Two left Standing

Well here I am, writing again. Twice in one day. Actually, now it’s past midnight, so technically it’s the next day. I just think of it as the same day because I have not slept yet.

The reason for me writing again is because my biological family had a bit of a scare tonight. We almost lost someone valuable to us.

My cousin found out that her mother was hospitalized, and that she was drinking and nearly froze to death. My heart sank when I read that on Facebook. As I’ve mentioned before, freezing to death is how two of my uncles passed away, and my grandmother.

My aunt and my uncle are the only elders left of the Kings. There’s only two left standing. And the way I see it, they are the closest connections I got to my deceased Mother, and any family history that we may have. So yes, it would be a tragic loss if either of those two were to die.

The good news is, my aunt is okay, and is recovering.

My cousin is pretty hurt, angry, sad, worried…a whole bunch of emotions regarding my aunts addiction to alcohol. Understandable, it is her mother in the hospital. Of coarse she’s going to be frantic.

Sadly substance abuse is how a lot of our people cope with life as a native. Many residential school survivors use substances to bury the pain and trauma. It’s not really an excuse, but the truth of our cultures past reality. It clearly still has an impact to this day. Very devastating.

I remember when I went up north for the family reunion, My Aunt, another relative and I went to the bar. My aunt did drink quite a bit. I don’t think she remembers telling me what she told me regarding her own experiences in a residential school. She kept her head down, her back hunched, what I saw and heard was a woman in severe emotional pain. I listened and hugged her. What she shared with me, I will not repeat. I think she trusted me with that, which is why she told me. That is her truth, that I hope she can gain the courage to share wide open one day. Anyways, I didn’t drink that night. I drank lots of Pepsi and 7Up though. It’s a good thing too, because I was able to walk my Aunt back to where we were staying. Too bad nobody sober was with her this time around.

Regardless, I am glad she is okay, and that we didn’t lost another King. I worry about those two, my Aunt and my Uncle. They are homeless. So yeah, it’s hard to keep track of where they are, and how they’re doing.

However, there is a way to help somewhat, by helping their local emergency shelter. I just checked the Aviva website, even though the shelter didn’t fund-raise enough,  or get enough votes, there’s still an option to donate to the Red Lake Area Emergency Shelter. So if you can donate, please do. Miigwech in advance.

I think I’ll finish this post off with a poem written by my Aunt. One of my favorites. If you like it, find her on FB and inquire about her book; A Book of Poetry. Anyways, here it goes;

An Indians Tears

In the realm of my dreams

no artistry comes to mind this artist has become blind

eyes that once shone with pride

behind dark glasses, they now hide

memories of days gone by

remembering, she begins to cry

“Indians don’t cry”, so they say

their pride won’t let them anyway

Too often I have cried in sorrow

wishing only for a better tomorrow

this Indian woman is not too proud to cry

you have witnessed my tears, and yet, don’t ask “why?”

is it out of respect or out of shame

that you huddle close, as you whisper my name

Don’t worry yourselves so

for I already know

my tears are a hindrance to you all

But, they will continue to fall

who knows when this face will smile again

who will be around to ease the pain

no answers reach my ears

as your eyes now too, fill with tears

don’t hang your heads in shame

for, our tears have a name


 © 2008 Sarah Jane King

Thanks for reading. I know my family has it’s problems, but I love them. Society played it’s part when it comes to colonialism. There’s no doubt about that. So there is no point in blaming the victim. Maybe it’s time to wake up and take a real good look at how First Nations people are treated, in the past, AND in the present. Perhaps it’s time to make a right in a more positive direction. Fuck your racist elitists!

Just the fact that I can relate to my aunts poems regarding racism, and being native in this world, scares me. Especially because she wrote those poems years ago, and I am the next generation. Wow. that is pretty shocking. Are our children going to feel this pain as well? – Pooks

“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching

— they are your family. ”- Jim Butcher


Adventures in February

Well I guess I should write something today. So here it goes!

Let’s see. Where to begin…

Around February 21st/22ond, it was my blogs 3 year anniversary. Yaaaay! I’ve been doing this for awhile now. So anyone that so much as tries to silence me, or intimidate me with lame comments such as “Keep your grievances away from judgement. And yes, we are judging.” can go suck my…sausage. Hahaha! Can’t really say dick. Don’t got one of those. Besides, I think I overcame the fear of other peoples judgement a long time ago. So yeah, judge, criticize, talk, that’s what people do anyways.

Other than my 3 year Anniversary on this blog, I apparently missed another Leads appointment. I thought it was today. But it isn’t. We changed the schedule from Wednesdays to Tuesdays. I’m gonna have to adjust to that. So here I am…blogging.

We were going to talk more about “Making plans.” After much thought, when it comes to long term plans, as I said before, I don’t really plan 1- 5 years in advance. But, I do dream. Dreams can turn into plans. Possibly. Maybe.

I have a bit of a wander lust. I want to travel one day. So far, it’s just my art traveling solo, maybe one day I’ll be able to travel too. I used to dream about visiting Paris, France and seeing the Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel Tower is a huge symbol of power in the art world. It really is quite amazing. But my wander lust has shifted, and now I’m more fascinated with Venice, Italy. Not only are there no cars. But it looks like a great place to explore for a person that loves to walk. I’ve seen videos of it, and I would love to walk down those alley ways, walk on those bridges, go on one of those little boats. Not only that, but The Carnival of Venice intrigues me. A masquerade with all the masks and costumes. I love that kinda stuff. Even though  some critics say it’s just like visiting a small town, it’s not much. Maybe that’s it, it’s the isolation that draws me. A small town surrounded by water. That would attract an introvert. Haha! Anyways, I don’t know how, when, or why, but one day I’ll visit Venice. Maybe for art purposes, it can be my muse.

Speaking of art, apparently I am not the only artist from the New School of Colour that is officially a part of the Twitter Art Exhibit: Moss, Norway 2015. At first that kinda ticked me off. I feel like I have a copy cat. Not only did she join the Twitter Art Exhibit, but the piece she submitted is a dark contrast piece like mine. But then again, I do come up with great ideas, and greatness is bound to be mimicked. So thanks, I’m flattered. It’s for a good cause anyways, and if I inspired someone to hop on board and use their art to help families in need somewhere else across the globe, that’s pretty powerful. 😉

B9jIhZbIUAEVYBl.jpg large

It is quite humorous how I can inspire people that envy and don’t like me. Moving on…

Last night I went to a Birthday Bash that was being celebrated at The APK, for the manager, Kay. Thanks to Fenyx Fyre for inviting, and paying to get me in. He is a sideshow/ freak show performance artist. I seen the cool stuff he does with fire at previous summer festivals. But last-night, I got to see what other crazy stunts he can do, and wow. What a show! It was awesome, and I finally got to meet him in person. He is quite the entertainer! If you get a chance, I recommend seeing him live. I mean yeah, you can watch the Venice Beach Freak Show, but it’s nothing compared to seeing these stunts  live in person. It is quite the experience.

Pooks meets FenyxFyre. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Pooks meets FenyxFyre. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Human Dart Board. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Human Dart Board. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

During this event at APK, I also discovered a new band to like. They are called the Downturns. Awesome band, they played an amazing show. I am happy to say that I am now a fan! After their set, I caught them outside packing their instruments into a vehicle, so I asked if I could take their picture. They said that I was the first person to ask them to take a band photo. Right on! I’m honored. But seriously, “Like” them on FB, check them out;

The Downturns. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

The Downturns. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

The Downturns. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

The Downturns. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

I also seen a poster hanging outside of the APK that just filled me with so much joy! The Do Good Badlies (the DGB) are coming to London, and will be playing live at the APK in the near future. That’s awesome. Just need to find out the exact date and time they will be playing, and hopefully I’ll be able to go to the show. They are another freakin awesome band. I seen them perform live at EVAC in the past. So yeah, would totally see them again.

I didn’t get an update pic of the oil painting I’m working on at the New School of Colour. Maybe next time I will remember. But it’s getting there. I will have to go back and do some touch ups at some point. I have this tendency to practically attempt to climb into my painting apparently, and I end up smudging my work in some spots. So yeah, partly why my work takes a long time, touch ups.

Oh! A little birdie told me that someone came by The Ark and was interested in buying my painting of the Jester with the Oozing Eyes, but they couldn’t reach me to discuss the price. Second person to ask about it. Anyways, the average price is $75 for pieces around that size. However, I will sell that piece for $60 if it is a person that volunteers at The Ark. Note, buying my art helps the New School of Colour and/or The Ark. First come, first serve.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

It’s been a long month, but I’m keeping myself distracted. I’m pretty sure OW comes out Friday night, so I should be able to see muh babies this weekend! Finally! I just need to contact Merrymount, and hopefully they will be able to contact my ex this time, since it is regarding an exchange on their property. Hook dat up!

Anyways, that’s enough babble from me. I should end it here, since I do have to get ready and head out soon. Gotta take care of myself, and eat! Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading! – Pooks

“Life is a blank canvas, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.”- Danny Kaye

My Oblivion

It’s funny how at my Leads appointment this week we were talking about goal setting, and planning, because over these last 2 weeks, nothing has gone as planned. The way I see it, things don’t go as planned anyways, so why plan? I mean, you are a fool to think you have control over anything outside yourself. Anyways, I discovered that I don’t really plan a year, or 5 years in advance. Maybe a day, a week, or a month. But never too far ahead.

I tend to think that not only do plans not go in a straight line as we imagine. Heck, it could spontaneously take us on this wild curve out in left field. So it’s silly to picture it as a line to follow, a lot of the time, many things we have no control over. Realistically, it’s a scribble.

Also, I think that plans lead to expectations, which only lead to disappointment and unnecessary stress. Why would you put yourself through that? Just accept life and the things that happen within it is out of your hands. You can only control how you react. Which, I’m not so great at. I clearly need some work there because I tend to be a bit of an emotional spaz.

Anyway, last Friday I did show up for my visit where we do our pick ups and drop offs at Tim Hortons, but since my ex never did receive my message, my kids didn’t show. Can’t say that I didn’t try. Kinda glad they didn’t show because after spending an hour outside waiting for the bus, I was freezing.

As for this week, the plan was to go to the food bank, I was going to do that today. Nothing like doing things at the last minute. But when I checked the weather this morning, and saw the extreme cold weather warning. Yeah, I was like; fuck it! Then I crawled back into bed. I mean, I have to walk to and from wherever I go to save the bus tickets I do have.  No thanks. I don’t feel like lugging food around in the freakin cold. Not in that fuckin weather!The Salvation Army would be closer, but still quite a hike to be lugging food from. It would be more so from the main Food Bank. So yeah, no visit this weekend either.

I could use the week to clean anyways. I should be fine to go ahead with the visit on the 28th. By then I should be more prepared. I won’t be flat broke, I can pick up food that the kids will actually eat. Picky eaters, there’s a huge chance my kids wouldn’t have eaten what I gave them had I gone to the Food Bank. So yeah, maybe it’s better off I wait.

If I can’t bare the cold, why the heck would I want to drag my kids out in it? Hopefully next weekend it won’t be as cold.

By the way, thoughts and condolences go out to the family that lost their 3 year old family member named Elijah, whom had froze to death around Toronto not too long ago. That is very sad. I had 2 uncles, and a grand mother that froze to death. May they all rest in peace.

Anyways, I’ve been going without coffee and smokes, that has been loads of fun. Probably why I’m sleeping more than usual. It’s been a bit rough. But I’m getting through it.  I’m amazed I even made it to Leads, although I past right out as soon as I returned home.

My sleeping schedule is completely backwards again. I feel wide awake when others would be sleeping, and I’m sleeping during business hours.

Not too much has been going on. Although I did complete a painting. Yaaay! After battling with some procrastination, I finally completed it. It was the details I wasn’t looking forward to, but I did it.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Anyways, maybe I’ll try to make it to the breakfast at a nearby church tomorrow, that might do me some good.

I noticed that my T4 and T5 came in. Hint hint. Do your taxes. Pay the government to commit genocide of your own people and fellow people of colour.This world makes me sick. But as I’ve come to realize, no one is gonna do shit. Let’s just wait a bit longer, and let our kids deal with it. Just like the generations before us. Chicken shits.

But yeah, I don’t really do the activism shit now anyways. It’s draining, disappointing, and depressing.  As I’ve spoken with my Leads worker, there must be another way that I can feel like I’m helping others, or the Earth, without having to take in so much negativity.

That reminds me of something regarding social media. Diana Thorneycroft accepted my friend request on Facebook. OMG IT”S DIANA THORNEYCROFT!!!! K, now that I got the fan girl thing out. I feel much better. 🙂  I’ve been a fan of hers since high-school. I should’ve skipped class when she had an exhibition  here in London in 2013. Hopefully she returns one day. She’s an awesome photographer. I love her work! She’s kinda rebellious, and I love it! So yeah, as my Uncle would say; Cool sa!

Anyways, I don’t really have much else to write about. Been kinda comatose lately. Hope you enjoyed. – Pooks

“Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion.”

– Audrey Niffenegger

Light does Shine Through

Things are starting to look up this month. And perhaps I’ll be able to see my children sooner than I had thought. Maybe I won’t have to wait until March.

Anyways, since Merrymount cannot forward my message regarding visits, I’ll do it myself, in a very public manner.

Thanks to the Trillium money that came in, I was able to get myself bus tickets. I still have $20 left over that I can use for this upcoming Friday visit. So it’s a go. If I manage not to spend the whole $20 during that visit, and at least hold onto $1.35 (bus fare for a child, that I was short on), then the visit on the 21st is also a go ahead. Mind you I’ll need to hit a food bank, but that’s okay. And if I’m missing anything I’ll need for the 4 meals during their weekend visit, I’ll ask Merrymount to browse through their food cupboard, since they had offered that service when I had e-mailed them to cancel the visits. I couldn’t take up their offer then, I had no means of transportation at the time. But I can take up that offer now if be.

When it comes to Food Banks, I know for sure that I can whip something up for 2 lunches and a dinner. It’s something I can give my children for breakfast that has me concerned. Anyways, I’ll go to a Food Bank next week and see what I get.

If we go to the dollar store for their snacks, and beverages during the Friday visit, instead of the convenient store, holding onto $1.35 out of $20 shouldn’t be a problem.

So yeah. I’m pretty sure the next 3 visits, for the remainder of the month, can still go on. OW should be in before the end of the month, and I should be okay for the 28th.

Meaning, I only missed out on one weekend visit. The rest of the visits are still very possible. Yaaaay! The clouds in my world can now clear.

I think I just needed to change my state of mind. Which I have made some changes. Especially online. Rather than bombarding myself with bad news, I replaced most of it with inspiration and art.

I was adsorbing too much negativity, and yeah, that shit can literally kill you. It can drive you to a frightfully deep depression, a state of hopelessness, and suicide. I was talking to a stranger on Twitter, who in fact was concerned for my well-being because of how dark I’ve become. I believe his words were; “I can sense a suicidal tendency in you.” So yeah, perhaps it was time to change my perspective. I need to seek out positive things, happy things, inspiring things… such things do exist. I just need to find them.

I recall something my Leads worker said once, and that was that I need more optimism in my life. She’s right. It’s time to take care of myself. Time to do some healing.

Speaking of Leads, I missed my appointment again. Last week, and this week. It will be reported to my OW worker. But I did make an effort. This week I actually got out of bed, I was showered, getting ready, but my timing was off. Although the sudden motivation was there.

It was after e-mailing back and forth with her that I started to feel better. Perhaps not all people are bad, and there is something about this person that I do look forward to. Not only that, she’s been extremely patient and understanding with me. That I can respect. Therefore, she deserves the effort.

Thanks to an art friend, that messages me online on FB. He knew I wasn’t feeling 100%. He did ask what was wrong, and I told him that I did not want to burden him with my problems. So he went on to talking about other things such as music, art, and other things that made me giggle. After awhile I started to feel like myself again. So thanks to him for being there. For being a friend when I needed one.

I find myself picking myself back up, with some unexpected assistance that I am very grateful for.

Anyways, all this was just a reminder; it’s Pooks, maggot on the rise, not maggot on the fall. Haha! It’s a little Slipknot fan metaphor there. Fellow maggots will get it. 😉

It’s funny how you think you’re going, or you’re meant for a certain direction, but then BAM! Nope, perhaps that’s not my path. You live, and you learn. You’ll never know if you don’t give things a try. I know I am extremely sensitive to energy, but perhaps that is meant to be used for my art, and not activism. I think I’ll try to be more careful of how much negativity I take in. Like I said, it can be dangerous. For now, I really need to seek out the positive things in life.  – Pooks

“The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down.”- Stephen Richards

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

So Done with that Shit

I used to think this blog was a spiritual journey at one time. Then I ventured into activism…but it just seems like ever since I took sociology and got into activism, I’ve been going down this never-ending dark downward spiral.

It’s only getting worse. I like people less and less. I have no faith in humanity or their revolution.

Last night I got into another dispute with an activist, regarding strategies v.s chaos. This person believes the people need to have tactful plans, and be educated like the military in order to take down the system. My thoughts, I don’t believe you can take down an organized system by their rules, strategies, and plans. Chaos on the other hand is out of their control, and unpredictable. While they march in their straight lines, huddled together (making themselves more vulnerable) , it’s hard to target people scattered and spreading all over place tearing their system apart.

She mentioned something about coming face to face with a tank. What am I going to do then? Does a person need weapons to overcome a tank? No, just their brain. A tank is freakin metal, douse that with water and add some electricity. I doubt it will function, nor the people inside of it, after that. Just a thought.

Anyways, I seem to have an act for bringing out and exposing the ugliness in a person. I was clearly getting her flustered, so she went onto ridiculing the traditional ways of living (ahem, I am native, and she is fully aware of that. How convenient to throw in the  traditional ways to counteract me).

“I can go learn to live with nature and heal and clean innovate new ways of living with traditional ways and when people spill all the oil into their water and all have brain damage and the bees are dead they will see us doing what they are they going to be drawn too. Mind you when the bees are dead say byebye lol.”

Hmm… sounds a little racist to me, funny how she should bring that up, just saying.  And as an activist, she sure has a shitty way of fighting. Let’s scare the people even more! Induce more fear into the people, like that will do anything. And if anyone has any remote amount of courage, let’s diffuse it with fear and show them why it is utterly hopeless.

“They are training cops and military officials to react to violence with violence and if you think you stand one chance against tanks and guns and tons of polices and whatever the fuck kind of weird weapon they want to release on you before you go to jail then you have no idea what they are expecting.”

So yeah, I think I am done with activism, or just the activists around here. They seem to be their own little tight group.  So I cut them all out. No point in letting them plague my mind with their toxicity. It has gone on long enough. By the time they come up with a strategic “plan” at the rate their going, there will be nothing to save. The revolution isn’t possible playing by THEIR rules. Their, as in the capitalists.

Empower the people, don’t create more fear. Freakin fear mongers! Just as freakin bad as the Info Wars and Alex Jones.

I have an aunt that is an activist up north, and she behaves nowhere near the way these people do. Kudos to her.

Anyways, I’m not really much of a people person lately, heck, tonight was the New School of Colour, and I really didn’t feel like surrounding myself with people. The more I try to interact, the more disappointed I become in humanity. I don’t believe in the system. I don’t believe in their god. I don’t believe in the people, or their revolution. I don’t believe in you. What happens to a person that has nothing to believe in?

Perhaps the absence of my children doesn’t help. But if I can make it through the Christmas Holidays and New Years ( 2 weeks) without a single visit, then I can get through the rest of this month. 19 more days to go.

Maybe I’m not an activist. Maybe I’m just a shit disturber. I don’t know. I think I’ll just stick to my writing and art.

As I said before, activism online is just people arguing about who knows more than the other person. So it’s complete bullshit, with no progress. People only listen to respond, not to understand different perspectives, or where those different perspectives may be coming from. Just more Nazi “I’m right, you’re wrong” bullshit. So yeah, so done with that shit. Not worth the ridicule of my thoughts. I think I respect myself more than to be constantly shit on like that. I think it is time to get myself away from all that, and clear my head. It’s done enough damage. So yeah… “Byebye Lol” – Pooks

“When negative feelings move upon you, reflect, and recognize the danger of feeding those feelings and keeping them alive.”- Bryan Mcgill

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Feel my fuckin Rage

Yes I’m blogging again. Mainly because I am upset and pissed off.

Not that long ago, I went to check my bank account, so I can at least try to budget for my visits with my kids. But no no no, apparently I’m slapped in the face with more bullshit. If someone is not asking for more money, someone is helping themselves to the money in my bank account directly and leaving me with practically nothing.

I am referring to the National Student Loan Centre. Yes, thanks to them I was forced to e-mail Merrymount and cancel the remainder of my visits with my children for the rest of the month because I can no longer afford food or transportation. Since they only left me with $23.00, I decided to say fuck it. They blew it for me this month, and I might as well just blow the rest, I’m not going to be able to stretch that. Ya know? I am pissed. Thanks a fuckin lot.

Sure there are food banks and soup kitchens, but my son specifically requested not to take him to a soup kitchen again, and surround him with “hobo’s“. So that option is out. I try to tell my son not to be so bias towards homeless people, and to stop calling them “hobo’s”. I mean, both his father and I are on welfare, were not much higher in this supposed social status bullshit. We’re basically looked down upon on the same freakin level, but he’s a kid, and doesn’t quite understand that. I try to tell him they are people too.

I took my kids to a church dinner once. It was a breakfast at All Saints Cathedral. If I didn’t, they would have missed a meal, and I try my best to at least feed them 2 lunches, 1 dinner, and 1 breakfast during their stay over. Had I not taken to that meal, they would have gone hungry for about 4 hours.

So if soup kitchens are out of the question, and Food Banks only give me food for one person, because I don’t have joint custody, and the kids names are not on my OW stub. I’m kinda screwed. I can fend for myself, but I don’t really think there is any other choice but to cancel the remainder of my visits for February. I’d hate to have to do it. I know my kids will be upset, they will miss me, and I will miss them.

Earlier this evening I was taking pictures of myself on my daughters camera holding a piece of paper saying “I love you.” I was looking forward to surprising her with that the next time she played with her camera. But I guess that surprise will have to wait until March.

I hate your monetary fuckin fascist system. Let’s steal from the poor! I hope one day soon the people will rise up and burn your world to the fuckin ground! Burn the banks. Burn the places they work if they have to, if that’s what it takes to destroy this illusion. I hope it all burns! The schools, the churches, the political buildings, government buildings, police stations, RCMP buildings, and whatever else it fuckin takes in order tear this shit down.

Some foolish activists think they can overcome this system with peace and love. No you idiots! Peace is the goal, not the solution. The freakin capitalists are laughing at your lame peaceful attempts that don’t do shit. If we want something new. Then we need to destroy what’s already there, in order to create and become what we are truly capable of. But people don’t get that. Yeah, we will need to embrace some chaotic, dark times, in order to get to the light we envision. Yeah, people will have to mentally let go of all the rules and barriers, let the world become their playground and destroy this prison. Set themselves free. But like I said, not everyone can see that.

Heck, I got into a dispute yesterday with some activists on FB for sticking up for a favorite fictional character of mine, Harley Quinn. Minus the abuse between her and the Joker, I love how they just run a muck in the city. They are not controlled by a system, they have no strings holding them back. Not to mention, I believe the Joker burning a huge stack of money sent a powerful message to activists. That imagery was a massive eye opener. Why do you think the Joker is so popular?

Anyways, apparently because I said “don’t diss Harley Quinn” ( on her post bitching about 50 Shades of Grey) , this blond, blue eyed wannabe Aniishaanabe (that itself is a fuckin joke, and kind of insulting. Why isn’t INM making a stink about that? I mean, if costumes are offensive, why isn’t this wannabe offensive?) activist accused me of criticizing her. But then again, anyone with a different opinion that is not her own, she labels as “You people” “One of them”, If you don’t agree with her, you’re an enemy kind of bullshit. So I said that with that kind of attitude, her little FB revolution won’t get anywhere. I mean, if she’s gonna label, categorize, and draw imaginary lines between people, you might as well be a fuckin Capitalist. Just saying. So no. I don’t believe in her when she tries to portray herself as some kind of leader, or prophet that will lead the people to “freedom”. I mean, she can’t even communicate effectively. How do you expect to lead people if you can’t communicate? Instead, she tried to wait until I was gone. She waited a good 10 minutes, and when she thought the coast was clear, she tried to speak about me behind my back to her audience making herself look victimized. Trying to say I was criticizing HER, when really, I said don’t diss Harley Quinn. Which I don’t believe that is at all criticizing to her. Dumb ass. Then she lets someone else fight her battle for her. Yeah, total Harper move there. So yeah, I don’t know who the fuck she’s kidding, but it ain’t me. What a crock of shit. Can you say delusional?! I mean, she has it in her head that shes Daenerys of Game of Thrones. Haha! You wish. Not even close. I don’t think Daenerys whines and bitches as much as she does. Let alone plays victim whenever someone has an opposing opinion. Revolution my ass. Leader my ass. Clearly her ego took over, and yeah she’s no better than what we fight against. So yeah, fail! That’s the way I see it, drawing those imaginary lines separating people, turning on her own. Yeah bravo! You turned into your own enemy.

“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster.” – Friedrich Nietzsche.

Anyways, I decided to delete and block her  toxic ass from my FB. Suddenly my timeline is a lot more peaceful without her negativity. She was just a troll anyways that thinks I won’t notice that she gets some material from here to turn into a status to criticize. I mean that’s how our whole dispute started, I asked her if there is anything she doesn’t criticize with my defense for Harley Quinn. Ahem, those that don’t know,  huge jester fan here. And of coarse she listed stuff off, Blah, blah, blah, all that is good…making herself out to be some kind of saint. Yeah. Bullshit. I don’t believe anyone is a fuckin saint, nice try though.

So yeah, more dampers on my faith in humanity and the revolution. Unless people grow some balls and burn shit down, enjoy your never ending slavery.

Apparently the beginning of the years bumpy road has not ended yet. So excuse me if I just feel like saying FUCK YOU ALL – Pooks

“Chaos is what we’ve lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.”

– Terrence McKenna

The Crazy and Insane

I had posted a blog post, but apparently it vanished. So lets try this again, shall we?! I know I said I didn’t feel like writing it all over again, but I am stubborn. I was pointing out some hypocrisy.

Anyway, last week during that whole #BellLetsTalk ordeal, I noticed a tweet from Western University that just made me want to crack up laughing.

10945656_781708721895807_8841851187041725376_nIt’s hypocritical because here they are supposedly “supporting” those with mental health problems, yet that’s the exact reason I was given the boot from this University, because of my “mental health.” Supposedly it was “too late” to go see a psychologist when I did.

Anyways, I posted on FB about this, I said:

They only care because it’s a trend. It’s always about what other people will think. An image to maintain. Pathetic.

It is sad when people only “support” the mentally ill for a pat on the back, for social approval, or a gold star. So excuse me if I don’t believe in their concern, and I believe it’s staged for an audience. It’s false empathy.

Then I went on to talking about my own mental health…and other stuff….

As for my mental health, I’m doing wonders when I am not being pressured into what’s unnatural. Pressured into conformity. Without the pressure to be like everybody else, I’m fabulous! No anxiety, no panic attacks. It’s been awhile.

Conformity is the mental health problem. Your minds have been fucked with, which goes way back to childhood and all the “organizations/ social institutions” ( Education, Religion, Political Systems, Economy, and Family. Yes, families are considered an organization as well. We are to raise our children to be obedient slave workers. Forget love, it’s all about business for the system. Non- conformists raise a “red-flag” because they are a threat to the system. They can change things. No no no, don’t want that. Especially your elitists, they like the way things are.)

So the way I see it now, is that I’m not the one with the problem. They are, and they are many. They are just too brain washed to see it.

This looks like a good spot to take a break, and share a video by Morgue.

When it comes to these people and they want to label and stigmatize you, it’s like they’re saying; “You’re not like me, there’s something wrong with you.” Ummm…seriously? I’m not meant to be your replica. I know that, why don’t you?

Now I’m not saying that I am 100% cured now. That’s not the case. I’m sure I still have some issues that will randomly pop up due to a life time of abuse. That is bound to have some side effects. Such as trust issues. I rarely open up to people, and often regret doing so. People are cruel.

I have anxiety and depression. I still need to overcome my anxiety when it comes to being assertive and confronting people. That is a trigger. Although, according to my Leads worker, whom has given me examples of when I was assertive, and done okay, I guess I am getting better, and this is not permanent after all. The only barrier is in my mind. Kinda like everybody else in this insane world. I mean how many times do we need to have an oil spill, or a pipe explosion in order to realize that we need to try something else?

As for my depression, it comes and goes. I do get depressed during those gaps between visits with my children. But I think any loving parent would if they had to wait to see their child again. So yeah, sometimes I just want to sleep the days away until I see them again.

Reading the news, it’s often bad news, so that can get depressing. Oppression is everywhere, and we are trapped in this prison. I wish others would just wake up already!  The ignorance, and the conscience ignorance can get very frustrating. Many activists desperately try to get the message across. But many of the people just choose to ignore and continue on with their insanity. So yeah, there are times where it does feel utterly hopeless. But for some strange reason we dust ourselves off, and keep trying.

Discrimination for many different reasons ( being native, being a woman, poverty, mental health, being a survivor of abuse, etc etc…) can put a damper on a persons self-esteem, and cause depression. Heck, I don’t believe I’ll get a job in this city because of my brown skin. So in a way, I kind of gave up on that, and put more focus on my art. I’m a lot happier that way, than trying to be something I’m not.

In my original post that vanished into thin air… I kinda ranted about my ex. Regarding my trust issues. How lying for him is not worth it, and I took a personal vow to be more honest. My honesty now often gets me into a lot of shit. But whatever, it’s better than lying. Let alone lying to cover up someone else’s bullshit, just to get stabbed in the back. I think any woman in my position would not take him back. So yeah, he’s pretty fuckin dumb to think that is even possible. Especially since we’ve separated, I just go through more verbal abuse from him. He has stalked me online here for 5 years to get his material to talk shit. Saying I’m a witch, I’m dating a gay guy that wears lipstick ( I believe he got that from my Me v.s Me duality pic), so on and so forth. Who in their right mind would take that back??  I don’t think so.

So yeah, due to his online stalking, I was going to take a vacation from this blog, but I decided to say fuck it! I have some thoughts that need to be shared! Even if he can’t keep his nose out of my business, and has this crazy thought that he can still live through me.! That door has been closed a long time ago!

For anyone that doesn’t really know the background of that relationship, it was a lot of abuse and bullshit. That pretty much sums it up.

So on top of my own mental health issues, I got to deal with his unstable mental ass as well. If I could, I’d rather not.

He’s not the only abuser. There are others before him that I clearly will experience side effects from as well.

But thanks to all that bullshit, and trauma, I have become more sensitive to the energy around me, and I’ve become extremely empathetic. It’s a gift, a painful gift to bear, but still a rare gift.

Not only that, but it has taught me to respect myself, that I deserve respect and to be treated better than the way any of my abusers have treated me. So I am intolerant to abuse, and disrespect. I use the power and control wheel to protect myself. If anyone displays any of those behaviors, yeah, bye!

It’s too bad more people in this world don’t do that, because then they’d realize that they too are being abused by their elitists, their leaders, the 1%. Through the years I’ve learned that abuse isn’t just a personal problem of mine, it’s a global issue. Thanks to media, for numbing us to violence, we tend to think it’s normal and okay. This is the way it’s meant to be, but it’s not. – Pooks

“Our society tends to regard as a sickness any mode of thought or behavior that is inconvenient for the system and this is plausible because when an individual doesn’t fit into the system it causes pain to the individual as well as problems for the system.”

– Theodore Kaczynski