More on my Mind than I Thought

Since I’ve shared the news everywhere else, I might as well share the news here too. Meaning, I might be blogging more than once this week.

Newho, yesterday I had my second ultrasound, and it was to be the day to determine wither my baby is a boy or a girl. During the ultrasound I couldn’t help but giggle at my baby. Already it has a spunky personality. It was active, moving around lots, but also being stubborn. Stubborn as in not spreading it’s legs to reveal it’s sex. My man said that he or she was just being prim and proper. Lol In other words, modest. So I did not find out the sex of the baby, and it remains a mystery.

Anyways, the baby is healthy and doing well, no matter what the sex is. I was happy to hear that he, or she, is very active, because I haven’t been able to feel any kicks yet. But I’m sure I will soon. 🙂

Daddy is so proud of his baby, that he took the sheet of ultrasound pictures with him to work this morning to show off the pictures to as many people as he can. ❤ We both agree, the baby has got Daddy’s nose. Hehehe!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Apologies to anyone that was curious and anxious regarding the sex of our baby. I’m pretty sure there is one more ultrasound, but that is closer to the due date. Around the time that I will be 30 weeks pregnant. So if you are going to get our baby anything, we suggest blue, or neutral colours, for now.

Onto other things, but still regarding family. My man said he’s considering of getting himself “snipped”, because he’s happy with one baby of his own. Plus our baby will have 2 fabulous older siblings that they will get to see on weekends. And we got 3 shitzu’s that are a lot like 3 silly little children, only furry. So yeah, I guess you can say we got a decent size family as is. Not to mention, all the cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, etc.

So yeah, what started off as my little family (My son, my daughter and I), has grown, and been accepted, and welcomed into a much larger family. I am grateful for that. It’s different, and kinda nice to have that kind of support there.

Anyways, I too think this will be my last child I give birth to. My body has already given 2 natural births without medication, or pain killers. Ya know? Hopefully, my body can handle that one more time. I’m not as young as I used to be, nor is my body. However, I think it’s cute that my daughter says things like “You’re still not old.” That’s flattering. Thank my biological genes, The Kings, for me looking younger than I am. Lol

Labour, oh how I remember. It is definitely one of those mind over matter things. Just gotta keep telling myself, the pain is temporary, when that time comes. In the meantime, I shall try to relax, and enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy.

Yes, there’s been some stressful times. It could be me just being paranoid, when it comes to my mans drinking. But, compared to his co-workers, he’s pretty responsible. Not drunk everyday, and not on getting high on chemicals. So I gotta give him credit for that. Perhaps it’s just hearing how he used to be, and the fear he could fall back into old habits. But the truth is, compared to his past, he’s cut down a lot.

He’s told me, back in the day, he used to drink excessively to suppress horrible memories. He’s told me of some of them. He’s seen a lot of death within his life time that he blames himself for. But it’s really not his fault. So yeah, every now and then these memories haunt him. I just wish there was a way that I could help him leave the past behind, and focus on the present. There’s plenty to be grateful for in the present if you just look for it.

I guess having a creative outlet helps too. I’ve seen it work for other artists with addictions. Art has even helped me through some dark times, and depression. So I guess he just needs to re-connect with his creative outlet, and I believe that was music. The problem is, since he works so much, it’s finding the time. It’s kinda sad he’s not more connected to his passion.

I’m not saying he has an addiction, I’m saying he needs another, healthier way to cope with these memories rather than turning to drugs and alcohol. Not exactly chemicals, but marijuana. However, I’d rather him smoke marijuana than touch man-made chemicals. If that makes any sense. I mean, even alcohol is man-made. It has been the death of many members of my biological family.

And perhaps when he drinks while I’m pregnant bothers me because of my own personal domestic violent experience. My ex was all fucked up that morning, either hung over or coming down off some sort of high, when the assault occurred. At least that’s the impression he gave off. More moody than usual. So yeah, when I’m sober around someone that has been drinking, I get a bit on edge. I freak out internally thinking I’m in danger.

Another thing, men don’t seem to understand that when a woman is pregnant, the baby feels everything the mother feels emotionally. So why would you want to put her through any stress and anxiety in the first place? And above all, repeat that shit over and over. It’s getting to that point where if my man wants to drink, do it else where kind of thing. Not around me, my children, or our home which is to be a safe haven. I mean, clearly, it’s just going to upset me every time. so yeah, do it elsewhere.

I look back at my first pregnancy, and it’s no wonder my son has the amount of anxiety he does now. Heck, that’s what he experienced in the womb. There was a lot of drama taking place during that pregnancy.

Speaking of my son, and some of the complications he has within the educational system. He sounds a lot like me when I was a child. I wasn’t exactly the easiest pupil to teach. And when it came to learning to read and write, it was frustrating for me, to the point I was throwing fits. Knocking desks over and what not. I wanted to be doing other things. More creative things. Something that was brought to light over the weekend a little bit, when I talked to my childrens father. I guess a creative mind is hard to tame. Lol Perhaps my sons creativity is being expressed digitally through building things within video-games. Just a thought.

My mind kind of bounced all over the place again. This was suppose to be a blog about the baby, but apparently there’s been more on my mind as well.

I was told that my son is doing better these days in school, minus his homeroom. So hopefully that improves. Can’t help but find it peculiar that he refuses to sit down in that one class. Something set off his anxiety and scared him, what?  Did that teacher yell at him? That would do it. I don’t yell at my children, unless it’s urgent like telling them to get off the road. Or they are doing that sibling rivalry thing where they bicker and fight with one another, and I raise my voice to distract what their doing. “ENOUGH!!” Lol Most of the time, talking to them face to face works fine. Talk to my child like a human being, and with respect, and he’ll usually return that behavior. Geez!! Teachers these days. Clueless.

On Friday, my man and I had some issues. He was drinking, and had the nerve to accuse me of taking pictures of him for blackmail. Seriously? That is just fuckin ridiculous! I am a shutter-bug, an artist. If I want to immortalize you in a moment, you should feel honored. Not insecure. It means I was admiring or cherishing you in a moment. So yeah, that kinda hurt my feelings. And I guess he’s not used to having his pictures all over FB, or being so open in the public. Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you dated and knocked up a blogger who puts her own life in the freakin spot light. No one can say shit about it if I’m the one saying shit first. I tell my own story. Is it my fault he wanted to be apart of my life, my story? No. That was his choice. Anyways, I had a hissy fit and removed all the pictures I had of him on Facebook. And refuse to take anymore if he’s going to be that way. It was like, “fine, you don’t want me to be that proud of you, then I won’t be” kinda thing. So, so far I’ve stuck to that. No more pictures. A friend said to respect his wishes. Sure. I can do that. It’s just fucked up that it never bothered him before. Until recently. But then again, he didn’t like the pictures of him cuddling pillows being on my FB. They were adorable. He looked peaceful, which is rare for him. But I guess he needs to look all manly and tough, or idiotic and drunk in order for pictures to be acceptable. So yeah, we got in a little fight over that. He says it was a misunderstanding, and that the word blackmail was the incorrect term to use. Well duuuh!

So even though we were bickering on Friday, we managed to sweep that shit aside for the sake of my children, and focus on giving them a good Halloween. Which turned our pretty good. Minus the rain, and a lot of the homes in this area weren’t giving out candy. It was still a good weekend. My daughter and my man even made banana bread together. She got so upset when she thought she left it behind in her backpack on the way back to her dads. Luckily we ran into the same bus we got off of, across the street, since it goes in a loop. So we got her backpack back.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

So needless to say, things aren’t exactly perfect, but not exactly horrible either. We have our ups and downs like most couples. Thankfully, things are starting to look up again. Especially after seeing our baby’s ultrasound pics. Funny how children can put things back into perspective.Anyways,  My man may not understand me as an Artist or a Blogger, but at least we can see eye to eye with our baby and our future.

Now on with my day! New School of Colour and Leads today. However I will have to leave New School of Colour early to make to my Leads appointment. But a little art time , is better than no art time at all. Until next time, peace and love!…Never-mind. Didn’t make it to the New School of Colour, but I will make it to Leads! Anyways, yeah. Once again, thanks for reading! – Pooks

Source: notsalmon.com

Source: notsalmon.com

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Raspberry Sue

Hello. I’ve decided I’m going to type out part of my blog today, save it as a draft, and then add to it more later. I just want to write some things down before I forget.

So last weekend, I had my visit with my children on a Friday for 4 hours. I was late, but I felt that I needed to let the puppies out once more before leaving the house.

Anyways, we went to the dollar store, and picked up some flashlights, glow sticks, and my son wanted those silly glasses with the googly eyes. We wanted things that lit up since we planned to walk in the nearby conservation area, and with the sun going down, we needed some kind of light source.

It was a short walk, my daughter got spooked by the possibility of coyotes, and her brother started talking about ghosts and monsters. However, time kinda flew that day, because afterwards we planned on going to a park, and my alarm went off on the way there. I have an alarm that goes off at 7:30pm to notify us that it was time to head back to Tim Hortons (which is the pick up and drop off place that their father and I have arranged). So we went back to Tim Hortons, and still had about 20 minutes to kill. They wanted to try what I was drinking earlier that evening, a white hot chocolate, and I was like, sure, why not? Turns out that they became very wired from the white hot chocolates. They were behaving off the wall. So when my ex came to pick them up, he was trying to have a serious conversation with me, as usual, but I was having a hard time trying to not laugh at what my daughter and son were doing. Making faces, fart noises, pretending they were melting under the table, so on and so forth. Being children. It was funny. The kinda silliness that makes you want to join in. However, I didn’t want to be rude, and yeah, tried to listen to what their father was saying, despite the silly distractions. Lol So yeah, note to self: White Hot Chocolate makes your children go bonkers.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

After the visit, I returned home, and my man and his friend were having a fire out back. I think that was the night I got emotional regarding my mans drinking, I opened up and admitted a fear. Which isn’t easy for me to do. Ya know? I do worry about his drinking from time to time. And even though he has cut back, it’s the way he talks about alcohol that scares me. He sounds like an alcoholic. He needs to drink if he’s in pain, if he’s had  a rough day, to celebrate a good day, to chill with the guys. There’s a number of reasons/ excuses. And he knows that the reason I didn’t go out with him 3 years ago, it was because of his partying and drinking. Ya know? I’m past that phase, I don’t need to drink and party to have fun. I went years without drinking, it was when I started to date him that I thought, okay maybe I can loosen up a little bit. But now that I’m pregnant, and am going to be a full-time parent again, yeah, I’m going to be a bit of a  tight ass again. I don’t depend on alcohol. And when I hear him speak sometimes, it sounds like he does.

He tries to reassure me that he will straighten his act up when the baby arrives. But the thing is, I don’t want to go through the same b.s that I went through with my ex. Ya know? I don’t want to be stuck with another little boy that just wants to party, get drunk and high with his boys, while I’m at home trying my best to manage as a parent on my own. My man, says he knows what he’s capable of, as in when it comes to cutting back or quitting. But I still have my doubts. Compared to how much he used to drink, even his friends say he’s mellowed out. So I’ll temporarily sweep it under the rug, and yeah, only time will tell if he will straighten up and man up. Actions speak louder than words.

Yes I expressed some concerns I’ve had lately regarding my boyfriend and alcohol. But, I’m going to take his advice, hang in there a little longer, and have faith that he will show me I have nothing to fear. I do love him dearly, and I can only hope that I’m not going to go through the same shit as I have in the past.

Ya know? He says he’s always wanted a family of his own, to have a child. And with what’s he’s done so far, he seems pretty sincere. It could be just past experiences/ perspectives that could be haunting me. I worry and think too much. But then again, there are people that can’t give up a crazy lifestyle for the sake of their family. Please prove my fears wrong.

Source: Facebook

Source: Facebook

On Saturday, I went to Westmount for this event called Art Blast, which was being held at the For the Love of Art Centre. I would not have known about it, if it hadn’t been for Twitter. I find that Twitter seems to be a good way to find art events and exhibitions that I can participate in.

It was my first time at the For the Love of Art Centre. But yeah, I painted non-stop for 4 hours. The event is to support their centre. There will be an auction coming up, so all the pieces that were created there will be auctioned off starting Oct 31st, and the artists get 25% back of the proceeds that their art piece sells for. That’s cool. I get to support a non-profit organization that encourages art and creativity on the west end of London, AND I get my art out there. Yaaaay!! For more details regarding the auction, keep an eye on the following Facebook page: ForTheLoveofArtLondonOntario

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

After the event, I met up with my man downtown and we did some shopping downtown.

Monday, I was home. Didn’t do too much. Tuesday, I have no idea what happened, just got some major pregnancy fatigue, and napped longer that day than I intended to. Probably means I need to eat more. But yeah,  I missed the New School of Colour this week. However, I was given the heads up that next week, the New School of colour will be on a Wednesday afternoon.

Today I was getting my appointments back in order and now that that’s taken care of, one less thing to stress about.

During the week, I have been supporting my friend Melly. If you haven’t noticed the re-blogs lately. I’m just so happy to see her standing up for something she believes in, despite the criticism she gets from people of higher supposed stature or status. Maybe I’m intrigued by her rebellion in a way. Ya know? People, even local news papers try to silence her opinions, but they don’t crush her persistence and determination. She has something to say regarding Homelessness and Poverty, and she’s damn well going to be heard. I love it! She even got interviewed on 106.9fm The X. I’m so freakin proud of her. It’s good to see her fight for something she believes in. Ya know? It’s like, my little Melly, she’s all grown up. She’s turning into quite the mighty woman. Get out of her freakin way!! Lol You can read and follow her blog at the following link:

Mel’s Life

According to my man, some family members on his side are getting a bit anxious to find out the sex of the baby. Unfortunately, I do not have that answer yet. We won’t know until early November, within the first 2 weeks, after the next ultrasound.

When we think about it, our home is never going to have a dull moment. 3 shitzus, 3 children (2 on weekends) . There’s always going to be something happening. Lol

My man and I joke around about naming our child; Raspberry Sue, no matter what the sex. Lol It gives us a good laugh. Raspberry, because my man has given my tummy so many raspberries during this pregnancy so far, that our child will probably think his/her name is raspberry. And Sue, because if our baby is a boy, my man says that name would toughen him up by the time he’s an adult. Imagine a grown man named Raspberry Sue, not one to mess with. Lol But no worries, that will not be the name of our Little Turkey Hunter, that name is just jokes. I think once we know the sex of the baby, we’ll get a better idea on what to name our child.

My man got the day off yesterday which was nice. He normally keeps himself pretty busy around the house, organizing things and cleaning. He was tuckered out by the end of the day. I find it funny how he says his dad is a workaholic, but so is he. However, I do have fun distracting him here and there.

Today I can relax, and do whatever.  Tomorrow, I go in to see my doctor for my third prenatal check-up, and that is when I can pick up a new form for my next ultrasound since the one I had had gone m.i.a. I do recall my ultrasound appointment being within the first two weeks of November. My man won’t be with me for this one, but I’ll shoot him a text as soon as I know the sex of the baby, and he can spread the news to his family.

Then Saturday and Sunday my children will be over, and I’m excited to take them out for Halloween. I finally decided what my costume is going to be, and I don’t have to buy anything except face paint. I just need jeans, and a plaid/ or button up shirt. I already have a hat I can use. But yeah, I’m going to be a scarecrow this year. A cute lil pregnant scarecrow. 🙂 Lol

Anyways, that is the basically what’s been going on in the life of Pooks. Over all it’s been good, with some worries, but not too much. Thank you so much for reading! Until next time! Peace and love – Pooks

“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.”- Shannon L. Alder

I Always Return…

Hello again!

Thanksgiving has come and gone. My man and I had one friend each over, and my son and daughter were over for the weekend. The dinner turned out delicious. My man was a wonderful chef and did a great job. However, he made a lot of food, so yeah, we got lots of leftovers. Haha!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm.. over the weekend my daughter and I did some pumpkin carving. Oh my god, I haven’t done that in years! Had some ancient memories of my own past of carving pumpkins, and I remembered a spoon helps scrap the rest of the inside of the pumpkin out. Funny how odd memories like that kick in out of the blue. Especially when you are doing something that you haven’t done in awhile. Anyways, it was fun. Both my daughter and I enjoyed the messy fun.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks)

It was a good long weekend. As I predicted in the previous post, my daughter was happy to see the puppies, especially Chewie whom she now calls her new best-friend.

My boyfriend and my son kinda had a match against each-other on the X-Box One, Call of Duty Advanced. Since we only have one controller, they took turns, and the one with the most kills wins. Well the funny thing is that they kept on getting a tie. So yeah, I’m sure that match between the two of them is to be continued… Lol

I know I said this before, but I am so grateful to have found a man that accepts my children as part of the package. Ya know? He makes an effort to get to know them, and bond. That means a lot to me.

Source: Pinterest.com

Source: Pinterest.com

On Monday, my boyfriend had that day off, so he worked around the house, and we took a walk by the river with our 3 shitzus. It was a beautiful day for a walk, and the dogs loved it. They were tuckered right out when we returned home.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

In other news, I have returned to the New School of Colour sooner than expected. I don’t know, I got a text from a fellow artist giving me the heads up that it was going to be open yesterday evening. Apparently he had spoke to the Executive Director of the Ark Aid Street Mission regarding the program, and yeah, the reigns so to speak have been passed down onto him. So thank you Doug and Marshall for keeping the New School of Colour alive at The Ark. Both are firm believers that the program is both a positive and beneficial to the community. So yeah, I’m back, and will support the New School of Colour as long as I can. I imagine I will be taking some time away once my baby is born. Ya know? I will be pretty busy with a newborn. But as the baby gets older, I will probably return again, along with my baby. That kind of positive atmosphere, creativity, and sense of community could be beneficial to my baby. Besides, as I said numerous times, no matter how many times I try to stray away, I always return to The Ark and the New School of Colour. I love those people, they’re muh peeps! The staff, the volunteers, and fellow artists, and fellow peeps from the community,  Love ya. They all make it what it is.

Anyways, I brought a small canvas with me to the art session yesterday, it was a gift from my man, and I put it to good use. My projects normally take me forever to complete, but yesterday, since I haven’t painted in awhile, the creativity was just flowing. Even fellow artists noticed and pointed out that that was fast. It’s almost done.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Anyways, for the New School of Colour fans, I shall let you know that we will be partaking in an upcoming art exhibition called The Healing Palette. We participated last year, and will again this year. 30 pieces will be submitted from the group, and keep in mind that 10% of the proceeds either goes back to The Ark Aid Street Mission, or the New School of Colour. So your support would be greatly appreciated.

The Healing Palette, 10th Annual Art Exhibition takes place on October 23ird – November 7th at the St.Thomas Elgin Genera Hospital – 198 Elm Street – St Thomas, ON. The opening gala is on October 23ird in the Atrium of the hospital. “The exhibit will showcase how, in expressing spirit, art gives hope and strength.” And speaking from my own personal experience, I know that is true.

Speaking of exhibitions, the call-out for artists for the next Twitter Art Exhibit has been made. That is for any amateur to professional artist that use Twitter. So far, I’ve participated twice, and it’s been exciting to have my art go to places such as Florida, and Norway. Coming up in the new year, New York City!! So stoked to be apart of that. My man already bought me materials so that I can create an art piece for this particular event. I love that he’s so supportive!

Anyways, if you are an artist that is on Twitter, you can participate. Keep an eye on the following web page for instructions on how to donate your art to the exhibit. The more the merrier! The Twitter Art Exhibit helps charities and non-profit organizations. The next exhibit, in 2016, all proceeds will benefit Foster Prides Homemade Program. Anyways, the link! Details on where to send your post card sized art, and how to participate will be revealed in late October!

twitterartexhibit

And speaking of late October, my children will be over for the weekend of Halloween!! Yaaaay! It’s been forever since I celebrated Halloween with them. Glad I get the chance to before they get to big for the trick or treating stuff. I think the last time I celebrated Halloween with them, was during the time I only had access through the C.A.S supervised access program. Back when C.A.S had a building on Dundas Street, which now is turning into S.O.A.H.A.C… back in 2012. Just found a youtube video of it….Man they grow fast!!

Newho, Halloween!! I’m not sure where the Trick or Treating hot spots are in this neighborhood yet. But we’ll see. It will be awesome regardless. I’m grateful that my visit lands on Halloween, and that my ex is okay with that.

Anyways, those are the major things that have happened, or that is happening lately. Hope you enjoyed the read! Until next time, peace & love! – Pooks

“Thank you’ is a wonderful phrase. Use it. It will add stature to your soul.”

– Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Make it an Adventure

Tuesday..Wednesday…you never really know when I’ll post, just that it’s within those 2 days. Sometimes more than once a week depending if there is a lot on my mind. Anywho, carrying on.

Last Thursday I went to my Leads appointment. I arrived late. I wasn’t really feeling the motivation. I even picked up a Monster Rehab energy drink for the extra boost just to get me there. Anyways, umm.. I think my worker noticed that I was kinda off, not quite myself. I admitted that things have been kinda shaky lately. So she asked about it, and I talked about it. The whole having my access with my kids being cut off, and my ex playing with my access like a yo-yo to power-trip me.

I appreciate that she let me speak of my own personal problems. She was very understanding, and offered to let me go early that day. She said that we didn’t have to do our exercise booklet work that day, but I insisted we go ahead with it. Ya know? That’s what I’m there for. That way I’m not just going there and not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, according to Ontario Works. It’s one of those mandatory things.

I don’t know. I guess I just really appreciated having someone put other things aside to listen to what I had to say. It rarely happens, where I open up and speak of myself for a change in person. I’m usually the person that listens, and encourages others to speak of themselves. I just don’t want to burden others, so a lot of things get bottled up waiting for ways to seep to the surface. Normally in a manner, through my writing and art.

When my appointment ended, my worker was concerned for me. She was asking if I was going to be all right. I told her not to worry, I’ve been going through this kind of thing for a long time. More than she knows. I always get by.

“Stay positive”. Those were the words we parted with.

Instead of taking the bus home, I walked and let myself cry. But enough of that.

As I think back on things discussed, such as having Merrymount involved again. When and if that will happen. Having a third party could turn out to be a positive after-all. My ex won’t be able to use our children to power-trip me if they’re involved. So there could be a bit of security there.

I think it’s obvious, there is no trust between my ex and I. And it’s pretty apparent that neither of us really like the other. I think my reasons are fairly logical. His reasons? Lies that he tells himself, and convinces himself that they are true. As I said before, he see’s me as a completely different person that I am not.

Although, on Halloween, I must admit, I completely let go for a night. But we’ll touch base on that later. Halloween, it is my favorite holiday, and if I wasn’t going to be with my kids, I was determined to have a blast.

I was going to attend a rally that was being held at Victoria Park called the Ongoing Action Against Harper’s latest War, but I didn’t make it. Apparently getting dolled up as a pilot for the evening took longer than I had presumed. Plus, I didn’t really have a sign prepared.

It was cold that day. I knew I was gonna freeze my ass off in that little dress. But I convinced myself that the discomfort was only going to be temporary. One evening. One night.

So my first stop was at Tim Horton’s to pick up my caffeine fix, an XXL Mocha. From there, I went walking down Dundas Street searching for two friends that said they were going to be out giving candy. I didn’t see them. So I had decided that maybe I should eat, and I went to The Ark. Sure enough, the friends that I had been seeking earlier had showed up all dressed in costumes. That was awesome. We chilled, clowned around and had dinner and then parted ways afterwards. They went one way, I went the other, and headed to the East Village Coffee House for a coffee. It’s been awhile since I had their coffee. My fave coffee in all of London, Ontario. It seemed kinda quiet, so I picked up and moved on.

My next stop was the St. Regis Tavern. I sat down with a couple of guys that were playing that night. They played 60’s, 70’s rock music. Anyway, they were cool. I was gonna sit by myself, but they invited me over. So I chilled with them for a bit, cheered them on when they played, and had a couple of beers. It wasn’t that busy there, everyone was packing up and leaving early. So yeah, onto my next destination.

I was thinking about going to Call the Office. I’ve never been there before. But on my way there, I was drawn elsewhere. I saw people standing outside all dressed up in costumes, and I heard music that was more my taste. So I entered The APK and was greeted by a guy dressed up as a Doctor, Dr. Lube. Haha!

I was kinda quiet and timid at first. I just sat on the bar stool and observed my surroundings. Everyone there was dressed in costumes. I loved it. I probably had 2- 3 more beers, plus a vodka and coke, plus a shot of scotch, then the giggling jester from within emerged…

It was a crazy night, filled with funny conversations. Jesus was a Furh. I don’t know. Don’t ask. I saw it on someones t-shirt and was laughing hysterically over it. I head banged to Metallica with a dude named Vincent. I danced with someone from the Red Lake area, and I left with a knight.

To sum up the evening without getting into too much detail, there was drinking, dancing, and yes, fucking.

The following day, the plan was to go face my fear and hop in a plane with this knight. Turns out the knight has a pilot license. But I kinda chickened out on that idea. Plus I was hung over, and yeah. A hang over plus a fear of heights together is probably not a good idea. Knowing me, I would get sick. So change of plans, we went to see John Wick at a theatre. Which turned out better than I thought it would.

I was given this guys number, but have not called back. Honestly, I got a little spooked because I know I didn’t give him my number and he texted me shortly after dropping me off at home. So how did he get my number?

I really don’t foresee a serious relationship in the future. Plus, my intentions for that night was just random sex. I do that sometimes. I haven’t had sex for a good 3 years. So I figured, it was about time. Why not? It’s Halloween. Have fun. By all means, “sin”. Not only that, but I feel rather hesitant to drag anyone else into my world. The temporary escape was nice though. I just feel like noone will understand, or relate. I just don’t think I can connect with people that way. That’s alienation for ya. Welcome to my life.

So needless to say, I did have a good Halloween. I met some interesting people, made new friends, and as a bonus I got pooned.

Sunday, I was mostly resting. I was in and out of sleep.

Monday… the New School of Colour, obviously. Which I got a lovely surprise when I arrived. Turns out, the New School of Colour was submitting artwork into an upcoming art exhibit, and I showed up right when they were submitting my work. Good timing. So that is pretty exciting. I’ll have 3 pieces in the art show. I guess I should probably give more detail on that. Umm… The art show is called “The Healing Palette”. It’s the 9th Annual Art Exhibition, and it takes place in St. Thomas. At the St. Thomas Elgin Hospital, in the atrium, 189 Elm Street to be exact. The opening gala is November 7th. The show runs from November 7th – the 24th. Note, that it isn’t just my work in the show, other amazingly talented artists from the New School of Colour will have their art in the show as well. So if you are in the London, or St. Thomas area, go check that out.

This evening I was finishing up my jester with the oozing eyes painting. Painting the rims of the canvas black. Next week I will be able to glaze it when the paint is dry. I started a new painting, on a slightly bigger canvas. That’s cool. Instead of diving right in and painting, I sketched something out on the canvas first. Just to kinda give myself guidelines to follow for an idea. I took a picture of it, and already I can see where it could use some improvement. Haha! Gotta love it when that happens. Jot that down mentally on my to-do list. I’m sure I will be reminded when I sit back down in front of it anyways.

Other than that, it’s 6:37am, Tuesday morning. Hopefully I can make today productive. I want to get a hold of Merrymount. I missed their call last Thursday. They didn’t leave a message. So I don’t know. Maybe they will tell me whether my ex had contacted them yet or not. If not, I’ll contact N’Amerind and book an appointment to talk to one of their court workers, and see if they can help me enforce the court order regarding my access.

I also have to get a hold of the Salvation Army again to help me pay off another debt. Apparently it was the City of London that chopped down my forest of a backyard, and now I got a lovely bill to pay. A little over $200. Still more than I can afford. Especially after my crazy Halloween. But no regrets. I may struggle a bit this month financially, but I am resourceful. I’ll find a way to keep my boat afloat.

So yeah, stuff needs to get done. Sleep is out of the question if I want to get those things done. Otherwise I will be out cold, and miss out on the business hours, and yeah, there goes my opportunity to do so.

Oh, the Million Mask March takes place on Wednesday. I encourage all those who are with Idle No More, all those with Occupy, or Anonymous to go. This is your chance to unite as one, because we all fight the same fight. Fuck the Capitalists! – Pooks

“Spontaneous insanity is the real bliss! It’s sad that we are honored for playing sane, serious, safe, miserable and controlling in this poor world.” – Saurabh Sharma

I’m the Pilot Damn it!

It is that time to reflect, and guarantee this blog post will be jumping from topic to topic, very rarely do my blog posts stick to one thing.

As my readers may already know, my access with my children has been cut off, so there was no sleepover visit this past weekend. And no, I still have not been contacted by Merrymount. So my ex is full of shit.Need I remind you, he was the one that said – ” I’m thinking since you feel the need to call me a douche and lazy to the children when you think I’m not listening, it would be better if we do pick ups and drop offs at Merrymount again. They will be in touch if your still interested in your visits.” If your still interested in your visits? Where the hell does he get off on saying that?! I’ve been interested in my damn kids since the day he took off with them back in OCTOBER 2010!! Just because I shot his dick down repeatedly he took them! Yeah, a sore loser that one is. As for getting offended that your son misheard me, and thought I said douche, when I said grouch! And I said, yeah that his father can be a douche sometimes?? That was just shining a glimpse of the truth.

I probably gave him more fuel to be pissy with previous blog posts, since he stalks his ex online whom he’s been separated from  for 4-5 years. Obsessive, pathetic, and yeah, no life. If he doesn’t like what the fuck he’s reading, then stop giving me the material. It’s that simple. Don’t be a douche. But I guess he’s one of those men that thinks power and control, ahem, ABUSE, is what makes him “manly”. Being an abusive asshole supposedly equals “testosterone”.  No, it’s quite the opposite actually. It makes you a bitch. You’re fears bitch. Welcome to reality! Haha! Just a big giant coward with a capital “C”. Kinda like our Prime Minister, acts all high and mighty, but when shit hits the fan, where’s he? Hiding in the closet. Go figure.

It kind of drives me nuts when friends ask about the kids lately, and what will they be for Halloween. But not all of my friends know what is going on. So it’s not their fault, and they’re not asking to upset me. I normally respond with “they are good”, and “yes, they will be going out for Halloween.” I leave out the part where I won’t be there to celebrate with them. But honestly, I just keep trying to move forward. I try my best not to think about my kids, otherwise I get depressed. So I try to stay busy, and well…distract myself.

Although, when I attended the General Meeting for First Nation Housing Co-Op, I was advised by one of the board members ( whom is also the Vice President at N’Amerind) to go to the N’Amerind Friendship Centre and talk to the court workers there with regard to getting my access back with my children. They are aware of my situation and realize that I am back at square one. So the support is there, and I am grateful.

As far as job searching goes, I had to slow down on that. I mean, it’s awesome that more employers are getting back to me and want to book an interview. But, I kind of ran into a pickle. I ran out of bus tickets. I was supposed to purchase a bus pass, but since I was picking up and dropping off my children in order to have my visits ( back before my access was denied), I spent that money on bus fare for myself, and my children. Anyway, I ran out of adult bus tickets, and can’t really afford to do anything about it until my financial assistance is directly deposited closer to the end of the month. I haven’t heard back from the Marriot Inn, but I did hear from 2 employers from Masonville Mall. Unfortunately I have no means of transportation to get me to these interviews, and that is approximately a 2 1/2 – 3 hour walk. I could walk it, I’ve done it before. But early in the morning, and get there looking half decent after the walk? Not likely. So yeah, I guess I have to wait until the end of the month before I send out more resumes.

What else? On Monday I went to the New School of Colour dressed up in my Halloween Costume, a pilot. Same costume as last year, but with a dark twist to it with the way I did my make-up. I normally dress up the week of Halloween, whether or not the New School of Colour session lands on the 31st. It’s fun, besides it gives me a reason to get more wear out of the costume. Considering that I was barely showing any skin, I wore a grey sweater with stars all over it on top. The dress was short, but I had shorts underneath it, and high stockings… Only a part of my thighs were showing, and part of my chest, but the little cute tie hides the cleavage. So I think my costume leaves a lot to the imagination. I apparently really wowed some people. Haha! But then again, I normally dress like a boy. So when I’m dressed “feminine”, I guess it can be a surprise. Like I said a long time ago regarding when it comes to the odd time I dress really “feminine”,  it is more special and memorable that way.

Anywho, I think I completed a painting Monday. The sides of the canvas just needs to be painted black, and it just needs a nice glazed coat and voila! While I was painting it, the jester with the oozing eyes, a guy came down to the studio and said he’d be interested in buying the piece. That kinda blew me away. The fact it could already be sold, and it wasn’t even completed yet. That’s cool. Haha!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©2014

As for Halloween, this pilot will try her best not to go flying down another set of concrete stairs and severely sprain her ankle again. Nope. Not gonna happen this year! Haha! No, I wasn’t drunk. I was trying to get to a fundraiser thing for the Food Bank, and those damn stairs! Actually one step, that was so short and measly compared to the rest of the actual staircase. That step is deadly, and can send you flying if you are not paying attention! Anywho, where was I? Right,  I don’t have any major plans as of yet what I’ll do. I normally dress up and walk around in my costume all day. Even do my errands all dolled up. Haha! Although, I might stop by and visit a couple of my fab peeps that will be on Dundas Street giving out candy to the Trick or Treaters. Halloween Parties, I don’t know… Haven’t really heard of any besides the one going on at the East Village Coffee House. Maybe I’ll check that out, maybe I won’t. I don’t know. We’ll see what this years Halloween brings! Kids or no kids, I am going to have a good Halloween. Must stay positive & optimistic, regardless.

I skipped my last Leads appointment. I wasn’t quite feeling like myself that day. Try again this Thursday.

Other than that, to keep my mind off things, I read. I’m currently reading The Dangerous Days of Daniel X by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. So far I like it. It’s about a 15 year old Alien Hunter who has the power to create. Like, with his mind. It’s more Sci-fi -ish than The Jester, but I like it. I mean, both are fiction, but this one is more aliens, space ships, and whatnot. It’s part of a series, so I will have to hunt the other books down when I’m done.

I have been visiting some friends that live around the corner so to speak, a little more often. It was made clear that I am more than welcome. So sometimes I’m there. They help me out quite a bit. Once again, I’m grateful.

I guess whenever I get the spare time, as I do now, what I do with my own time is build more on what I want Pooks to be. So I let my imagination go wild and just create. Art, writing, poetry. Whatever. The flow of creativity keeps me up all night sometimes. But I’m an artist on a mission. I could be just practicing with rough drafts, painting…whatever. As long as I’m busy. I will make my life awesome. Why? Because my ex does not control it. I’m the pilot damn it! Haha! See what I did there? Tying it all together in such a unique way.

Anyway, it’s going onto 3:30am. Where does time go? I think this is where I’ll end this fabulous post. Hope you enjoyed! – Pooks

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”- Confucius

#trickoreat2013

Hello fellow WordPress bloggers & readers,

I have decided to join in on the Trick or Eat, Meal Exchange, to fight hunger. Since I know what it is like to be homeless,  & to be on welfare, struggling to make ends meet. It only makes sense to try to help those in need.

On Halloween, I will be dressed up going door to door collecting non-perishable food items for local shelters, and the local food bank, along with other members/ students from the campaign I joined, which is Western University.

You can assist me to help those in need by making a donation, and sponsoring me at the link provided below. I look forward to this experience. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you. Merci. Miigwech! You’re awesome! – Pooks

Trick or Eat.

“The poor themselves can create a poverty-free world. All we have to do is to free them from the chains that we have put around them!”- Muhammad Yunus