No Focal Point

I haven’t posted for a bit. No worries, I’m okay. I’m pretty much just waiting around to go into labour. For the last week or so, that’s all I have been hearing lately, even from complete strangers; “Any day now.”
Since my last post, I had 2 regular check up appointments. Last week, was rather painful. I think it should be mandatory that doctors trim their nails before measuring a cervix. As for yesterday, it went a lot better. However my current doctor that is following my pregnancy wanted to induce me right then and there, but at the time, I had my daughter in my care. And yeah, that would have just made things kinda chaotic. Even though my ex, my man, and I all discussed that if I were to go into labour while my daughter was over, the plan was to text or call the ex telling him to meet us at the hospital.
It’s kind of a relief that we can communicate between the 3 of us as co-parents. I mean, this past weekend I did get a bit emotional regarding my visits. I was upset that my ex is usually late, and when my man said he could pick up my daughter and then couldn’t. I just broke down feeling like I was the only one that cared about my visits. But that’s not true. My man had to work on Saturday, and he was offered some money afterwards if he helped someone move. He thought he’d be done in time, but clearly wasn’t. He kinda bit more than he could chew trying to be a super human. Turns out the guy he was helping out hasn’t even started to pack or whatever, and my man was expecting things to be ready to move when in fact they weren’t.
As for my ex, he usually has to wait around until he can find someone to watch over our son. He doesn’t trust leaving our son alone at home unattended, especially since our son has been stealing from his own father lately. He would take food, coffee, smokes, money, and whatever else to give to one of his buddies, whom probably pass that on to their parents. They really need to get out of that complex, it’s having a negative influence.
Anyways, it can take hours before my ex finds someone to watch our son and his unit.
So yeah, let that go. They both know how I feel about my visits. And that I’d appreciate it if we tried to stick to our agreement which is to have our daughter here by 2pm. Or close to it. Not 8pm. There goes majority of my time.
The reason I just say my daughter, is because my son still has no interest in coming over. We thought that maybe it could be that there is a lot of changes happening all at once, and he does not handle change well. Mom’s new boyfriend, Mom’s pregnant, Mom’s boyfriend moving in, Homeschooling, Etc. But according to my daughter, she told me over the weekend that my son hates me over something that happened in the past. A long time ago. Yeah well, that’s the past. I am no longer there, and if he’s going to bring random shit up and dwell, then that’s his problem.
It wasn’t easy being a single mom, with their dad in jail, trying to cope with my sons psychotic tantrums. Heck, I even called C.A.S on myself because I didn’t know what to do. He was dangerous at the time to have around his baby sister. Throwing things like dresser drawers down the stairs, and even a desk. Had his sister been crawling by, she would’ve been seriously injured. I can’t remember how many times I had to replace that baby gate. But yeah, he definitely didn’t handle a new sibling in the house very well.
As I confessed before, I spanked him once trying to get him to snap out of it, and never again. Ever since, I ask for consent to even hug my kids. It’s a good thing he wasn’t raised in the 80’s. Heck, I don’t know anyone my age that hasn’t been spanked by hand, or with a spoon, or belt. So considering, kids these days are quite pampered and shouldn’t complain. Nowadays, parents got to think of alternative ways to discipline. So yeah, compared to my upbringing, he’s being a bitch and complaining about pussy ass shit. Excuse the language, but it’s true.
Besides that, he seemed less interested in coming over when my man and I became more strict with the video and computer games anyways. Thanks. Nothing like making mom feel like I’m not the one he came to visit, he came to visit a piece of junk. And as my daughter tells me, that’s all he does at home, he plays on his tablet.
I read an article not too long ago regarding children and video games. How it interferes with the development of the brain, especially the frontal lobe. So yeah. It can cause learning disabilities, and anger issues. And as I discovered from trying to teach my son at home, he’s more behind than we think. I mean, we were getting ready to start him over from grade 1 if we had to.
But whatever. My ex thinks video games are beneficial or whatever. But some day our son will see just how much time in his life he wasted staring at a screen. He could be spending time with family, making friends, learning or doing more productive things, so on and so forth. Ya know? He’s missing his whole damn childhood.
But yeah. Like my man’s mother says, regarding homeschooling, our son will be tested by the school board, and we’ll see if he’s actually doing anything. Or learning anything. If not, I’m sure C.A.S will be called. Just what my ex was running from in the first place.
My ex did say he was thinking about pulling our daughter out of school too, because he is against vaccines. But after some research, those vaccines are mandatory otherwise your child cannot attend school. It would be unwise to pull out another child of ours out of school, especially since she’s doing so well. Take her out, and all she has is her surrounding environment as an influence. A ghetto complex. For a girl, that can lead to prostitution. I’m sure my ex wants better for his little girl. So swallow your pride, get her to take the vaccines wither you like it or not. She has dreams of becoming a baker, that’s better than a hooker. Keep her in school and maybe she can make that dream of hers a reality.
Other than all that…we celebrated Easter early this past weekend because I can go into labour “any day now”. My due date is actually during the Easter holidays. So we’ll see. When the baby comes, the baby comes. They have their own schedule. Lol
But yeah, my man did a superb job setting things up for our little Easter get together. He put my daughters and my sons Easter basket together. He set up an Easter egg hunt for my daughter, and even cooked an Easter dinner. It was my first time trying Rabbit. Which turned out pretty good actually. For some reason I thought rabbit would be a dark meat, but no, it’s white meat. And kinda tastes like chicken. Just a little blander.
I haven’t been working on any art lately. Even though my Doula thinks it would be cool if I painted something to be my focal point for when I give birth. Ya know? Something with an inspiring message that will help get me through the contractions.
I don’t know. I find myself extremely tired lately, an exhaustion that naps during the day can’t even suffice. Maybe it’s the rapid weight gain, or maybe my body is just trying to rest now, and conserve energy for when I do go into labour. It’s like an endless fatigue. At first I thought it was an iron deficiency, since I had forgotten to take my iron pills for awhile. But now that’s back into a routine, and I’m still exhausted. But yeah, my body is doing a number of things getting ready for the baby. So that’s what I’m thinking. Soon, I just don’t know when exactly.
Hopefully I have this baby before April 1st. As I mentioned before, there is a huge family gathering happening that day, and it would be nice to bring the baby. My man’s mom sounds so cute when she calls, all anxious for this baby to arrive. She recommends I get induced the next time the opportunity arrives.
According to my doctor, if I don’t go into labour by the 31st, an appointment will be scheduled for me to be induced. By then it will be too late. So hopefully this baby comes soon, or by its due date, the 26th.
Over the weekend I met a friend of my man’s, and the woman she was with is a photographer. Anyways, She offered to do maternity pics, or New born pics. But I have another photographer in mind that I wouldn’t mind helping getting her work out there. Platinum Phoenix Photography, I’ve been an acquaintance and fan of this photographer for awhile. She used to be a friend, until my supposed foster sister got all possessive and told me to stay away from her and her friends. So yeah, we don’t hang out, but I follow and support her work.
So yeah, my plan is to get some portraits done of my man and I’s baby, and mail some photos out to family members and close friends, and of coarse get the photographer’s work out there via. social media as my thank you.
What else? A friend of ours says he wants us to go out and do things this summer with him. Ya know? Baseball games, air shows, just eventful stuff and chill. So we’ll see.
I think it’ll be a good Spring/ Summer. My man is fixing up the yard. It just looks better and better. I might have grass this year, instead of a jungle. That would be awesome!
Every year I say I’m going to go to the Sifton Bog, but this year… Yes, I am going to go to the Sifton Bog damn it! I am determined!! Haha!
Uhh… might not make it down to see my relatives up north this year, maybe next year. They too want to meet the baby. That’s cool, but yeah. Traveling takes planning and finances. This year we are hoping to see my man’s 80 year old grandfather while he’s in the province. So going to see him and other family members is a lot closer than Red Lake, Ontario. It might take awhile before we can get up there. But my Aunt is excited and can’t wait to show my man all her favorite fishing spots. Lol My family likes him already, and they haven’t even met yet. 🙂
Overall things are good. Even though there is always that concern for my son in the back of my mind.
And as for this baby… I want it to come already, and then there’s another part of me that is like; No. Stay in there a little longer! Ya know? Because I remember hours and hours of contractions. It had been 7 years since I’ve done this labour thing. Lol I might not be as strong as I used to be.
That reminds me, the friend of my man’s that we met with the photographer, she was like; “aren’t you promiscuous?” Umm… not really. Like I said. It’s been 7 years since I gave birth. 5 years between dating. I was seeing someone in 2011, and haven’t dated again until I met my man for the 3rd or 4th time. During that 5 year gap, I shot a lot of men down. Might have had one one night stand in there during a drunken Halloween. But other than that, I was focused on me, my art, and my children. If that’s promiscuous, then wow. The standards of promiscuity clearly have changed. Haha!
I admit, when my man and I got together we were like 2 rabbits in the Spring time. Just completely enthralled by one another. Lol
I’m still crazy about him, but in a more meaningful kind of way. Like I said before, I think this baby has brought us closer together.
And soon, our baby will be here… Peace and Love – Pooks

“No one’s family is normal. Normalcy is a lie invented by advertising agencies to make the rest of us feel inferior.”

– Claire Lazebnik

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s