It is that time to reflect, and guarantee this blog post will be jumping from topic to topic, very rarely do my blog posts stick to one thing.
As my readers may already know, my access with my children has been cut off, so there was no sleepover visit this past weekend. And no, I still have not been contacted by Merrymount. So my ex is full of shit.Need I remind you, he was the one that said – ” I’m thinking since you feel the need to call me a douche and lazy to the children when you think I’m not listening, it would be better if we do pick ups and drop offs at Merrymount again. They will be in touch if your still interested in your visits.” If your still interested in your visits? Where the hell does he get off on saying that?! I’ve been interested in my damn kids since the day he took off with them back in OCTOBER 2010!! Just because I shot his dick down repeatedly he took them! Yeah, a sore loser that one is. As for getting offended that your son misheard me, and thought I said douche, when I said grouch! And I said, yeah that his father can be a douche sometimes?? That was just shining a glimpse of the truth.
I probably gave him more fuel to be pissy with previous blog posts, since he stalks his ex online whom he’s been separated from for 4-5 years. Obsessive, pathetic, and yeah, no life. If he doesn’t like what the fuck he’s reading, then stop giving me the material. It’s that simple. Don’t be a douche. But I guess he’s one of those men that thinks power and control, ahem, ABUSE, is what makes him “manly”. Being an abusive asshole supposedly equals “testosterone”. No, it’s quite the opposite actually. It makes you a bitch. You’re fears bitch. Welcome to reality! Haha! Just a big giant coward with a capital “C”. Kinda like our Prime Minister, acts all high and mighty, but when shit hits the fan, where’s he? Hiding in the closet. Go figure.
It kind of drives me nuts when friends ask about the kids lately, and what will they be for Halloween. But not all of my friends know what is going on. So it’s not their fault, and they’re not asking to upset me. I normally respond with “they are good”, and “yes, they will be going out for Halloween.” I leave out the part where I won’t be there to celebrate with them. But honestly, I just keep trying to move forward. I try my best not to think about my kids, otherwise I get depressed. So I try to stay busy, and well…distract myself.
Although, when I attended the General Meeting for First Nation Housing Co-Op, I was advised by one of the board members ( whom is also the Vice President at N’Amerind) to go to the N’Amerind Friendship Centre and talk to the court workers there with regard to getting my access back with my children. They are aware of my situation and realize that I am back at square one. So the support is there, and I am grateful.
As far as job searching goes, I had to slow down on that. I mean, it’s awesome that more employers are getting back to me and want to book an interview. But, I kind of ran into a pickle. I ran out of bus tickets. I was supposed to purchase a bus pass, but since I was picking up and dropping off my children in order to have my visits ( back before my access was denied), I spent that money on bus fare for myself, and my children. Anyway, I ran out of adult bus tickets, and can’t really afford to do anything about it until my financial assistance is directly deposited closer to the end of the month. I haven’t heard back from the Marriot Inn, but I did hear from 2 employers from Masonville Mall. Unfortunately I have no means of transportation to get me to these interviews, and that is approximately a 2 1/2 – 3 hour walk. I could walk it, I’ve done it before. But early in the morning, and get there looking half decent after the walk? Not likely. So yeah, I guess I have to wait until the end of the month before I send out more resumes.
What else? On Monday I went to the New School of Colour dressed up in my Halloween Costume, a pilot. Same costume as last year, but with a dark twist to it with the way I did my make-up. I normally dress up the week of Halloween, whether or not the New School of Colour session lands on the 31st. It’s fun, besides it gives me a reason to get more wear out of the costume. Considering that I was barely showing any skin, I wore a grey sweater with stars all over it on top. The dress was short, but I had shorts underneath it, and high stockings… Only a part of my thighs were showing, and part of my chest, but the little cute tie hides the cleavage. So I think my costume leaves a lot to the imagination. I apparently really wowed some people. Haha! But then again, I normally dress like a boy. So when I’m dressed “feminine”, I guess it can be a surprise. Like I said a long time ago regarding when it comes to the odd time I dress really “feminine”, it is more special and memorable that way.
Anywho, I think I completed a painting Monday. The sides of the canvas just needs to be painted black, and it just needs a nice glazed coat and voila! While I was painting it, the jester with the oozing eyes, a guy came down to the studio and said he’d be interested in buying the piece. That kinda blew me away. The fact it could already be sold, and it wasn’t even completed yet. That’s cool. Haha!
As for Halloween, this pilot will try her best not to go flying down another set of concrete stairs and severely sprain her ankle again. Nope. Not gonna happen this year! Haha! No, I wasn’t drunk. I was trying to get to a fundraiser thing for the Food Bank, and those damn stairs! Actually one step, that was so short and measly compared to the rest of the actual staircase. That step is deadly, and can send you flying if you are not paying attention! Anywho, where was I? Right, I don’t have any major plans as of yet what I’ll do. I normally dress up and walk around in my costume all day. Even do my errands all dolled up. Haha! Although, I might stop by and visit a couple of my fab peeps that will be on Dundas Street giving out candy to the Trick or Treaters. Halloween Parties, I don’t know… Haven’t really heard of any besides the one going on at the East Village Coffee House. Maybe I’ll check that out, maybe I won’t. I don’t know. We’ll see what this years Halloween brings! Kids or no kids, I am going to have a good Halloween. Must stay positive & optimistic, regardless.
I skipped my last Leads appointment. I wasn’t quite feeling like myself that day. Try again this Thursday.
Other than that, to keep my mind off things, I read. I’m currently reading The Dangerous Days of Daniel X by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. So far I like it. It’s about a 15 year old Alien Hunter who has the power to create. Like, with his mind. It’s more Sci-fi -ish than The Jester, but I like it. I mean, both are fiction, but this one is more aliens, space ships, and whatnot. It’s part of a series, so I will have to hunt the other books down when I’m done.
I have been visiting some friends that live around the corner so to speak, a little more often. It was made clear that I am more than welcome. So sometimes I’m there. They help me out quite a bit. Once again, I’m grateful.
I guess whenever I get the spare time, as I do now, what I do with my own time is build more on what I want Pooks to be. So I let my imagination go wild and just create. Art, writing, poetry. Whatever. The flow of creativity keeps me up all night sometimes. But I’m an artist on a mission. I could be just practicing with rough drafts, painting…whatever. As long as I’m busy. I will make my life awesome. Why? Because my ex does not control it. I’m the pilot damn it! Haha! See what I did there? Tying it all together in such a unique way.
Anyway, it’s going onto 3:30am. Where does time go? I think this is where I’ll end this fabulous post. Hope you enjoyed! – Pooks
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”- Confucius