Recurrence of a Shadow

After a day of feeling exhausted, I finally feel ready to blog…at 12:25am. Yes, I am still kinda nocturnal apparently.

Where to begin?…Last Friday. I had a visit with my children, pick up and drop off location had taken place at Tim Hortons. I was running a bit late. I got there at 4pm, rather than 3:30pm.

I had a last minute job interview that took me by surprise. When I returned their call, I was just expecting to book an interview, not have the interview right there on the spot over the phone. Even though I did not get the job, due to not having a drivers license, I think the interview went better than I had expected. I’m usually kind of awkward when it comes to carrying on conversations, especially over the phone. But yeah, much to my surprise, the experience wasn’t all that big, bad and terrifying. It was just like talking to another human being. Perhaps my social skills are improving. Anyways, I would like to thank the New School of Colour, and The Arts Project, participating and volunteering with those non-profit organizations had apparently made my resume stand out. According to the man that was interviewing me, those two art related organizations made me come across as interesting. Right on. I am a very interesting person. At least I think so. Haha!

Anyways, I didn’t get the job. Although my resume will be stored in a file with a star on it, for future reference, in case I apply again WITH a drivers license. Even though a drivers license takes years to get. Still, that door is there.

I am thankful for a positive experience when it comes to a job interview, I find myself feeling much more optimistic. If I can intrigue one employer, I can intrigue another. I’m just that darn charming! Haha! That just reminded me of a fortune  that I got from a fortune cookie earlier this past week. That is why I laugh. I make myself laugh. I love it! Just can’t help but joke about it every now and then.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Anyways, back to Tim Hortons, and the visit with my children. I had loads of fun. We did what we usually do on Fridays, Park-Hopping! This time we got a little more social, and played a few games of Grounders with the other children at the park. I kinda felt like a Phys.Ed teacher in a way, being the only adult participating with this group of kids. It was fun.

Afterwards, my daughter painted my nails purple and blue, while my son continued to interact with the other children. It was funny, him and a couple of others got the whole park talking about bacon. I was impressed and proud to see how sociable he was being. I mean, at first, he didn’t want to go to that specific park because there was too many people. So yes, I am very proud of him and myself, we both stepped outside of our bubbles that day.

When the visit ended I got a thank you from my ex for getting our boy up and active.

Other than that, my ex asked me if I said that he stalks me online. Obviously I have said that in the past. I mean, how else would my kids be bringing up subjects that I wrote in my blog, or bring up things that were posted on my website? It’s kind of an odd coincidence that my daughter would be saying; “You know what’s hard to draw? A pug is hard to draw.” Hmm… that is a drawing a fellow New School of Colour artist drew that I posted in a slideshow on my weebly website to kinda showcase the New School of Colour in a way. Odd coincidence indeed don’t you think? And these odd coincidences happen rather regularly. Hmm…So yeah, he can say he’s not. Pretend he’s not. But I believe otherwise. Although to avoid any confrontation in front of our children, I just said “I used to think so”, at that particular moment of questioning.

I mean, if he’s not stalking me online, then his friends are, and reporting back to him. Umm.. that seems a bit far fetched. I highly doubt that it’s his friends that don’t know me from a hole in the ground. However, my ex has a history of having nothing better to do than gossip amongst his friends about his ex whom he’s been separated from for a good 5 years now. Pathetic indeed.

Oh another thing he had the nerve to say, “What are you good at?! Ya know, besides art.” Why does it matter to him? That’s what I’d like to know. Perhaps that is a question he should be asking himself. But no, he’s a mooch, that relies on living off of others. He has absolutely no intentions to become, or do anything with his life. My employment, or career choices, that whole journey to find where the fuck I fit is none of his business. But maybe he’s still delusional thinking he can live off of me somehow. NO!! The answer is NO!! And from here on out for the rest of my damn life, NO!!

So yes, some positive can come out of his mouth, but than that just gets blown to shit with negative bullshit.

I was invited to our daughters birthday party, which will be at Adventures in Wonderland. But I’m not sure if that’d be a good idea for me to attend. I mean, my ex and I can only communicate for very short periods of time. We’re not friends. I don’t trust him. He clearly doesn’t trust me. I mean, last year I was getting accused of ridiculous shit. Like I really want to tolerate anymore of that b.s. I think I’d rather keep our interactions to a minimum.

However, we were able to discuss other things regarding our son. I guess he’s having trouble in school again. Similar issues as to what was happening in the Public School regarding his behavior. I guess our son has been saying he wants to blow up the school, and other violent threats. Saying he hates his father, etc. etc. So now he’s only doing half days at school since he is considered a safety concern. That does not sound like the boy I know that I see on weekends.

The school called C.A.S on my ex regarding all this, they talked…and now there are future plans for my son to return to Vanier. Hopefully that doesn’t interfere with my visits. I clearly am a positive influence, and for some reason our son has a lot of pent up anger towards his father. Why is that? Ever think of getting him into some kind of counseling? If I were my son, I’d be angry too. Witnessing his father choke and disrespect his mother. His father favoring his sister over him, and verbally abusing him, and treating him like he’s stupid. Yeah, that would build up some resentment, just saying. I do try to lift my boys spirit, and counteract the abuse. But like I said before, he’s so hurt , he doesn’t believe any praise or compliment. All I can do is love him, and sometimes that feels like it’s not enough.

Anyways…just keep doing what I’m doing. Being the positive. It’s not like C.A.S was called on me. I ain’t the concern here.

Sigh…Moving on. I’m sure my ex won’t be too impressed with this post, but I don’t write to impress. I write my truth.

Other than that, I had a pretty relaxing weekend. Met up with some friends on Saturday for Soup and Sandwich night. One showed up afterward, and we went to his place to chill. We have coffee, talk about art, his experience working in the kitchen, listen to music and play dice. It’s always fun. We’re getting pretty competitive when it comes to playing with dice. Haha!

Tuesday, there was no Leads appointment this week. I remember! Next week at 11am!

At the New School of Colour I finished my soft pastel piece I was  working on. So really, it only took me 2 days to complete. I rarely copy images. Most stuff I do is out of my head, but yeah, good practice.

Resource: Chapter 6- Rocks and Ravines - Painting Watercolor Landscapes with Confidence by Brian Ryder. Pooks interpretation of the watercolour image using soft pastels. Completed 04/21/2015 - All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Resource: Chapter 6- Rocks and Ravines – Painting Watercolor Landscapes with Confidence by Brian Ryder. Pooks interpretation of the watercolour image using soft pastels. Completed 04/21/2015 – All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

At the New School of Colour I was also able to return to my abstract oil painting. After some frustration with mixing colours and not getting the same tone of blue that I wanted when I return to my art piece, I just decided to take that one section and white it right out with the intention to transform it into something else. Art is awesome that way. It can mutate. There are no mistakes. Each piece is it’s own journey. Or as another New School of Colour artist said; “Art is it’s own story.”

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

We’ve made it a routine to go to a friends apartment after a New School of Colour session. On Wednesday, we brought along another friend from the art program. This time, the night consisted of origami, music, tea and coffee.

That reminds me. During the New School of Colour on Wednesday, this friend that I visit after the sessions, he helps other artists with their work. Anyways, while he was helping a friend of ours, he told her; “Baby steps.” I think he knew that would get a reaction from me. It made me giggle because that’s what I say during our dice matches. Haha!

Oh yeah! On Tuesday night, we did a collaboration doodle together, 3 New School of Colour artists, and titled it “Kricket”. I guess when I say crooked, it sounded like I said Cricket. Haha! Good times! Love muh art peeps!

“Kricket” by Melishee, MRC, & Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Wow. I’m kinda bouncing around all over the place. Just typing whatever I can recall.

Thursday I found myself to be very exhausted. Took me all day to shake off that tired feeling. I drank tea, coffee…even ate vegetables and rice to try to get myself to feel like myself again. Finally, around midnight, I started to feel more lively. Heck, I was even trying to stimulate myself with bright colourful cartoons. I was watching Ferngully. Been so long since I seen that. A friend of mine turned Batty’s rap song into a ringtone, it brought back memories, and yeah. I just had to sit down and watch it again.

Oh yeah! I did my taxes today online. Hopefully I did that right. It was the first time I’ve done them myself. So yeah. Let’s hope I didn’t fuck that up.

Tomorrow I plan to hit the food bank, and prepare for the weekend visit with my children…that hopefully doesn’t get miraculously cancelled.

I might also hear from this male friend of mine, whom asked if I was doing anything this weekend. I told him I was available Friday, but not Saturday and Sunday. So yeah, might meet up with him sometime tomorrow. Who knows, maybe we’ll go to that art group at the Crouch Library that he’s been talking about. Hmm… we shall see.

So yeah, that’s a week in the life of Pooks. There is some light, and dark moments. You take the good in with the bad, both mold you into who you are, and well…apparently that makes me…interesting. Maybe it’s the way I cope that is fascinating. I don’t know.

I skipped some days, because I either don’t remember, or there was just nothing that spectacular to write regarding those days. Like as if you really want to read about a laundry day. Or a day when my nose is stuck in a book reading for hours. So yeah…skip that, and write about more eventful things.

I hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you for reading, and I’ll be back at it again next week. – Pooks

“Depression, anger, and sadness are states of mind, and so are happiness, peace, and contentment. You can choose to be in any of these states because it’s your mind.”

– Maddy Malhotra


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