation of book by the TRIBE dedicated to OTEP SHAMAYA by this girl who goes by the name Art Saves on Facebook. Fans of Otep were to submit poetry, art, etc, to create a book similar to Shawn Crahan’s (of Slipknot) idea of The Maggot Bible. Since I did not get my work into The Maggot Bible, I figured why not? So I submitted a poem I wrote years ago. Over a hundred people have participated in this project.

Anyway, after a year I noticed people from the group getting pissed off, asking “what the fuck is going on?”, and not getting answers.

We did manage to get a rough draft put together, but that was it. Fed up of seeing people give up hope, feeling like they were being ripped off for their work, and even starting to dislike Otep because Art Saves and Christian were not following through with what they had promised.  Let alone communicate with any of the participants.  So I e-mailed the rough draft to a publisher and told the group that if they did the same, a publisher could say yes. I even mentioned in this e-mail to the publisher that if it did sell, since the book was a group effort, dividing any income between us all could be difficult, so I suggested that 100% of the proceeds be donated to animal rescue charities. I mentioned this to the group and thought Otep Shamaya would be proud.

Another member of from the group suggested I try to get it published on Lulu, just like Otep does with her books. So that’s what I did. Even though that pleased some members within the group, it didn’t go so well with Art Saves.

She accused me of being a thief, living off the efforts of others. Umm… no.  I picked the lowest price, and gave it the best discount that Lulu offered, which would have left me with nothing. The only people that would have made money from it, would have been the people from Lulu for putting the book together. But no, Art Saves refused to believe me. Anyone that knows me, should know that I couldn’t give a fuck about money. I despise it. So why the hell would I take a bunch of peoples work, including my own, and try to make money off of it?  That sounds kind of dumb for someone that hates money, and would rather that it didn’t exist.  But no, she does not believe me. She’s pissed because she claims the book is hers and Christians project, but really it’s a group effort. “That project was created by Christian Daugherty and I” – Art Saves . Those were her exact words, yet she has the nerve to call me the fuckin thief. Sounds like she wants all the credit to me.

And of course she attempted to turn things around in our dispute saying that I don’t respect that it’s a group effort. Umm.. HELLO! Had she had any respect for “group effort” she would have at least communicated with the other members of the group, rather than leave them hanging.

She basically just took a bunch of peoples work and fucked off with it.

Can you really blame me for stepping in, trying to help, and actually do something about it?! Ughhh!!

Anyway, she went on about how she is a lady, and will not write like the way I had written to her. If you got to tell people you are a lady, you more than likely are not. Just saying. I guess that was her way of trying to insult me by saying I’m not a lady or something. Yet it is others that give me that label.  Not myself. Matter of fact, it seems like no matter how much I try to demolish that label, it sticks. People still refer to me as lady, even though I dress like a boy, I curse and swear, and I can be extremely rude. But no, I cannot shake it off. I mean seriously! Look at some of the people I look up to, Gordon Ramsay, and Kurt Sutter. Haha!

She can call herself a lady all she wants, but a lady does not need to flaunt ass and tits all over FB, and beg for love and hugs. Just saying

So yeah, after our wonderful dispute, I got kicked out of the book entirely. Good! After seeing the way she reacted and behaved, I don’t want my work in anything with her name on it. So not only is she a dumb-ass, she’s a bitch.

Luckily after I figured out how to use Lulu from my first time around getting Offerings published on Lulu, I got my own book published; Random Thoughts of an Alien Goddess , and that has the poem I had submitted into the Offering’s project anyway.

Since Art Saves did not approve of Offerings, A Book Dedicated to Otep Shamaya being published on Lulu, I respectfully took it down. So who knows how much longer the other participants of the book will be waiting now.

I tried to do something positive, and take initiative, but I only got shit on for it. I feel sorry for the other participating members that submitted their work. Honestly, all I did was try to help.

I think I learned my lesson here, and will not be submitting any more of my work to anything on FB.

Offerings was published and out there on Lulu. But Art Saves is too fuckin stupid to be grateful for what I did.

But here’s some gratitude to end with, thanks for stupid people, you give me something to blog about. Haha!

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, Pooks is meant for bigger things – Pooks

beware-of-artists