No Focal Point

I haven’t posted for a bit. No worries, I’m okay. I’m pretty much just waiting around to go into labour. For the last week or so, that’s all I have been hearing lately, even from complete strangers; “Any day now.”
Since my last post, I had 2 regular check up appointments. Last week, was rather painful. I think it should be mandatory that doctors trim their nails before measuring a cervix. As for yesterday, it went a lot better. However my current doctor that is following my pregnancy wanted to induce me right then and there, but at the time, I had my daughter in my care. And yeah, that would have just made things kinda chaotic. Even though my ex, my man, and I all discussed that if I were to go into labour while my daughter was over, the plan was to text or call the ex telling him to meet us at the hospital.
It’s kind of a relief that we can communicate between the 3 of us as co-parents. I mean, this past weekend I did get a bit emotional regarding my visits. I was upset that my ex is usually late, and when my man said he could pick up my daughter and then couldn’t. I just broke down feeling like I was the only one that cared about my visits. But that’s not true. My man had to work on Saturday, and he was offered some money afterwards if he helped someone move. He thought he’d be done in time, but clearly wasn’t. He kinda bit more than he could chew trying to be a super human. Turns out the guy he was helping out hasn’t even started to pack or whatever, and my man was expecting things to be ready to move when in fact they weren’t.
As for my ex, he usually has to wait around until he can find someone to watch over our son. He doesn’t trust leaving our son alone at home unattended, especially since our son has been stealing from his own father lately. He would take food, coffee, smokes, money, and whatever else to give to one of his buddies, whom probably pass that on to their parents. They really need to get out of that complex, it’s having a negative influence.
Anyways, it can take hours before my ex finds someone to watch our son and his unit.
So yeah, let that go. They both know how I feel about my visits. And that I’d appreciate it if we tried to stick to our agreement which is to have our daughter here by 2pm. Or close to it. Not 8pm. There goes majority of my time.
The reason I just say my daughter, is because my son still has no interest in coming over. We thought that maybe it could be that there is a lot of changes happening all at once, and he does not handle change well. Mom’s new boyfriend, Mom’s pregnant, Mom’s boyfriend moving in, Homeschooling, Etc. But according to my daughter, she told me over the weekend that my son hates me over something that happened in the past. A long time ago. Yeah well, that’s the past. I am no longer there, and if he’s going to bring random shit up and dwell, then that’s his problem.
It wasn’t easy being a single mom, with their dad in jail, trying to cope with my sons psychotic tantrums. Heck, I even called C.A.S on myself because I didn’t know what to do. He was dangerous at the time to have around his baby sister. Throwing things like dresser drawers down the stairs, and even a desk. Had his sister been crawling by, she would’ve been seriously injured. I can’t remember how many times I had to replace that baby gate. But yeah, he definitely didn’t handle a new sibling in the house very well.
As I confessed before, I spanked him once trying to get him to snap out of it, and never again. Ever since, I ask for consent to even hug my kids. It’s a good thing he wasn’t raised in the 80’s. Heck, I don’t know anyone my age that hasn’t been spanked by hand, or with a spoon, or belt. So considering, kids these days are quite pampered and shouldn’t complain. Nowadays, parents got to think of alternative ways to discipline. So yeah, compared to my upbringing, he’s being a bitch and complaining about pussy ass shit. Excuse the language, but it’s true.
Besides that, he seemed less interested in coming over when my man and I became more strict with the video and computer games anyways. Thanks. Nothing like making mom feel like I’m not the one he came to visit, he came to visit a piece of junk. And as my daughter tells me, that’s all he does at home, he plays on his tablet.
I read an article not too long ago regarding children and video games. How it interferes with the development of the brain, especially the frontal lobe. So yeah. It can cause learning disabilities, and anger issues. And as I discovered from trying to teach my son at home, he’s more behind than we think. I mean, we were getting ready to start him over from grade 1 if we had to.
But whatever. My ex thinks video games are beneficial or whatever. But some day our son will see just how much time in his life he wasted staring at a screen. He could be spending time with family, making friends, learning or doing more productive things, so on and so forth. Ya know? He’s missing his whole damn childhood.
But yeah. Like my man’s mother says, regarding homeschooling, our son will be tested by the school board, and we’ll see if he’s actually doing anything. Or learning anything. If not, I’m sure C.A.S will be called. Just what my ex was running from in the first place.
My ex did say he was thinking about pulling our daughter out of school too, because he is against vaccines. But after some research, those vaccines are mandatory otherwise your child cannot attend school. It would be unwise to pull out another child of ours out of school, especially since she’s doing so well. Take her out, and all she has is her surrounding environment as an influence. A ghetto complex. For a girl, that can lead to prostitution. I’m sure my ex wants better for his little girl. So swallow your pride, get her to take the vaccines wither you like it or not. She has dreams of becoming a baker, that’s better than a hooker. Keep her in school and maybe she can make that dream of hers a reality.
Other than all that…we celebrated Easter early this past weekend because I can go into labour “any day now”. My due date is actually during the Easter holidays. So we’ll see. When the baby comes, the baby comes. They have their own schedule. Lol
But yeah, my man did a superb job setting things up for our little Easter get together. He put my daughters and my sons Easter basket together. He set up an Easter egg hunt for my daughter, and even cooked an Easter dinner. It was my first time trying Rabbit. Which turned out pretty good actually. For some reason I thought rabbit would be a dark meat, but no, it’s white meat. And kinda tastes like chicken. Just a little blander.
I haven’t been working on any art lately. Even though my Doula thinks it would be cool if I painted something to be my focal point for when I give birth. Ya know? Something with an inspiring message that will help get me through the contractions.
I don’t know. I find myself extremely tired lately, an exhaustion that naps during the day can’t even suffice. Maybe it’s the rapid weight gain, or maybe my body is just trying to rest now, and conserve energy for when I do go into labour. It’s like an endless fatigue. At first I thought it was an iron deficiency, since I had forgotten to take my iron pills for awhile. But now that’s back into a routine, and I’m still exhausted. But yeah, my body is doing a number of things getting ready for the baby. So that’s what I’m thinking. Soon, I just don’t know when exactly.
Hopefully I have this baby before April 1st. As I mentioned before, there is a huge family gathering happening that day, and it would be nice to bring the baby. My man’s mom sounds so cute when she calls, all anxious for this baby to arrive. She recommends I get induced the next time the opportunity arrives.
According to my doctor, if I don’t go into labour by the 31st, an appointment will be scheduled for me to be induced. By then it will be too late. So hopefully this baby comes soon, or by its due date, the 26th.
Over the weekend I met a friend of my man’s, and the woman she was with is a photographer. Anyways, She offered to do maternity pics, or New born pics. But I have another photographer in mind that I wouldn’t mind helping getting her work out there. Platinum Phoenix Photography, I’ve been an acquaintance and fan of this photographer for awhile. She used to be a friend, until my supposed foster sister got all possessive and told me to stay away from her and her friends. So yeah, we don’t hang out, but I follow and support her work.
So yeah, my plan is to get some portraits done of my man and I’s baby, and mail some photos out to family members and close friends, and of coarse get the photographer’s work out there via. social media as my thank you.
What else? A friend of ours says he wants us to go out and do things this summer with him. Ya know? Baseball games, air shows, just eventful stuff and chill. So we’ll see.
I think it’ll be a good Spring/ Summer. My man is fixing up the yard. It just looks better and better. I might have grass this year, instead of a jungle. That would be awesome!
Every year I say I’m going to go to the Sifton Bog, but this year… Yes, I am going to go to the Sifton Bog damn it! I am determined!! Haha!
Uhh… might not make it down to see my relatives up north this year, maybe next year. They too want to meet the baby. That’s cool, but yeah. Traveling takes planning and finances. This year we are hoping to see my man’s 80 year old grandfather while he’s in the province. So going to see him and other family members is a lot closer than Red Lake, Ontario. It might take awhile before we can get up there. But my Aunt is excited and can’t wait to show my man all her favorite fishing spots. Lol My family likes him already, and they haven’t even met yet. 🙂
Overall things are good. Even though there is always that concern for my son in the back of my mind.
And as for this baby… I want it to come already, and then there’s another part of me that is like; No. Stay in there a little longer! Ya know? Because I remember hours and hours of contractions. It had been 7 years since I’ve done this labour thing. Lol I might not be as strong as I used to be.
That reminds me, the friend of my man’s that we met with the photographer, she was like; “aren’t you promiscuous?” Umm… not really. Like I said. It’s been 7 years since I gave birth. 5 years between dating. I was seeing someone in 2011, and haven’t dated again until I met my man for the 3rd or 4th time. During that 5 year gap, I shot a lot of men down. Might have had one one night stand in there during a drunken Halloween. But other than that, I was focused on me, my art, and my children. If that’s promiscuous, then wow. The standards of promiscuity clearly have changed. Haha!
I admit, when my man and I got together we were like 2 rabbits in the Spring time. Just completely enthralled by one another. Lol
I’m still crazy about him, but in a more meaningful kind of way. Like I said before, I think this baby has brought us closer together.
And soon, our baby will be here… Peace and Love – Pooks

“No one’s family is normal. Normalcy is a lie invented by advertising agencies to make the rest of us feel inferior.”

– Claire Lazebnik

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Advertisements

Because you’re Native

So I was going through the documents my doctor gave me, to give to the hospital in case I pop early.

Needless to say that I am not impressed with the way they worded things. Such as “denies” substance abuse in current pregnancy??? Wtf? I don’t do drugs period, besides the antibiotics they shove down throat. Yeah, I used to smoke weed, but I kicked that to the curb without a problem when I found out I was pregnant with my eldest son. 10- 11 YEARS AGO!!! I don’t do fuckin drugs period. Ughhhhhhhh….

image

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

It also says to monitor me for any indications to involve them (C.A.S) in current pregnancy.

A) The reason CAS got involved in the first place was because a doctor accused me of being on crack when I actually had mastitis. And rather then doing their job, Dr. Lee settled for his assumption.

B) CAS remained involved because of MY EX and the domestic abuse. But yeah, CAS, specifically Lara Downing, fucked up on that one, and thinks it’s safer to have my children with the man that assaulted their mother, than their mother. Make any sense?? Oh that’s right, I opened up with the truth that my ex was in my home when he wasn’t supposed to be due to a restraining order. I guess that would have been too much work for her to have to start from scratch. But what does she expect from a domestic abuse case? Yeah, I was lying on his behalf. Because he supposedly loved me, and was the only person that cared for me. Everybody else was just trying to tear our family apart. That’s the kind of shit a victim of abuse gets brainwashed with. Anyways,  out of spite, this lazy immature worker did everything in her power to have my kids placed with my ex. Congrats! She succeeded, and now schools wonder why they have so many problems with my eldest son. Smh. Oh yeah, and since my ex was around when he wasn’t supposed to be, that whole cleanliness bullshit that got pinned on me only, that’s on him too. That’s the fuckin truth.

Society and all these organizations are fuckin retarded!
Correction. Not retarded. That’s not the word. I know some peeps may find that word offensive. But yeah… perhaps bias, prejudice, racist, ignorant, so on and so forth, are better words to use.

Heck! Even my biological cousin shares this perspective from her own experience. She said: ” Automatic substance abuser. Because you’re native. I get labeled immediately as well, even when I was pregnant.”

So yeah. Welcome to the life of a native. Isn’t that fuckin bullshit or what?

Not all natives are substance abusers. Many of my generation learned by the example of our elders. Not all of them. But yeah, there are those trying to drown their traumatic experiences from Residential Schools. The torture and genocide of our people and culture. Sure those times may be over, not entirely obviously, but clearly our elders still suffer internally from those memories. I imagine it would be like how a soldier would suffer PTSD after returning from war. People having to live with seeing or experiencing inhumane shit that is to be kept “confidential.”

Anyways… that’s enough for this post. I will post another regarding other aspects of my life, either later on today or in the week. Thank you for reading my occasional rant. Peace and love – Pooks

“…racist thought and action says far more about the person they come from than the person they are directed at.”

– Chris Crutcher

In Their Ideal Society

Hello again!

I know it’s been awhile since I blogged. I believe I skipped a week. But some time away doesn’t hurt once in awhile.

Anyways, umm… what are the major things that have been happening. Besides the obvious, preparing for Christmas. This year I get to have my children over for Christmas, so that’s going to be awesome. My son requested to have an awesome Christmas dinner, with banana bread and cheese cake for dessert. We shall see what we can do. As in my partner and I.

Not only that but we have also been trying to prepare for our baby that is on the way. We managed to find a play pen for a good deal at a nearby second hand store. That was awesome. And My man’s sister gave us a bunch of stuff for the baby, a changing mat, clothes, bibs, etc. etc. Even though we do not know the sex of our baby.

Which reminds me, I might be getting an ultrasound sooner than expected. During my last doctor appointment, the doctor said my baby is underweight. I found that devastating. Because now Dr. M. Kennedy, like most doctors with a native patient, jump to the worst conclusions. Oh she’s native, she must be on drugs, or drinking alcohol. He was getting ready to call C.A.S, which upset and totally pissed me off. I mean, C.A.S has interfered enough with my life, like half of it. And this freakin doctor wanted to call them just because I “have a history with them.” He said, “They are there to help.” Hahaha! Bullshit! Not with my experience. They are there to help white people, the Capitalists, and the genocide. To rid people of colour in their ideal society.

I mean, years ago, it was a doctor at Victoria Hospital that got C.A.S involved back when my son was a baby. That judgmental, discriminating jackass jumped to conclusions and rather than testing me to see what’s up. He automatically accuses me of coming down off of crack, when truthfully, as the nurses found out after the fact, I had a breast infection; mastitis. These doctors should do their jobs rather than jumping to conclusions based on race. That’s very unprofessional. So yeah, haven’t really trusted doctors since. I hate them all equally.

Anyways,  back to recent times, another doctor came in and said that they won’t be calling C.A.S because they are not concerned. However, they will be monitoring the baby’s growth throughout my pregnancy. Which is why they want another ultrasound done soon.

I have to make sure my following appointments land on Mondays, so I get the same 2 doctors as last time. They want to be the ones to follow my pregnancy, and be there when I’m in labour. The Victoria Family Medical Centre doctors work in alternating teams. So yeah, if I book a different day, different doctor. I don’t mind the female doctor, but the male one, ooooooh… he got on my bad side for even mentioning C.A.S. However, I will remain co-operative. I know what could be stunting the growth of my baby, caffeine and smoking.

Anyways, after my appointment, my man came home to me crying. I’m so fortunate to have him there as support. Even when I’m all emotional. Right away he started to do some research on healthy foods that can help with weight gain during pregnancy, and went shopping for those foods. So yeah, even my diet has changed. I try to avoid drinking beverages with caffeine. We’re even being more careful with the kind of teas I drink, since there are teas that have caffeine within them. So yeah, sticking to more fruity, non caffeinated teas. Mornings are rough without some kind of caffeine, but I’ll manage. As for smoking, I smoked maybe 10 per day, and have been cutting back. Maybe I’ll be able to ween myself off them eventually. Fingers crossed! It’s not an easy habit to kick, I’ve tried and failed before.

Other than that, I missed my Leads appointment last week. I misplaced my bus pass, which turned out to be right under my nose the whole time. Go figure. I mean, since it’s getting colder, I wear a hoodie, a fleece vest ( since I can’t zip up my coat over my tummy), and my winter coat. So yeah, lots of pockets. Anyways, my bus pass was in my sweater, under all the layers the whole time. Ughh… Luckily, I was able to re-book. I mean I was looking forward to my appointment. I was just about to head out the door, and yeah, missing bus pass.

At the last appointment I attended at Leads, my worker noticed that I was fidgeting with my bus transfer as we talked. By the time I was done folding it, she said it looked like a snowflake. So that gave her the idea to make snowflakes at the next appointment. So I was curious to see if that was actually going to happen. Were we actually going to make paper snowflakes? Not your regular kind of Leads appointment. Haha! Creativity is contagious. I love it!

So yeah, I’ll see her tomorrow and find out.

As for the New School of Colour, I completed a small acrylic painting last week, and will probably be starting something new this evening.  While I’m there, my man said that is when he will be buying me a Christmas gift, and stashing it somewhere in the house. Lol

Speaking of painting, I still have to create something for the Twitter Art Exhibit, the last piece I was working on got messed up because I spilled tea all over it. So yeah, got to make another.

I also want to paint my front window with a Christmas theme this year. I got some tips from the former New School of Colour facilitator, since I knew he did that kind of thing at The Ark in the past. The thing is, finding the time. Newho, yeah, best of luck to him wherever life takes him. We was talking about getting a PH.D and becoming a doctor in the past. Maybe that’s what he’s doing. Good luck fellow rainbow ninja! We all know how much I love doctors. Hahaha! Maybe he will turn out to be a decent one. Who knows?!

During my last visit with my kids, we went for a walk to the park, and then wondered down streets we’ve never been down. I think I have a good sense of direction, so we didn’t get lost. Lol

Anyways, that’s life lately. Thank you for reading! Peace and Love! – Pooks

“Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble.”

– Lemony Snicket

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©