Happy New Years to all my readers! Thank you for reading and following my blog through out the years. Hard to believe I’ve been doing this for 4 years now. But yeah, thanks for joining me on my journey through life.
This year has been amazing and full of surprises. I mean, I never thought I would be in a relationship, let alone expecting another baby. I thought it would be another year of the “untouchable Pooks.” But nope. I got swept off my feet, by this remarkable man that’s been waiting for me for years. And now he’s become a huge part of my life.
No, our pregnancy wasn’t planned. But we are both taking a chance. Besides, I think it’s helped us grow even closer. And our baby-to-be is more and more seen as a blessing. We both look forward to his or her arrival. 3 more months!!
I think it’s cute when my daughter kisses and hugs my tummy. Or when she says things like, after the baby is born, she wants to hold the baby and watch movies together. That’s so cute. ❤ She seems to be handling the news of a younger sibling better than her brother did back in the day. But then again, we didn’t really prepare or talk to him about it. So to him, his little sister came out of nowhere with no warning, and yeah. He was kinda resentful about it. Ugh! The joys of parenting. You live and learn. Unfortunately, for the first-born, things are rocky since their parents are new to the whole parenting thing. So they’re a crash-coarse. Lol.
Anyways, 2015 has been amazing. I am thankful to everyone whose been apart of it. Especially the friends and family, near and far, that have been there to share the laughter and the odd tears. But mostly laughter.
I’m grateful for my bestie for going for long crazy walks with me, those will be memories that will last a life-time. Thanks to her I got out of London for a day, and traveled to Kitchener, Waterloo, and Cambridge. Despite our lack of sleep, we still had a good time. Haha! Thank you caffeine!
I am grateful to still be a part of the New School of Colour. Thank you Marshall for taking the reigns and keeping the program going at the Ark Aid Street Mission.
I am thankful for the new friends I meet along the way.
I am thankful that my children and I are accepted into my boyfriends huge family.
Thank you to my ex for letting my children be in my life for another year. It’s been fun!
Thank you to my man of coarse. He’s taken me to such beautiful places during our hikes, and he’s made me feel like I actually matter. Thank him for picking me flowers, and for trying to surprise me at the Train station on a sprained ankle. Thank him for never giving up on me, and for actually wanting to be a father to our baby. Thank him for trying his best to be a positive part of my childrens lives. Even though there is some resistance there from my son. He doesn’t give up. Thank him for still loving me even when I get insecure, and feel like a fat lil pregnant hippo. Lol Thank him for his patience and hanging in there during my mood swings. Thank his beautiful mind, for always coming up with solutions when I panic and get emotional over obstacles in life. There is so much I can thank him for. He truly is amazing. ❤
Onto other things…This blog is turning into a blog of thank you’s, which there is nothing wrong with that. But I’m kinda avoiding what I really wanted to type about. But since I am on the topic of gratitude…
Christmas didn’t turn out as awesome as I thought it would be. However thank my man for busting his ass to try to make it awesome. I kinda feel bad that my son was so ungrateful and rude.
My ex just had to give him tablet for Christmas. Nothing else seemed to have mattered. I mean, even one of my gifts that I gave him nearly got thrown in the trash with the wrapping paper. That’s how oblivious he was to the other gifts. He just wanted to go back to playing on his tablet. My boyfriend didn’t even get a thank you. My son has no idea how hard my man worked and stressed about giving my children a good Christmas. Which is pretty huge, because he really didn’t have to. But he did.
Thankfully, we when we went to visit My boyfriends family, on his fathers side, the tablet got left behind. However, my boyfriends family mentioned that they noticed an attitude problem with my son. Which is why they were kinda distant from him.
As my sons mother, that’s a wake up call. Of coarse I see my children as little angels. But I mean if their first impression of my son is concerning. Then yeah, somethings not right, and clearly needs to be worked on before things get way too out of hand.
I mean, I know there has been issues with the schools. But I can not pin point exactly what it is regarding my son that is causing all this. I know him and his father have a bumpy relationship. Obviously. There has been verbal abuse in the past. And my son said he wanted to put an axe in his fathers head. He’s angry. But then again, there was a time he and my daughter were hoping me and my ex would reconcile and get back together. I told them that that wouldn’t happen. I’m sure that hurt. But let’s face it, my ex and I’s past relationship was severely unhealthy. Then there’s the change with me getting into a new relationship. At first things seemed okay. But as time goes on, it’s like my son is building a wall blocking my partner out. I don’t think he copes with change very well. Never has. Even with the arrival of his little sister. He didn’t cope well with that very well either. And now there’s another sibling on the way. He says he’s hoping for a brother, someone he can talk to. But, he doesn’t really talk to anyone. Whatever the main root of his issues are, he doesn’t let anyone in.
My partner thinks he’s a good kid regardless. He cares for him, and wants to be there for him. I mean, lately I’ve been concerned about my sons education, since he got pulled out of school to home school. Home-school doesn’t sound like it’s going very well. So yeah, I’m worried he’s falling more behind. My partner, however, bought a grade 5 curriculum text book, that includes Math, science, social studies and English. We’ve decided that our son won’t be allowed to use the XBox One, or computer, until he completes work from the text book. 1 page, both sides per subject. That way, I can see for myself just how far behind he is, and where he needs work.
My ex can teach him whatever at his place, but we’ll ( my boyfriend and I) do what we can from our end. I mean, I already asked my ex not to let our son bring his tablet over again. The whole purpose of the visits is so that I can see my son and daughter, and vice-versa. My son doesn’t come here to visit his tablet. So yeah, I don’t even want that thing here. Over the holidays, he was glued to that thing. Freakin technology, and children do not mix.
I mean, some parents are successful with technology and kids, they use it for educational purposes. However, with our son, it’s too late for that because it’s just been flat out entertainment since he was 5 years old.
So yeah, ya know? I want my son to be successful in the future. I don’t want him to have to struggle like his parents do within the welfare system. It’s not easy to get out of, as some people claim. That’s lucky. Not easy.
And I certainly don’t want him to turn to drugs and crime just to get by. My son is better than that. He deserves better than that. It’s too bad that his confidence is so low that he doesn’t believe that, or himself.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my son more than you’ll ever know. But as his mother, I won’t deny that there’s a problem and this mother is worried for him.
So I hope for 2016, and the years to follow, we can turn things around for him for the better. I hope I have the courage and strength to be the example he needs me to be. Sure I’ve accomplished great things over the years, but I’ll need to push myself even farther. Someones gotta do it, and show him another way.
So yeah, 2015 has had it’s ups, downs, obstacles and challenges. Bring on 2016! Thanks a bunch for reading, see you in the new year! Peace and love!- Pooks
“An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”
– Yogi Bhajan