I had a good weekend with my daughter, my son was gone to a birthday sleepover. Anyway, we were pretending all her little stuffed animals were going to school, and she was the teacher. She would give prizes to whatever stuffy drew the best (drawn by moi) on the sticky notes she handed out. It was cute.
What else did we do? We took turns playing a game on the computer, which was kinda like Pac-Man, but an Amazing World of Gumball Version called Haunted House Prank.
We visited two cats down the street again. My daughter likes to visit them when they’re outside, and pets them. We discovered that they are both males, they’re brothers. The orange, beige one is very cuddly.
We went to McMahen Park. I was surprised she picked that park to go to, because it’s not the closest. We’d have to catch a bus, and we did. At the bus stop we played tag and hide n’ seek. She likes the plastic little blue whale at McMahen Park, and the other park equipment it has that she can climb on. I pushed her on a swing. We played tag. We rolled around in the empty blue pool trying to bump into each-other. We even buried her feet, and made her funny fat shoes out of sand.
We saw a rainbow and went on a hunt for the end of the rainbow through the Old East Village. I knew we wouldn’t find it, but it was fun to go on an adventure with my daughter anyways. We got distracted by the gardens within the neighborhood. Since my daughter wanted to pick flowers, I was knocking on doors, or ringing doorbells asking people in the neighborhood if we could pick their flowers. The people were nice, no one said no, and my daughter made herself a pretty bouquet to bring back to my place.
Anyway, when I picked her up on Saturday, my daughters father asked our daughter to call her before bed. So I got her all tucked in and made the phone call that night, which didn’t go as I expected. I thought she’d say “I love you, Good night.” Nope. Instead she said to her father; “I hate you Dad.” Yikes! I’m sure that’s gonna somehow be my fault.
I mean, my ex already blames my son’s behavior on me. He says it only happens when I’m around, where our son will say “I hate you” to his father, or he calls his dad a goof, a retard, and says he can’t wait until he’s older so he can put an axe in his fathers head. Clearly I’m not the problem here.
I mean, I don’t speak a word about their father during the visits. I got better things to do, obviously. Like enjoy and spend times with my freakin kids! Actually PLAY with them, while they’re still young. They’re not gonna be young forever. I might as well embrace the time where they actually want to play with a parent. I mean, our son is getting pretty damn close to being a pre-teen, and soon he’ll have his own hobbies, he’ll be “too cool” to play with mom or dad, his friends will be what’s cool. I mean, my ex thinks it’s not his job to entertain the kids, so he doesn’t even play with them. Wow, Does he ever take this time for granted. I enjoy the play-time, I could be a stuffed teddy bear going to school, a customer at our son and daughters fast- food drive in, snow banks could be points of safety from the lava, cracks in the sidewalks could be laser beams, so on and so forth. You never know where a kids imagination will take you. It’s a new adventure every time.
Anyway, when my ex came to pick up our daughter, she didn’t want to leave, and our son started the whole name calling thing again towards his father. I told him to stop, and said that that was verbal abuse. Although, my son probably experiences a lot of verbal abuse from my ex back at their home. Not that he’ll ever admit it. I mean, our son’s gotta get it from somewhere, and why is he so angry at his father?!
Aside from that, my ex was picking up our daughter. He says to me that things are going to change “for their safety.” Meaning, my access. Supposedly someone broke into his home and stole his money, and tampered with his barbeque tank so that it was leaking propane. Once again, must be my fault. Although, where he lives, he lives in low income complexes. A neighborhood where he can’t even have a tarp in his backyard without it being stolen.
You want to talk about safety?! I think the only one feeling threatened by me is my ex because I express the truth! I guess I’m supposed to keep my mouth shut if I’m being psychologically abused. Whoops!
I’m sorry, but if I want to get all this negativity out of my system, I write, I paint, and yes, I freakin share it. That’s what I do. I take that negative energy and turn it into something else.
So clearly he still stalks this blog, because he’s got nothing better to do than troll on his ex-girlfriend, whom he’s been separated from for FOUR YEARS!!! Yeah, someones got issues.
Anyway, the whole ordeal over a pair of clothes? That was a wake up call, not to let my guard down and to expect that he will use our kids to power trip if he doesn’t get his way, or doesn’t like something I say. He’s a power thirsty, controlling little bitch. Bravo! You’re a bigger bitch than any woman I know. One of those guys that thinks he has to be an utter asshole to be “manly”. Umm.. yeah, news flash! Women don’t find that attractive.
There’s already been some changes, he won’t let me into his home, and I won’t let him into mine. Fine by me. It was like 2 steps forward, 5 steps back. That’s his own damn fault. Of coarse, he won’t admit it, he’s too busy pointing fingers everywhere else, that’s what he does. It could take years before he man’s up and takes responsibility for his actions.
It’s not my fault he’s miserable, and doesn’t want to do anything about it. All these supposed things he says about opening a spa business with a friend, or whatever. Through the years, I’ve learned that it’s all talk. He isn’t gonna do shit.
As far as I’ve known him, he’s never been happy. He thinks if he moves he’ll be happier. HA! He’s bounced all over the place from apartment, to townhouse, to townhouse, and you know what? Location isn’t the issue. His problem is internal.
So whatever, he’s being kinda psychotic lately. Hopefully that doesn’t effect my access with my kids. Although he did offer to go swimming with him and the kids. But I don’t think I’m comfortable being around an ex-boyfriend in a bathing suit. I dunno, I kinda feel too exposed, and the last thing I want is an ex looking at me like I’m a chunk of meat. No thanks. The way he’s been acting lately, I’m better off just waiting for the days I have my visits, keeping as much distance between my ex and I. See you in 5 or 6 days, depending on the week. Until then, only text me with shit that actually matters. Like a meeting at the school, or an emergency. Material things don’t qualify.
I mean, I have always been pretty good when it comes to returning the kids clothes. Turns out he had the grey pair of pants. The pink pair of pants were here. It didn’t make it into the laundry pile apparently. It’s not like I wouldn’t have returned it the next time I see ya. Geez! I mean, our daughter left her socks at the park, and after I left my exes place one time, I returned to the park and picked them up. I brought them home, washed them, and returned them to my ex’s place the next time I saw them all. Ugh! Nothing like trying to parent with an over-reacting psycho.
Yeah, he did apologize for being rude, and for saying that my attitude sucked. He admitted it wasn’t that bad. That’s besides the point, if this taught me anything, is to not take his apologies literally. Why? Because he is still threatening to tamper with my access. You’re not really sorry if you’re gonna keep doing the same shit. He’s still being abusive. Yeah, using the kids as a tool to power-trip me is abuse. Not fair to me, not fair to the kids. Not like he really thinks of anyone else besides himself anyways.
I apologize to you readers. He is very toxic, and yeah, I have to vent, and vent, and vent, until I no longer feel the need to. This blog was pleasant, until he came into my thoughts. I mean, I should be out of the house, getting shit done, but no. I’m venting. If I didn’t, this would all be bottled up within, and I would be like boiling kettle, or a time-bomb waiting to go off.
Onto something else…It is currently Monday, and I will publish this Tuesday. I will save it as a draft, and write more later. It is time for me to get ready, and head out to the New School of Colour. Surround myself with people that actually appreciate me, love me for me, and bring out my best.
(Monday, September 22, 2014. 3:11pm)
To be Continued….
8:49pm, Monday evening. I’m back from painting at the New School of Colour for a bit. To my surprise, our basement studio is getting a make-over. I was aware of it the week before, but never thought it would look so spacious. So far, it looks awesome. The craft stuff has been removed, the closet, and clutter from beneath the stairs have been removed…the walls have been re-painted. A fellow artist that is helping out with this make-over said to just wait until next time, they plan to even paint the floors.
It would seem as though that I have been assigned to work on a collaboration piece next week, along with Sarah, and Jeremy. That should be interesting. Normally my Ducky-Doo is my go-to person for distraction, my fellow peep to clown around with. Haha! This will be our first painting we work on together. I look forward to see how it turns out.
I should probably get my income statement into Ontario Works, before I get cut-off again. I’m just a bit distracted lately. I’ll try to get that in tomorrow. It’s just been challenging getting my ass out the door before business hours are over, wake up before 1pm, and take a shorter shower. If I can get it in right at 8:30 am, that would be great. But not likely. A lot of the time, I have no motivation to get my ass out the door and be apart of the world. Why try to fit in, and be a part of a system, or society, that only rejects you? Seems kind of dumb to me.
I admit I’ve kinda felt hopeless there for awhile. I tweeted :Starting to think maybe u all deserve to suffer the fate of your stupidity. Trying to awaken u dumb-asses is a waste of time.
It gets frustrating trying to show you the obvious, and people just ignore and do the same shit over and over. We need to separate ourselves from this dependency on oil, move onto a less damaging energy resource, and if we abolished the idea of money all together, oil would lose it’s value. Soldiers lives wouldn’t be wasted on such stupidity. You would no longer be a slave, Capitalism would fall. But no, people continue to hop into their cars, go to their slave labor of a job, and pay the Capitalists for their (the proletarians) hard work. Make any sense? No, but that’s what people do anyways because they are fucking dumb, and Capitalists take advantage and exploit on that. They don’t give a fuck, they’re wining and dining in limos and fancy jets all thanks to your passiveness. They don’t really have to work, they can live off you, literally. Take what they value away from them, make oil and money invaluable. Don’t believe in that shit. It’s all illusions anyway. Just a big lie.
And if you really do give a shit for your kids, and their kids, and the following generations, then stop allowing the Capitalists to destroy the environment. Wouldn’t you like the younger generations to be able to drink the water without being poisoned? Wouldn’t you like them to enjoy nature without it being destroyed by fracking, pipelines, and oil spills? Or are you really that freakin selfish to even think of what we may be leaving behind for them? Not to mention, only the wealthy can eat healthy, while the working class and lower, their food get’s tampered with chemicals. Why are these bitch Capitalists so privileged? Because of money? Shit that shouldn’t even be considered more valuable than your oxygen, water, and food supply.
It angers me. Along with other bullshit in my life. But ya know…I’m pretty strong. I’m still here, for some fucked up reason. I bet if another person tried to go through what I have, they would have off’ed themselves a long time ago. This world keeps trying to conform me into their ways, without even considering or accepting that maybe I’m created this way for a reason. That’s a big problem these days, rather than trying to change each-other, try accepting each-other for a change. Geez! Seems like a simple solution, but people just love to complicate it over petty bullshit.
Ruh! Ruh! Ruh!
I doubt I’ll have much to write about tomorrow. The only plan is to hand in an income statement. Nothing too exciting. So maybe I’ll post this after midnight. Which is technically Tuesday. On time. Sorry if the negativity out weighs the positive within this post, but all that energy needs to go somewhere. – Pooks
“People try to bottle up their emotions, as if it’s somehow wrong to have natural reactions to life.”- Colleen Hoover