Just thought I should leave a link here of where my fabulous journey continues. As this Blog Site comes to an end…another begins…
Hope to see you there! -Pooks
Just thought I should leave a link here of where my fabulous journey continues. As this Blog Site comes to an end…another begins…
Hope to see you there! -Pooks
Once again, been awhile since I posted.
Anyways, on Good Friday, March 25th, 2016 at 1:15pm, I gave birth to a little girl. Since we already had names chosen, that would mean, Lily Adelaide King Wuytenburg made her grand entrance to the world. She weighed 10 lbs and 11ozs. So far, the biggest of all my babies I gave birth to. So was not expecting that, especially after my last ultrasound when the lady said my baby was only 7 lbs.
Anyways, I had a lot of support with me during and after my delivery. So thank you to my man, my bestie, my doula, Dr. Thompson and Dr Rahman. Thank you to friends and family that came to visit us at the hospital. You all made this experience a positive one. Especially those in the delivery room with me. Your support and encouragement was and is still appreciated.
However, I am not impressed with Victoria Hospital, because once again, C.A.S was called, and for a stupid reason at that. Just because “they were involved in my past”.
So when the worker showed up at our home, I just spoke to her at the door because we weren’t told CAS was called, and we weren’t expecting any company. I don’t let anyone in if I am not expecting a visitor. Most people make arrangements before hand, it’s just the respectful thing to do. Supposedly she claims she called and emailed in advance, but nope. I checked.
Another date was set for her to visit, and my man spoke to her that day. Clearly that wasn’t enough, they want to speak to me directly. So yet another appointment has been scheduled.
When she came to visit again, my man took some time off work to be there and support me, and the visit didn’t turn out as bad as I had assumed it would be. I guess with all my past experience with C.A.S, I dreaded the worst. But turns out, it went rather well. My man and are not a concern, our file was closed, and the worker said she’d file a complaint on whomever from Victoria Hospital that called C.A.S on us for wasting her time.
Anyways, I just took a family members advice. This is a happy moment in my life, and I’m not going to let anyone spoil it for me. So nyeh! 😛 Lol Clearly it worked.
So yeah, been pretty busy with a newborn. Introducing her to people, friends of my man. He’s so proud.
One of these past weekends we went on our first family trip together. We went to visit my man’s mom, and a whole bunch of other family members. All together, there was 22 of us at this reunion. It was awesome. I just wish I could have been more active without hurting myself. I was still recuperating from giving birth. Regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed the nature walk, even though I may have pushed myself too hard to keep up. So yeah, after that, I was grounded. Lol I had to take it easy for the remainder of our stay.
However, it was nice to see my eldest daughter be more social this time around and having fun. She loved the trampoline. Thank my ex for letting us bring her along.
We got to meet my man’s Aunt from Alberta, and his 80 year old grandfather. They were cool.
Also, it was funny how my man’s and I’s daughter was the same size as her cousin. He’s 3 or 4 months old, and our daughter was just over a week old.
Anyways, on our way back home, the weather was insane. My man said he was under a lot of stress getting us home safely, even his hands were shaking. I mean, the roads were barely visible, they were covered in snow. But I think my man did a good job, both driving and not showing how truly stressed he was. He managed to get my eldest daughter home to her Dad safely as promised, and we got home safely as well.
It wasn’t until after that we realized just how lucky we were. I guess we just missed a huge accident on the 401. A 20 car pile up. So thank our lucky stars we weren’t in that, and hopefully those that were weren’t seriously injured.
What else? Just been settling in at home with our baby. My man has returned to work, and I am trying to stay on top of appointments and other responsibilities. However, with a newborn, yeah. A lot of my time is spoken for. She comes first.
We’ve been getting a lot of gifts and cards from family for our daughter. Thank them all for their help. I mean, we started out with barely any clothes for her, and now she’s got quite the wardrobe. Plus other baby items, toys, etc. So I couldn’t be anymore grateful. My man’s family, on both his mother’s side, and his father’s side have been amazing.
What else? The Twitter Art Exhibit’s opening reception in New York was on March 31st, and by the looks of it, it was a success. Within 2 hours they raised over $7000 for Foster Pride.
Anyways, the show runs until April 21st.
The painting I donated was a portrait of my boyfriend. I called it ” Portrait of a Carpenter.” So if you’re in New York City, check it out at the Trygve Lie Gallery.
Anyways, what else? Up with Art is quickly approaching, which will be at the Palace Theatre on April 23rd here in London, ON. Looking forward to that event. This year I will be there with my man and 2 daughters. So yeah, it will be awesome! To buy your tickets or bid on any art in advance, go to… http://www.upwithart.ca.
I haven’t returned to the New School of Colour yet. However, we just gotten a stroller not too long ago from my man’s sister. So it is possible. But I would rather wait until it is warmer, and for when my daughter is a bit bigger and settled in. We are slowly creating a routine. Kinda hard with a newborn, but yeah. I finally got her sleeping at night. At first, she was quite the night owl, but then I discovered that classical music helps her sleep.
My eldest daughter was over last weekend, and I wish I could have been more fun. But yeah, my hands have been tied with a newborn. Hopefully my eldest daughter remains patient. Ya know? Soon the baby will become mobile and things will become fun again. New adventures wait to be had.
I am feeling extremely grateful to be given the chance to be a full time parent again. And I’m grateful to have all the support that I do these days. My man, friends and family. Parenting with support, it makes a huge difference.
Anyways, quite a bit has been going on, but yeah. Feel like I’m writing against a timer. Lol Baby will wake up any moment. So yeah, I’ll leave it at that for now. Thank you for reading! Much love – Pooks.
” Build me up and I with you. For we are more one than two”
– Deborah Day
I guess once again I am writing 2 blogs in a week.
I didn’t make it to the New School of Colour yesterday, and maybe I should have went. But being pregnant and all, I listen to my body. If I feel like I need to desperately take a nap, I’ll nap. And that’s what happened. I had planned to go, but by the time 4:30pm rolled around, I was out like a light.
Anyways, it seems like during my absence an artist is trying to dominate the program. Making it all about her. She seems to have a habit of doing that. So if someone isn’t there to keep things fair between the artists, she clearly gets her way. And our new facilitator is being a bit of a door mat, and just let’s her.
The issue, this artist has her own art space where she works and displays her art. Well, now she has taken up more space. A table a friend of mine worked at has been removed to display even more of this artist’s work. And not only that, but she also has her work alone, on display on the wall upstairs at The Ark. Maybe I was mistaken, but I thought it was to be 2 artists at a time on display upstairs. So excuse me if I find this one particular artist not only being selfish, but greedy.
There is more than one artist involved in the New School of Colour. It isn’t fair to other artists if this one artist is only putting the spotlight on her own work, and not anyone else’s.
Like my friend said, “it’s the New School of Colour, Not Thorn N’ Thistle.” The brand name or supposed personal art and crafts company this artist likes to go under.
The facilitator, instead of standing up with my friend and fellow artist, just told her it’s “everyone’s space” when she saw her working station has been removed. Well then, tell that to the artist that is clearly being selfish for the limelight. IT’S EVERYONE’S SPACE!! I mean, the corner I work in hasn’t been touched, nor would it be. Why? Because Pooks is a respected artist. But clearly my friend whom was also a member of the New School of Colour, longer than I have ever been, doesn’t get the same amount of respect. Her art gets thrown in a box, and her station is removed to display this other artists work. What makes this other artist more special than anyone else?
Part of the reason I loved the New School of Colour was the diversity. The diversity of people, and the diversity of art. It never used to center around one artist. We treated eachother equal. Regardless if we got along or not. I mean, no we’re not ALL friends. But we shared the same goal, to create. And just by that alone, we respected eachother. Well, clearly that is falling apart. Because this artist and her friend don’t really respect any of the other artists apparently.
If I had my way, I would do my best to keep things fair. Every artist gets thier time in the limelight. I love all thier work. Heck, I sure as hell wouldn’t be just displaying my own work only. I’m not like that. I put others before myself. My work is rarely on display upstairs, and I don’t mind. I have my own ways of getting my art out there, not all the artists have that advantage and I know that.
So yeah, needless to say I am not impressed with what I am hearing is happening at the New School of Colour. Ya know? We’ve lost lots of artists that don’t attend anymore after the change of facilitators. And now we might lose another artist because one artist is only thinking of themselves.
If she wants the limelight so bad, than why not do another solo exhibition at EVAC like she’s done before? She did it once, she can do it again.
The point is, the New School of Colour is made up of several people, not just one person alone.
Sure I may draw in attention. But maybe that’s because of the amount of impact the program has had my life. It saved mine.
Not only that, I worked my ass off getting my alias name out there. Not with just art, but social media, and my writing. Heck, this blog has even made Pooks into a reality. If I didn’t have the support that I do, thank you all, Pooks would not be.
Did I ever have to sink to levels such as taking over the New School of Colour for attention? No. Instead, I am grateful for the program, and have always tried to give back to the New School of Colour and the Ark Aid Street Mission through my art. 10% of the proceeds that my art sells for goes back to The Ark or New School. I don’t mind. My art has never been about the money, unlike this other artist that is being an issue. My art has always been about expression. My personal healing. That’s what I use it for.
So it might be awhile before I return to the New School of Colour, since I can go into labour any day now. But I swear, if this nonsense doesn’t get straightened out before my return, than yeah, I will step up and bring balance back to the New School of Colour. All the artists deserve to be acknowledged as a whole. – Pooks
In other news…
I completed my painting for Up with Art. Thanks to Sylvia Langer for being so understanding and allowing me to submit my registration form and painting early. The submission deadline is just 2 days apart from my baby’s due date. So I am grateful that she came to my home and picked up the painting, and allowing me to email my registration form.
All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©
She even came by with another surprise. I have been kinda cooped up indoors because my feet and ankles swell up, and I can’t squeeze my feet into my boots. I had shoes, but they were falling apart. So yeah, I was surprised by her kindness and generosity to help me out. While she picked up my painting, she gave me a pair of runners. I couldn’t slide them on at first, but after loosening the laces, I can actually get out and about again. FREEDOM!! J/k Haha!
So yeah, Pooks will once again be apart of the Up with Art exhibition/ fundraiser. Yaaaay!!
I’ve also been told that children can get in free. So that means…my baby is covered, and so is my daughter if a visit lands on that particular Saturday. I think she will like the event if she does go. And since artists get to invite one guest, once again I will be bringing my man.
So now that I’m done my Up with Art painting, next I will be working on something for the Framing of the Phoenix Art Exhibition.
What else? Family will be happy to be aware that another ultrasound of the baby has been scheduled for next week. So maybe we will find out the sex of the baby after all. Even though that is not the reasoning behind the ultrasound. My doctor wants to double check on their measurement of the baby, as it seems to be getting kinda large.
However, my doula brought it to my attention that perhaps the reason why the baby could be big is because maybe I could be due sooner. That could be possible. Not all estimated due dates are 100% accurate.
I had a dream this morning, that my baby was already born, and it was a boy. It could be wrong. But yeah, got to love dreams while you’re pregnant. They seem so real.
I remember my doula asking if I notice anything different about this pregnancy compared to the other 2. Yep. I don’t recall my feet swelling as often late in the pregnancy. I get more indigestion with this one. And it seems like I’m constantly put on antibiotics for a bladder infection. But yeah. Considering how many times I’ve been put on antibiotics, I am hoping it hasn’t had any effect on my baby.
Wat else? Visits with my daughter have been going well. I was surprised she even cleaned her room. She’s been such a good girl. I know I haven’t been able to be that active lately. So I’m glad we can find other things to do, such as play board games. She always kicks my butt at monopoly, even the Junior version. Haha!
Congrats to a good friend of mine that has finally moved out of a building she’s been trying to get out of for the last 8 years. I haven’t been able to visit her new place yet, but hopefully soon I can. I know she will be busy with school starting this month. But yeah, will have to arrange a visit. It’s so weird going from having her just living on the other end of the bridge, to another end of the city. But in order to keep a good friendship maintained, an effort must be made.
I haven’t been to the New School of Colour for a week. As for today, there’s a snow storm warning in effect. So I probably won’t make it today either. Hopefully tomorrow. Even though I noticed that I get more done at home than I do at the New School of Colour lately. It seems like someone always wants to talk. Which kinda takes my focus away from my art.
Speaking of tomorrow, I have an appointment at the hospital. Some kind of assessment needs to be done because of my rheumatoid arthritis. It hasn’t given me any problems during labor before. So I don’t see why the staff keep bringing up the epidural. I refuse to take a huge ass needle in the spine. I can only see that making my arthritis worse in my back. So no, arthritis or no arthritis. No epidural! I can normally tolerate the pain of my arthritis without any medication. So I guess you can say I have a high pain tolerance.
So yeah, things are going to get more busy this month, the closer I get to the baby’s due date. Even my regular check ups will now be every week, instead of every 2 weeks.
I think that’s pretty much it. 3 weeks and 4 days to go, and our baby will be here!!
Oh! My man started a new job last week, and he gets to use a company truck. I’m so proud of him. He had quite a few job offers. So yeah, it’s pretty awesome his hard work is getting some recognition.
Another thing. We might have to save up to visit his mother, and other family members in April. His grandfather will be there. And yeah, it would be awesome if we make it there with the baby. My man says I would love it there. His mother lives on a property surrounded by nature. So fingers crossed! Let’s hope we can make the trip! We may have to rent a vehicle.
Anyways, that’s enough blogging for one day. 2 posts should be enough. Lol Thanks for reading. Peace and Love – Pooks
“Of course I can do this. I’m pregnant, not brain-damaged. My condition doesn’t change my personality.”
– Christine Feehan
As you may have noticed from my last post, I almost gave this up. As in this blogging thing. Instead, I think I will try to be more careful on what I write about. Sure, I can handle the judgment. But when I think of my children, my family, and how it could be impacting their lives….Putting a spotlight on myself is one thing. But my kids? To the point, they’re being followed by strangers in public?? It may or not be because of this blog. But if it is… Yeah. I can change that by not sharing every little detail.
Yeah I was stressed about my son being home schooled. But I realize that I cannot be putting myself under that kind of stress, especially while I’m pregnant, worrying over something I have no control over. The Thames Valley School Board gave the approval, and I will just have to trust my ex that he will do his best for our sons sake.
I was impressed to hear that my ex is trying to get our son out into social settings. Yeah, there will come a time when our son will have to interact with the outside world. No matter how uncomfortable that is for an introvert.
I haven’t seen my son for about a month now. He’s stopped wanting to come over since he can’t take no for an answer, let alone handle any form of discipline. All the gifts he’s been given have been temporarily stored away since he’s been so ungrateful. Ya know? We’re just trying to teach gratitude. All he has to do is say thank you once in awhile. A thank you can go a long ways.
And since he rarely visits these days, it just makes sense to convert his room into the baby’s room. The baby will be here 24/7. My daughter rarely misses visits. So she’s here on most weekends. She can keep her room. If and when my eldest son ever decides to visit, he is more than welcome to sleep on the couch.
Anyways, I decided I’m not going to stress over my sons behavior, attitude, or nonsense. He’s got some growing up to do. And I’ll just give that time. I have bigger things to focus on. Such as the baby on the way.
Maybe my son just needs a wake up call when it comes to reality. Time to get his head out of video games, and prepare him for the shit that society has in store. That way it won’t come as a big shock. And hopefully his father can provide that for him. Yes, as we “grow up”, adults have expectations and responsibilities. There’s no escaping that. Especially if you want to survive. A person will need to learn to take care of themselves, and be resourceful.
Not to mention, maybe this one on one time with his father can be beneficial. They used to butt heads, and their relationship was kinda rocky in the past. Maybe the time spent together, bonding, is just what he needs.
Over the weekend my ex said they walked home together from the theatre. That’s awesome. Not only does it get our son out and about, but it gives our son that quality time that perhaps he desperately needs. Especially from his father figure.
So yeah, I’m not going to stress or judge. But have faith that my ex can get our son back on track, unlike the school system, that pretty much just gave up on him.
For a couple of weeks my man was feeling down when it comes to my children. I mean, my sons sudden change of attitude. He went from liking my partner, to just shutting him out. Then my daughter saying that she doesn’t consider my man as part of the family. Yeah, that hurt him. He was asking himself, why does he even bother trying? But I’m here for him. We’ll get through this. I guess this kind of stuff is to be expected when it comes to step parents. So yeah, I’m grateful he hasn’t given up. One day they’ll see why mommy loves him. He has been amazing towards me, and my children. Even if they can’t see it. I don’t think every man would put his girlfriend, and her children ( that aren’t his) as a priority over themselves. So yeah, that’s special. ❤
Anyways, I had a good weekend with our daughter. She loves coming over. We baked 2 cakes, played board games, watched movies, blew bubbles, and of coarse she played with her favorite puppy in the world, Chewie. Those 2 are like best buds. It’s cute.
In other news, I have met up with a Doula twice so far. She’s been really helpful so far when it comes to preparing for the birth of my baby. We’ve come up with a birth plan, and are putting together questions for my doctor. I’m starting to feel more prepared the closer I get to my due date. She’s even giving me alternative ideas of things or positions to try during contractions. As well as tips of exercises that can help the baby get into the proper position so that it won’t be breech, and it will be ready when the time comes. She’s been very informative. So yeah, glad to have her as my doula.
What else? Art. I just got confirmation a while back that the mini portrait of my man has arrived to New York. That’s a relief. I was starting to worry that it had gotten lost in the mail. All that hard work!! But nope, they got it! And my art will be in the Twitter Art Exhibit in NEW YORK!! It’s my third time participating, and donating my art for charity. I couldn’t be more proud!
Next up, Up with Art. I am almost done my painting for that event. Proceeds go to the Unity Project for relief of homelessness for men, women and youth. Having family members out there that are homeless, and having experienced it myself in the past, Homelessness and poverty are strong issues that I will do what I can to make a difference. In this case, art, which will help raise funds for a local shelter, that helps people get back on their feet so to speak.
I will need to print out some registration forms at a library one of these days. Especially if I plan to participate in other upcoming art exhibitions, such as The Framing of the Phoenix and London Pride. So yeah, busy busy. There is also the Healing Palette, but I believe that is later on in the year. Not to forget that I have a commission piece to do for some peeps in the family.
So yeah, Pooks is still going strong. Waddle or no waddle. Haha! I am still working hard getting my alias name out there! Bwahahaha! Thanks for reading. Peace and love – Pooks
“To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.”
– Stephen R. Covey
Happy New Years to all my readers! Thank you for reading and following my blog through out the years. Hard to believe I’ve been doing this for 4 years now. But yeah, thanks for joining me on my journey through life.
This year has been amazing and full of surprises. I mean, I never thought I would be in a relationship, let alone expecting another baby. I thought it would be another year of the “untouchable Pooks.” But nope. I got swept off my feet, by this remarkable man that’s been waiting for me for years. And now he’s become a huge part of my life.
No, our pregnancy wasn’t planned. But we are both taking a chance. Besides, I think it’s helped us grow even closer. And our baby-to-be is more and more seen as a blessing. We both look forward to his or her arrival. 3 more months!!
I think it’s cute when my daughter kisses and hugs my tummy. Or when she says things like, after the baby is born, she wants to hold the baby and watch movies together. That’s so cute. ❤ She seems to be handling the news of a younger sibling better than her brother did back in the day. But then again, we didn’t really prepare or talk to him about it. So to him, his little sister came out of nowhere with no warning, and yeah. He was kinda resentful about it. Ugh! The joys of parenting. You live and learn. Unfortunately, for the first-born, things are rocky since their parents are new to the whole parenting thing. So they’re a crash-coarse. Lol.
Anyways, 2015 has been amazing. I am thankful to everyone whose been apart of it. Especially the friends and family, near and far, that have been there to share the laughter and the odd tears. But mostly laughter.
I’m grateful for my bestie for going for long crazy walks with me, those will be memories that will last a life-time. Thanks to her I got out of London for a day, and traveled to Kitchener, Waterloo, and Cambridge. Despite our lack of sleep, we still had a good time. Haha! Thank you caffeine!
I am grateful to still be a part of the New School of Colour. Thank you Marshall for taking the reigns and keeping the program going at the Ark Aid Street Mission.
I am thankful for the new friends I meet along the way.
I am thankful that my children and I are accepted into my boyfriends huge family.
Thank you to my ex for letting my children be in my life for another year. It’s been fun!
Thank you to my man of coarse. He’s taken me to such beautiful places during our hikes, and he’s made me feel like I actually matter. Thank him for picking me flowers, and for trying to surprise me at the Train station on a sprained ankle. Thank him for never giving up on me, and for actually wanting to be a father to our baby. Thank him for trying his best to be a positive part of my childrens lives. Even though there is some resistance there from my son. He doesn’t give up. Thank him for still loving me even when I get insecure, and feel like a fat lil pregnant hippo. Lol Thank him for his patience and hanging in there during my mood swings. Thank his beautiful mind, for always coming up with solutions when I panic and get emotional over obstacles in life. There is so much I can thank him for. He truly is amazing. ❤
Onto other things…This blog is turning into a blog of thank you’s, which there is nothing wrong with that. But I’m kinda avoiding what I really wanted to type about. But since I am on the topic of gratitude…
Christmas didn’t turn out as awesome as I thought it would be. However thank my man for busting his ass to try to make it awesome. I kinda feel bad that my son was so ungrateful and rude.
My ex just had to give him tablet for Christmas. Nothing else seemed to have mattered. I mean, even one of my gifts that I gave him nearly got thrown in the trash with the wrapping paper. That’s how oblivious he was to the other gifts. He just wanted to go back to playing on his tablet. My boyfriend didn’t even get a thank you. My son has no idea how hard my man worked and stressed about giving my children a good Christmas. Which is pretty huge, because he really didn’t have to. But he did.
Thankfully, we when we went to visit My boyfriends family, on his fathers side, the tablet got left behind. However, my boyfriends family mentioned that they noticed an attitude problem with my son. Which is why they were kinda distant from him.
As my sons mother, that’s a wake up call. Of coarse I see my children as little angels. But I mean if their first impression of my son is concerning. Then yeah, somethings not right, and clearly needs to be worked on before things get way too out of hand.
I mean, I know there has been issues with the schools. But I can not pin point exactly what it is regarding my son that is causing all this. I know him and his father have a bumpy relationship. Obviously. There has been verbal abuse in the past. And my son said he wanted to put an axe in his fathers head. He’s angry. But then again, there was a time he and my daughter were hoping me and my ex would reconcile and get back together. I told them that that wouldn’t happen. I’m sure that hurt. But let’s face it, my ex and I’s past relationship was severely unhealthy. Then there’s the change with me getting into a new relationship. At first things seemed okay. But as time goes on, it’s like my son is building a wall blocking my partner out. I don’t think he copes with change very well. Never has. Even with the arrival of his little sister. He didn’t cope well with that very well either. And now there’s another sibling on the way. He says he’s hoping for a brother, someone he can talk to. But, he doesn’t really talk to anyone. Whatever the main root of his issues are, he doesn’t let anyone in.
My partner thinks he’s a good kid regardless. He cares for him, and wants to be there for him. I mean, lately I’ve been concerned about my sons education, since he got pulled out of school to home school. Home-school doesn’t sound like it’s going very well. So yeah, I’m worried he’s falling more behind. My partner, however, bought a grade 5 curriculum text book, that includes Math, science, social studies and English. We’ve decided that our son won’t be allowed to use the XBox One, or computer, until he completes work from the text book. 1 page, both sides per subject. That way, I can see for myself just how far behind he is, and where he needs work.
My ex can teach him whatever at his place, but we’ll ( my boyfriend and I) do what we can from our end. I mean, I already asked my ex not to let our son bring his tablet over again. The whole purpose of the visits is so that I can see my son and daughter, and vice-versa. My son doesn’t come here to visit his tablet. So yeah, I don’t even want that thing here. Over the holidays, he was glued to that thing. Freakin technology, and children do not mix.
I mean, some parents are successful with technology and kids, they use it for educational purposes. However, with our son, it’s too late for that because it’s just been flat out entertainment since he was 5 years old.
So yeah, ya know? I want my son to be successful in the future. I don’t want him to have to struggle like his parents do within the welfare system. It’s not easy to get out of, as some people claim. That’s lucky. Not easy.
And I certainly don’t want him to turn to drugs and crime just to get by. My son is better than that. He deserves better than that. It’s too bad that his confidence is so low that he doesn’t believe that, or himself.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my son more than you’ll ever know. But as his mother, I won’t deny that there’s a problem and this mother is worried for him.
So I hope for 2016, and the years to follow, we can turn things around for him for the better. I hope I have the courage and strength to be the example he needs me to be. Sure I’ve accomplished great things over the years, but I’ll need to push myself even farther. Someones gotta do it, and show him another way.
So yeah, 2015 has had it’s ups, downs, obstacles and challenges. Bring on 2016! Thanks a bunch for reading, see you in the new year! Peace and love!- Pooks
“An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”
– Yogi Bhajan
Long time no see!
I apologize for not blogging much lately. I think it’s been 2 weeks or so since the last time I blogged. But with Christmas rapidly approaching, we’ve been kinda busy. However, we think that my son and my daughter will have a good Christmas. Thanks to everyone that pitched in to help make this possible, wither it be through providing gifts, or money for gifts. You’re awesome! Miigwech!
Anyways, my last two Leads appointments went well. We started a module on confidence, and it turns out that my confidence isn’t as low as I had thought. It’s pretty good considering. However, pinpointing my insecurities, or admitting my insecurities was quite difficult. I got all teary eyed. But yeah, I had to state what goes through my mind, and what could have started those negative thoughts that belittle me and hold me back. It all goes back to my childhood, and the abusive foster mom. Fuck her!
I guess I need to talk about shit more until it no longer has any effect on me. But that’s the problem, as an introvert, I don’t talk about these things. In fact, I would rather try to forget. Even though that doesn’t really work, obviously. Ya know? I can move on with my life, but somewhere in the back of my mind these memories still exist, and haunt me when I am trying to move up in my life. So yeah, I need to speak about it verbally. That’s going to be a challenge. Talking about things and people I would rather pretend didn’t even exist.
Thankfully, I have my partner, and I know when I’m ready, he will listen.
But that’s enough of that. That’s some internal shit I need to work on that could in the end improve my confidence.
Umm… what else? Last week we made snow flakes out of paper at Leads. Just doing something fun and creative before the holidays. This wasn’t your ordinary fold and cut kind of snow flake. So thanks to my worker for teaching me something new. The one I made turned out pretty cool, and it is now hanging on my front door. So instead of your typical Christmas wreath, I have this cool looking snowflake! 🙂
At the New School of Colour, I completed a painting that has that H.R Giger Xenomorph resemblance. Which is pretty cool since I was not copying from any images, it was straight out of my head/ memory, and it came pretty close. People can tell where the inspiration came from.
As for the background, I was trying to paint without the bristles of a paintbrush. So I’d use the other end. Or I would find other objects to use. Such as the cap to my Gatorade, or the lid to my Lays Chips container. So on and so forth. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. I brought it home so that my partner can put a clear coat on it, since I can’t really do that on my own. Being pregnant and all. I have to be more careful around things that involve chemicals.
Last week, my mind kinda went blank. So I was working on some zentangles just for the hell of it.
Which reminds me, the current facilitator said that he’d try to get my art work into the library. Kind of like a small solo exhibit. That’s cool. I mean, I’ve been with the New School of Colour since 2011, and still haven’t had a solo art exhibition yet. Maybe it’s about time.
Umm… Within these last 2 weeks I also submitted some of my photography into something called “Colouring London”. Similar to what I have participated in the past with my photography, “Colouring between the Lines”. It is run by the same person that did the “Colouring between the Lines” exhibition a year or two ago, Lincoln McCardle. The difference is, this time around, the photographs submitted that get converted into colouring pages will become part of a colouring book. That’s cool. The proceeds will go to a local charity. There’s still time to get involved, so if you are a London, ON photographer, you can submit your work to the following FB page:
This past weekend my daughter was teaching me some French that she’s been learning at school. So that’s pretty awesome. She knows more words than I do. According to her report card, she’s doing well in school.
However, when it comes to an education, my son is falling more and more behind. From my perspective, both the school and my ex are responsible. The school, because it’s like they don’t want my son around. So even though my ex has been bringing my son to school, the school just sends our son back home shortly after. I can understand why my ex would get fed up, and decide to pull our son out of school. That goes on long enough, it’s like, what’s the point of bringing him in, if the school is just going to send him back home anyways. However, the homeschooling hasn’t really started, and according to my daughter, my son just sleeps all day. And sometimes I think my ex is capable of teaching our son, other times… I worry. I mean, an education is not watching Infowars. He needs to learn to read and write, and do math, and learn other skills that would benefit his future. Perhaps even learning a trade if all else fails. Infowars, and conspiracy theories won’t do that. I mean, our son has got to learn to take care of himself one day, and at this rate, it’s not looking so good. He’s not motivated to learn anything. It seems like his only interest is videogames. So as his mother, I am concerned. How do you teach someone that doesn’t want to learn? Or maybe noone has found the way to teach him yet. I mean, educational institutions focus on one way of learning, and that is auditory. Not everyone learns that way. Some people, like myself, are more visual and kinaesthetic.
Anyways, that’s a little mind boggling. I mean, I only see my children on weekends, so there is only so much I can do. My time is limited. So my sons education basically lies in the hands of the primary caregiver, my ex. Hopefully he can figure something out. Our son doesn’t need to fall more behind than he already is.
Other than that, my visits with my children have been going well. they’re good children. Even though my partner feels as if my son is being a bit resistant towards him. That whole “You’re not my father” kinda thing. But my man can understand, and has been pretty patient. I mean, he too has grown up with step dads in his life. So yeah, he can understand my son in that regard more than my son realizes. Lol
Before I forget, I want to mention that over the weekend I finally did a Christmas window painting. I painted the Grinch on the front window of my house, and I guess it turned out pretty good. I mean, the neighbors across the street asked my partner where we bought it from. I guess they thought it was one of those peel and stick on things you put on your window. Haha! Nope! My man proudly answered and said that I painted it, and that he’s always amazed with the things I can paint.
Umm.. what else? We’ve been preparing for our baby. Thank you to Angie Cooke from the Hamiltion Rd/ OEV Buy Nothing Group for giving us a crib. And thank you to the kind lady that traveled all the way from Strathroy to give us a stroller. That takes care of two major pricey baby items we’ll be needing in the near future. The crib we got for free. As for the stroller, we probably paid only the quarter of the price of a brand new one. In the long run, that will help us out financially.
While I’m saying my thank you’s. I want to thank my good friend Melly for coming with me t o the Mall last week to do some Christmas shopping. It helps to go with someone that is familiar with the malls. 🙂
As for a baby update, my next doctor appointment is early January, and I believe my next ultrasound will be scheduled then. However I am happy to say that I can feel my baby kick more often. It’s kicks are getting stronger. So he or she must be growing. 🙂
Oh that reminds me, we did pick out names for our baby, even though we don’t know the sex yet.
For a girl: Lily Adelaide King Wuytenburg
For a boy: Adelaide Derek King Wuytenburg
We got the name Lily from my daughter. She actually suggested Lily tiger ( I think she meant Tiger Lily). But we thought the name Lily alone had a ring to it.
As for Adelaide, that is the name of the street that holds a lot of my partner and I’s relationship history. My man gave me his number to me twice on Adelaide Street. We’ve been for dates on Adelaide. We went grocery shopping on Adelaide. We both lived east of Adelaide. Our baby was even conceived on Adelaide. Lol The list goes on and on.
Derek, because that is my mans name. And my man has his fathers name for a middle name. so were kinda passing on the tradition so to speak.
King is my biological last name.
Wuytenburg is my mans last name.
So yaaay! We have a name. We actually picked those out months ago, but I just forgot to mention it here. Now you know.
Anyways, I think this is turning into quite the novel, so I shall end it here. Hard to believe Christmas is 2 days away already. But I am excited. It’s been awhile since I have celebrated Christmas with my son and daughter. I am looking forward to it. So I guess that leaves me with one more thank you. Thank you to my ex for allowing me to have our children over at my place for Christmas. It means a lot!
Oh, and thank you to the readers that actually take the time to read this whole blog post. Lol I know, it’s a long one. But then again, I’ve been M.I.A for 2 weeks. So yeah, a nice long blog post should make up for my absence. Hope you enjoyed the read. Peace and Love! – Pooks
I guess I’ll start this blog from what I can recall from Friday the 13th. Even though my last blog says it was posted on the 14th. For some reason, the date hasn’t been accurate lately on my blogs when I post, and I haven’t quite figured out how to fix that.
Anyways, November, 13,2015. It was a Friday, so I had my visit with my children at Tim Hortons. Which is where we ended up spending our time during the whole visit because it cold, windy, and a bit rainy outdoors at the time. We did leave to go to the nearby convenient store for snacks. But that was it. We just talked and were being silly at Tim Hortons. That’s what I love about my time with my children, we create our own fun. It doesn’t matter where.
November 14th, my man and I went to Vegfest, and picked up some things. We couldn’t find basil at any of the grocery stores, so when we found it there, we definitely picked some up. Also, we got 2 bottles of Kombucha. My mans never tried it before, and now he takes a shot of it every morning. 🙂
Since Vegfest was taking place at the Western Fair, we stumbled upon 2 other events going on. One being a toy sale. Which was more for younger children. So we didn’t pick up too much there. However, the cashier thought we looked familiar, but couldn’t place from where. My only guess, since we’re pretty much hermits, social media. Probably my Twitter. Anyways, it’s funny when people recognize me, but can’t pin point from where. 😛
Anyways, after that, we went to the Gem and Mineral show and checked out all these cool rocks, fossils, crystals and stuff. I’ve never been to an event like that before. So it was cool. We picked up some arrow heads, and my man wants to make our bun in the oven a mini spear, for our Lil Turkey Hunter/Warrior. ❤
Uhh… lets see…during the week. I’ll just focus on the main shtuff. Uhh… Tuesday I skipped going to the New School of Colour to get some chores done around the house.
Wednesday was my Leads appointment, and we were talking about communication and confidence. Ya know? According to the module in their files, I’m a pretty good communicator, it’s just my own thoughts that think otherwise. My confidence. So we were going through steps on how to improve my confidence, for example, listing off my accomplishments, and I really should give myself more credit, as I’ve done quite a bit. Publishing a book in 2013… having my art in 20 art exhibits/ events over the years since 2011. Those are pretty big, and only a couple of examples. But yeah, I should give myself more credit. It hasn’t been easy building this force of creativity that goes by the name of Pooks
Thursday and Friday, they just kinda flew by, and this past weekend my children were over. Also on Saturday, my man had a night out to celebrate his best friends birthday. A friend he hasn’t seen in a year, but has been friends with for 20 years. So yeah, I made the exception, he rarely gets to see this dude, so he can drink. As long as he doesn’t get plastered because I had my children over. Turns out, he only had 4 beers, and got a hung over from that. He was all like; “What are you doing to me? I’m such a lightweight now.” Lol So I said “Just consider it cleansing your system”.
However, we did have a bit of a misunderstanding, and bickered that night, I thought he had drank more, but nope. He was good and behaved. Even said he was showing off the ultrasound picture of his baby to all his friends. ❤
Before he got picked up to go to the bar, he made sure to show me that he put a ring on his engagement finger. So that women at the bar will know he’s not available. Even though, we’re not engaged. We’re just boyfriend, and girlfriend having a baby. Kinda doing things backwards. But I think he did that to prevent any insecurities of mine that could have rose, and yeah, that was sweet. 🙂
I have a good man, and he’s going to be an excellent father. Even though he’s starting to get nervous about fatherhood, he’s also excited.
Over the weekend my neighbor across the street gave me 2 bags of clothing. Which was awesome because my daughter was in need of winter boots, and voila! So huge thanks to her.
Also, I am really liking this FB group I joined, the Buy Nothing Hamilton Rd/ Old East Village group. Today a kind man dropped off some baby stuff he no longer needs. So yeah, that is a huge help, and very much appreciated. It’s nice to see a group like this exists, and it’s basically a community helping each-other out. I love it! Plus, you know what they say, One mans trash is another mans treasure. So yeah, less waste!
Which reminds me, The Really Really Free Market event is happening this Friday. I look forward to it. It’s kinda like a bartering event. Bring in what you don’t need, find something there that you do kinda thing. Doesn’t cost a thing, just trade.
My weekend with my children was awesome, as usual. Just very busy, jumping from chores, and trying to spend time with them as well. My man was feeling a bit under the weather after 4 beers. Hehehe! 😛 But that’s okay, even though I had fallen behind schedule, I was a machine! Lol Give myself a pat on the back, way to go mama!
Anyways, I think that’s all I shall write today. Just got wifi lately, and my internet is starting to act up again. Saying there is no connection. It’s getting annoying. This was supposed to be an upgrade, not a nuisance. Lol So I shall try to fix that. Hope you’re having a superb day! Peace and love! – Pooks
“Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine.”
– Jennie Finch
I know I have been blogging a lot this week, but I’ve been going through an extreme amount of emotions lately, and yeah. Today I just feel that it is important to do an update so that the people that sincerely care for my well being don’t worry.
So straight off the top, my man and I worked things out. It may have taken days. But I’m not exactly the easiest person to get through to when I’m angry. Thankfully he never gave up on this relationship, or this little family we are becoming.
Also, thanks to a friend that I’ve spoken to who has years of experience within a relationship, and dealing with quarrels within a relationship, ya know? I was given a different way to approach this situation. I mean, a lot of the advice I was getting was to call the police to get him out of my house. But that doesn’t solve the real issue. I basically had to face my fear of confrontation. I mean, normally I’m used to people cutting me off while I’m speaking, or people raising their voice over mine to drown my voice out, or things explode like past abusive violent situations, in past relationships, or even my childhood. If I say no to something, or disagree with something, heaven forbid. But it turns out, none of that happened. My man was respectful, we took turns saying what needed to be said. We cleared the air so to speak.
He’s willing to kick alcohol to the curb, cold turkey. Not for me. It’s his choice. He has been making an effort to cut down, and he has…but he’s even going to take that further and quit, for the sake of the child I’m carrying. Plus, he noticed most issues arise because of alcohol or whatever, and he’s done. He cares for me and our family more than he does for alcohol.
As for this other woman, that was kinda meddling with our relationship. That clearly has no respect for our relationship, because she has a thing for him. Well, we both decided to cut her out of our lives. My man came to the realization that no, his “god-child” is not HIS child. HIS child is the one in my womb. That is whom he is responsible for. He said he only was there for the god-child, he doesn’t agree with the way this woman parents her, and he feels sorry for that kid. But that’s not his problem or responsibility.
When it comes to this other woman, the way I see it. She has known my man for years. Long before I came along. She had plenty of time to swoop him up, but didn’t. So why wait until he’s happy in a relationship to be all like; “oh my god, I got a crush on this man”?! Like seriously, ughhh…
I mean, yeah, the reason my man and I met in the first place was because this woman invited both me, and my boyfriend ( who wasn’t my boyfriend at the time) to her daughters birthday party years ago. My man said the moment he saw me there, he knew he wanted to be with me. He was all like; “Who is that…?!” Lol
Anyways, apparently this isn’t the first relationship she’s fucked with. I guess another relationship my man was in ended because of her. But he’s not going to let that happen this time.
So that resolves that. She’s gone. The alcohols gone. We can move on, hopefully with less drama. I mean, yes, problems will arise. And we will have to face those in the future, whatever they may be.
It may have taken me days to realize that, yes, it’s safe to communicate with him. He’s not gonna go all bat-shit crazy. He will actually sit down and talk to me, and try to sort things out with me. So yeah, he’s different than what I’m used to. He’s clearly proven that, and that’s good.
Yes we both have our insecurities, but he’s better at controlling his than I am of mine. But with his help, and with the help of my awesome friends who were there, I think we can overcome anything.
My friend was right, I wouldn’t have been so mad, if I didn’t care. Lol
As for C.A.S, my man reassured me, we’ll be ready when and if they come around.
So yeah, all those crazy fears that I had have been completely demolished. I know it sounds kinda cheesy, but it has been demolished by love. I can move on feeling grateful, blessed, and confident that things are going to be okay.
Anyways, on with my day. Today I see my children at 4pm, and yeah. Thank goodness they don’t have to see a sad momma, just the happy one their used to seeing. Thank you for reading. Peace and Love – Pooks
“Lovers alone wear sunlight.”- E.E Cummings
Since I’ve shared the news everywhere else, I might as well share the news here too. Meaning, I might be blogging more than once this week.
Newho, yesterday I had my second ultrasound, and it was to be the day to determine wither my baby is a boy or a girl. During the ultrasound I couldn’t help but giggle at my baby. Already it has a spunky personality. It was active, moving around lots, but also being stubborn. Stubborn as in not spreading it’s legs to reveal it’s sex. My man said that he or she was just being prim and proper. Lol In other words, modest. So I did not find out the sex of the baby, and it remains a mystery.
Anyways, the baby is healthy and doing well, no matter what the sex is. I was happy to hear that he, or she, is very active, because I haven’t been able to feel any kicks yet. But I’m sure I will soon. 🙂
Daddy is so proud of his baby, that he took the sheet of ultrasound pictures with him to work this morning to show off the pictures to as many people as he can. ❤ We both agree, the baby has got Daddy’s nose. Hehehe!
Apologies to anyone that was curious and anxious regarding the sex of our baby. I’m pretty sure there is one more ultrasound, but that is closer to the due date. Around the time that I will be 30 weeks pregnant. So if you are going to get our baby anything, we suggest blue, or neutral colours, for now.
Onto other things, but still regarding family. My man said he’s considering of getting himself “snipped”, because he’s happy with one baby of his own. Plus our baby will have 2 fabulous older siblings that they will get to see on weekends. And we got 3 shitzu’s that are a lot like 3 silly little children, only furry. So yeah, I guess you can say we got a decent size family as is. Not to mention, all the cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, etc.
So yeah, what started off as my little family (My son, my daughter and I), has grown, and been accepted, and welcomed into a much larger family. I am grateful for that. It’s different, and kinda nice to have that kind of support there.
Anyways, I too think this will be my last child I give birth to. My body has already given 2 natural births without medication, or pain killers. Ya know? Hopefully, my body can handle that one more time. I’m not as young as I used to be, nor is my body. However, I think it’s cute that my daughter says things like “You’re still not old.” That’s flattering. Thank my biological genes, The Kings, for me looking younger than I am. Lol
Labour, oh how I remember. It is definitely one of those mind over matter things. Just gotta keep telling myself, the pain is temporary, when that time comes. In the meantime, I shall try to relax, and enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy.
Yes, there’s been some stressful times. It could be me just being paranoid, when it comes to my mans drinking. But, compared to his co-workers, he’s pretty responsible. Not drunk everyday, and not on getting high on chemicals. So I gotta give him credit for that. Perhaps it’s just hearing how he used to be, and the fear he could fall back into old habits. But the truth is, compared to his past, he’s cut down a lot.
He’s told me, back in the day, he used to drink excessively to suppress horrible memories. He’s told me of some of them. He’s seen a lot of death within his life time that he blames himself for. But it’s really not his fault. So yeah, every now and then these memories haunt him. I just wish there was a way that I could help him leave the past behind, and focus on the present. There’s plenty to be grateful for in the present if you just look for it.
I guess having a creative outlet helps too. I’ve seen it work for other artists with addictions. Art has even helped me through some dark times, and depression. So I guess he just needs to re-connect with his creative outlet, and I believe that was music. The problem is, since he works so much, it’s finding the time. It’s kinda sad he’s not more connected to his passion.
I’m not saying he has an addiction, I’m saying he needs another, healthier way to cope with these memories rather than turning to drugs and alcohol. Not exactly chemicals, but marijuana. However, I’d rather him smoke marijuana than touch man-made chemicals. If that makes any sense. I mean, even alcohol is man-made. It has been the death of many members of my biological family.
And perhaps when he drinks while I’m pregnant bothers me because of my own personal domestic violent experience. My ex was all fucked up that morning, either hung over or coming down off some sort of high, when the assault occurred. At least that’s the impression he gave off. More moody than usual. So yeah, when I’m sober around someone that has been drinking, I get a bit on edge. I freak out internally thinking I’m in danger.
Another thing, men don’t seem to understand that when a woman is pregnant, the baby feels everything the mother feels emotionally. So why would you want to put her through any stress and anxiety in the first place? And above all, repeat that shit over and over. It’s getting to that point where if my man wants to drink, do it else where kind of thing. Not around me, my children, or our home which is to be a safe haven. I mean, clearly, it’s just going to upset me every time. so yeah, do it elsewhere.
I look back at my first pregnancy, and it’s no wonder my son has the amount of anxiety he does now. Heck, that’s what he experienced in the womb. There was a lot of drama taking place during that pregnancy.
Speaking of my son, and some of the complications he has within the educational system. He sounds a lot like me when I was a child. I wasn’t exactly the easiest pupil to teach. And when it came to learning to read and write, it was frustrating for me, to the point I was throwing fits. Knocking desks over and what not. I wanted to be doing other things. More creative things. Something that was brought to light over the weekend a little bit, when I talked to my childrens father. I guess a creative mind is hard to tame. Lol Perhaps my sons creativity is being expressed digitally through building things within video-games. Just a thought.
My mind kind of bounced all over the place again. This was suppose to be a blog about the baby, but apparently there’s been more on my mind as well.
I was told that my son is doing better these days in school, minus his homeroom. So hopefully that improves. Can’t help but find it peculiar that he refuses to sit down in that one class. Something set off his anxiety and scared him, what? Did that teacher yell at him? That would do it. I don’t yell at my children, unless it’s urgent like telling them to get off the road. Or they are doing that sibling rivalry thing where they bicker and fight with one another, and I raise my voice to distract what their doing. “ENOUGH!!” Lol Most of the time, talking to them face to face works fine. Talk to my child like a human being, and with respect, and he’ll usually return that behavior. Geez!! Teachers these days. Clueless.
On Friday, my man and I had some issues. He was drinking, and had the nerve to accuse me of taking pictures of him for blackmail. Seriously? That is just fuckin ridiculous! I am a shutter-bug, an artist. If I want to immortalize you in a moment, you should feel honored. Not insecure. It means I was admiring or cherishing you in a moment. So yeah, that kinda hurt my feelings. And I guess he’s not used to having his pictures all over FB, or being so open in the public. Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you dated and knocked up a blogger who puts her own life in the freakin spot light. No one can say shit about it if I’m the one saying shit first. I tell my own story. Is it my fault he wanted to be apart of my life, my story? No. That was his choice. Anyways, I had a hissy fit and removed all the pictures I had of him on Facebook. And refuse to take anymore if he’s going to be that way. It was like, “fine, you don’t want me to be that proud of you, then I won’t be” kinda thing. So, so far I’ve stuck to that. No more pictures. A friend said to respect his wishes. Sure. I can do that. It’s just fucked up that it never bothered him before. Until recently. But then again, he didn’t like the pictures of him cuddling pillows being on my FB. They were adorable. He looked peaceful, which is rare for him. But I guess he needs to look all manly and tough, or idiotic and drunk in order for pictures to be acceptable. So yeah, we got in a little fight over that. He says it was a misunderstanding, and that the word blackmail was the incorrect term to use. Well duuuh!
So even though we were bickering on Friday, we managed to sweep that shit aside for the sake of my children, and focus on giving them a good Halloween. Which turned our pretty good. Minus the rain, and a lot of the homes in this area weren’t giving out candy. It was still a good weekend. My daughter and my man even made banana bread together. She got so upset when she thought she left it behind in her backpack on the way back to her dads. Luckily we ran into the same bus we got off of, across the street, since it goes in a loop. So we got her backpack back.
So needless to say, things aren’t exactly perfect, but not exactly horrible either. We have our ups and downs like most couples. Thankfully, things are starting to look up again. Especially after seeing our baby’s ultrasound pics. Funny how children can put things back into perspective.Anyways, My man may not understand me as an Artist or a Blogger, but at least we can see eye to eye with our baby and our future.
Now on with my day! New School of Colour and Leads today. However I will have to leave New School of Colour early to make to my Leads appointment. But a little art time , is better than no art time at all. Until next time, peace and love!…Never-mind. Didn’t make it to the New School of Colour, but I will make it to Leads! Anyways, yeah. Once again, thanks for reading! – Pooks