Bring on 2016!

Happy New Years to all my readers! Thank you for reading and following my blog through out the years. Hard to believe I’ve been doing this for 4 years now. But yeah, thanks for joining me on my journey through life.

This year has been amazing and full of surprises. I mean, I never thought I would be in a relationship, let alone expecting another baby. I thought it would be another year of the “untouchable Pooks.” But nope. I got swept off my feet, by this remarkable man that’s been waiting for me for years. And now he’s become a huge part of my life.

No, our pregnancy wasn’t planned. But we are both taking a chance. Besides, I think it’s helped  us grow even closer. And our baby-to-be is more and more seen as a blessing. We both look forward to his or her arrival. 3 more months!!

I think it’s cute when my daughter kisses and hugs my tummy. Or when she says things like, after the baby is born, she wants to hold the baby and watch movies together. That’s so cute. ❤ She seems to be handling the news of a younger sibling better than her brother did back in the day. But then again, we didn’t really prepare or talk to him about it. So to him, his little sister came out of nowhere with no warning, and yeah. He was kinda resentful about it. Ugh! The joys of parenting. You live and learn. Unfortunately, for the first-born, things are rocky since their parents are new to the whole parenting thing. So they’re a crash-coarse. Lol.

Anyways, 2015 has been amazing. I am thankful to everyone whose been apart of it. Especially the friends and family, near and far,  that have been there to share the laughter and the odd tears. But mostly laughter.

I’m grateful for my bestie for going for long crazy walks with me, those will be memories that will last a life-time. Thanks to her I got out of London for a day, and traveled to Kitchener, Waterloo, and Cambridge. Despite our lack of sleep, we still had a good time. Haha! Thank you caffeine!

I am grateful to still be a part of the New School of Colour. Thank you Marshall for taking the reigns and keeping the program going at the Ark Aid Street Mission.

I am thankful for the new friends I meet along the way.

I am thankful that my children and I are accepted into my boyfriends huge family.

Thank you to my ex for letting my children be in my life for another year. It’s been fun!

Thank you to my man of coarse. He’s taken me to such beautiful places during our hikes, and he’s made me feel like I actually matter. Thank him for picking me flowers, and for trying to surprise me at the Train station on a sprained ankle. Thank him for never giving up on me, and for actually wanting to be a father to our baby. Thank him for trying his best to be a positive part of my childrens lives. Even though there is some resistance there from my son. He doesn’t give up. Thank him for still loving me even when I get insecure, and feel like a fat lil pregnant hippo. Lol Thank him for his patience and hanging in there during my mood swings. Thank his beautiful mind, for always coming up with solutions when I panic and get emotional over obstacles in life. There is so much I can thank him for. He truly is amazing. ❤

Onto other things…This blog is turning into a blog of thank you’s, which there is nothing wrong with that. But I’m kinda avoiding what I really wanted to type about. But since I am on the topic of gratitude…

Christmas didn’t turn out as awesome as I thought it would be. However thank my man for busting his ass to try to make it awesome. I kinda feel bad that my son was so ungrateful and rude.

My ex just had to give him  tablet for Christmas. Nothing else seemed to have mattered. I mean, even one of my gifts that I gave him nearly got thrown in the trash with the wrapping paper. That’s how oblivious he was to the other gifts. He just wanted to go back to playing on his tablet. My boyfriend didn’t even get a thank you. My son has no idea how hard my man worked and stressed about giving my children a good Christmas. Which is pretty huge, because he really didn’t have to. But he did.

Thankfully, we when we went to visit My boyfriends family, on his fathers side, the tablet got left behind. However, my boyfriends family mentioned that they noticed an attitude problem with my son. Which is why they were kinda distant from him.

As my sons mother, that’s a wake up call. Of coarse I see my children as little angels. But I mean if their first impression of my son is concerning. Then yeah, somethings not right, and clearly needs to be worked on before things get way too out of hand.

I mean, I know there has been issues with the schools. But I can not pin point exactly what it is regarding my son that is causing all this. I know him and his father have a bumpy relationship. Obviously. There has been verbal abuse in the past. And my son said he wanted to put an axe in his fathers head. He’s angry. But then again, there was a time he and my daughter were hoping me and my ex would reconcile and get back together. I told them that that wouldn’t happen. I’m sure that hurt. But let’s face it, my ex and I’s past relationship was severely unhealthy. Then there’s the change with me getting into a new relationship. At first things seemed okay. But as time goes on, it’s like my son is building a wall blocking my partner out. I don’t think he copes with change very well. Never has. Even with the arrival of his little sister. He didn’t cope well with that very well either. And now there’s  another sibling on the way. He says he’s hoping for a brother, someone he can talk to. But, he doesn’t really talk to anyone. Whatever the main root of his issues are, he doesn’t let anyone in.

My partner thinks he’s a good kid regardless. He cares for him, and wants to be there for him. I mean, lately I’ve been concerned about my sons education, since he got pulled out of school to home school. Home-school doesn’t sound like it’s going very well. So yeah, I’m worried he’s falling more behind. My partner, however, bought a grade 5 curriculum text book, that includes Math, science, social studies and English. We’ve decided that our son won’t be allowed to use the XBox One, or computer, until he completes work from the text book. 1 page, both sides per subject. That way, I can see for myself just how far behind he is, and where he needs work.

My ex can teach him whatever at his place, but we’ll ( my boyfriend and I) do what we can from our end. I mean, I already asked my ex not to let our son bring his tablet over again. The whole purpose of the visits is so that I can see my son and daughter, and vice-versa. My son doesn’t come here to visit his tablet. So yeah, I don’t even want that thing here. Over the holidays, he was glued to that thing. Freakin technology, and children do not mix.

I mean, some parents are successful with technology and kids, they use it for educational purposes. However, with our son, it’s too late for that because it’s just been flat out entertainment since he was 5 years old.

So yeah, ya know? I want my son to be successful in the future. I don’t want him to have to struggle like his parents do within the welfare system. It’s not easy to get out of, as some people claim. That’s lucky. Not easy.

And I certainly don’t want him to turn to drugs and crime just to get by. My son is better than that. He deserves better than that. It’s too bad that his confidence is so low that he doesn’t believe that, or himself.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my son more than you’ll ever know. But as his mother, I won’t deny that there’s a problem and this mother is worried for him.

So I hope for 2016, and the years to follow, we can turn things around for him for the better. I hope I have the courage and strength to be the example he needs me to be. Sure I’ve accomplished great things over the years, but I’ll need to push myself even farther. Someones gotta do it, and show him another way.

So yeah, 2015 has had it’s ups, downs, obstacles and challenges. Bring on 2016! Thanks a bunch for reading, see you in the new year! Peace and love!- Pooks

“An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”

– Yogi Bhajan

 

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Making up for my Absence

Long time no see!

I apologize for not blogging much lately. I think it’s been 2 weeks or so since the last time I blogged. But with Christmas rapidly approaching, we’ve been kinda busy. However, we think that my son and my daughter will have a good Christmas. Thanks to everyone that pitched in to help make this possible, wither it be through providing gifts, or money for gifts. You’re awesome! Miigwech!

Anyways, my last two Leads appointments went well. We started a module on confidence, and it turns out that my confidence isn’t as low as I had thought. It’s pretty good considering. However, pinpointing my insecurities, or admitting my insecurities was quite difficult. I got all teary eyed. But yeah, I had to state what goes through my mind, and what could have started those negative thoughts that belittle me and hold me back. It all goes back to my childhood, and the abusive foster mom. Fuck her!

I guess I need to talk about shit more until it no longer has any effect on me. But that’s the problem, as an introvert, I don’t talk about these things. In fact, I would rather try to forget. Even though that doesn’t really work, obviously. Ya know? I can move on with my life, but somewhere in the back of my mind these memories still exist, and haunt me when I am trying to move up in my life. So yeah, I need to speak about it verbally. That’s going to be a challenge. Talking about things and people I would rather pretend didn’t even exist.

Thankfully, I have my partner, and I know when I’m ready, he will listen.

But that’s enough of that. That’s some internal shit I need to work on that could in the end improve my confidence.

Umm… what else? Last week we made snow flakes out of paper at Leads. Just doing something fun and creative before the holidays. This wasn’t your ordinary fold and cut kind of snow flake. So thanks to my worker for teaching me something new. The one I made turned out pretty cool, and it is now hanging on my front door. So instead of your typical Christmas wreath, I have this cool looking snowflake! 🙂

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

At the New School of Colour, I completed a painting that has that H.R Giger Xenomorph resemblance. Which is pretty cool since I was not copying from any images, it was straight out of my head/ memory, and it came pretty close. People can tell where the inspiration came from.

As for the background, I was trying to paint without the bristles of a paintbrush. So I’d use the other end. Or I would find other objects to use. Such as the cap to my Gatorade, or the lid to my Lays Chips container. So on and so forth. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. I brought it home so that my partner can put a clear coat on it, since I can’t really do that on my own. Being pregnant and all. I have to be more careful around things that involve chemicals.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Last week, my mind kinda went blank. So I was working on some zentangles just for the hell of it.

Which reminds me, the current facilitator said that he’d try to get my art work into the library. Kind of like a small solo exhibit. That’s cool. I mean, I’ve been with the New School of Colour since 2011, and still haven’t had a solo art exhibition yet. Maybe it’s about time.

Umm… Within these last 2 weeks I also submitted some of my photography into something called “Colouring London”. Similar to what I have participated in the past with my photography, “Colouring between the Lines”. It is run by the same person that did the “Colouring between the Lines” exhibition a year or two ago, Lincoln McCardle. The difference is, this time around, the photographs submitted that get converted into colouring pages will become part of a colouring book. That’s cool. The proceeds will go to a local charity.  There’s still time to get involved, so if you are a London, ON photographer, you can submit your work to the following FB page:

Colouring London

One of 4 photographs I submitted into Colouring London. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

One of four photographs that I submitted into Colouring London. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

This past weekend my daughter was teaching me some French that she’s been learning at school. So that’s pretty awesome. She knows more words than I do. According to her report card, she’s doing well in school.

However, when it comes to an education, my son is falling more and more behind. From my perspective, both the school and my ex are responsible. The school, because it’s like they don’t want my son around. So even though my ex has been bringing my son to school, the school just sends our son back home shortly after. I can understand why my ex would get fed up, and decide to pull our son out of school. That goes on long enough, it’s like, what’s the point of bringing him in, if the school is just going to send him back home anyways. However, the homeschooling hasn’t really started, and according to my daughter, my son just sleeps all day. And sometimes I think my ex is capable of teaching our son, other times… I worry. I mean, an education is not watching Infowars. He needs to learn to read and write, and do math, and learn other skills that would benefit his future. Perhaps even learning a trade if all else fails. Infowars, and conspiracy theories won’t do that. I mean, our son has got to learn to take care of himself one day, and at this rate, it’s not looking so good. He’s not motivated to learn anything. It seems like his only interest is videogames. So as his mother, I am concerned. How do you teach someone that doesn’t want to learn? Or maybe noone has found the way to teach him yet. I mean, educational institutions focus on one way of learning, and that is auditory. Not everyone learns that way. Some people, like myself, are more visual and kinaesthetic.

Anyways, that’s a little mind boggling. I mean, I only see my children on weekends, so there is only so much I can do. My time is limited. So my sons education basically lies in the hands of the primary caregiver, my ex. Hopefully he can figure something out. Our son doesn’t need to fall more behind than he already is.

Other than that, my visits with my children have been going well. they’re good children. Even though my partner feels as if my son is being a bit resistant towards him. That whole “You’re not my father” kinda thing. But my man can understand, and has been pretty patient. I mean, he too has grown up with step dads in his life. So yeah, he can understand my son in that regard more than my son realizes. Lol

Before I forget, I want to mention that over the weekend I finally did a Christmas window painting. I painted the Grinch on the front window of my house, and I guess it turned out pretty good. I mean, the neighbors across the street asked my partner where we bought it from. I guess they thought it was one of those peel and stick on things you put on your window. Haha! Nope! My man proudly answered and said that I painted it, and that he’s always amazed with the things I can paint.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm.. what else? We’ve been preparing for our baby. Thank you to Angie Cooke from the Hamiltion Rd/ OEV Buy Nothing Group for giving us a crib.  And thank you to the kind lady that traveled all the way from Strathroy to give us a stroller. That takes care of two major pricey baby items we’ll be needing in the near future. The crib we got for free. As for the stroller, we probably paid only the quarter of the price of a brand new one. In the long run, that will help us out financially.

While I’m saying my thank you’s. I want to thank my good friend Melly for coming with me t o the Mall last week to do some Christmas shopping. It helps to go with someone that is familiar with the malls. 🙂

As for a baby update, my next doctor appointment is early January, and I believe my next ultrasound will be scheduled then. However I am happy to say that I can feel my baby kick more often. It’s kicks are getting stronger. So he or she must be growing. 🙂

Oh that reminds me, we did pick out names for our baby, even though we don’t know the sex yet.

For a girl: Lily Adelaide King Wuytenburg

For a boy: Adelaide Derek King Wuytenburg

We got the name Lily from my daughter. She actually suggested Lily tiger ( I think she meant Tiger Lily). But we thought the name Lily alone had a ring to it.

As for Adelaide, that is the name of the street that holds a lot of my partner and I’s relationship history. My man gave me his number to me twice on Adelaide Street. We’ve been for dates on Adelaide. We went grocery shopping on Adelaide. We both lived east of Adelaide. Our baby was even conceived on Adelaide. Lol The list goes on and on.

Derek, because that is my mans name. And my man has his fathers name for a middle name. so were kinda passing on the tradition so to speak.

King is my biological last name.

Wuytenburg is my mans last name.

So yaaay! We have a name. We actually picked those out months ago, but I just forgot to mention it here. Now you know.

Anyways, I think this is turning into quite the novel, so I shall end it here. Hard to believe Christmas is 2 days away already. But I am excited. It’s been awhile since I have celebrated Christmas with my son and daughter. I am looking forward to it. So I guess that leaves me with one more thank you. Thank you to my ex for allowing me to have our children over at my place for Christmas. It means a lot!

Oh, and thank you to the readers that actually take the time to read this whole blog post. Lol I know, it’s a long one. But then again, I’ve been M.I.A for 2 weeks. So yeah, a nice long blog post should make up for my absence. Hope you enjoyed the read. Peace and Love! – Pooks

Source: Power of Positivity

Source: Power of Positivity

 

In Their Ideal Society

Hello again!

I know it’s been awhile since I blogged. I believe I skipped a week. But some time away doesn’t hurt once in awhile.

Anyways, umm… what are the major things that have been happening. Besides the obvious, preparing for Christmas. This year I get to have my children over for Christmas, so that’s going to be awesome. My son requested to have an awesome Christmas dinner, with banana bread and cheese cake for dessert. We shall see what we can do. As in my partner and I.

Not only that but we have also been trying to prepare for our baby that is on the way. We managed to find a play pen for a good deal at a nearby second hand store. That was awesome. And My man’s sister gave us a bunch of stuff for the baby, a changing mat, clothes, bibs, etc. etc. Even though we do not know the sex of our baby.

Which reminds me, I might be getting an ultrasound sooner than expected. During my last doctor appointment, the doctor said my baby is underweight. I found that devastating. Because now Dr. M. Kennedy, like most doctors with a native patient, jump to the worst conclusions. Oh she’s native, she must be on drugs, or drinking alcohol. He was getting ready to call C.A.S, which upset and totally pissed me off. I mean, C.A.S has interfered enough with my life, like half of it. And this freakin doctor wanted to call them just because I “have a history with them.” He said, “They are there to help.” Hahaha! Bullshit! Not with my experience. They are there to help white people, the Capitalists, and the genocide. To rid people of colour in their ideal society.

I mean, years ago, it was a doctor at Victoria Hospital that got C.A.S involved back when my son was a baby. That judgmental, discriminating jackass jumped to conclusions and rather than testing me to see what’s up. He automatically accuses me of coming down off of crack, when truthfully, as the nurses found out after the fact, I had a breast infection; mastitis. These doctors should do their jobs rather than jumping to conclusions based on race. That’s very unprofessional. So yeah, haven’t really trusted doctors since. I hate them all equally.

Anyways,  back to recent times, another doctor came in and said that they won’t be calling C.A.S because they are not concerned. However, they will be monitoring the baby’s growth throughout my pregnancy. Which is why they want another ultrasound done soon.

I have to make sure my following appointments land on Mondays, so I get the same 2 doctors as last time. They want to be the ones to follow my pregnancy, and be there when I’m in labour. The Victoria Family Medical Centre doctors work in alternating teams. So yeah, if I book a different day, different doctor. I don’t mind the female doctor, but the male one, ooooooh… he got on my bad side for even mentioning C.A.S. However, I will remain co-operative. I know what could be stunting the growth of my baby, caffeine and smoking.

Anyways, after my appointment, my man came home to me crying. I’m so fortunate to have him there as support. Even when I’m all emotional. Right away he started to do some research on healthy foods that can help with weight gain during pregnancy, and went shopping for those foods. So yeah, even my diet has changed. I try to avoid drinking beverages with caffeine. We’re even being more careful with the kind of teas I drink, since there are teas that have caffeine within them. So yeah, sticking to more fruity, non caffeinated teas. Mornings are rough without some kind of caffeine, but I’ll manage. As for smoking, I smoked maybe 10 per day, and have been cutting back. Maybe I’ll be able to ween myself off them eventually. Fingers crossed! It’s not an easy habit to kick, I’ve tried and failed before.

Other than that, I missed my Leads appointment last week. I misplaced my bus pass, which turned out to be right under my nose the whole time. Go figure. I mean, since it’s getting colder, I wear a hoodie, a fleece vest ( since I can’t zip up my coat over my tummy), and my winter coat. So yeah, lots of pockets. Anyways, my bus pass was in my sweater, under all the layers the whole time. Ughh… Luckily, I was able to re-book. I mean I was looking forward to my appointment. I was just about to head out the door, and yeah, missing bus pass.

At the last appointment I attended at Leads, my worker noticed that I was fidgeting with my bus transfer as we talked. By the time I was done folding it, she said it looked like a snowflake. So that gave her the idea to make snowflakes at the next appointment. So I was curious to see if that was actually going to happen. Were we actually going to make paper snowflakes? Not your regular kind of Leads appointment. Haha! Creativity is contagious. I love it!

So yeah, I’ll see her tomorrow and find out.

As for the New School of Colour, I completed a small acrylic painting last week, and will probably be starting something new this evening.  While I’m there, my man said that is when he will be buying me a Christmas gift, and stashing it somewhere in the house. Lol

Speaking of painting, I still have to create something for the Twitter Art Exhibit, the last piece I was working on got messed up because I spilled tea all over it. So yeah, got to make another.

I also want to paint my front window with a Christmas theme this year. I got some tips from the former New School of Colour facilitator, since I knew he did that kind of thing at The Ark in the past. The thing is, finding the time. Newho, yeah, best of luck to him wherever life takes him. We was talking about getting a PH.D and becoming a doctor in the past. Maybe that’s what he’s doing. Good luck fellow rainbow ninja! We all know how much I love doctors. Hahaha! Maybe he will turn out to be a decent one. Who knows?!

During my last visit with my kids, we went for a walk to the park, and then wondered down streets we’ve never been down. I think I have a good sense of direction, so we didn’t get lost. Lol

Anyways, that’s life lately. Thank you for reading! Peace and Love! – Pooks

“Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble.”

– Lemony Snicket

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©