Making up for my Absence

Long time no see!

I apologize for not blogging much lately. I think it’s been 2 weeks or so since the last time I blogged. But with Christmas rapidly approaching, we’ve been kinda busy. However, we think that my son and my daughter will have a good Christmas. Thanks to everyone that pitched in to help make this possible, wither it be through providing gifts, or money for gifts. You’re awesome! Miigwech!

Anyways, my last two Leads appointments went well. We started a module on confidence, and it turns out that my confidence isn’t as low as I had thought. It’s pretty good considering. However, pinpointing my insecurities, or admitting my insecurities was quite difficult. I got all teary eyed. But yeah, I had to state what goes through my mind, and what could have started those negative thoughts that belittle me and hold me back. It all goes back to my childhood, and the abusive foster mom. Fuck her!

I guess I need to talk about shit more until it no longer has any effect on me. But that’s the problem, as an introvert, I don’t talk about these things. In fact, I would rather try to forget. Even though that doesn’t really work, obviously. Ya know? I can move on with my life, but somewhere in the back of my mind these memories still exist, and haunt me when I am trying to move up in my life. So yeah, I need to speak about it verbally. That’s going to be a challenge. Talking about things and people I would rather pretend didn’t even exist.

Thankfully, I have my partner, and I know when I’m ready, he will listen.

But that’s enough of that. That’s some internal shit I need to work on that could in the end improve my confidence.

Umm… what else? Last week we made snow flakes out of paper at Leads. Just doing something fun and creative before the holidays. This wasn’t your ordinary fold and cut kind of snow flake. So thanks to my worker for teaching me something new. The one I made turned out pretty cool, and it is now hanging on my front door. So instead of your typical Christmas wreath, I have this cool looking snowflake! 🙂

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

At the New School of Colour, I completed a painting that has that H.R Giger Xenomorph resemblance. Which is pretty cool since I was not copying from any images, it was straight out of my head/ memory, and it came pretty close. People can tell where the inspiration came from.

As for the background, I was trying to paint without the bristles of a paintbrush. So I’d use the other end. Or I would find other objects to use. Such as the cap to my Gatorade, or the lid to my Lays Chips container. So on and so forth. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. I brought it home so that my partner can put a clear coat on it, since I can’t really do that on my own. Being pregnant and all. I have to be more careful around things that involve chemicals.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Last week, my mind kinda went blank. So I was working on some zentangles just for the hell of it.

Which reminds me, the current facilitator said that he’d try to get my art work into the library. Kind of like a small solo exhibit. That’s cool. I mean, I’ve been with the New School of Colour since 2011, and still haven’t had a solo art exhibition yet. Maybe it’s about time.

Umm… Within these last 2 weeks I also submitted some of my photography into something called “Colouring London”. Similar to what I have participated in the past with my photography, “Colouring between the Lines”. It is run by the same person that did the “Colouring between the Lines” exhibition a year or two ago, Lincoln McCardle. The difference is, this time around, the photographs submitted that get converted into colouring pages will become part of a colouring book. That’s cool. The proceeds will go to a local charity.  There’s still time to get involved, so if you are a London, ON photographer, you can submit your work to the following FB page:

Colouring London

One of 4 photographs I submitted into Colouring London. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

One of four photographs that I submitted into Colouring London. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

This past weekend my daughter was teaching me some French that she’s been learning at school. So that’s pretty awesome. She knows more words than I do. According to her report card, she’s doing well in school.

However, when it comes to an education, my son is falling more and more behind. From my perspective, both the school and my ex are responsible. The school, because it’s like they don’t want my son around. So even though my ex has been bringing my son to school, the school just sends our son back home shortly after. I can understand why my ex would get fed up, and decide to pull our son out of school. That goes on long enough, it’s like, what’s the point of bringing him in, if the school is just going to send him back home anyways. However, the homeschooling hasn’t really started, and according to my daughter, my son just sleeps all day. And sometimes I think my ex is capable of teaching our son, other times… I worry. I mean, an education is not watching Infowars. He needs to learn to read and write, and do math, and learn other skills that would benefit his future. Perhaps even learning a trade if all else fails. Infowars, and conspiracy theories won’t do that. I mean, our son has got to learn to take care of himself one day, and at this rate, it’s not looking so good. He’s not motivated to learn anything. It seems like his only interest is videogames. So as his mother, I am concerned. How do you teach someone that doesn’t want to learn? Or maybe noone has found the way to teach him yet. I mean, educational institutions focus on one way of learning, and that is auditory. Not everyone learns that way. Some people, like myself, are more visual and kinaesthetic.

Anyways, that’s a little mind boggling. I mean, I only see my children on weekends, so there is only so much I can do. My time is limited. So my sons education basically lies in the hands of the primary caregiver, my ex. Hopefully he can figure something out. Our son doesn’t need to fall more behind than he already is.

Other than that, my visits with my children have been going well. they’re good children. Even though my partner feels as if my son is being a bit resistant towards him. That whole “You’re not my father” kinda thing. But my man can understand, and has been pretty patient. I mean, he too has grown up with step dads in his life. So yeah, he can understand my son in that regard more than my son realizes. Lol

Before I forget, I want to mention that over the weekend I finally did a Christmas window painting. I painted the Grinch on the front window of my house, and I guess it turned out pretty good. I mean, the neighbors across the street asked my partner where we bought it from. I guess they thought it was one of those peel and stick on things you put on your window. Haha! Nope! My man proudly answered and said that I painted it, and that he’s always amazed with the things I can paint.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm.. what else? We’ve been preparing for our baby. Thank you to Angie Cooke from the Hamiltion Rd/ OEV Buy Nothing Group for giving us a crib.  And thank you to the kind lady that traveled all the way from Strathroy to give us a stroller. That takes care of two major pricey baby items we’ll be needing in the near future. The crib we got for free. As for the stroller, we probably paid only the quarter of the price of a brand new one. In the long run, that will help us out financially.

While I’m saying my thank you’s. I want to thank my good friend Melly for coming with me t o the Mall last week to do some Christmas shopping. It helps to go with someone that is familiar with the malls. 🙂

As for a baby update, my next doctor appointment is early January, and I believe my next ultrasound will be scheduled then. However I am happy to say that I can feel my baby kick more often. It’s kicks are getting stronger. So he or she must be growing. 🙂

Oh that reminds me, we did pick out names for our baby, even though we don’t know the sex yet.

For a girl: Lily Adelaide King Wuytenburg

For a boy: Adelaide Derek King Wuytenburg

We got the name Lily from my daughter. She actually suggested Lily tiger ( I think she meant Tiger Lily). But we thought the name Lily alone had a ring to it.

As for Adelaide, that is the name of the street that holds a lot of my partner and I’s relationship history. My man gave me his number to me twice on Adelaide Street. We’ve been for dates on Adelaide. We went grocery shopping on Adelaide. We both lived east of Adelaide. Our baby was even conceived on Adelaide. Lol The list goes on and on.

Derek, because that is my mans name. And my man has his fathers name for a middle name. so were kinda passing on the tradition so to speak.

King is my biological last name.

Wuytenburg is my mans last name.

So yaaay! We have a name. We actually picked those out months ago, but I just forgot to mention it here. Now you know.

Anyways, I think this is turning into quite the novel, so I shall end it here. Hard to believe Christmas is 2 days away already. But I am excited. It’s been awhile since I have celebrated Christmas with my son and daughter. I am looking forward to it. So I guess that leaves me with one more thank you. Thank you to my ex for allowing me to have our children over at my place for Christmas. It means a lot!

Oh, and thank you to the readers that actually take the time to read this whole blog post. Lol I know, it’s a long one. But then again, I’ve been M.I.A for 2 weeks. So yeah, a nice long blog post should make up for my absence. Hope you enjoyed the read. Peace and Love! – Pooks

Source: Power of Positivity

Source: Power of Positivity

 

Advertisements

Observations of an Idealist

Okie dokie. Blog day!

I think I’ll start off with some thoughts here and there that I have been thinking about. One recent, one I jotted down on paper. Then I’ll review and reflect on my week. Here it goes…

So I went to The Ark for dinner ( I’m saving the food I have at home for my kids), and Sanctuary was volunteering. I don’t know who was the volunteer wearing the dark grey sweater, red shirt, and red ball cap, but he was just being a dink. An elderly man that usually comes down to the New School of Colour to socialize asked for shrimp, and not the pasta. They were mixed together in a pasta salad. Anyway, this guy was like, “Really?” Then he was trying to tell the other volunteer to not to serve him. Or only give him 2 shrimps. Really?!! You’re gonna deny a guy in need of food?! And did you ever think that maybe there is a reason some of the people specifically ask for one thing and not the other? Some people do that if they have allergies!! No need to be stingy . There’s not many people there at this time of month, so there is plenty to go around!! Yeah, I wasn’t impressed with that guy. Luckily for this respected regular, I gave him the shrimp I got because I don’t normally eat shrimp. Not a fan of the texture. Newho, he appreciated that and chowed down.

Moving on…to the things I wrote down on paper… let me find my notes. Yes. I actually wrote some notes this time! Haha!

I was thinking how some online activists say they don’t, or won’t, post meaningless, worthless posts like “you” do. They normally say that when someone has a different perspective aside from their own. There is a flaw in that. I mean they are trying to reach the people, but abuse and belittle the people instead. So what they are trying to achieve is compromised by behaving just like the people they are fighting against, the capitalists.

I mean, FB posts, tweets, whichever social media you use, those are your thoughts or things you relate to that you share. So they do have sentimental value. Your thoughts matter, and anyone  that says they don’t are wrong and pig-headed. Shame on these activists for being so bias, for thinking they are better, smarter and superior than others based on what they post via social media.

Besides, majority of these online activists don’t really share their thoughts or interpretations, they just share articles. Thus, being an echo of someone else’s thoughts that is not their own.

Not to mention, if they were so “intelligent”, than they would at least notice their own behavior as abusive and non-effective. But they just keep repeating the same bullshit whenever someone disagrees with their opinion.

They act like the religious organizations, and other social institutions, as they try to force their thoughts to become your thoughts. There is no respect or acceptance for anyone that may question or think differently.

That is a huge problem in this world, and they aren’t making it any better.

Perhaps these activists need to take a different approach regarding communication if they really want to make a difference. Is behaving like your enemy going to get you the results you desire? No. Just the continuation of this vicious violent abusive cycle. Not very peaceful, is it?

Hence why I backed out of activism, especially around here. There must be a better way to reach others without force and abuse.

I can only hope the things I do in my life-time inspire others to do some kind of positive action.

Language, verbal, and written communication does have it’s barriers. We don’t all speak the same native tongue. And online or text communication often leads to a lot of misunderstandings. But as an artist, I know one form of communication that is universal, and that is through imagery. Which is probably why I’d rather put more focus into my art, than be another ranting online activist trying to shove my opinion down your throats.

Yeah, I once admired their efforts, and their cause, but after so many abusive interactions, I’ve had enough. That is not progress. Besides, The best thing for me, or anyone really,  is to take myself out of abusive situations. Until they see that for themselves, and try something different, than no progress will be made.

Besides, I like to post whatever the fuck I want via. social media. Not just bad news. I like to think of myself as silly, fun, and spontaneous like a Jester. I can make people laugh, smile, lift spirits, and inspire. I feel like I lose that part of me focusing only on the negatives in this world. There are positive things too, you just need to seek them out.

Yes, the Capitalists are sick, twisted, greedy scum. But I won’t allow their bullshit to turn me into a bitter person. I know I am stronger than that.

Now onto my review of my week… the personal life of Pooks.

I should probably start off with last Friday, when I had a 4 hour visit with my children outdoors. It was a cold day, but I think we did our best to make the best of it. We tried go park hopping, but that didn’t quite work out. I didn’t have the proper footwear to be out on a field of wet grass. Cold wet feet, not good. So instead, we went into the conservation area. It was less cold in there since the trees kind of sheltered us from the wind. The paths were mostly ice, so I didn’t have to worry about getting a soaker. We had fun, chasing each-other down the trails.

Saturday, that was soup and sandwich night at The Ark. I went there the friend I’ve reunited with. Somewhere within the week, we went a couple walks downtown. We even went for this long hike for Vanilla Coke, but got mocha’s instead. I’ve missed her over the years, and it’s good to have her back in my life. It’s good to have my walking buddy back, and we just go on random adventures. It’s always fun.

On Tuesday, during a Leads appointment, we were figuring out what kind of learner I am. Which I think I am both a hands on, and visual learner. I also did a personality test, and once again my result was… the Idealist. INFP- Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling Perceiving. Not surprised. That’s result I get for every personality test I do. I believe that’s the same result I got 2-3 years ago. Still the same! If your interested on reading the portrait of an INFP, the link is provided below ( It makes me laugh because I do in fact relate to the result) :

https://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html

In the possible career selection for an INFP, it listed the following jobs; Writers, Counselors/Social Workers, Teachers/ Professors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Musicians, Clergy/Religious Workers. It makes sense with the writer thing. Heck, I’m blogging right now. Umm.. my worker suggested maybe to try teaching, but yeah, I said I don’t feel courageous or confident enough for that yet. I’m not very good at explaining things vocally, let alone to a crowd. Large crowds usually give me anxiety. I don’t think I can do the psychologist, or psychiatric thing, I would be absorbing too much negativity. And yeah, that’s never pretty. Haha! A social worker? maybe, that depends. For what cause? Hahaha! So yeah, some possibilities to ponder.

After my Leads appointment, a friend took me out for lunch to Crabby Joe’s. That was a nice way to spend the afternoon. Thanks to my friend that took me out that day!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm… Lately at the New School of Colour, I haven’t really been working on my painting, but more so learning from others. This week an artist came in and showed me how to do this really neat effect with ink, and a glossy coating for texture. The result was amazing!

Art by Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Art by Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

That is not the only thing I’ve been learning this week. But another artist from the New School of Colour is actually walking me through step by step on how to measure and cut the matte boards for framing instead of doing it for me. I get to learn how to do it myself…kinda. I kinda messed up the first time, but hey, that’s how we learn, trial and error. Haha! I’m starting to get that it isn’t really that technical, mostly fractions. I’m not that great at math, but hey, it’s good practice.

Afterwards I hung out at a friends apartment, along with another friend. We talked about art, and had a lot of laughs. It was a very inspiring night.

Today I was running errands in the rain, and I got myself new shoes. I had to get my shopping done before all the grocery stores close for the Easter holidays. So yes, I am prepared for this coming weekend when my kids spend a night over. I am looking forward to another awesome weekend!

Newho, this blog post is very very long. Apparently I had a lot to share. I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! – Pooks

“Living in a way that reflects one’s values is not just about what you do, it is also about how you do things.” – Deborah Day

Little Teachers

Both my children have birthdays coming up. So I started painting something for my son, thinking it would be more challenging, or it would take more time. Surprisingly, it is coming along rather nicely. It’s amazing what you can do, when you believe you can do it.

There was a time I use to feel bad I had nothing to give. But I realize as an artist, my gifts are special, because they are rare. You cannot walk into any store and buy it. Plus, I can create things, images, that are based to my children’s interests, and put my own twist to it. I can give them something they can show their friends, something to cherish and be proud of. And maybe as they get older the more it will mean, my work and effort can truly be appreciated. So unlike a toy, or a snack, that can break, or won’t last, I give them my art. Which is like giving them a moment of recorded history.

It was my daughter that suggested to make them art. Originally for Christmas. But at the time, I had a writers block, but for art. I had the supplies, I had the frames, but no idea what to create. After numerous visits, I’ve gotten to know my children better. They are being more open, and I am more than willing to listen. I’ve accepted my son’s interest in video-games, at first I had a hard time with it. But I let my judgements go, because what I want most is a good relationship with my son. So I’ve embraced his interests, and when he talks about it, I encourage him to continue. It’s become interesting, because I have very little knowledge about video-games, and he has become my teacher. Funny how life has a way of doing that, but than again I think the best teachers are children. Sometimes us adults just need to stop, get up off our high horses that “we know all” as adults, and just listen. Ya know? Drop our pride. We can learn from them, as much as they can learn from us.

Anyway, my daughters birthday isn’t til the 7th of May, and my son’s birthday isn’t til the 20th. I still have some time to complete these gifts. If anyone deserves the gift of my art, it is them. I better get back at it.

By the way, the opening reception for the Framing the Phoenix is tomorrow…Correction, today, since it is 2am. Tuesday, April 30th at 7pm. The admission is free, and it will be at The Arts Project here in London, ON. If you don’t already know, I’ve spread the news everywhere else, I have an art piece in that show. If you cannot make it to the opening reception, no worries, the show runs from April 30th-May 4th. Exhibition hours: Noon – 5pm.  – Pooks

“They inspire you, they entertain you, and you end up learning a ton even when you don’t know it”- Nicholas Sparks