Lifted Spirit

Alrighty. Blog day!! 🙂

If you follow me on other social networks, you may have noticed that I am very chipper, “uppity”, today. I don’t even know why. I’m just filled with this unexplainable happiness. I’m optimistic. And the more I see how active activists are, especially today, it just adds to my joy. My hope.

Yes the issues taking place around the world aren’t exactly things to be happy about, but it’s the action, and the voices, and writing of the people that lift my spirits. It just feels like it’s going full force today, and I want to commend that. So to the people, the “activists” that are fighting for change, I love you, and I love what you are doing.

Idle No More, fighting for the environment for all people. Battling against oil, fracking, Capitalism, human rights for the Aniishanabe people… fighting for our following generations so that their land and water isn’t poisoned more than it already is.

Ferguson, for battling against racism and police brutality. As well as the people that held vigils, protests and rallies for Michael, Trayvon, and similar incidents. We are all one. The fact that people of colour are targets, think of Palestine, the Middle East countries that are often targeted, think of the Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, think of Furguson, Trayvon, and many coloured lives taken by our authority figures without hesitation, such as Dudley George. Think of genocide, targets are the people of colour. Modern society is a white supremacist organization. It’s time to let go of old customs, past beliefs, and live in harmony as one. Ideally one of Canada’s supposed values is diversity. It’s time to live up to it, and accept and love each-other, rather than finding petty reasons to divide ourselves from one another. So thanks to those that are fighting for that change, and that justice. Colour is not a crime. We are all beautiful, and all deserve to be treated with respect.

Occupy and Anonymous, for fighting the battle of the “classes.” Against the 1%, the bourgeoisie, or Capitalists. Fighting against Wall Street, and Federal Reserve Banks.  No one is more privileged than the other.  The monetary fascist system is bullshit. Fuck money, fuck oil. We have the resources, we are capable of creating a world that doesn’t rely on such things that are so destructive to ourselves and our environment. I think we are a smart enough species to evolve past the “rules and regulations” of the 1%. Why we still follow their lead, I have no idea. It’s time to defy, and change.

I am happy to see the International Indigenous Unity Flag at more and more public events. I support the artist that created the flag, Michael Sher, and the whole purpose of it is to encourage unity.  I actually own an International Indigenous Unity Flag, and it hangs in my window. The only difference, I got the artist to sign mine. So yes, I am very proud to have it, and I love what it stands for. The medicine wheel is such a powerful symbol and it holds so much meaning within it. But the most apparent is that we are all one.

I am happy to see more unity when it comes to  the grass-root movements. I am starting to see Occupy, Idle No More, and Anonymous emerge into one, and that is amazing. More and more people are starting to see that whatever issue of oppression we are opposing are all connected. We are stronger together. So I hope this momentum keeps up. We need each-other if we want our visions to become a reality.

I read in the news today about guerrilla tree planters randomly planting more trees in public places. Kudo’s to you! I love trees! We need more. I am happy to see that there are people that recognize the importance of trees. Not only can they supply food, but they also provide our oxygen. We tend to take them for granted.

Also when I see more people attempting to follow Food Not Bombs lead, especially after that incident in Florida  with the Elderly man who fed the poor healthy vegan food and got arrested for it for a number of occasions.  Thank his persistence. I admire that. I hope to see more people as empathetic and compassionate as he is when it comes to the homeless and those in need. Kudo’s to that man, and Food Not Bombs, and the students at Western University who held a Food Not Bombs outside of the UCC to feed their fellow students who are struggling in debt. I see feeding the hungry as noble, not a crime. Food is a right, not a privilege.

Not only that, but there is something that takes place when a meal is public, there is a stronger sense of community. It is more enjoyable to share food and interact with others, than it is being cooped up by yourselves, don’t you think? There’s that sense of unity again. I don’t think that is something that should be condemned, but encouraged. So yeah, fuck the police! Haha!

Newho, I just wanted to thank you all, commend you, and express my immense gratitude. You have the power, you are the change. Believe it! Keep it up. You are all making a difference. – Pooks

“Without deviation, progress is not possible.”

– Frank Zappa

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I’ll Get Through It

To be honest, I wasn’t even going to bother blogging today since I had already ranted over recent bullshit over on FB. Which I normally try not to do, but yeah, I guess I am getting pretty fed up with shit.

On Facebook, I noticed I had received an inbox message on Halloween. From an old friends daughter. Facebook only let me see the how the message began, and blocked the rest, apparently whatever she had sent in those two messages together was considered too abusive. Although it did let me see part of the first sentence, where she said “I’m glad you deleted me, I don’t want a selfish bitch on…” And the rest of the message cannot be accessed. But yeah. “Selfish bitch” was all I needed to see.

All these people that accuse me of being selfish are normally being selfish in one way or another themselves. I mean this person that sent this is an adult, but still lives with her mother, living off her mothers disability.

Her and her mother are just freakin anal because I refuse to be around this other woman with cancer 24/7. I mean, if her own family cannot be there, why isn’t she in a home or hospital? And why is it that these two twits think that it is my responsibility to take care of her? I got my own kids to take care of. They are my top priority. Anyone that so much as tries to be that priority above my kids are freakin nuts! So yeah, I haven’t visited this woman with cancer for months. I did say it wasn’t good for my mental health. I mean it was like sitting there with her waiting to die. Well..I’m not dying. At least not yet. And my kids don’t need a depressed mom acting like she’s dying along side with someone when she’s not.  I got enough things on my plate, that I struggle with depression and anxiety over. I am not mentally fit to take on a cancer patient. Especially one that acts as if she’s already given up the fight.

So if that makes me selfish. That I would rather be in a better state of mental health and environment for my kids sake. Then fine. so be it, I’m fuckin selfish.

Not like this person would understand the mentality and priorities of a parent. She’s gonna forever be the child living in her mothers basement, all bitter because she chose to be a slave waiting on her obese mother hand and food, while her sisters are out there somewhere living an actual life. Not my problem.

Waaah! I deleted her off my Facebook. Well maybe that’s because her MOTHER kept getting on my ass about this woman with cancer. Like I’m the one that’s supposed to be taking care of her or something. That is a lot to put on me. Not that I already have enough as is. If it’s such a big deal, and they want to make a big deal over it, maybe they should make more of an effort to be there for the woman with cancer. I mean this girls mother and the cancer patient are best-friends. More so than I and the cancer patient. There was a good 5-6 year gap between this woman with cancer and I, and it’s like this woman doesn’t even know who the fuck I am anymore. She thinks I’m social, that I should take nursing so I can take care of her. She treats me like a dumb air-head that just gets into trouble. Umm… no. I don’t socialize very much, I trust very few, and I’m a hermit. No I don’t want to be around the same person ( or people) everyday. I cannot stand clingy people. I cannot stand repetition. I will get myself the fuck away from people like that. I value my space. Not to mention, I’ve never in my life wanted to be a nurse. That’s my cousin. Not me. I am the artist and writer. Both consist with a lot of alone time that requires reflection.

Now the other thing that got me riled up was receiving text messages from my ex, even though he was the one that didn’t want contact via phone calls or text messages. but of coarse he cannot abide by rules, let alone his own, so what does he do?? He texts me trying to invite himself over to my place. Using any excuse he can think of. He’s saying my place is a health hazard, and he was basically trying to invite himself over to clean up. This is coming from someone that can’t even keep his own house clean. Fuck man! Look whose talking!! He was threatening to get my place inspected, but yeah. I can easily turn that around on him as well. He is a fuckin lazy slob. So he shouldn’t talk.

Anyway, he basically shut up after I told him to stop sending me text messages, that that was harassment. Ya know? He asked me not to contact him, wish granted. He just clearly cannot leave me the fuck alone, obviously. That is too difficult of a task apparently. He just has to harass me in one form or another. Fuckin guy has some serious mental issues. But whatever, he is the “ideal” parent.

He shouldn’t be contacting me anyways. That is why Merrymount, a third-party, is involved again in the first place. So that we aren’t communicating because it is obviously not healthy nor safe. He’s psychotic. Communicating with him is freakin impossible. Nor is his behavior acceptable in front of our kids when he gets like this. Not to mention that returning to Merrymount was his idea in the first place. I just went along with it because it the end, it benefits me as well, less bullshit from my ex with a third party involved.

So yeah, I’ve been rather distraught lately. Last-night, today… at least until I got myself out and visited some friends who ranted with me, allowing me to get it all out of my system, then onto sharing some laughs. I can always count on them to turn a shitty day around. I look forward to our Christmas get-together, it sounds like it will be a FEAST! I am grateful for them. They look out for me, even when I think no one is really paying attention. I am reassured that they are. They’re awesome that way.

I am sick of people, referring to an old friends daughter,  that don’t even really know me, accusing me of being selfish. They don’t know my life, nor the road I’ve been down, so shut the fuck up. They got no right to say shit.

The funny thing is, these two women pressuring the responsibility of the care for their sick dying friend on me, their neighbor is my Dad. I’m pretty sure he’d agree that this woman isn’t my responsibility. So back off and fuck off!

As for my ex, not surprised I’m getting harassed by him. That’s what abusers do. I’m just glad that I have friends that are there for me, and that I’m not going through this alone. I’m sure that’s what my ex is hoping for, but nope. I got a lot of support out there.

I warned him. Every thing he so much as tries to do will be published here publicly. Did I not? But nope, he continues to be the ass that he is, giving me more and more to write about. Bravo! You make yourself look like a jack-ass, not I. I just write about how he treats me, and a lot of the time, that is like shit. I sure as hell don’t deserve that. But in his twisted demented mind, he seems to think I do.

So yeah, drama and bullshit. I despise both. Not a very good couple of days.

Although Monday is always awesome.  At least at the New School of Colour I get compliments and positive feedback. Unlike what I get from my ex, or what people that don’t even know me (that only hung out with me once) say. Geez! They’re just flat out abusive. They just criticize my every move, and name call. The New School of Colour has been nothing but healing the on-going damage.

I didn’t paint as much as I would have liked to, just kinda going over the same shapes as I did the week before. And next week I’ll probably do the same.

I believe I mentioned a pet peeve of mine is when people start a conversation with the question; “What’s your nationality?” It’s happened twice this week. Once at the convenient store, another time at The Ark. I don’t think white people run into this often, but I do. That’s like the first question people ask me. Why the fuck does it matter? And if it’s a coloured person asking, then it’s like they are trying to categorize what kind of brown I am, and if they are “better” or “worse”. It’s really stupid, and it shouldn’t matter. Why is the colour of my skin got to be such a big fuckin deal? I was born this way. Just as you were born with what you were born with. Who gives a fuckin shit?!

I never used to find that question offensive, not until recently when I realized just how often I get asked that damn question. Way too much, it’s getting annoying. I don’t think that’s how people normally start conversations. And to be honest, it’s kinda rude! You look like a human being, I look like a human being. Lets just leave it at that!

It’s been a bit of a rough week emotionally. Rough month financially… I kind of just want this month to be over. But I’ll get through it.

Once again I had to change my phone number, I don’t want anymore harassing text messages from my ex. Right now, we are working with Merrymount, and if he’s got something to say to me, he can say it through them. Enough is enough with his bullshit. – Pooks

“You got to insist on your success, resist every obstacle and persist in times of difficulty and you will get there.”- Israelmore Ayivor

Turmoils Locked Gate & the Invisible Path

So once again, I had chickened out with a job interview. I had gotten bombarded by the evil critic in my head. As I was getting ready for the interview, I just got really anxious. I felt under pressure to be something I am not. I tried to trick myself into thinking of it as dressing up for Halloween. But the negative thoughts won, and I ended up not even going. I had canceled my Leads appointment for this interview, and yeah, didn’t make it to the damn interview. Ugh! Fuck up.

I spoke to a friend about it, and yeah, perhaps it’s a lack of confidence.

As I was going through my clothes, changing my mind over and over on what to wear. Will it be good enough? Does this fit their standards of being fashionable? Does this make me stand out, or blend in? To criticizing my hair. I have really thick hair, and it’s very time consuming to tame. So I was worried it would get frizzy on me by the time I get there. Should I wear a pony tail? a bun? Or try something different? But the most negative thought that did me in was over the colour of my skin. As soon as they see that your brown, they’re gonna reject you.

Anyway, I felt like I was feeling all this unnecessary stress over self-image. I’m usually not that hard on myself when it comes to my personal appearance. Do all women have to go the extra mile when getting ready for an interview? Why?  It’s like we can’t be concerned whether we look professional enough, it’s whether or not we are “pretty” enough. Maybe interviews should be done blind-folded. The employer should be blind folded, because let’s face it, looks don’t determine wither or not you can do the job. That’s a stupid rule to judge by. I understand depending on the business, they don’t want see a slob. But the amount of pressure that is put on a woman is freakin ridiculous. Do you want a worker? Or a mannequin? Or maybe even a blow up doll? Maybe you want freakin Barbie and her unrealistic proportions! Got to wonder sometimes.

So yeah, thanks for the unnecessary stress. I was even picking my hang nails until my fingers were bleeding. Yeah, ouch! But that’s what anxiety does to me, it makes me pick myself apart.

It does bum me out that at the last minute, I was overwhelmed with this feeling of incompetence and self-doubt. But maybe my flaws are what keeps me humble. I mean, this society wants you to be kinda arrogant, and competitive. Well… I’m not the competitive type. Honestly, it’s one of those things that annoy me. I prefer to do my own thing, and I’m not interested in competing or comparing myself to others.

As I was getting ready, that’s exactly what I was doing!! That is so not like me at all!! Comparison? Thinking such things as; “They will choose a white girl over me.” What the fuck?!! I don’t think I’m good enough, and my nationality is part of that reason. I should be proud of what I am, but my race is often ridiculed, and shamed in this fuckin world!! Do you not see the affects of your damn racism?!

No, I’m not the most confident person. I am still scarred with a shit load of emotional and verbal abuse in my life time. Shit that comes back, and bites me in the ass in the present. Probably why my internal dialog can be such a verbal abusive bitch, which is destructive to myself, and holds me back a lot of the time when it comes to opportunities. Abuse helped mold that critic in my head, which tries to convince me that all the criticism I’ve endured is true. I’m incapable, a low life, a bum, a fuck up. You’re just pretty. Your sister is gorgeous. Nothing compared to her. So on and so forth.  No wonder I don’t feel good enough. Some of this shit in my head goes back to my childhood. It really makes it hard to believe in myself, ever. Just when I think I leave that shit behind, it finds ways to haunt me. It all comes back at the worst times, times of opportunity.

Anyway, since I felt so stressed over my image for this one interview, perhaps that job isn’t worth it. Another interview will come along, and hopefully I won’t be so hard on myself.

Morgue, the shock artist from the Venice Beach Freakshow, posted a status recently that made me think. I was recently advised to “be myself” by a friend, but perhaps I need to be so much more. Be Pooks, and what I envision Pooks to be. I need to “become”.

Anyway, Morgue’s FB status:

“Don’t be yourself, become yourself. They are not the same thing. Don’t settle for what you are, don’t become complacent. Always strive to improve, overcome and become the best version of yourself that you can be.

I am seeing a lot of people using “be yourself” as an excuse for laziness. Of course, never impose the standards of a failed society on yourself, but do not use it as an excuse to not improve. Don’t stand still, always move forward.

Don’t give a fuck what unintelligent, close minded people think of you and always strive to become a better version of yourself.” – Morgue

A nice friendly reminder. Just as Dali said he was becoming more Dali. My mission is to become more Pooks. Thank you Morgue. I needed that. To me, Pooks is greatness. An unstoppable creative force in this world. And believe me, it’s been quite the journey since the day I first signed my art with this alias name “Pooks”. It’s taken on a journey of it’s own that I don’t really have control over, I just create the art and write. Even though I try to live the mandatory “normal” life that is expected of me, the blue collar (if even) slavery.  I am currently trying to leap into the pink collar world. The road I need to be on for Pooks is elsewhere, matter of fact, it’s invisible. Not that it doesn’t exist, the road is there through what I create and where that takes me. There is no fuckin collar. I ain’t no fuckin dog! Haha!

Pooks is my creative outlet, expression, given a name, face, and persona. The art piece, that not only creates art, but is the art. Very few can accomplish that, Marilyn Manson, David Bowie, … just a couple examples. I hope to do the same.

So maybe for next time, when another interview comes around, I just need to remind myself, “I am Pooks.” To me, that is pretty extraordinary.  – Pooks

“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”- Louise L. Hay

Slug without the Goo

I’ve been kinda procrastinating on blogging today. I don’t know why. It’s just one of those days where I think I don’t have anything to write. But as usual, type it out anyways.

Umm… I can’t really say I’ve been up to too much lately. I mean, last week I have been calling Merrymount over and over, until I got that all sorted out regarding my visits with my children. Turns out my ex has finally contacted them, and I have a visit arranged for this weekend. Pick up and drop offs at Merrymount, thank goodness!

It did kinda piss me off when my ex made that remark; “they will be in touch,  if your still interested in your visits.” As I said before, I’ve always been interested in my visits with my kids. It’s HIM and his nonsense that I am not interested in.

Anyway, I didn’t book any days to be a floater at The Arts Project this month. I kinda wanted to focus on my personal issue here, and get my visits back in order. Not only that. But also put more time and energy into my job searching. I missed 2 more opportunities for interviews last week. My priority was focus on getting my visits back, and until I got that back in order, then I’d be okay to move forward with interviews. Not only that, but one interview was scheduled on November 5th, and I think being a part of the Million Mask March was more important. Even though the media disregards the cause, the voices of the people and the message we were trying to convey, and only focusing on “vandalism” (washable marker and chalk). Never listen to the media, they twist shit around. Reporters are puppets of the monetary fascist system, and only tell you what the elitists pay them to tell you, lies. I think you’re better off listening to your fellow people, the ones that actually live it.

Speaking of media, I’ve noticed that the media is focusing a lot lately on the negatives of EOA, East of Adelaide neighborhood. Suddenly they are focusing on stabbings, and fires, and where do they take place? EOA. I’m positive this shit happens in other parts of the city as well, even in the fancy suburbs, but it just goes unreported. Back to giving EOA a bad rep, inducing fear, even though the Old East Village was nominated and won as one of the Great Places in Canada. Congrats by the way! That neighborhood saved and changed my life. I couldn’t be more grateful for the Old East Village, the Ark Aid Street Mission, and Jeremy Jeresky for creating the New School of Colour. I love that community, my home away from home. It’s a place that accepts me, and that is hard to find in our society, believe me. Even though, my views on things are different from their own, I appreciate that a staff member at The Ark had said I was “exceptional”. That meant a lot. I’m accepted, even though it’s obvious, I’m not “normal”.

Anyways, I kinda got side tracked speaking of the media. But back to other things, such as my week. and job searching. I am a bit nervous. I scored another job interview for tomorrow, and I’m thinking about cancelling my Leads appointment to go to it. I could use the money after my crazy Halloween. I need to feed my kids during our visits, and there’s this camera I want on kijiji. It’s just like the one I had, until sand jammed the lens. Anyway, I’ve been designated as the New School of Colour’s photographer to document the programs activity. So an actual camera would come in handy rather than using my cellphone which images tend to blur sometimes. It’s funny, and I can laugh at it. But I know I can do better when it comes to photography. My ex sold me a camera a month or two ago, and it’s crap. Supposedly the wire was to charge it, but it didn’t, and the battery has no charger. So it’s dead, and that was a waste of money. Doubt I’ll find a charger for the battery it takes in any pawn shop. Ugh! Never again will I get something from such an unreliable source.

Anyway, since Christmas is around the corner, I don’t want to be empty handed. Even though my friends and family are pretty good, and understanding. My presence means more than presents. I’m grateful for that, but it would be nice to be able to give something. I could create art as gifts, but for my children, it would be nice to give them something they actually want. Although my son rarely plays with his toys, it’s becoming more of a collection thing.

I’ll say it again, I am nervous about this interview. Just job interviews period. Perhaps it’s the idea of sitting there, knowing that the other person is sitting there judging me. It’s very uncomfortable. And I cannot stand being put on the spot like that. I’m not really used to talking about myself, so it gets kinda awkward when people insist that I do. I’m always the listener, the observer. But whatever, go, give it a shot. If it goes well, great! If it doesn’t, at least ask on what improvements can be made during an interview so I can succeed in whatever interview comes next.

I normally don’t get this far. Actually attending the interviews. I can book interviews no problem, but attending them? I’d chicken out. Just think about my kids, go for their sake. If I want these visits, I need to go.

Maybe if my art sells in St. Thomas, I can buy myself a camera with that.

I should probably seriously consider getting funding for clothes from Ontario Works. My worker did say I was eligible for that. If I get this job, I will need to dress more to their standards, because majority of my wardrobe is tom-boyish. Baggy jeans, big sweaters, loose t-shirts, hats and tuques. Haha! I’ll need to dress like a fashionable “feminine” sales associate.  So yeah, I should probably take advantage of that while I can.

Another thing, it’s starting to get cold out. I just want to shrivel up like a snail or slug without the goo. So motivating myself to step out into the cold becomes a challenge. I want to stay where it’s warm. Not stand out in the cold waiting around at bus stops. Another struggle I will have to overcome. Embrace the cold. Embrace the oncoming of winter.

It’s funny because every year I tell myself I’m gonna embrace it, but never do. I say I want to build a snow fort, or snow man, go sliding, go skating…etc etc, do things that will make me enjoy the winter. But no, as soon as I feel the cold, I’m like, fuck that shit! I’m going inside! Haha! Winter is coming, wither I like it or not. Hopefully this year I will make more of an effort.

Anyway, amazing how I thought I didn’t have much to write about, and voila, here are all these paragraphs. Surprises me each time. Don’t think about it, just do it.

Wish me luck on my interview! I’ll need it. It’s been awhile, so I’m kinda rusty. If I don’t get the job, I’ll try to stay optimistic about it, and view it as practice. First one in a long time. Fingers crossed. I may have to give up my Friday visits, but I’m gonna do my best to keep my sleep over weekends. Also, try to make it so I don’t have to work on Monday evenings, colliding with the New School of Colour. I need my art time. Like seriously, that is my healthy form of ventilation. My therapy. It’s good for my soul. Especially for an introvert that doesn’t express emotional things vocally. I’m more private that way. I express myself in silence, through writing and art. There’s no interference, and expression is a lot more powerful that way I find.

Thank you for reading. Sorry for the anticipation and suspense if you were waiting. It’s okay, I’m alive! I think I’ll leave it at that, and yeah…until next week, coffee cheers! – Pooks

“Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” -Walter Anderson
Enjoy the selfie! - Pooks

Enjoy the selfie! – Pooks

Make it an Adventure

Tuesday..Wednesday…you never really know when I’ll post, just that it’s within those 2 days. Sometimes more than once a week depending if there is a lot on my mind. Anywho, carrying on.

Last Thursday I went to my Leads appointment. I arrived late. I wasn’t really feeling the motivation. I even picked up a Monster Rehab energy drink for the extra boost just to get me there. Anyways, umm.. I think my worker noticed that I was kinda off, not quite myself. I admitted that things have been kinda shaky lately. So she asked about it, and I talked about it. The whole having my access with my kids being cut off, and my ex playing with my access like a yo-yo to power-trip me.

I appreciate that she let me speak of my own personal problems. She was very understanding, and offered to let me go early that day. She said that we didn’t have to do our exercise booklet work that day, but I insisted we go ahead with it. Ya know? That’s what I’m there for. That way I’m not just going there and not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, according to Ontario Works. It’s one of those mandatory things.

I don’t know. I guess I just really appreciated having someone put other things aside to listen to what I had to say. It rarely happens, where I open up and speak of myself for a change in person. I’m usually the person that listens, and encourages others to speak of themselves. I just don’t want to burden others, so a lot of things get bottled up waiting for ways to seep to the surface. Normally in a manner, through my writing and art.

When my appointment ended, my worker was concerned for me. She was asking if I was going to be all right. I told her not to worry, I’ve been going through this kind of thing for a long time. More than she knows. I always get by.

“Stay positive”. Those were the words we parted with.

Instead of taking the bus home, I walked and let myself cry. But enough of that.

As I think back on things discussed, such as having Merrymount involved again. When and if that will happen. Having a third party could turn out to be a positive after-all. My ex won’t be able to use our children to power-trip me if they’re involved. So there could be a bit of security there.

I think it’s obvious, there is no trust between my ex and I. And it’s pretty apparent that neither of us really like the other. I think my reasons are fairly logical. His reasons? Lies that he tells himself, and convinces himself that they are true. As I said before, he see’s me as a completely different person that I am not.

Although, on Halloween, I must admit, I completely let go for a night. But we’ll touch base on that later. Halloween, it is my favorite holiday, and if I wasn’t going to be with my kids, I was determined to have a blast.

I was going to attend a rally that was being held at Victoria Park called the Ongoing Action Against Harper’s latest War, but I didn’t make it. Apparently getting dolled up as a pilot for the evening took longer than I had presumed. Plus, I didn’t really have a sign prepared.

It was cold that day. I knew I was gonna freeze my ass off in that little dress. But I convinced myself that the discomfort was only going to be temporary. One evening. One night.

So my first stop was at Tim Horton’s to pick up my caffeine fix, an XXL Mocha. From there, I went walking down Dundas Street searching for two friends that said they were going to be out giving candy. I didn’t see them. So I had decided that maybe I should eat, and I went to The Ark. Sure enough, the friends that I had been seeking earlier had showed up all dressed in costumes. That was awesome. We chilled, clowned around and had dinner and then parted ways afterwards. They went one way, I went the other, and headed to the East Village Coffee House for a coffee. It’s been awhile since I had their coffee. My fave coffee in all of London, Ontario. It seemed kinda quiet, so I picked up and moved on.

My next stop was the St. Regis Tavern. I sat down with a couple of guys that were playing that night. They played 60’s, 70’s rock music. Anyway, they were cool. I was gonna sit by myself, but they invited me over. So I chilled with them for a bit, cheered them on when they played, and had a couple of beers. It wasn’t that busy there, everyone was packing up and leaving early. So yeah, onto my next destination.

I was thinking about going to Call the Office. I’ve never been there before. But on my way there, I was drawn elsewhere. I saw people standing outside all dressed up in costumes, and I heard music that was more my taste. So I entered The APK and was greeted by a guy dressed up as a Doctor, Dr. Lube. Haha!

I was kinda quiet and timid at first. I just sat on the bar stool and observed my surroundings. Everyone there was dressed in costumes. I loved it. I probably had 2- 3 more beers, plus a vodka and coke, plus a shot of scotch, then the giggling jester from within emerged…

It was a crazy night, filled with funny conversations. Jesus was a Furh. I don’t know. Don’t ask. I saw it on someones t-shirt and was laughing hysterically over it. I head banged to Metallica with a dude named Vincent. I danced with someone from the Red Lake area, and I left with a knight.

To sum up the evening without getting into too much detail, there was drinking, dancing, and yes, fucking.

The following day, the plan was to go face my fear and hop in a plane with this knight. Turns out the knight has a pilot license. But I kinda chickened out on that idea. Plus I was hung over, and yeah. A hang over plus a fear of heights together is probably not a good idea. Knowing me, I would get sick. So change of plans, we went to see John Wick at a theatre. Which turned out better than I thought it would.

I was given this guys number, but have not called back. Honestly, I got a little spooked because I know I didn’t give him my number and he texted me shortly after dropping me off at home. So how did he get my number?

I really don’t foresee a serious relationship in the future. Plus, my intentions for that night was just random sex. I do that sometimes. I haven’t had sex for a good 3 years. So I figured, it was about time. Why not? It’s Halloween. Have fun. By all means, “sin”. Not only that, but I feel rather hesitant to drag anyone else into my world. The temporary escape was nice though. I just feel like noone will understand, or relate. I just don’t think I can connect with people that way. That’s alienation for ya. Welcome to my life.

So needless to say, I did have a good Halloween. I met some interesting people, made new friends, and as a bonus I got pooned.

Sunday, I was mostly resting. I was in and out of sleep.

Monday… the New School of Colour, obviously. Which I got a lovely surprise when I arrived. Turns out, the New School of Colour was submitting artwork into an upcoming art exhibit, and I showed up right when they were submitting my work. Good timing. So that is pretty exciting. I’ll have 3 pieces in the art show. I guess I should probably give more detail on that. Umm… The art show is called “The Healing Palette”. It’s the 9th Annual Art Exhibition, and it takes place in St. Thomas. At the St. Thomas Elgin Hospital, in the atrium, 189 Elm Street to be exact. The opening gala is November 7th. The show runs from November 7th – the 24th. Note, that it isn’t just my work in the show, other amazingly talented artists from the New School of Colour will have their art in the show as well. So if you are in the London, or St. Thomas area, go check that out.

This evening I was finishing up my jester with the oozing eyes painting. Painting the rims of the canvas black. Next week I will be able to glaze it when the paint is dry. I started a new painting, on a slightly bigger canvas. That’s cool. Instead of diving right in and painting, I sketched something out on the canvas first. Just to kinda give myself guidelines to follow for an idea. I took a picture of it, and already I can see where it could use some improvement. Haha! Gotta love it when that happens. Jot that down mentally on my to-do list. I’m sure I will be reminded when I sit back down in front of it anyways.

Other than that, it’s 6:37am, Tuesday morning. Hopefully I can make today productive. I want to get a hold of Merrymount. I missed their call last Thursday. They didn’t leave a message. So I don’t know. Maybe they will tell me whether my ex had contacted them yet or not. If not, I’ll contact N’Amerind and book an appointment to talk to one of their court workers, and see if they can help me enforce the court order regarding my access.

I also have to get a hold of the Salvation Army again to help me pay off another debt. Apparently it was the City of London that chopped down my forest of a backyard, and now I got a lovely bill to pay. A little over $200. Still more than I can afford. Especially after my crazy Halloween. But no regrets. I may struggle a bit this month financially, but I am resourceful. I’ll find a way to keep my boat afloat.

So yeah, stuff needs to get done. Sleep is out of the question if I want to get those things done. Otherwise I will be out cold, and miss out on the business hours, and yeah, there goes my opportunity to do so.

Oh, the Million Mask March takes place on Wednesday. I encourage all those who are with Idle No More, all those with Occupy, or Anonymous to go. This is your chance to unite as one, because we all fight the same fight. Fuck the Capitalists! – Pooks

“Spontaneous insanity is the real bliss! It’s sad that we are honored for playing sane, serious, safe, miserable and controlling in this poor world.” – Saurabh Sharma