After the Storm

Back again!

Just cancelled my Leads appointment and booked it for next week. Just feeling a little bluuuh, but that’s to be expected with pregnancy. I hate this morning sickness shit. The waves of nausea. It’s kinda like being sea sick or something. But anyways, I’ll hang in there. I’ll get through the day.

I have my first full prenatal assessment appointment tomorrow with my family doctor. Gotta make sure I’m all tip top and what not.

So yeah, if you haven’t figured it out, I have not gotten an abortion and I’m not going to. My partner and I have talked since the last time I posted, and decided that we will be going ahead with the pregnancy. It’s our decision to make, not anyone elses. And like a friend has said, “You are in a relationship with him hun, not his family.” She also said; “You make ____  happier then I’ve seen him in….well…EVER!

Sadly, I had lost someone that I thought was a friend over that whole dilemma. But then again, she’s the one that stuck her nose into my business uninvited. I sent her texts explaining myself ( even though I shouldn’t have to explain myself to a friend), and the situation, AND I said sorry for worrying her. Anyways, she just ignores my text messages, and blocked me on Facebook. Ahem, this is the one that had the brilliant idea to bring the cops over to my house over an FB status. It’s called morning sickness, it’s quite common with pregnancies. But I guess she assumed the worst, and thought I was passed out on the floor from heat exhaustion. WHAT?!! Where the hell did that come from?! Not to mention that FB status was from days ago before the whole ordeal. So what if I don’t have an air conditioner, whoopidee-shit! My house is pretty cool indoors compared to the outdoors anyways. And that’s just from having the windows open. I don’t like air conditioners. A) They hike up the hydro & B) The cold flares up my arthritis. But whatever, ya know? If she wants to hold a grudge, that’s her problem. That’s the way I see it. Like my bestie (whom has also been shut out by this particular person) said, “Not worth worrying about. Bigger fish to fry.

So, yeah. Carrying on. Yesterday was my birthday. It was nice, and relaxing. My boyfriend gave me flowers, they were very pretty and colourful. He also had set up the bathroom with candle light, and set up the tub for me to have a relaxing bath. The water was sprinkled with flower peddles. It was beautiful. For dinner he cooked me some wild rice and rainbow trout. That was delicious. And to end our evening, we cuddled and watched a movie. It was a good, calm, relaxing birthday.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

This past weekend I had my visit with my children, and gave them the news about the upcoming baby. Well…actually, my daughter asked, because she noticed that I’ve been getting chubbier, and I’m starting to show. So yeah, she’s a smart cookie. So yeah, I just told her, and she got so excited she had to share the news with her brother.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

It’s funny because a month ago, they were saying that they wanted a little brother or sister, and for my boyfriend to be the babies father. Funny how things work out. They got what they wished for. Haha!

Anyways, over the weekend, my boyfriend came over and started to fix up my backyard. I was surprised to see that even my daughter was helping. That’s awesome. They started to give my backyard a makeover. A challenge that many have been too intimidated by. Ahem, there was a reason I called my backyard a jungle. Already, the yard looks amazing! We are getting it prepped for next year, when we can build our own garden with flowers and vegetables. We are trying to get the yard ready for the upcoming baby, and for when my man moves in with his two dogs. So the interior of my house will also be getting completely cleaned out as well. Big preparations for big changes coming our way. It’s exciting.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm.. my ex said that my being pregnant and all is going to impact and change my visits with my children. Not sure what to think about that. I mean, yeah, it may slow me down a little for 9 months. But other than that, why? I’m hoping he doesn’t cut my access to my children over it. I mean, yeah, I’m having a baby, but that doesn’t mean that my son and daughter aren’t my children anymore or something. I will always love them, because I am their mother. I’m hoping he doesn’t do his power tripping shit over me being pregnant. If I have to, we’ll go back to court. Or I’ll just show some cops our court order regarding my visitations. I have a right to see my children. And the power tripping shit, doesn’t only hurt me, but it hurts the kids. So yeah, hopefully it doesn’t come down to that bullshit.

But I could be worrying over nothing. My ex did say he wanted to meet my boyfriend. And my boyfriend said that makes sense, since he’s going to be a part of my son’s and daughters life now. But that was inevitable when getting into a relationship with me, my children are part of the package. He accepts and respects them, and they get along great.

As for art, I haven’t done anything for awhile. I haven’t even gone to the New School of Colour for a couple of weeks. I mean, I won’t be able to do any oil painting while I am preggers. Ya know? Because of all the chemicals and whatnot. So if I do work on something, it will be in a different medium, and I will probably be working on my art at home.

But there are much bigger things I need to focus on, to be honest. Such as preparing for this baby. It’s a little overwhelming when I think about everything that needs to be done, but it will be done.

Anyways, that is all I shall type today. Hope you enjoyed the read. Until next time, much love! – Pooks

“There is such a special sweetness in being able to participate in creation.”- Pamela S. Nadav


Wicked Witch

Well things took a drastic turn quite rapidly. Ya know? Just when I was starting to get used to the idea of being pregnant, someones gotta come along and be  the wicked witch so to speak.

To make a long story short, I don’t want to have any ties to my now ex-boyfriends mother. Especially after that phone call. She called her son, she was put on speaker phone to speak to me about the news. And no no no, she can’t be supportive like the Kings and my close friends have been. Instead, she brings up C.A.S, my past, and makes me cry. To top it off, that fuckin psycho bitch laughed at my pain. So no, I want no relations with, or any ties to anyone that laughs and pokes fun at my past pain I’ve gone through the years. So basically that means breaking up with her son, and getting an abortion.

I mean, who the fuck is she to judge me?! She’s dating a fuckin alcoholic/ crackhead, and has that addict around her younger children that still live in her home on a daily basis. Rrright, and she’s going to judge me as a parent?

I stormed out after I had enough. She’s a rude, ignorant, stupid bitch. Of coarse her privileged white ass wouldn’t understand any of the shit I have been through regarding C.A.S. Not to mention her eldest daughter is a C.A.S worker. So she see’s the fairy tale side of that organization. Not the reality of that evil organization that doesn’t give a fuck if parents love their children, it all comes down to slavery, and maintaining that slavery to benefit the Capitalists. Who gives a fuck if the children get put into abusive homes. Get placed with the abuser. I believe I read in the news that a child died because of that not too long ago. Can’t really say I’m surprised. That’s what they do. Heck! Look at the fucked up home I was placed in. I don’t even have contact with that supposed family anymore. they are not worth my fuckin time.

So yeah, I stormed out…as I did, it began to rain half way on the way home. Ugh! I took shelter at Mcmahen Park, at least til the rain stopped a bit, and continued on my way. It was a long walk for someone in my condition. I shouldn’t be walking great distances. But fuck! My purse, my wallet, money, ID, and other belongings were left behind at my now ex boyfriends apartment. So, not like I could hop on a bus.

By the time I got home, my stomach hurt. So I laid in bed, and stayed there for the remainder of the day, and majority of the next day. People kept knocking on my door, my cell phone kept going off, but I did not want to be bothered.

Anyways, I wasn’t too impressed that my now ex boyfriend and someone I thought was a friend brought the police to my door. Calling the cops on a friend, or your supposed girlfriend is just a low blow. Thanks a lot. You might as well just be calling C.A.S on my ass. Like really, no friend does that.

So the police came to my door, I answered. They started babbling to me about programs that assist people that are considering self harm. Like what the fuck?!! I just want to lie down. I put my body through a lot the night prior just trying to get home. Go away!

The female officer was really annoying, so I bluntly told her that she talked too much, and that I was dizzy and just wanted to sit down. They were like; good, we can come in then. Umm… noooo. You’re not welcome.

Anyways after that, the female cop was like “No more Misses nice cop.” Whatever. I’m not scared of you. Besides I’m sure the police would jump on a chance to kill another native, or person of colour. Ya know? They seem to do that quite often anyways. Just saying.

Anyways, after they were done babbling about whatever, and I saying that I don’t need their help. I’ll be calling my freakin doctor for help. They fucked off.

Later that night I went for a walk with my bestie. She filled me in that she had nothing to do with the cop calling. Even though we talked about my current situation, she also tried to distract me here and there with humour. She’s good at that. Anyways, she said she’d come with me when I get my abortion. Ya know? So I won’t have to do it alone. It’s not only going to be hard on me physically, but mentally as well. And yeah, I’m lucky to have her as a support, and a friend. She agrees and understands why I am choosing the route that I am.

Anyways, today, my bestie and I went to my now ex boyfriends apartment. He was at work. So I went to pick up my belongings and get the fuck out of dodge. Amazingly, most of my stuff was already packed. So that just made things so much easier. How was I able to get his apartment while he was at work? Simple, I was able to do so because he had cut me a set of spare keys for his apartment, but before my bestie and I left, I put them back in the mail slot with his flyers. I won’t be needing those keys no more.

I’m sure my now ex boyfriends mother will be happy. She got what she wanted, even though she didn’t have to say it. The point was clearly taken. Can’t really trust a 2-faced family anyways. One day saying I’m an upgrade from their sons ex, next thing they’re saying is that he lowered his standards. Yeah well…FUCK YOU ALL!!

So tomorrow I have a visit with my children. They’ll be over for the weekend. So next week, I’ll be focused on getting the abortion and recovering from it. – Pooks


The Seed

Well this is the first time I’ve blogged from my cellphone.  So yaaaay! I get to see how the app works.
Anyways, this post won’t be too long. Just big news so to speak.
Last weekend I had to cancel my visit with my children because my arthritis was flaring up in my lower spine, and yeah I really couldn’t move too much. Thank my man for being a sweetheart and being there for me.
Thankfully I am feeling much better. But over the weekend I noticed that the fresh tar on the parking lot that just got redone recently by my mans apartment, turned my stomach. I felt nauseous and it was making me gag.
Well…the last time I had been that sensitive to odours and smells was when I was pregnant. So, my man and I talked, and decided that I need to see a doctor.
My man and I had a few serious discussions about it since. Ultimately it is up to me, and whatever I choose, he will support me.
We’ve been officially together only for a couple months, but known eachother for a couple of years now. And financially, a child would be a struggle, I haven’t found a job yet.
Anyways, I went to my family doctor, and yup. My test came back positive. Since the final decision was still undecided, I told them that I needed to talk to my partner more. At the time, he was at work. So they gave me a number to a clinic, in case I do decide to abort.
The last time I had that option, was with my oldest son. Clearly I couldn’t do it then. And I don’t think I can do it now.
So yeah, I had some serious decisions to make.
Yeah it would be nice to wake up without morning sickness, seems like I’m constantly nauseous.  But my man seems genuinely excited to possibly become a father.
Yeah, there are some concerns, such as C.A.S returning into my life as soon as they find out the news. But if I remember their words exactly, “I am no longer a concern.”
Anyways, as I sit here I am considering of going forward, and calling my doctor to book an ultrasound.  Take a leap of faith.
Besides, everything happens for a reason. Life has a funny way of throwing some curve balls. It’s how you handle the situation that counts.
I have faith that things will be different this time around with my man. We haven’t faught yet, probably because we are pretty good at listening to each other and communicating. I am so grateful for that.
So yeah, it’s been 7 years since I had my last child, and here I am preggers.
Another thing I was thinking about. I am not getting any younger. I’m 32 years old, going onto 33 very soon. I’m not sure when I will hit menopause. But if I am going to have another child, best to do it while my body can still handle that shit. Ya know?
So there you have it. That’s the news. Pooks is pregnant, and I feel pretty confident I’ll have the support I need this time around. – Pooks


All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Sporadic Smudge

Well I guess I do have time to blog today. I thought my Leads appointment was today, but apparently it was yesterday. The date my worker had written on my appointment card was different from what she had put in her book. So yeah, there has been some confusion, and clearly I missed my appointment. But I will see her on the 26th. The day after my birthday. Hooray! Haha!

Newho, where to begin? Hold on… I need to check where I had left off…

Oh right! Game night! That was fun. I had my boyfriend and a couple friends over and we played Cards Against Humanity. Hahaha! That is a very interesting, twisted game. Umm.. Thanks to my bestie for bringing over the tea, and buying us a large pizza to split. Good times!

Thursday was kind of a blur last week. Probably just a regular day.

On Friday I met more of my mans side of the family. Such as his mother, her boyfriend, and my boyfriends brothers and sisters. That evening we sat outdoors at my mans brothers place, had some beers, and just talked, chilled. I was kinda put on the spot with some questions, but I was very honest. For example; my boyfriends mothers boyfriend sensed that I had a dark side to me, and asked if I cut myself. Honestly, I don’t, but I used to many years ago. I find now that there is no need for it anymore, that suppression. Ya know? I used to do it to suppress my emotions. But now look at me, through my art and writing, I have become quite expressive, and there is no shame in doing so.

Anyways, it was funny that they said I was a definite upgrade from my boyfriends last girlfriend. So yeah, yaaaaay!

They were surprised to hear that I had a book published. I mean, yes, that is quite the accomplishment. But looking at it now, I would like to do another one. But better. And maybe have it edited before publishing. Haha! I don’t know. I noticed there are some grammar mistakes within the first one. So I consider it my “rookie” book. I kinda threw whatever material I had over the years, slopped it all together, and voila! There’s my first book! I might do something similar with the second, chaotic, not in any specific order. Just because that’s just me. But at least spell checked! Haha! Not yet though.

Newho, if you are interested in checking out my “rookie” book, “Random Thoughts of an Alien Goddess”, it’s only available on Lulu. I will provide the link here:

“Random Thoughts of an Alien Goddess” basically a self portrait in many forms so to speak. However, I can’t recall if I mentioned why I call myself an alien goddess within the book or not. Those that have been following my blog for a long period of time already know. I refer to myself as an alien because I don’t quite fit into your world, and I’m kind of alienated. I’m a non-conformist to put it bluntly. But that’s okay. I’ve learned to love and accept that about myself. As for the goddess thing, that is based on a quote said by Pablo Picasso regarding women. He said they are either door-mats or goddesses. And yeah, I made my choice.

I don’t think I mentioned the cover either within my book. I mean, the time frame it was taken was discussed within the book. Yes it is a nude, but still modest and showing nothing. But basically, that “selfie” was taken after weeks of depression, starvation, and sleeping. After my attempt of a slow suicide years ago. That picture captured my awakening. Waking up as “Pooks”, not the same as I was before, wither I realized it at the time or not.

My man’s family gave my man a wonderful idea, which is basically to turn one of my poems in the book into a song. That would be cool!

Anyways, moving on.

On Saturday a reunion was held at my boyfriends sisters place. I even brought my own children there, and they were too shy to really interact and socialize with the other children. Ya know? New people. New Environment. A comment was said to me to “cut the cord already”, because they were being clingy. But it’s understandable. Going somewhere surrounded by strangers for the first time. I mean yes, my daughter is always clingy regardless. She is my youngest. But I am working on that, and she is aware of it lately. I think she’s starting to get it. Some space between us can be good.

I guess when they were speaking with the other children, my daughter said that if my boyfriend and I get married, that my boyfriends siblings would become their aunts and uncles. One of my boyfriends sisters disagreed, but my daughter is right. She’s is a smart cookie 😉 Anyways, it’s just funny that my boyfriend and I were the topic of discussion.

Which reminds me, over the weekend my daughter said if anyone tries to mess with my boyfriends and I’s relationship, she will kick them in the bum. Haha! It makes me happy that my boyfriend and my kids get along. I mean, I am lucky to have found someone that accepts my children, includes them as part of the package because they are a huge part of me and my life. As for my children accepting my boyfriend, clearly they must see how much he makes me happy.

Anyways, starting to get freakin mushy on you. that’s enough of that. Moving on.

Sunday, after I dropped my kids off at their house. I returned to my boyfriends place. He went to bed early, and I stayed up to watch a movie. Anyways, I fell asleep on the couch, and at 3am, my boyfriend woke up wondering where the heck I was. So he got up and found me sleeping on the couch, and then carried me to bed. I normally freak out when I’m lifted up off my feet. Fear of heights here. Newho, I guess I was really peaceful while I was asleep. I just thought that was sweet.

Monday!! I forget.

Tuesday was the New School of Colour and I worked on my painting. Although, my sleeve smudged it as I was holding up someone elses art piece so that they can sign the back of their art. So yeah. Guuuuuh!! More shit to fix up. I decided to make it look intentional, so I expressed my frustration, and added more sporadic smudges. Haha! Problem solved. Don’t freakin tell there isn’t any freakin problem solving to do when it comes to art. Omigosh! I swear, it’s always something.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Wednesday I painted some more at my boyfriends place. During one of our hikes in the past, I picked up a rock that I wanted to paint on. However I was having trouble  regarding what to paint on it, and my boyfriend gave me an awesome suggestion. He suggested that I browse through his Chinese/ English dictionary, pick a work that I think defines him, and paint that on the rock. So that’s what I did. Except more. I painted some photography I did of storm clouds on the rock, and I put “Both Beautiful and Intelligent” written in Chinese on it. I was quite proud of it when I was done.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Today, I thought I had a Leads appointment, but nope. After checking my e-mail, I realize that my appointment was actually yesterday. So instead, I posted an ad up on Kijiji for my man. He’s trying to sell two puppies here in London,ON. Check out the ad if you are interested. The puppies are soooo cute!

Speaking of the puppies. The only male shiatsu finally got a home. My man gave him as a gift to his mom. Omigod! Did my man and I go though a lot of b.s over that puppy. Not from his mom either, but from this old lady that owns a black shiatsu already in my mans neighborhood. She claims her dog is the father, and that she has the right to a free male puppy. Ummm no. Not to forget that another male shiatsu could be a possible father, so there is no certainty which one is the father. My man gave the owner of the other shiatsu $50, and offered this woman the same. She didn’t accept it. So my man offered to sell her a puppy for $200, and she didn’t take that offer either. I mean, he had already promised his mother a male puppy years before this woman came along. So yeah, she was a nut case. I mean, she was text messaging my man, saying that if god wants it to be, it will be, and stuff like that. And saying God will make him lose his job, lose his girlfriend, his home, so on and so forth….OVER THIS PUPPY?!!

I mean, it sure didn’t seem like “god” was tampering with our relationship. More like she was, approaching me, while my mans at work, calling him a liar and a jackass behind his back.

Her attempt to talk to me about it was just plain dumb. I’m a bit of a hard-ass. Based on her crappy behavior, I told my man to tell her to go fuck herself, long before he decided that she’s getting squat. He made attempts to be fair, because he’s nice like that.

Yeah, I kinda ranted on Twitter about that whole situation briefly. #NoShiatsuForYou Haha!

Newho, Glads that’s over with. Glad the male puppy is safely out of the area, and in a new home. My man told this woman that if she bothers us again, he’s gonna charge her for harassment and slander. So yeah, haven’t heard a peep from her since. Thank goodness!

Anyways, I need to get something to eat. I’m hungry. So I shall end it there. Thanks for reading! – Pooks

“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”- Walt Whitman

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

While I Can…

I guess I’ll work on my blog while I can. At least before I gotta get my place tidied up for game night with friends.

I’m not quite sure where to begin…a lot has happened.

Since there was no New School of Colour session last Tuesday, my bestie and I went on a trip to Kitchener, and while we were there we basically went mall hopping within Kitchener, Waterloo, and Cambridge. It was an interesting day that’s for sure. However, since we had gotten to an extremely early start that day, we both were fighting off sleep on the express bus. Too funny. Our first stop was at Davids Tea, of coarse. For lunch, we wanted to try to go to a restaurant that wasn’t in London, but we went to Coras (which is in London). But I have never been there before, so that was cool. A lot of the stores were the same in each mall. But hey, that didn’t really matter. I was chillin with my bestie, and we got out of London for the day. I was just grateful that she thought of me to join her on this trip.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

On Wednesday, I had my Leads appointment. My worker and I did some interview practice since I did get a call back for an interview which was booked for Thursday. She also surprised me with some copies of volunteer job descriptions, one for retail in the gift shop at the London Museum. And the other was to be a tour guide at the London Museum. I decided that I’ll send a resume for the retail position, since that is pretty much the direction I have been going. Plus, I tend to sell myself short I guess, and don’t really think I am ready for the tour guide thing. It requires public speaking. Even though the experience would be amazing. I don’t know. Maybe in the future, but not yet.

Thursday I had my job interview at The Roots Cellar. The position is for a dishwasher, which anyone that knows me knows that I despise dishes. But, I decided that I was going to swallow my pride, and just try to get my foot in the door when it comes to the work field. Anyways, the interviewer was very nice. I mean, I was expecting to be more anxious and nervous, but I wasn’t. And the questions seemed rather simple, I just answered honestly. So yeah, it went by rather quickly. Wither that is a good thing or not, I don’t know. But kudos to me for actually following through and showing up to the interview. I was motivated for a change.

My boyfriend has been very supportive. I think he was happier about the interview than I was. But yeah, whatever. It’s nice to have the support. I mean, not only that, but he proudly brags about the book I wrote, and shows my art to as many people as possible. Haha! So yes, he’s very proud of me. It’s kinda nice to feel that appreciated.

On Friday, that was my 4 hour visit with my children, and we went to a park we’ve never been to before. It was called Nicholas Wilson Park, and it had more than one playground on it. So that was cool. We had options.

On Saturday, my boyfriend took me hiking. I swear, my shins always get bit by a thorn bush on these hikes. But yeah, totally worth it. We ventured into a nice quiet forest. And yeah, it was nice. While he dug around in the dirt looking for treasure. Hehe! My own personal pirate! I no longer have to tell Ducky to put a pirate into her paintings, I got my own. Haha! Anyways, while he did his excavating, I got to maintain the fire. That was fun! I’m lucky my man is kind of a bush man, he knows his shtuff when it comes to the outdoors. So no worries. It was safe.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

We did get rained on a bit, but that was okay. We cooked our hot dogs over the fire anyways. Umm…oh yeah, we saw 3 turkeys, and 1 deer. That was awesome! The turkeys look so funny running through a field. Can’t really help but giggle at the sight. As for the deer, at first we thought it was a decoy, it was THAT still. But when it jumped away. Yeah, that proved otherwise. And man those things can jump!

On Sunday, I got to meet some of my boyfriends friends from an apartment building he used to live in around the Cherryhill area. Anyways, they were sweet. They seemed like nice people. There were a lot of sweet elderly folk there I noticed. And they all say the same thing about my man, he’s a gentleman. Awww… 🙂

Oh yeah, over the weekend my man and I made home-made chicken noodle soup. Which I have tried and it’s delish! Well…most of the credit goes to the boyfriend, I just made the rice and the pasta. Pretty easy stuff. Haha!

On Monday, I think that was the day I was moseying around my boyfriends apartment, while he cleaned and did other stuff. I find when he gets in that mode, just stay out of the way. He gets pretty focused and determined to get shit done. He even bathed Molly, and her puppies. That was cute! They’re all pure bred shiatsu’s. And the puppies are just a bundle of cuteness overload. My man plans on selling 2 of them, and 1 is spoken for, and the other he is keeping.

Yesterday was the New School of Colour, it re-opened. So yaaay! I got to reunite with muh art peeps! I did work on my oil painting again. I didn’t get too much done though, as I showed up late. And it looks as though that someone had spilled coffee on my canvas. So I got some fixing up to do. Sigggh….

Anywho…back to cleaning up for game night. Hope you enjoyed. I’ll write again when I can! Much love! – Pooks

“Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.”

– Steve Maraboli