I’m the Pilot Damn it!

It is that time to reflect, and guarantee this blog post will be jumping from topic to topic, very rarely do my blog posts stick to one thing.

As my readers may already know, my access with my children has been cut off, so there was no sleepover visit this past weekend. And no, I still have not been contacted by Merrymount. So my ex is full of shit.Need I remind you, he was the one that said – ” I’m thinking since you feel the need to call me a douche and lazy to the children when you think I’m not listening, it would be better if we do pick ups and drop offs at Merrymount again. They will be in touch if your still interested in your visits.” If your still interested in your visits? Where the hell does he get off on saying that?! I’ve been interested in my damn kids since the day he took off with them back in OCTOBER 2010!! Just because I shot his dick down repeatedly he took them! Yeah, a sore loser that one is. As for getting offended that your son misheard me, and thought I said douche, when I said grouch! And I said, yeah that his father can be a douche sometimes?? That was just shining a glimpse of the truth.

I probably gave him more fuel to be pissy with previous blog posts, since he stalks his ex online whom he’s been separated from  for 4-5 years. Obsessive, pathetic, and yeah, no life. If he doesn’t like what the fuck he’s reading, then stop giving me the material. It’s that simple. Don’t be a douche. But I guess he’s one of those men that thinks power and control, ahem, ABUSE, is what makes him “manly”. Being an abusive asshole supposedly equals “testosterone”.  No, it’s quite the opposite actually. It makes you a bitch. You’re fears bitch. Welcome to reality! Haha! Just a big giant coward with a capital “C”. Kinda like our Prime Minister, acts all high and mighty, but when shit hits the fan, where’s he? Hiding in the closet. Go figure.

It kind of drives me nuts when friends ask about the kids lately, and what will they be for Halloween. But not all of my friends know what is going on. So it’s not their fault, and they’re not asking to upset me. I normally respond with “they are good”, and “yes, they will be going out for Halloween.” I leave out the part where I won’t be there to celebrate with them. But honestly, I just keep trying to move forward. I try my best not to think about my kids, otherwise I get depressed. So I try to stay busy, and well…distract myself.

Although, when I attended the General Meeting for First Nation Housing Co-Op, I was advised by one of the board members ( whom is also the Vice President at N’Amerind) to go to the N’Amerind Friendship Centre and talk to the court workers there with regard to getting my access back with my children. They are aware of my situation and realize that I am back at square one. So the support is there, and I am grateful.

As far as job searching goes, I had to slow down on that. I mean, it’s awesome that more employers are getting back to me and want to book an interview. But, I kind of ran into a pickle. I ran out of bus tickets. I was supposed to purchase a bus pass, but since I was picking up and dropping off my children in order to have my visits ( back before my access was denied), I spent that money on bus fare for myself, and my children. Anyway, I ran out of adult bus tickets, and can’t really afford to do anything about it until my financial assistance is directly deposited closer to the end of the month. I haven’t heard back from the Marriot Inn, but I did hear from 2 employers from Masonville Mall. Unfortunately I have no means of transportation to get me to these interviews, and that is approximately a 2 1/2 – 3 hour walk. I could walk it, I’ve done it before. But early in the morning, and get there looking half decent after the walk? Not likely. So yeah, I guess I have to wait until the end of the month before I send out more resumes.

What else? On Monday I went to the New School of Colour dressed up in my Halloween Costume, a pilot. Same costume as last year, but with a dark twist to it with the way I did my make-up. I normally dress up the week of Halloween, whether or not the New School of Colour session lands on the 31st. It’s fun, besides it gives me a reason to get more wear out of the costume. Considering that I was barely showing any skin, I wore a grey sweater with stars all over it on top. The dress was short, but I had shorts underneath it, and high stockings… Only a part of my thighs were showing, and part of my chest, but the little cute tie hides the cleavage. So I think my costume leaves a lot to the imagination. I apparently really wowed some people. Haha! But then again, I normally dress like a boy. So when I’m dressed “feminine”, I guess it can be a surprise. Like I said a long time ago regarding when it comes to the odd time I dress really “feminine”,  it is more special and memorable that way.

Anywho, I think I completed a painting Monday. The sides of the canvas just needs to be painted black, and it just needs a nice glazed coat and voila! While I was painting it, the jester with the oozing eyes, a guy came down to the studio and said he’d be interested in buying the piece. That kinda blew me away. The fact it could already be sold, and it wasn’t even completed yet. That’s cool. Haha!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©2014

As for Halloween, this pilot will try her best not to go flying down another set of concrete stairs and severely sprain her ankle again. Nope. Not gonna happen this year! Haha! No, I wasn’t drunk. I was trying to get to a fundraiser thing for the Food Bank, and those damn stairs! Actually one step, that was so short and measly compared to the rest of the actual staircase. That step is deadly, and can send you flying if you are not paying attention! Anywho, where was I? Right,  I don’t have any major plans as of yet what I’ll do. I normally dress up and walk around in my costume all day. Even do my errands all dolled up. Haha! Although, I might stop by and visit a couple of my fab peeps that will be on Dundas Street giving out candy to the Trick or Treaters. Halloween Parties, I don’t know… Haven’t really heard of any besides the one going on at the East Village Coffee House. Maybe I’ll check that out, maybe I won’t. I don’t know. We’ll see what this years Halloween brings! Kids or no kids, I am going to have a good Halloween. Must stay positive & optimistic, regardless.

I skipped my last Leads appointment. I wasn’t quite feeling like myself that day. Try again this Thursday.

Other than that, to keep my mind off things, I read. I’m currently reading The Dangerous Days of Daniel X by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. So far I like it. It’s about a 15 year old Alien Hunter who has the power to create. Like, with his mind. It’s more Sci-fi -ish than The Jester, but I like it. I mean, both are fiction, but this one is more aliens, space ships, and whatnot. It’s part of a series, so I will have to hunt the other books down when I’m done.

I have been visiting some friends that live around the corner so to speak, a little more often. It was made clear that I am more than welcome. So sometimes I’m there. They help me out quite a bit. Once again, I’m grateful.

I guess whenever I get the spare time, as I do now, what I do with my own time is build more on what I want Pooks to be. So I let my imagination go wild and just create. Art, writing, poetry. Whatever. The flow of creativity keeps me up all night sometimes. But I’m an artist on a mission. I could be just practicing with rough drafts, painting…whatever. As long as I’m busy. I will make my life awesome. Why? Because my ex does not control it. I’m the pilot damn it! Haha! See what I did there? Tying it all together in such a unique way.

Anyway, it’s going onto 3:30am. Where does time go? I think this is where I’ll end this fabulous post. Hope you enjoyed! – Pooks

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”- Confucius

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A Creative Growing Force

Back to my regular blogging schedule. Technically should have been yesterday. Tuesday…Wednesday…close enough. As you may have noticed I had quite a bit to shed off lately, especially regarding my ex. But I guess what he doesn’t realize is that the more bullshit he puts me through, the more stronger I get, the less he’s gonna like me. I will become more assertive, less fearless, and less tolerant of his abuse. Perhaps even immune to his power trips.

Anyway, currently my access with our children has been cut off.I was to supposedly expect to hear from Merrymount, but of course that has not happened as of yet. Although I did leave a message for  Merrymount stating that my ex was considering the use of their services again, because the arrangement between us wasn’t working. The communication between my ex and I sucks. More like, his communication skills suck. I mean, with his anxiety (more like paranoia), trust issues, and unresolved mental health issues, it’s practically impossible to cooperatively work with the guy. He’s always assuming shit, jumping to conclusions and making accusations. Not only that, but he is such a coward, rather than facing people and any problems that may arise and work it out, his solution is to run because he feels threatened. The world revolves around him, never putting our kids into consideration and how his actions may be effecting our children. I mean, the moment they adjust to anything, he disrupts it all, and swipes the carpet so to speak. I mean, home school? It’s basically isolation from the rest of the world over his own fear.

I found out last Thursday at Leads that my own communication skills aren’t as bad as I thought they were. They could use some work, but the type of communicator I am, according to the quiz thing I did at Leads, was that of a Controller/ Director. Although, I probably just don’t believe it yet. It could be a self-esteem thing. Or when I think of controlling, I think of abuse, and that is not the type of person I want to be. So I often reject opportunities that require leadership.

Although I guess I am somewhat of a director type when it comes to my parenting skills. I’m not abusive, but I lead. In that case there is no choice. Guidance through the day is necessary. I can get my kids from point A to point B with no problem. I kind of morph into a coach outdoors, which is totally bizarre, because I would have never imagined such a thing. Haha!

Anyway, I am getting sidetracked. Since I think it’ll be awhile since I see my kids again. I have to move on like I don’t have kids. Dust off, and move on. Stay busy. So I job search, and believe it or not, I got a rapid response. Calling back took some courage though. No one answered, so I had to leave a message on their voice mail. Prior to making that call I was filling my head with what if’s. Winter is around the corner, I’d have to be there for 5am, what if the roads and sidewalks are poorly plowed? that could effect me being on time. What if I sleep in? What if I can’t do it? What if this job forces me to give up time with my children (even though my access is currently cut off for bullshit reasons)? What if I can no longer make it to the New School of Colour? My head was filling up with all these what ifs, but then I recalled that one quote that says to do what your scared to do. I looked at my situation, I was terrified to make this freakin phonecall. This is new. What if I get the job? Yeah, what if you get the job? how can that be a negative? It’s a new opportunity, new experience. It would be my first actual job in London, Ontario. So make the damn call!! Somebody actually wants to hire!! Wouldn’t it be about damn time. I mean, I’ve been here over a decade, and all I could land are volunteer placements. Experience is a good thing. It’s not permanent, it’s temporary. Note, I do intend giving the whole University thing another shot in the future. Besides, if I get it, I could do what Mama’s do, and that is build and nest. So yes, I finally got the courage to call back and left a message to book an interview. Hopefully I wasn’t speaking too fast. I was nervous. Even if I was talking to a machine.

This past Monday at the New School of Colour we, the artists that attend the program, were given surveys to fill out. So that the New School of Colour can continually be financially supported. I think my answer was brief to why the New School of Colour is important to me. I kind of held back. But the honest truth is as an aboriginal woman, it can be hard to find a place that accepts you. First Nations people experience a lot of social barriers in modern society. So I feel I found my place where I am entirely accepted. I do struggle with my own mental health issues, but I find art to be a healthy form of release. It has allowed me to not only turn negative emotions into a positive. But also helped me explore what I can create with positive emotions as well. In my own current personal situation, I have to cope with on-going abuse. It turns my pain and suffering into a strength. I’ve been going to the New School of Colour since 2011, and the other members that attend have not only become my friends, but my support and family. As I had said the first time I had to answer that question, is literally and truly, that it has saved my life. Art Saves. Before attending the New School of Colour I was suicidal. To this day it keeps me strong, and gives me something to look forward to. It takes my mind off things temporarily, and is a positive environment where we all have one goal, create.

I like that I have the freedom to paint whatever it is I wish to paint. Although, some artists prefer being assigned and challenged to a project. I much rather my own expression, or experimentation, and it is perfectly allowed. If it weren’t for the New School of Colour, I wouldn’t be the artist/ writer you know and love as Pooks. The fully open, vulnerable, creative growing force that I am. The New School of Colour has reunited me with my passions, and they were meant to be shared.

Newho, yeah, that would have been a lot to fit into a little space on the paper, that only gives you 3-4 little lines to answer. I tried to break it down. It’s therapeutic. I love muh peeps! Art Saves.

Tomorrow is my Leads appointment. Unless I hear back from an employer and they want an interview, well, then I will have to re-schedule my Leads appointment. I’m sure they would understand. A job interview would be a valid reason.

Just like when it came to my education, I find when it comes to job searching, my possibilities are endless. I am entering the customer service/ retail field, and that gives me plenty of options. I can go any route from here. I just got to remain optimistic. Yeah, I’m entering the slave system. But I cannot let that be my focus. Focus on the experience and building for my kids.

While I actually make an effort in this world, even though there are a lot of things I disagree with. I mean I am an artist at heart, why am I being forced to do something else? Note, it is more of an effort than my ex will ever do. I go to Leads Employment Services. I actually went to see councilors and even a psychiatrist. Although I find my best forms of therapy are through creative outlets. Expression through art and writing. I job search. I’ve made attempts with a secondary education… My ex just plans to live off of welfare for the remainder of his life. Sure I may stumble along the way, but I keep trying, don’t I? Until the idea of money is obliterated, I have to. I cannot support three people on a single welfare budget. Let alone a mooch that get’s more from welfare than I do, plus a baby bonus, and still asks ME for money and smokes. I even bought him a bag of milk. And since my ex refuses to give me joint custody, which could financially support the kids on my end. I have to find another solution. So excuse me if I don’t think of him in a more enlightened manner. Our kids and I are often the ones suffering the consequences of his self-centered idiocy.

Anyway, forward is the only option. His delusional mindset thinks we can go backwards? I don’t think so. I deserve a hell of a lot better, and so do our children. At least I can see that, if no one else can.           – Pooks

“You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself.”- Mandy Hale

Fully Exposed

Go ahead. Say it's slander. But from an artists perspective, it is photography, art, displaying raw emotion and use of composition

Go ahead. Say it’s slander. But from an artists perspective, it is photography, art, displaying raw emotion and the use of composition

If you recall from a previous post regarding one of the offensive things my son has been saying towards his father, about how he can't wait til he's older so he can put an axe in his head. I drew out that fantasy with my own anger regarding our situation. I am pissed off and fed up with his b.s. Art is a far healthier way to cope with negative emotions without having to do anything

If you recall from a previous post regarding one of the offensive things my son has been saying towards his father, about how he can’t wait til he’s older so he can put an axe in his father’s head. I drew out that fantasy with my own anger regarding our situation. I am pissed off and fed up with his b.s. Art is a far healthier way to cope with negative emotions without having to do anything.

As you can see I have been using art as an outlet. But now I lift the curtain, so to speak. If I get accused of slander, so be it. I hope so. By all means put the spotlight right on my blog, this situation could use more attention obviously. Especially as a highlight of the psychological abuse I have to tolerate when my ex plays with my access when it comes to my children, as if it were a yo-yo.

Hmmm… what else can be highlighted? Obviously the verbal abuse. My ex constantly putting my son down to the point my son no longer feels good about himself. Even his weight get’s mocked because my ex doesn’t like “fat people”. I’ve seen this before, with my own foster parents. My dad never used to be as big, but he constantly had his wife at the time putting him down. Kind of hard to be confident if someone is there to constantly criticize you. My dad turned to t.v and junkfood. My son, he’s turned to videogames and food. Videogames to ignore and shut out the world, and food for comfort. Sometimes he eats to the point he pukes. Not very healthy there, now is it?

Our son calls his dad a goof, a douche, says he’s stupid, dumb and annoying. Where could he be getting it from? Why is there so much anger towards his father? My ex says from school, from friends…but that’s what he does, points the finger everywhere else but at himself. From my visits, I witnessed my ex calling my son names. Even called our son Hitler at the dinner table. They bicker back and forth, and when my son say’s he cannot wait to grow up and put an axe in his fathers head, his father encourages this and says he looks forward to the physical altercation.

There is obviously favoritism, my ex favors our daughter over our son and treats our daughter very differently than our son. As I’ve mentioned before, he is more gentle. His tone of voice is even more gentle. Yet, with our son, there is no hesitation to yell at him and threaten him constantly. No wonder our son has anxiety. He is living in constant fear thanks to his father who thinks fear is the appropriate way to discipline the children.

The reason C.A.S let my ex take our children away from me was due to “cleanliness”. Note, I was cleaning up after his filthy ass without C.A.S even knowing of it, and yeah, gave up. Clean up your own filth. But if they saw his home now, his kitchen…it’s no wonder they were all sick not that long ago. Can’t touch anything in that room, or even the table they eat at, without getting some kind of sticky residue on you. I was constantly washing my hands while I was there for visits. Can you say health hazard? I mean, London Housing even warned him about the mess, did he do anything? No. It’s still a mess. Because he doesn’t do anything. The kids are just an extra pay cheque to him, more weed.

He keeps bouncing the kids from school to school, even if our son was finally doing well. Figures, they adjust to the changes, and just like that, their dad goes and disrupts that because he feels threatened by the school…again. At Wilton Grove, the school board was getting suspicious regarding our sons aggressive behavior. I was in question, although I think that assumption deteriorated once I showed up to the meeting and they met me in person…My ex was in question, and bam! The kids get pulled out of that school and placed into the Catholic School next door. He runs as soon as anyone suspects anything.

So, At the Catholic School next door to Wilton Grove, they were going to call the police because my ex wasn’t bringing in our children to school, and not notifying them with any reason of absence. The truth is, he’s lazy and sleeps in. Can’t blame the kids, they actually get up pretty early, and our daughter is the first to wake up. But of coarse, he can’t admit that. He’s a freakin godsend according to his ego. So instead of facing the school, the problem, he takes it as a personal threat, regardless if our children are doing well in that school, and pulls them out of that school to home-school instead. Hence why I wasn’t pleased with that decision, because it wasn’t based on our children at all, it was entirely selfish and based on himself…as usual.

He keeps running into problems with organizations within society, such as the schools, they aren’t stupid. Clearly they can see something is up.

Why don’t I report him to C.A.S? Haha! They made it more than obvious that they will not listen to any of my concerns. I mean, even our son knows the situation is messed up, he flat out asked me if I was assaulted by their father ( In December 2008), why are they ( him and his sister) living with their dad? Well son, our society is racist and since mommy is coloured, they will disregard the assault, and any other concerns regarding your father.

My ex is wishy-washy, and unstable. He can go from “we’re friends” to “we’re enemies” in an instant. Hence why I call him a schizophrenic. Funny how that health record stating he was a borderline schizophrenic miraculously disappeared. How convenient. Let’s focus on his edginess. It goes beyond anxiety. It’s paranoia. He walks around with things he can use as weapons, hidden in/or under his coat. There’s a sharp piece of metal he bent, he said it can poke out someones eyes. Around his neck, under his coat is a wire, which is intended for strangulation “if anyone decides to jump him” ( “it’s more clean & not as messy”) . In his home, he has a golf club ( he doesn’t play golf, and he said it would make a great weapon if it were to be used on someones head), a crowbar, and a samurai sword hidden in the rafters of his basement. Our daughter mentioned her fear of the sword, but was told that it is no longer in the house. But I was shown otherwise. Supposedly that was supposed to assure me of their safety. With the way he treats our son and I, I don’t see those as weapons of “safety” and defense. If anything, a red flag.

I seem to be blogging a lot lately, and using as many creative outlets as possible. I will, until I no longer feel the need and it is all out of my system.

The text messages and phone calls… as I said before, he’s the one contacting me. I would rather not hear from him over the week, especially if it’s regarding nonsense, and not an emergency. The random text messages out of the blue regarding the pants, and threatening my access over 2 pairs of pants. Phone calls how some girl is starting some drama. No idea why he was telling me that, let alone what he expected me to do about it. His problems with other women isn’t any of my business. Nor do I care. As long as our kids are fine. Who the fuck cares?! Getting accused for stealing money from him and tampering with his propane tank. Wow. As I said before and made it very clear within this blog, I despise money, so why the fuck would I steal it? And I think I got better things to do than go around sneaking in his neighborhood putting our children in danger. Seriously? That’s fuckin lame and ridiculous. Ya know? His mind is so far gone, I don’t even think he knows what’s real and unreal anymore. He’s somewhere else, it certainly isn’t here.

Anyway, what else? whomever he suspects is stealing from him, it shifts, TO THE PEOPLE HE LETS INTO HIS HOME! That makes more sense. The people he surrounds himself with are questionable. I never feel safe around his crowd. Addicts, Junkies, Alcoholics, petty thieves, hookers, criminal types. As long as you have weed, he’s your friend. I don’t even think he knows the definition of friendship. It seems to be based on people using people for something in return.

I’ve gotten text messages regarding if I have a printer… The only thing remotely close to an emergency  regarding our children, via text messages or phone calls, was that he pulled our kids out of school. Turns out, that doesn’t really have anything to do with our kids, now does it?

During one of the visits he confessed that there is something about me that stresses him out. That has to do with me and my past of self mutilation. I don’t do that anymore, haven’t for years. He says he’s afraid to hurt my feelings. Haha! That changed rather quickly, he sure as hell isn’t afraid to use our children, and my access to hurt me if I so much as disagree with anything he says. Right, he’s so smart, he knows all. He’s so “godly”. Pssssh…. Get over yourself. If you want to talk about politics, religion, sociology, etc, expect and respect an opposite opinion. No 2 perspectives are the same. And anyone mature enough to converse of such things  would be open to someone that challenges their thinking capabilities. Kind of funny he got so anal considering he was the one that told me before there were no absolutes, yet he sure seems mighty sure of himself and his opinion. No no no! Can’t disagree with him. He’ll power-trip you if you do, and not let you and your kids do anything for the remainder of the visit, but stare at a screen. Then he’ll cut your access from your children. Sounds like a bitch to me.

He keeps telling me to pick a side, God or Satan. I choose neither. Not only do I think it’s all a fiction, a hoax to control the masses of people when it comes to Religion, the Bible, Jesus, and God. Hell and Satan were invented to induce fear. When people are scared, they are easier to control. That is how abuse works. But why pick sides? That’s the problem with this freakin world. There always has to be a side. What if there isn’t a side, and we can just be? Accepting each-other regardless of our differences. Bible thumpers cannot see that perspective for some fucked up reason. Too brain-washed I guess. It’s all about division, and judgement with them. I admit, I’ve been struggling with my faith. I barely believe that there is even a Creator.  As for the white mans religion, I sometimes think such things as how much it would make me laugh if their supposed god returned as a coloured woman. That would pop a lot of egos, and be highly amusing. But I doubt the return. And when I hear religious people babble on hallelujah, praise jesus! Amen! The power of Christ! He has returned! I think they are full of shit. They all come off as crazy to me. I’m sure when they hear my perspectives, they think I’m crazy as well. So yay! We’re even. Maybe your creator isn’t ever going to come back because it has been divided into each and every single living entity. Until there is unity, there is no “return” so to speak. No peace. No “heaven on earth”, because we’re too dumb and would rather continue to live as slaves in our own personal hell we created. It is what we make it. Isn’t that what we were supposedly given, free will? Let the Capitalist rule. See what happens when you put humans in charge when humans are not meant to lead. Let alone capable without corruption. That’s another way to look at it I guess. If you really go far back, as my ex claims he has, but obviously hasn’t. God= The Sun. The “giver of life”. You praise the damn sunshine you nut bars, and have been for centuries! It’s all astrology. And I am a reflection of light you imagined here, because yes, your mind is that freakin powerful. We all are, you just don’t believe it.

Anyway, my ex clearly trolls my blog, has been for years. I mean, seriously? He thinks he can suddenly sweet talk me with my interest in sociology? Dude, your ship has sailed a long time ago, and it isn’t ever going to come back. “You’re such a vampire.” Haha! Where else could you have gotten that idea of me, besides this blog where I given that analogy where I’m like a vampire. I don’t go anywhere, unless invited. And there’s been other numerous hints that yeah, he’s my number one troll. Get a life.

He says I’m not scary, but he’s sure afraid of my energy when I’m angry. That’s because I know how to use it. How to transform it. I’ve been sharing my story of us for years, and thanks to his B.S it is just ongoing. Why the fuck should I protect his face and name? I’ve lost all fucks given. He sure as hell doesn’t hesitate to bring my name up numerous times. Now we’re equal. Balanced so to speak. If you want to be the negative impact in my life, I will write and draw it out. It will be recorded, and become history. He chose to be immortalized as the bitch, and the douche in our story with the never ending abuse. – Pooks

“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.”- Lundy Bancroft

More Flip-Flopping Bullshit

Blogging 4- 5 days early, thanks to my schizophrenic ex! Seriously, he’s loco! Fuckin guy goes from “we’re friends” to freakin enemies in less than a day. And quite honestly, I am sick of that shit. As I’ve said before, he’s worse than a girl. Well there’s a good example with all that emo flip-flopping bullshit. He’s on his own! Fuck him.

He took the kids out of school this week because he’s having problems with the school again. This time the Catholic School. He’s freaking out over the fact that they took pictures without his consent. Well I guess the government, or O.S.S.D, needs some kind of photo identification of some sort of all students filed. But not only that, they threatened to call the police on him for not bringing the kids to school. Well… don’t do that. Don’t threaten him, because he’s a coward that will do what he does. He’ll pick up and run. In this case, take the kids out of the Catholic School, and consider homeschooling them instead. Note, this has nothing to do with the kids. Matter of fact, they were doing well in school.  It’s only because the school threatened HIM. Not the first time that happened. The last school our kids were at, they were getting suspicious of the father regarding our son’s aggressive behavior, and what did he do? He took our kids out of the school, and placed them into the Catholic School. He’s running, the moment anyone has any hint or idea of what the heck is going on, he runs.

You want to know why my son was acting up so much at that public school?? Maybe it’s because he is constantly being verbally abused by his father. He get’s called every name in the book. So of coarse he does not feel good about himself, and he takes it out on others. It’s a cycle. Yes, he needs to learn another form of release. A healthier way to cope. Although the best solution would be to take him right out of that environment, ahem, the home he is currently in. But no, let’s keep him there. And no matter how much I try to boost my son’s self-esteem, he doesn’t believe me. He says, “I don’t believe you. My Dad says I’m a prick.” Last weekend I showed him a picture of himself as a baby, and said he was adorable. That was the response I got, the one where he got called a prick by his father.

I mean, it’s not like he works. He does fuck all all day. Let alone clean his house for that matter (his kitchen is disgusting btw). London Housing did an inspection not too long ago, and warned him about the mess, and yeah, still a pig stye. He’s lazy. And he doesn’t have to do much. Get the kids to school?! That’s pretty freakin simple. All the other parents in the ghetto can do it. But no, not my ex. They’re always late, or they don’t show up at all.  Hence why the school was going to call the police. He didn’t get them into school before 1pm, let alone at all that day, and didn’t notify the school  with any reason of absence. Although sleeping in probably isn’t a good reason.

So he was thinking of home schooling, and suddenly wanted to take this big leap of trust in me out of the blue. Asking me to help educate our children when it comes to that decision. Saying I could get more access if I do. Of coarse I’m gonna be thinking wtf? He was accusing me of stealing shit, and didn’t want me on his property not too long ago. I respected that. But now suddenly he wants to supposedly “trust” me, and he’s all buddy buddy inviting me over for Thanksgiving and even invited me to sleep on the couch.I went along with it. Thinking, ya know? He probably thinks we’ll get back together, and yeah, I’m gonna disappoint him once again, because we’re not. My mind is flat out clear on that.

Anywho, this evening, I get to his place to visit the kids, and he thinks he can babble my ear off about sociology, the government, illuminati, ebola…jesus and shit etc,. No, I’m there to visit the kids, and matter of fact, they hate it when their father babbles on and on trying to take my attention from them. We did bicker a little about Jesus. Two different points of views. He’s a believer, I’m not. I don’t appreciate when someone tries to push their opinion on me, and yeah, I said ENOUGH! I’m not there to debate and argue. I’m there for the kids. But yeah, since when does he ever really think of them? Anyway, he was pretty sour for the rest of the evening.

During the whole visit, we weren’t allowed to do anything but stare at my ex’s flat screen t.v without him getting pissed off about it. I mean, even our son tried to play quietly with his toys, but no, my ex didn’t like the noise he was making. Okay Hitler! Apparently were not allowed to do shit. Our son asked if we could play outside, nope. That wasn’t allowed either. Hide N’ Seek is not allowed inside. Hide N’ Seek is not allowed outside. No tag. No running. No nothing.

He sent them up for their bath-time, and said I had to go. I was basically getting kicked out. Unusual because before he used to let me stay until the kids went to bed. Heck, last weekend, I was helping out with homework. Not this time. And I questioned his behavior, mentioned that he seemed kind of grumpy. He denied it, and I pointed out the tone of his voice and body language. He just said bye, and shut the door on my face. But sure enough, like the coward he is, he waits til I’m gone and sends a text message stating that he was ease-dropping on a conversation I had with my son. Yeah I said he was a grouch. My son mistook the word grouch for douche, and I said “yeah, his dad can be sometimes.” I was actually putting that pretty lightly considering. Anyone who knows me, him, this situation, or anyone who has been following my journey, would more than likely agree; He’s a full out douche bag.

I go through a lot of shit with that guy. A lot of unpleasant shit. Unnecessary shit. Too much shit.

I don’t care if he supposedly recorded my conversation. Good. I hope he listens to it over and over again, because it’s the truth. He’s a grouch, he’s lazy, and yeah I think he’s a douche. That’s pure honesty. I only put it lightly for our kids sake.

But whatever. He said it would be better off if we did pick ups and drop offs at Merrymount, that is if I’m still interested in the visits, they’ll be in touch. Taking those steps backwards again. Not only that, but he even texted me telling ME to not text or phone him anymore. Umm.. what?? He’s the one that’s been contacting me all week. Pointless text messages and phone calls about a printer, or a hooker harassing him, or people stealing things from his house, etc. Look at the crowd you surround yourself with! It hasn’t changed. Still addicts only interested in their next fix. Of coarse they’re going to steal from you. Ugh! Besides, I’d rather only have contact when necessary. I don’t want to hear from him during the week if it’s not an emergency regarding our children.I believe I’ve mentioned that before, but it’s not like he ever listens anyone.

So yeah, more flip flopping bullshit from my schizophrenic ex. My kids shouldn’t be in that environment with him, but they are.

One day, our kids will be old enough to make their own decision of where they want to be, and I doubt they will want to stay with him. It doesn’t really look like they enjoy it there. Especially if they are not allowed to play. Let alone have a parent put time aside to play WITH them.

Although, if things keep going the way they’re going, with the schools and whatnot, they’ll catch on soon enough. Or someone will. And he’ll lose the kids by his own doing. I’m not helping him no more. He’s on his own. If he loses the kids, he loses them. And I will fight whoever comes next for my access, wither it be C.A.S or a family placement. I have every right to see my kids. My ex is just being a power-tripping douche. Ya know? I tend to think if my ex loses our kids, so do I. But that’s not entirely true. I don’t know that. If he does lose our children, it could mean opportunity.

Thank you C.A.S, for putting my kids in such a horrible home. You gave him quite the ego boost. Freakin guy thinks he’s invisible and untouchable now.

Smh. This evening while watching t.v, he said he didn’t like selfish people that only think of themselves. I don’t think he has taken a real good look at himself within these last few years. But then again, he is probably too cowardly to do so. Heaven forbid his ego was a lie. – Pooks

“Rage — whether in reaction to social injustice, or to our leaders’ insanity, or to those who threaten or harm us — is a powerful energy that, with diligent practice, can be transformed into fierce compassion.” – Bonnie Myotai Treace

"You want to talk about religion?! Here is a symbol of your precious religion that I actually use. Unlike my ex, the supposed Jesus believer, the pathological liar." - Pooks

“You want to talk about religion?! Here is a symbol of your precious religion that I actually use. Unlike my ex, the supposed Jesus believer, the pathological liar. This blog is my sword of truth.” – Pooks

From the Arms on the Painting to Make-up on Teddy Bears

I’m trying to remember my week. Last Monday I was obviously at the New School of Colour painting. Every time I return to that painting, I see something I want to fix. I think in the last blog post I said that this piece was experimental. Not entirely true. I mean yes, the oozing eyes are Giger inspired. The Jester, James Patterson inspired. But in the image there are two arms. One with it’s hand on the jesters throat, the other placed by the head/hat. If you recall, my ex was threatening to make changes to my access awhile back. I was angry, and took that anger to display his assault onto me that happened in 2009/2010… Ahem, I was grabbed by the throat, and dragged by the hair. So, my own anger and darkness seeped into the image. It does have some personal meaning symbolically of an altercation that took place years ago. I wasn’t experiencing physical abuse at that particular time during this painting, but more psychological. So maybe it was my way to express that abuse was present, with my ex using my access with the children to threaten me with.

Even though my ex did approach me, and admitted he had trust issues, not much has changed to my access with our children. That I am grateful for. Maybe he realized I’m not the one stealing from him after-all. I don’t know. I couldn’t give a shit about his money, or whatever material items he may have. It’s all freakin junk to me. The only valuable beings in his possession that I have any interest in, are our children. Like seriously dude! You have nothing I want except the company of our children. And since I consider everything they’ve gone through, and don’t want to disrupt what they have gotten used to, they remain in his possession. I appreciate and am grateful for the time I do get with our children. So miraculously, the psychological abuse has shipped sail. For now.

Tuesday…job search. I can’t remember when I e-mail my Leads worker a job post, but I sent her one, requesting her to fax it on my behalf since I did not have access to a fax machine. I was applying to one of those stores that sell paint. I don’t know. A job like that can benefit me as an artist when it comes to mixing colours. I guess when I job search, I seek for jobs that will be beneficial for me in the long run. Mixing colours may help whatever paint shop obviously, but in the long run, if I did that regularly, that would improve my own skills as an artist. So I guess I am seeking for something that will give me an advantage in one way or another temporarily. And of coarse, I’m seeking a job that involves some interaction with people, so customer service businesses. Not by phone, I feel utterly stupid talking over the phone. So telemarketing or anything like that is out of the question. I am trying to improve my people skills, and custodial work, or becoming a dishwasher is only a step backwards. I’m looking for a place that get’s customers, but isn’t overly busy. Hence, my anxiety with crowds. Baby steps.

On Wednesday I had dinner over at a friends house, an early Thanksgiving meal…or I should say FEAST! My Ducky Doo made an excellent chef, Hostess and Waitress. I mean she did everything, and was prepping the day before. Her hard work definitely paid off, it was delicious. Especially the puff pastry, because I just absolutely love that stuff. Her boyfriend was there (obviously they live together), and Kim. So it was just us four, but it was nice. We caught up, and had dinner while watching the tube. Southpark was hilarious! Ya! Ya! Ya! But yeah, well done Ducky Doo! that was our first Thanksgiving get together and it was a success. We normally do a Christmas Gathering, but that will be next.

Thursday was my Leads appointment, which will be every Thursday for the next few months. Soon I will be starting the exercise booklets again. Try to strengthen my weaknesses so to speak. This time I was 10-15 minutes late. Doh! I said I missed the bus. Honestly, I just woke up probably an hour before my appointment. So yeah, it was quite the rush to get ready, and what not. Normally I like to take my time when getting ready. It can take me an hour or two normally. But not that day. I skipped the shower, put my hair up, got dressed, and got my ass to a bus stop. Very last minute, very rushed. Probably only had one coffee. It normally takes 3 coffees until I snap out of it, and feel fully functional. So yeah, you can imagine. One of those “There, but not there” kind of days.

Friday, I spend the day cleaning up the house getting it ready for my guests of honour, muh babies!

Oh yeah, I had a friend get on my ass about not visiting my friend with cancer for awhile. I’m sorry but I tend to pry myself away from clingy people. Ya know? She wanted me there everyday, practically. And not only that, but when I did visit her, it was like we were just sitting there waiting to die. I could be doing more productive things with that time. And sitting around like I’m dying myself, no, not so good on my mental health. Let alone physical. I mean depression can effect you physically after awhile, and as soon as I saw these 2 lumps forming under my nose, that weren’t zits, they were more like cysts the size of peas, painful, but filled with water and blood. They went away, as soon as I got myself away from that negative environment. Not only that, but I felt like she was trying to take advantage of me. Make me out to be her own personal nurse. If I wanted to be a nurse, I would have gone to school to be a nurse. I already had a disabled schizophrenic take advantage of me years ago, that shits not happening again. If she wants to live the rest of her life miserable, than yeah, the friend I knew is already dead. That’s not how I want to spend my life living. I want to live it laughing, and hopefully I’ll die laughing. I don’t even think it’s the cancer, it’s the ostomy bag that she has to live with the rest of her life that gets her down. The physicality of it. Anyway, it may seem insensitive. But there is only so much negativity I can take in, and no, I don’t want to be around it everyday. So for my own health, I get myself away from depressing, negative environments.

Saturday, my ex dropped them off at my house, since I have been doing the picking up and dropping off for the last couple of weeks. As soon as they got here, we left back to the store, parted ways with my ex, returned home, and back to the store! Going in circles. Haha! The first time, smokes. The second time, bus tickets. Anywho, I took our children out for dinner, and they chose McDonalds. We were there for quite a bit, the sun was setting when we left. When we returned to my place, my son got some time on the computer, my daughter and I put make-up on her teddy bears, and drew pictures. They weren’t feeling sleepy as the night went on. So to burn off some of that energy, we went outside and raced eachother up and down the street a few times. But then we watched Monsters University, which turned out to be too bright and colourful for quiet times. Haha! So I put on classical music, played some Bach, like I normally do, and they were out like lights.

Sunday, I got invited over to my ex’s for Thanksgiving Dinner. It was good. I mean, nothing compared to what Ducky served Wednesday, but still good. Anywho, I got to play Injustice, Gods Among Us on the XBox. We kinda had a family tournament. That was fun. When it comes to games, that was one I actually wanted to check out. Ahem, Harley Quinn & Joker fan right here!

Monday, since I slept on the couch at my ex’s, I was woken up my a little wet kiss on the forehead, given to me by my daughter. She was the first one up. Our son woke up a little later, and I let my ex sleep in since he was up much later than I was. Our daughter had woken up late at night, and he was up with her. There was no Hide N’ Seek this weekend, plus it isn’t allowed in my ex’s house. It was too wet and rainy to play it outdoors. So we spent the day indoors. Video-games, colouring, Tickle Monster…are just a few of the things that took place. Later in the evening I got to help muh babies with their homework, and practice reading. It makes me so proud to hear and see how well they are doing. I can’t remember what time our kids went to bed. But I stayed to have a couple coffees, and left at 2am. Since I was walking, I got home around 4am. Believe me, by the time I got back home, I was exhausted.

Tuesday, sleep…I was comatose, and was just catching up on the Sons of Anarchy shows I missed. Oh yeah, and I watched and episode of The Voice. Gwen Stefani is a judge! I’m rooting her on, although Pharrel has an advantage of being a music producer, and him and Alicia Keys…when they team up as coaches, wow. They get some amazing results.

Today, Wednesday, I am writing this! Not too much else going on. Although since there was no New School of Colour this week, I may have to visit a friend to get my semi New School of Colour fix. Those peeps are addictive. Haha! Miss em! Love em! And I’ll see them all next Monday, if not sooner.

Leads tomorrow. Visit with my kids this Friday…and the yeah, the circle repeats itself. That reminds me, it sounds like I’ll be out Trick or Treating this year with my children. That will be awesome. I can’t really afford a new costume this month, so I’ll just reuse one of the ones I already have. I have a choice, Do I want to be the Queen of Hearts? A Jester? or a First-Class Flight Attendant for Halloween? Decisions…decisions…- Pooks

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” – Audrey Hepburn

Where the Fabulous Thoughts Go

Just got back from my lovely stroll downtown and back. I had to pay my internet provider, otherwise my internet would have been cut off, and where would all these fabulous thoughts go? So yeah, that’s taken care of.

Umm… it’s been an interesting week. Not sure where to begin. So I’ll just bounce all over the place within this head of mine with whatever I can recall.

I met another neighbor of mine, that actually lives across the street…kinda. Anyway, it was over the weekend. My daughter and I were out on the front step, and she called us over. I guess she recognized me from years ago, back when I used to live on Limberlost Road. Anyway, she said my face was familiar, that she seen me at the Limberlost Chaplaincy for a mother’s program they had there. Yup, that was more than likely me, because I used to live in that complex, but I wasn’t very social then.  Anywho, fast forward, she offered my daughter a pink bike that was left in her yard. It needs some fixing up. A new tire tube, bike chain, handles, and the breaks could use some work. But yeah, that was very kind. Something to be grateful for, a gift. Even if it needs to be fixed up, it’s the thought that counts.

I had a good weekend with my kids. Normally we watch a movie with dinner, but it didn’t quite work out that way this weekend. That’s okay. And since the weather cooled down a bit, we stayed indoors. At least until I had returned them home. Normally my ex would pick up the kids, but he needed more time to get things done, so I was invited over for dinner. During that evening, I got to help our children out with their homework, which was to practice reading. That was fun. Their reward for completing their homework was to play Hide N’ Seek/ Tag with Mama until dinner was ready. You know your good at Hide N’ Seek/ Tag when your kids are asking you, “Mom, how are you teleporting?” Haha! Like a ninja! 😉 Anywho, my ex appreciated the extra help on a Sunday, and said that may become more of a regular thing, when it comes to helping our children out with their homework. So yaaay to that. More to be grateful for!

Umm… Glad my son enjoys my cooking when we do the sleepover visits. He said that he hopes to cook like me when he grows up. Aww… That’s awesome. Complimenting the chef. I told him he’ll learn, he has to, it’s all part of survival. So far, during the weekend visits, my kitchen help is my daughter. Sometimes she helps with Kraft Dinner, but she is the official juice maker. She’s quite proud of it too. Maybe I could try to ween my son into the kitchen as well, include him when it comes to making our meals. He might like the responsibility of a task, might not. Hard to say. It would get him away from the damn computer for a little while. Yes, it’s quite the battle, Mama v.s Video-games. Not an easy battle. Unless we’re outdoors, then there is no if, ands, or buts about it. Mama wins! Take that video-games! Haha!

During the week, I volunteered at The Arts Project for an event called “Blast”. It was the first time The Arts Project made an attempt with an event like that. So it was a small turn out, but the people that did attend seemed to have enjoyed themselves. For future reference, if you hear that Blast is happening at The Arts Project, it actually means; ARTISTS UNITE!!! It is an event meant to bring artists together so that they can network, and create together. So keep your eyes peeled. They will probably do it again in the near future.

Oh, somebody cut down my forest of a backyard. Whoever did so, thank you! I do have an electric grass trimmer, and a reel mower, both were no match for what I had growing in my backyard. Haha! So yes, huge thanks to whomever did that.

I tweeted my progress of the oil painting I’m working on at the New School of Colour. It’s not done yet. I keep going back to it, and touching it up. The Jester with the oozing eyes. Anyway, one of my followers on Twitter’s interpretation of it, what they got from viewing it so far was rather interesting. They said; ” I always find it so sad when people think they are fools,they never are! The real fools don’t know about it!” I guess hearing a viewers perspective of what I create is astounding, the message they perceive, and sometimes it’s even more interesting than my own original intention. This piece is experimental to be honest. Just trying to make it clear who inspires me with the oozing eyes, H.R Giger. As for the Jester thing, I think it’s obvious. I love Jesters. Heck, even my favorite book is entitled; “The Jester”.  They’re just so fun, playful and carefree. Their gift to others is laughter. That is beautiful.

The canvas’ I work on are gradually getting bigger. Our Fearless Leader at the New School of Colour said he’s going to get me a slightly larger canvas to work on for the next project I do. So yeah, moving on up!…To a slightly larger scale. More blank space to fill, which is fine by me because I find as I work with the oil paints it’s like I need more room to cover…if that makes any sense. So that the images I create aren’t so confined I guess.

Anywho, what else?…Oh! As I was out walking this evening, I had my headphones on, listening to my tunes and uhh.. There was a woman walking behind me with heels. “Clop- clop- clop!” Seriously, If I can hear your heels over my tunes?! “Clop clop clop!” AAAAHHH!! I want to clop you on the side of the head! But then that got me thinking, I wear heels from time to time myself, I wonder if anyone gets annoyed of me walking behind them. It’s such a silly thing to get annoyed over, you can’t help but laugh at it. “Clop clop clop!”  So yeah, that was something silly I was pondering about during my walk.

I think this week has been fairly positive for the most part. I’m trying hard to focus on things I’m grateful for, that is a natural way to battle depression.

Another thing to be grateful for! I’ve been invited to have a Thanksgiving Dinner with friends tomorrow evening. That’s going to be awesome sauce! Not only because of my Ducky-Doo’s fabulous puff pastry, but yeah, I’ll be surrounded with good company. Friends that are there to help me out, as they have shown not too long ago, when I was hurting for coffee.

Thanksgiving, no I don’t support the history, the rape, and genocide of it. But the reminder of the practice of gratitude, surrounding yourself with people that love and support you, sure, I’ll celebrate that. Let’s call it Gratitude Day instead, fuck Christopher Columbus!It can be a day to appreciate each-other. About love. Not rape, murder, and slavery of the Aniishinabe people. I was so disgusted when I read the truth in sociology at University. So different to what your taught in school within the earlier years of education. Christopher Columbus is not a heroic pioneer, he is a historic douchebag. But I guess history loves douchbags. Ahem, Hitler! And look at Canada, I mean China, no I mean Chinada’s Prime Minister today. Douchbag! Why can’t worthy people make history? It’s always the douchebags. They are so not worth remembering, their actions are disgusting. But enough about the douchebags with money that make history by fucking shit up. Just a bunch of fuck ups. Yeah let’s remember that. Let’s record that. RUHHH!!! I’m ranting. Enough about that. Enough. Enough. Enough!

Gratitude…gratitude…focus! I should probably end this post. But yeah, thank you for reading. YESSS! Still got it. Gratitude prevails! Haha! – Pooks

“Those who have the ability to be grateful are the ones who have the ability to achieve greatness.”- Steve Maraboli

Embedded in your System

poverty2

Click to enlarge

I started this blog post with that image of a conversation of ignorance that took place on Twitter not too long ago. It was regarding poverty. This wannabe actor said this rude shit stating that it’s the first of the month, and telling people on welfare to go buy booze and cigarettes, instead of watching over their children. Not everyone on welfare is like that, but that is what continues to be presumed.

He ended our conversation with “If you abuse the system, I don’t have to show anything.” That was after I mentioned that my sensitivity towards that particular issue is EMPATHY.

“Abuse the system”. Ha! More people should abuse it. The fuckin system is abusive toward the people anyways by exploiting, and having people work like mules just to make ends meet. While their elites live off the work of the people doing fuck all. Okay, not fuck all. They are destroying the environment, poisoning our food, and intend to kill nine tenths of the worlds people so they can selfishly have any remaining natural resources all to themselves.

Now what’s funny is that these presumptions directed at the poor, such as they are presumed to be lazy, is actually a trait of your dear capitalists. But since we teach these presumptions early on to our children in schools to look the other way, and shame the poor instead. Shame the East. Shame the homeless and starving people. Label them all as addicts, and alcoholics when that is not entirely the case. It’s not just the schools. As I’ve mentioned before, other organizations teach the same behavior, to ridicule the less fortunate. It’s been embedded in your system to shame proletarians like yourself, and those less fortunate.

It surprises me when I stumble upon this kind of ignorance. That more people don’t notice that. But I guess your trained to think that fundraising and charities make you empathetic. Wrong! How much of that money actually goes to the cause?! I bet more of it goes to your capitalists than you realize.

I’ve been going to a soup kitchen since 2011, and I see more empathy displayed there than at any event. Events are all these people looking for gold stars, a pat on the back, and picture snapped of themselves displaying their staged good behavior.

At this soup kitchen, most people are volunteers taking time out of their day to serve coffee and dinner to those less fortunate. Not all the people that go there for these meals are homeless, some people are people like yourselves struggling to make ends meet. Maybe they can pay the bills, but fall short on groceries. They could be working minimum wage, or on welfare. Trying to stretch $200 or less throughout the month, yeah good luck with that.

Yes, when it comes to welfare, there are some addicts, and alcoholics. But look at the situation. It is depressing. I surprise myself that I myself have not turned to substance abuse sometimes. Yeah I smoke cigarettes, and drink a shit load of coffee. But still. I battle with depression and anxiety constantly. If you haven’t noticed, more and more people are. I mean, I see suicide mentioned on my Facebook timeline more than usual. It’s serious. Not something to joke or poke fun at.

I refuse to be put on prescription drugs because I believe that I learn and evolve through each wave of depression. I guess that is a positive way of looking at it. Not to mention that I have to consistently tell myself that whatever I’m feeling is only temporary. I will get through it…and it will come back, and I will get through it again.  If I was all jacked up on pills, I’d be stagnant, numb, and not as consciously aware. I wouldn’t be learning, nor evolving. I prefer to be aware of my surroundings, hence my anxiety, hence my love for coffee.

Anyway, empathy. I find a lot of people like to fake it. But as I said before, at this soup kitchen I go to, it is a non-profit organization. Non-profit organizations is a good place to start if you really want to know the definition of empathy. They are selfless, and entirely there for the peoples sake and needs.

Onto other things in my life….such as walking on the sidewalk and getting plowed onto the street by a woman in a black SUV. Thank my lucky stars that didn’t kill me, being pushed into traffic like that. That kind of shocked me that someone would do that. I mean, I was lucky to have caught my balance, otherwise I could have fallen and been crushed. So to all you peeps that drive in cars, just because you’re in a car, doesn’t mean that it is a part of you and that you can go pushing pedestrians out of your way. You are not Optimus Prime! Slow the fuck down, you’ll get to where your fuckin going. People die because you’re in such a rush.

One of my paintings that were hanging on the wall at The Ark got sold! That’s awesome. So thank you to whomever bought it, I am glad that painting is now in a safe home. As I said before, my work is safer with others, than it is with myself. I create art, but I can also destroy it. I am my own worst enemy sometimes. Anyway, yeah, pleased to hear one of my more positive pieces sold. A chunk of the proceeds went back to The Ark. So yeah, you helped me give back to them in a way by purchasing it.

What else?  On Friday my ex pulled me aside and admitted he was having trust issues. Thank you for your honesty, I can respect that and give you your needed space. I don’t enter his home unless invited. I’m like a vampire that way. He thinks I stole from him. That’s just silly. That would be like stealing from my kids. No bueno. He may have done that to me years ago when things were vise-versa, but I’m not like that. I’m pretty resourceful, I don’t need to be stealing from my children’s father. So yeah, whatever. Sort out your own issues. I’m just gonna do my own thing. Moving on.

I went to my registration appointment at Leads Employment Services. My worker seems nice. She looks forward to working with me. I think it will go well. Maybe even pick up where I left off when it comes to their programs and exercises. I e-mailed her ahead of time before my appointment because I thought I was going to be late. Turns out, I was just late by 2 minutes. Haha! Not as late as I thought.

I got more hours booked to volunteer at The Arts Project. I will have to notify my OW worker, and Leads worker so that they can track my hours.

Not too much else to speak of, on my own time I’m reading, watching cartoons, job searching, and drinking coffee. Sure there may be more businesses opening, but at the same rate, there are businesses closing. I am still kinda pessimistic when it comes to job searching, but whatever, try anyway. Written by yours truly, the artist on WELFARE! Hope you enjoyed. – Pooks

“When dealing with critics always remember this: Critics judge things based on what is outside of their content of understanding.” – Shannon L. Alder