Just thought I should leave a link here of where my fabulous journey continues. As this Blog Site comes to an end…another begins…
Hope to see you there! -Pooks
Just thought I should leave a link here of where my fabulous journey continues. As this Blog Site comes to an end…another begins…
Hope to see you there! -Pooks
So now that we supposedly patch things up over the weekend. My supposed man is now creating various social media accounts. Kinda creepy. Considering he’s not all that interested in social media. But I guess he wants to find my last blog post as a reason to get upset again. Even though we’re supposedly on good terms, let’s go find something regarding our past to dwell on and get pissy all over again! So yeah, we’re not 100% okay. Things are still a bit rocky.
Not to mention these sudden new accounts come across as being controlling and possesive. Ya know? Stalk me online to make sure I stay in line or something.
I’m allowed to think. I’m allowed to feel what I feel. And I am allowed to fuckin express it!
So all these new accounts online kinda shows that I am not trusted. Without trust we have nothing. But he says he’s just curious to what I am saying.He probably won’t like what he sees. But hey! As I told others, if you don’t like what you’re reading, and you know it’s about you, then be a positive in my life. Not a negative.
Yes I may use my exes past behavior as a prime example of everything I don’t want. And maybe having alcohol and a baby in the house is triggering some shit. A part of me is terrified things will just repeat itself and I will lose another child to another white man. Even though I AM the sober and drug-free one.
Ya know? Before our daughter was born, I thought I would be okay with this supposed “casual” or “social” drinking thing. But clearly I’m not. It throws me in for a loop of fear, and paranoia.
However, over the weekend, my supposed man didn’t drink, and he spent time with his daughter. After I dumped him of coarse. Then he’ll straighten up. But I guess supposedly, I need to speak up, and not be afraid to ask for help. I shouldn’t have to ask. And what if its not help I need. I just wanted him to spend time with his daughter. He should be willing to take time out of his day for his daughter regardless. His time is more valuable than anything he has to offer, or that his money can buy. She, or anyone for that matter, values moments. Moments create memories. Memories can be cherished and are more meaningful than any material thing.
Perhaps years of being on and off OW taught me that. Poverty taught me that. The Ark and the people I met there taught me that, including the homeless.
So yeah. Thank him for spending time with his daughter this weekend. That was all I wanted. If he has been before, and I just didn’t notice. Sorry. I’m just expressing my perspective, and from what I saw, it was like we were avoided.
As for the constant cleaning, we came to the conclusion that it is his OCD.So yeah, if I don’t speak up, he will just continue to constantly clean because it is never ending. I mean, the sink will just refill with dishes, laundry will just re-pile. Makes sense. Since before our daughter was even born, the only way I could get his attention away from housework, was sex. And look what happened. We now have a daughter, and it’s not like our daughter can do the same to distract him for time. So yeah, the chores can wait sometimes. Or as he displayed this weekend, he can do chores and spend time with our daughter at the same time. Ya know? It is possible. He had put her swing in the kitchen, and as he did chores, she sat on her swing and watched him. Maybe one day, she’ll woddle over and try to help. Lol
Anyways, apparently a rehabilitation Centre from Toronto called him at work today…They talked and say he doesn’t have a drinking problem…That’s reassurring. However when we were arguing about it, he’ll sure defend that shit. And when I told him that I wanted alcohol out for good, what did he do? He stormed out of the room. That really upset him.
But he did come back and say that he wouldn’t be able to afford alcohol anyways if we move to this new place together. It would be like a fresh start. So I am giving him another chance.
However, if we end up arguing about alcohol there. That’s it. I’ll put a stop to it quick and leave with our daughter. She doesn’t need to be in the middle of that. Nor do my other 2 children. So yeah, he’s been warned.
As for his older sister. She just made it awkward for herself the next time we come face to face, because now I know how she really feels about me and my man and I’s daughter. Saying she’s not his. Or “doesn’t even look like him”. So she thinks I’m a slut or something eh?! HA! Let’s see if she can say it to my face next time. If you ask me, she’s the stupid one to think my man wouldn’t tell me. Smh.
Anyways, with this new place we plan on moving into together…yes the budget will be tight. My man ( or supposed man. Whatever. Things are still a bit rocky) says he won’t be able to afford to drink, and to make ends meet he may have to take extra jobs. So yeah. I want to help keep things afloat. But like I said many times, London doesn’t hire natives. So I got to think of another way of making income, besides my art. Which sells the odd time. It’s not stable income. I was thinking of being a surveyer. Actually I made an attempt, but that wasn’t working. As I was trying to fill out a survey, my daughter would swat at my cell phone and close the survey. So perhaps being a surveyer with a squirmy baby with energy isn’t the thing for me.
My man suggested a home business. Refurbishing hardwood furniture, and even painting art on them. Maybe, but even that will take time to get the ball rolling.
So I was thinking, another way would be to get paid to write. Either I can get paid to continue to blog. This could be the last one here, and I could start a new domain, a continuation, where subscribers pay, or donate. Not sure how things work business wise on WordPress… but I’ll look into it.
Or… The continuation will come in the form of a book that maybe I could sell on Amazon. I published a book before, on Lulu, and yeah. I don’t make anything off it.
Either way, this may be the last blog post here.
I enjoy writing, so yeah. It’s worth a shot.
And maybe, just like my son, change scares me. I have lived in this house for 5 years, and now I have no choice but to leave. I got comfortable and cozy here, but it is unsafe, and it’s a health hazzard. So yeah. It’s another one of those times where I leap into the unknown. But if I hadn’t leaped before, I wouldn’t have come across the New School of Colour, and that place provided me with a wonderful healing experience. So yeah, good things could be coming if I take another leap.
Soon it will be; Good bye EOA!, and hello to a new beginning. -Pooks
Things have been rocky lately. Obviously. If I’m not writing or creating art, somethings wrong.
To get to the point, I broke up with “my man” or whatever the fuck you want to call him.
I’m tired of arguing every weekend over the same shit repeatedly. It’s like that quote says; Don’t apologize, then continue making the same mistake. Ya know? Actions speak louder than words. You’re not fuckin sorry. I am just seen as some kind of doormat that isn’t taken seriously unless I dump your ass and kick you out. Yeah, and once I do that, suddenly his bahavior changes. Now he’ll start doing what I’ve asked him to do.
All I wanted was him to be a man and be the father that he is to our daughter. But no, alcohol and everything else was a priority. I’m sure cleaning can be put on hold for 15 -20 minutes so he can bond with his daughter. Get to know her. But no. He would drink past his limit, and say he can’t hold our daughter. Or… He’d clean and clean the house. Even shit that wasn’t necessary. Like sorting copper in the basement. After awhile, all I see is a coward that neglects his daughter.
Right now he’s spending time with her. AFTER I fuckin dump him. Typical. Seems to be the thing most men do.
But yeah, we’re done. I know this is just temporary, and if I take him back, shit will return to the same bullshit.
Anyways, our relationship isn’t really much these days anyways. He acts more like a roommate then anything. So yeah, makes me think that he was just interested in my home and nothing else. K. Maybe my home and sex. But since I haven’t seen this great father he claims to be, forget that shit! I mean he claims he was such a good “father” to his younger brother and sister. Really? Did you neglect them as much as you do our daughter?
But yeah, that’s another thing. Maybe he’s doubting our daughter is even his. His older sister did make a remark to him saying: “How could you be so stupid? She doesn’t even look like you!” That’s his sister whom is also a C.A.S worker. Maybe she should keep her profession at work. Ya know? Being a professional home wrecker and all. I don’t know how people can be proud of that occupation. You got to be sick and twisted taking pride in tearing families apart. I wouldn’t be able to do it. But I guess it makes them feel so powerful and godly. Yup. Sick and twisted people out there.
Anyways, back to my issue. Alcohol seems to be a reaccuring thing. He drinks to relax, he drinks because he’s stressed, to have fun, and the lamest excuse yet;… because a woman at a gas pump frustrated him. Seriously?? Let’s make everything a reason.
He says “I knew about his drinking problem from the beginning.” Yup. I knew. It was stupid of me to think he would kick alcohol to the curb, just because he said he would for his child’s sake. He said February was his month to cut down, and he’d stop when the baby arrive. Well…he’s still drinking. Not only that but he sneaks to drink behind my back, and he lies to me. Freakin telling me it was 2, but no he’s moved up to 4. “Oh you have no idea how stressful my job is.” Really?? Your dad isn’t using that as an excuse. Apparently he was able to quit alcohol successfully AND he works in the same job field, construction! So yeah, everything that comes out of my now ex man’s mouth is a freakin excuse.
Another thing, he sends his ex a Facebook message. If he hates her sooooo much, what the fuck?? He says he did it because she said called him a dead beat, and he’d make nothing of himself when they broke up. So why does he value her opinion? Or what she thinks? And why does he keep bringing his past up? He says he’s over her, but…Yeah. Let’s contact the ex. Maybe because he said she bugged him for sex all the time, and I won’t bother to put out.
Yet that was one of the reasons I liked him, he said he didn’t need it all the time. Yet he has bugged me for sex again and again. Funny how that changed. I can go a long time without it.
Speaking of exes. He says I compare him a lot to my ex. Maybe I do. They both were molested as children. They both were abandoned by thier mothers at some point in their lives.They both claim to have “raised” thier younger siblings. As for the drinking shit, it’s like everything is on repeat. Same bullshit. Except my “now ex” man doesn’t go out partying. He just drinks more regularly and avoids us (our daughter and I) like a plague. My ex avoided his responsibility too when my son was a baby, and wasn’t really there either for our daughter as a baby. What a coincidence?! Even though my now ex man is under the same roof, he’s not really present either.
So yeah…pretty much the same shit. In it for the sex, but when its time to step up to the consequences of your actions, like a freakin baby!!, he’s too damn busy with everything else.
So yeah, I don’t really get breaks. His dad baby-sat once, but other than that. I’m busting my ass. And clearly that isn’t enough. My now ex man expects me to take care of the baby, and do housework. As a breastfeeding and bottle feeding mom, sometimes I feel pinned to the couch feeding for hours. I’m lucky to get one chore done in a day. I’m lucky if I can even do any self care for crying out loud, such as a shower. But yeah, he’s not really that involved, and couldn’t comprehend the struggle.
Anyways, he’s packing his stuff. I want him out. But knowing my luck, he will probably pull the same shit as my ex, and take my daughter with him. C.A.S seems to favor the white men.
What else? Maybe it’s too much stress and pressure building up. Ontario Works…First Nations Housing Co-Op..
If I move to this new place with him, I’m no longer eligible for OW. We will struggle, especially if he continues to drink. As for First Nations Housing Co-Op, my subsidy has been terminated. Rent will be going up. And yeah, this place isn’t worth being charged the extra. Technically, we shouldn’t even be in this house. I mean with the asbestos in the basement. It’s a health risk. Not to mention other things like the structural integrity of the stairway floor joist. Basically my livingroom floor can clasp in on itself if too much weight is put onto it. Half of my home isn’t even insulated. So on and so forth.
So yeah, if we were still together we would be moving into another house in June or July. But since I can’t picture myself tolerating anymore of this drinking and neglect shit, we’ll just have to find our own homes separately. Meaning, it’s probably back to London Housing for me. Get myself and our baby on a waiting list. It’s a step backwards, but better than living in house that should be condemned, and staying in a relationship that ceases to exist anymore.
Funny because it would have been our 1 year Anniversary on the 21st. So we didn’t even last a year.
Sorry I knew what I wanted in a relationship, and he couldn’t live up to it. Sorry I thought he was capable of things he isn’t, obviously. I think I have had it with men. Here’s to celibasy! Turns out women are more “manly”, and do have “the balls” so to speak. Men are just cowardly pussies thinking with thier penis.They can’t handle half the shit women go through. Heck! They’re scared of a little baby for crying out loud! Not to forget that they can’t handle a little baby vomit, pee, or poo.
I can’t remember who said it, but yeah, if you can’t handle baby vomit, don’t have kids.
So yeah, no point in getting another Depo shot in 3 months. Love is temporary and doesn’t last, like all things. It’s just a mental phase or illusion that comes with more pain.
I’m done fighting about the same shit. If he wants to keep alcohol in his life, he can have it. I am out. – Pooks
“It’s like a switch, clickin’ off in my head. Turns the hot light off and the cool one on, and all of a sudden there’s peace.” – Tennessee Williams on alcoholism
To be honest, I have been avoiding my blog lately. Sure it has it’s pros, but it also has it’s cons. The perks being that it keeps people within my life in check and even myself. Having time to think and analyze the events in my life, I don’t see how that can be a negative. It’s just me trying to understand things, or it releases some unwanted energy. My blog is not all negative. I do share positives within my life, my gratitude. And who knows, maybe my perspective as a native woman in this world can open some eyes.
The negative regarding blogging? Well… As it has happened numerous times, people in society or organizations have tried to use my blog against me. They follow my blog to gossip, or just become too overly nosy with my personal life. But I did bring that upon myself. That’s what happens when you are so open. Not everyone that reads is a fan, some just read to judge. That just comes with the territory.
I was considering the thought of ending this blog. But then, that would do me no good. I’m an introvert, and my thoughts, good or bad, need to go somewhere. Yeah, I could write in a personal journal. But it’s not the same as sharing, and getting my thoughts out there. If I were to stop blogging, my thoughts and emotions would build up, and that wouldn’t be any good for my mental health. It would just lead to depression. Taking some time to reflect, is actually a good thing to practice. So why let others stop me from expressing myself? Thinking is not a crime. However, it is scary how society tries to control what you think. Or what you’re allowed to think.
However, if I told them how to think, I’m sure they would take offense.
I even found a site where someone clearly thinks I’m just a whiny bitch or something. Umm..no. But this blog is listed as #29 of the top people who feel sorry for themselves.
Well, if they were in my predicament at the time, I’m pretty sure they too would come close to suicide. It’s painful for a parent to lose their child (or children). Either it be death, or C.A.S. So if you can’t comprehend how much pain that kind of loss puts on a parent, then shut the hell up.
Things have gotten better. I don’t see myself as someone that feels so sorry for themselves. I’m actually quite grateful for a lot of things. When it comes to my children, I’m proud I never gave up. I fought damn hard just to get what I have, and that’s visits on weekends. At least I can still be a part of their lives.
Gotta love it when people judge and they don’t really know who the fuck you are, let alone your full story.
So yeah, fuck the nosy judgmental fucks! This blog will live on! Like I said before to someone that tried to intimidate me with their judgement on this blog before, at least I have the guts to be so open.
Besides, wither in positive or negative light, I’m still getting your attention. I don’t force people to read my blog, it’s the readers choice. So yeah, miigwech! 🙂 -Pooks
“When dealing with critics always remember this: Critics judge things based on what is outside of their content of understanding.”
– Shannon L. Alder
After talking to my OW worker on the phone, she was asking why I haven’t been showing up to Leads lately. I’m pretty sure I already explained that in my previous blog. So yeah, I filled her in. She suggested that I e-mail the Leads worker to give her feedback regarding how our last appointment went. That way the same doesn’t happen with future, or other clients. Ya know? Keep it professional. So I did that. My OW made it a point to not express any hostility, but to explain my perspective of what took place. Hopefully, I accomplished that. The following is what I sent, hopefully I don’t sound too much like a bitch.
my OW worker has requested that I contact you, & follow up with you even though it is no longer necessary for me to go ahead with Leads. I will be job searching independently for the remainder of time of my pregnancy.
However, she did say that giving you feedback regarding our last appointment could be beneficial to you and future clients.
In your last email you apologized for your poor communication. I can forgive you for that. But I must let you know how I felt, and why I walked out.
First off, I felt like your questions had nothing to do with employment, and found them rather personal. Questions regarding my relationship, my pregnancy, my family, and if CAS is involved. None of those topics have anything to do with why I come to Leads in the first place. I feel like you forgot your own occupation. You are not a psychologist, councilor, or an interrogation officer. The way you asked those questions, it was like a lightning round of questions. You were not really giving me time to think about my answers, you were cutting me off. As a deep thinker i prefer time to think before I speak. So that came off as rude and disrespectful, and it triggered my anxiety. It came off as aggressive behavior so I walked out of my appointment.
To avoid the same situation with other clients, I suggest focusing on skills and employment.
Thank you for taking the time to read my perspective. I hope my feedback will come in handy for the sake of others.
Pauline King Shannon
Anyways, my OW worker gave me the option to either continue with Leads, and try to work things out with this worker, or for the last 2 months of my pregnancy, job search independently. However, she did say that trying to work it out with the Leads worker would give me some experience when dealing with difficult people or situations in the work field. That was before she thought about it, and gave me the option to job search independently. I got 2 more months to go. I mean, mobility is becoming more and more of a challenge. My tummy is growing into a beach ball. So yeah, job searching from home for 2 months would be a hell of a lot easier.
Umm… yesterday I was feeling kinda down. But thanks to my babe for listening and trying to understand. Even though I know he can’t possibly fathom what I was feeling. Yes, being pregnant is wonderful. But at the same time… Ughhh… I miss being as active I used to be. Also, pregnancy can come with some unpleasant side effects. For example: a bladder infection, hemorrhoids, swollen feet, ankles and fingers, indigestion, itchy breasts, etc, etc. So no, I’m not feeling so fabulous lately. And running to the washroom every 2 hours at night, ugh..no fun. I’m losing sleep. So there is a part of me that is getting impatient, and kinda feel tired of being pregnant. Like, just pop already! Lol Then there’s another part of me that doesn’t want to pop just yet, we aren’t ready. We still need a crib mattress, and other things for when I go into the hospital.
For a while there, I felt like I was being ignored, because my partner would be playing a videogame on the XBox One for hours. But he proved me otherwise. He turned off his game just to talk to me. So there goes that assumption that the game was a higher priority. Yup, scratch that. My babe is amazing. Probably just my freakin hormones going crazy. Thinking the worst.
Anyways, feeling much better today. Not as gloomy. I only got 2 more months to go, so yeah. I can do this!!
What else? … Sounds like my babe will be switching jobs soon. He works for his Dad, as a framer, and it sounds like his dad is done with framing and is gonna move onto other things. Luckily for my babe, he has a number of jobs to fall back on. I mean, he was offered 3 jobs that are there and waiting. So yeah, that’s pretty awesome.
Speaking of my babe, his portrait that I painted is off to New York for the Twitter Art Exhibit. Hopefully it arrives to it’s destination safely. This year all original post card art will be benefiting Foster Prides “Homemade program”. A program in which young women in foster care learn to create and market a unique line of goods.
It’ll be my third time participating in the Twitter Art Exhibit. Ya know? It kinda gives my art a purpose when I am able to help out non- profit organizations by donating my art. I tend to do that a lot. Lol Even locally. But I don’t know, I get a sense of a greater accomplishment that way. It’s like David Sandum ( the curator of the Twitter Art Exhibit) says; Art can make a difference.
Speaking of art, my mans mother and her boyfriend surprised me yesterday. They called and were requesting for a commission piece. Even though I hardly ever do commission pieces, but we’ll see how that goes. I’ve done commission work once, I think I can do it again. But normally, I like to paint and create whatever I want.
However, my focus at the moment is creating something for the next Up with Art event. A fundraising event that benefits the homeless through the Unity Project. The thing is, now that I have completed and shipped off my art to the Twitter Art Exhibit, my mind is at a blank or stand still when it comes to my next project. Can’t force inspiration, or creativity, it just happens. So hopefully, I can come up with something before the Spring.
Onto other things…. my man said that once we are done saving up for our baby and getting everything he/she needs. We can start saving up to see my family up north. That’s awesome! I got a feeling that my man will love it up in Trout Lake. My Aunt is already planning to take him to all her best fishing spots. Lol So yeah, that’s exciting. If not this year, maybe next year. Yaaaaay!
My cousin said it would be awesome if I could bring all 3 of my children. My son, daughter, and the baby. Yeah that would be awesome, but I think my son and daughter are too urbanized. I think they would complain the whole time being out in the bush. Heck, it’s challenging enough just to get them to go to the conservation areas within the city with me. And I’m not sure my ex would allow that, since such a thing wasn’t allowed in the past. Things may have changed since then, and who knows, maybe he’d appreciate the break. But yeah, we’ll see when the time comes.
Speaking of my son and daughter, my son didn’t come to the last weekend visit. That was a bit disappointing, but it is his choice. This attitude he has towards my man is getting beyond annoying. My man is a good man. He’s not abusive. He works his ass off to make sure me and the kids are well off. And yeah, I’d hate to say it, but my son is being an ungrateful little shit. But I guess that kind of behavior is to be expected when adults, such as teachers and parents, let children walk all over them or just let the kid have their freakin way. And since my man won’t tolerate any disrespect or ungratefulness, he tries to discipline or teach that there are consequences to ones actions…No, my son won’t have it. How dare anybody try to teach him anything or discipline him in anyway. So yeah, perhaps all this, whatever my ex is teaching our son, is back-firing on us all, because our son has no respect for any authority figure. Parents included. Maybe it would be better off teaching him that kinda stuff, anti-capitalism stuff, when he’s older and not so literal. He’s 10 years old for crying out loud! Better yet, start teaching him to survive on his own. Teach him to cook, clean, garden, etc, etc. That way he’s not completely screwed over when it comes time to go out into the world on his own. That’s 8 years away, look how quick 10 years flew by. Geez!!
Yeah, things with my son are a bit frustrating lately, and my ex wants us to coddle him basically. But the way I see it, we’re the adults, he’s the child. It’s not the other way around. There needs to be discipline, and routine, and structure with a child, otherwise…yeah. You get my point. Ughhhh!!! Stressed out mama.
Thankfully, were not going through this bullshit with our daughter. Ya know? She’s doing amazingly well in school, and actually wants to go. So good for her. If she keeps that positive attitude, she can get pretty far.
So yeah, that is an ongoing issue regarding our son and us 3 adults. I’m at a loss when it comes to doing something about it. I mean, my time is limited with my son, and if he chooses to not visit, then he doesn’t visit. So majority of my sons fate is left up to my ex, and it doesn’t look very promising. That’s just my perspective. I’m his mother, I’m supposed to worry about his well-being.
Anyways, that’s enough of that. It’s stressful enough just thinking about it.
So yeah, that’s some of the things going on in my life.
Other than that, I got my appointment booked at the Birthing Centre. Get to go over my birth plan, so on and so forth. 2 more months to go, and my mans and I’s pudgy little baby will be here! 😀
As always, thank you for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks
“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.”
– Jane Wagner
Well I guess this is my first blog post of 2016. Yaaaay!
Anyways, I know I’m not as consistent when it comes to posts. But life has been getting busier. I’ve gone from weekly, to every two weeks. Basically, I’m just posting when I find the time.
Also, because of my pregnancy, I seemed to have hit another stage of fatigue. So yeah, when I’m not overly tired either, I can blog.
A bit has happened since the last time I blogged, so I am not sure where to begin.
I’m not sure if I mentioned this last time, but my baby is no longer under weight, and is the size and weight it should be around this time. So yaaaay! I knew my baby would grow their pudge at their own pace.
The doctor that is following my pregnancy said she might not be there for when I go into labour, but has a couple back up doctors that she trusts that can take her place. Depending on when I go into labour. So yeah, Just as long as there’s a doctor to coach me through the contractions, I’m good!
Last week at Leads Employment Services…wow. I swear that was my first time ever walking out of an appointment. Nope, i wasn’t a happy camper that day. I mean yes, I was late. But I clearly cannot waddle my ass to the bus stop as fast I’d assume. Especially on ice. So yeah, missing the bus that I intend to catch shouldn’t come as a surprise. Also, I planned on going to Shoppers Drug Mart first to drop off a prescription, and I did. My stop there took longer than expected, because the date on my prescription wasn’t the correct date. So yeah, I had to talk to the clerks there for a bit to sort things out with my clinic.
Anyways, I get to my Leads appointment, things seemed fine, until my Leads worker starts nagging me about punctuality and organization. I was fine, until she started acting like an interrogation officer with her lightning questions after questions. To me that comes off as aggressive, and with me having anxiety being around any kind of aggression, my reaction will either be fight or flight. And obviously, I chose to leave.
Not to mention I didn’t appreciate the personal questions she was asking. Such as, is C.A.S involved? That’s not your job. She’s not a psychiatrist, or a councilor. My personal life really isn’t any of her business. Her job is strictly to help find me employment, or to help me work on skills that can assist on getting me a job. And that day it was like she forgot that. Not to mention, if she were to be realistic about my current situation, I’m 6-7 months pregnant. I’m not going to be finding work anytime soon, nor after when the baby is born. I’ll be a stay at home mom at least until my child either gets into daycare, or starts school. So these Leads appointments are kinda pointless at the moment. I mean, I’m obviously going to put my health as a top priority, above Leads. If I’m late because I put my health first, tough shit. I had a bladder infection, and my doctor said if I don’t get antibiotics to treat it, I could have risked going into a preterm labour. So yeah, I wasn’t impressed with that worker. I stormed out of the office, and shortly after I left, I left a message for Leads stating that I didn’t want this woman as worker anymore.
So yeah, I normally have positive things to say regarding Leads, but not this time. That was my first time I ever walked out. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, and I really don’t want to go back if I have to work with that specific worker.
Plus, I am really getting annoyed with this society. They see a native pregnant woman , and it’s like they automatically think that C.A.S should be involved. Go fuck yourself. I know I’m a good mom. My kids know I’m a good mom. Their opinion is more valid than a complete strangers. That’s one of the downfalls about becoming a parent, suddenly everybody wants to judge you. When really, they should be more concerned with their own lives, rather than picking others apart. No parent is perfect, no child is perfect. That’s the problem with C.A.S, they base parenting on a textbook. When in reality, parenting is not something you learn from a textbook, but from actual experience. It varies with every individual.
I mean currently, in my situation, my children are fortunate. Even though my son may not see it that way. He’s got more support than the average child. He’s still got both parents there for him, PLUS my partner that is willing to step up to the role of a step parent.
My daughter seems to be adjusting to the changes rather well. But my son is still kinda resistant towards my partner. He’s rude, ignorant, and ungrateful towards him. I just wish the two of them would just get along. But they keep butting heads. It gets kinda frustrating being stuck in the middle. I mean, my partner is only trying to help, and teach him also since my son is being home-schooled. But my son ignores him. Sigh…
Speaking of the homeschooling thing. It’s difficult when there are two methods of teaching that contradict each-other. My exes way of teaching sounds like it’s a lot more passive. However, he tells us not to let our son walk all over us and be the adult. But when it comes to his way of teaching, he’s kind of being a hypocrite, and being the rug that my son can walk all over. He says that was the schools issue, they coddled him, and just let our son do whatever. Well… it sounds like he’s doing the same. I mean, if you let a child have that choice wither or not to learn, left to their own device, a child would rather not do any work. They’d rather play. Yes, a child learns from playing, but I can’t see a child learning much from video-games. However, when it comes to electronics it is impressive that my son can figure things out without knowing how to read.
Anyways, my ex wants to teach our son the conspiracy theory stuff. The kind of stuff you see on Infowars. My son hates that show, and hates Alex Jones.
As for my partner and I, we want to teach him stuff he’d learn in school. So that he doesn’t fall too much behind. My partner got 2 textbooks. One is a grade 5 curriculum book which includes math, english, social studies and science. After seeing how far behind he is in English, my partner got him a grade one English text book. We’ll start from scratch and build him up from there.
My ex and my partner have their disagreements. I mean, I agree with both to a degree. I too dislike capitalism. But I see where my partner is coming from, my exes and I’s son needs to learn the system, and how to survive in it also. I despise money, but in this day in age, you kind of need it if you want shelter, groceries, a decent living. As I said before, I don’t want to see him homeless, or turning to crime to survive.
In order to be able to make changes, you gotta know the rules of society before you can bend them. Also, you have to be able to invest in the changes you want to make.
Anyways, it’s pretty sad that my ex says he’s pretty much prepared to have our son live with him, even when our son is a grown adult. Already that is doubting his capabilities.
I know he’s a smart kid. He’s just stubborn. And when it comes to homeschooling, us adults cannot be the doormats. We gotta step up and be the adults. When it’s time to learn, it’s time to learn. We weren’t given a choice back when we were in school. It was mandatory for every child. so why should it be different for our son? Unless we want to hold him back even farther, which I certainly don’t. Of coarse I want to see my son succeed. To be better off than me or his father, living on welfare.
But maybe this whole home-schooling stuff would go a lot smoother if we also worked on my sons confidence. He does not believe in himself, he does not love himself.
I’ve also said it before, he needs some sort of counseling. I believe he’s still being affected from witnessing his father assault his mother when he was five. Hence why he turns to technology to shut the world out. He’s been doing that since he was 5. It started with movies, watching Garfield over and over (since that was playing during the time of the assault), then he turned to video-games. However, counseling would be entirely up to my ex, and my ex won’t do it. Probably because he thinks C.A.S will be called on him or something.
There’s another difference between the way my partner and I parent, and my ex. My ex prefers to isolate. While I believe the native saying that it takes a community to raise a child. My partner agrees.
So yeah, 2 conflicting ways of schooling, and 2 conflicting ways of parenting… it’s a challenge. But like I said, each parent has a different way of doing things.
Thankfully my daughter doesn’t have the same issue regarding school. She’s doing well in school. Matter of fact, after a weekend visit here, my partner was impressed when I told him that she wanted to go to school that morning. So she’s been listening to what my partner and I have been trying to say, and perhaps sees the value in it. Not to mention, she was pretty eager to show her friend the craft we made over the weekend. It was a Penguin Light Switch Cover. We made 3. One for her, one for me, and one for her friend. They turned out pretty cute.
Anyways, her and my partner seem to get along okay. She’s adjusting to the rules. She did pout one weekend about keeping her room clean, but has been getting better at it. The cleaning that is.
Onto other things…at the New School of Colour, I brought in something I’ve been working on for the Twitter Art Exhibit. It’s going to be a portrait of my partner. I shared my progress online and people liked it. However, when I brought it to the New School of Colour, it’s like it just got picked apart. This is wrong, and this is wrong, and this is wrong. It kinda makes me uncomfortable to draw in front of the facilitator if I do not draw the way he does.
I mean, he says “art is the artists journey”, but is it? Not if you have someone telling you what to do. And drawing on your work. It becomes their work. Their journey. So yeah, that is something he needs to stop doing. I understand he enjoys helping and inspiring others, but too much criticism deflates an artists confidence. If he truly believes in that analogy regarding the artists journey, than he needs to give artists more freedom, and understand that not all artists are the same, or are not going to create the same image as he. Part of the journey, the learning, is the struggle. The artist doesn’t learn if your doing their work for them. Which is a downfall he had with another artist, because now she won’t work unless he’s there. She has become highly dependent on him.
Besides, every artist has a different perspective. If we all sat around a table and were asked to draw or paint an object, chances are, every image would be different, even though we were looking at the same object. Everyone has their own unique style, and perspective. Why try to conform everyones style and perspective into yours?
So yeah, the New School of Colour was Tuesday, and yesterday. I went Tuesday, but didn’t go Wednesday. I didn’t feel like getting more criticism. Plus, with the fatigue I’ve been feeling lately due to my pregnancy, I took a nap instead. Haha! With the extra weight, everything takes that much more of an effort.
Anyways, I need to get some blood work done at some point today. I was going to yesterday, but by the time I was all ready, I ran out of time. I need an extra hour while I’m at the lab. I gotta drink this glucose stuff, wait an hour, then let the doctors stab my rubber suit and steal my blood. 😦 Lol It’s a diabetes test. I remember doing it before with my other pregnancies.
I also still need to book an appointment with the Birthing Centre. My plan is to have a natural birth, but to have the laughing gas there just in case. I refuse to do an epidural. During contractions, maybe have a bath or shower. We shall see.
Since my baby is no longer underweight, an ultrasound is no longer needed. So the sex of my baby is still a mystery. It drives us a bit stir crazy, because we know that relatives want to know the sex of the baby, so that they can start buying clothing and what not. But nope. He/ she remains a mystery baby.
Which reminds me, we had to think of a different name if our baby is a boy. My partners father told my partner that Adelaide is a girls name, and that kinda made my partner insecure. So he asked if we could change it. Rather than having Adelaide as a first name, it will remain a middle name for either sex of the baby. If you recall, we were going to name a girl; Lily Adelaide King Wuytenburg. And for a boy, Adelaide Derek King Wuytenburg. Well…for the boy, that’s changed. And since my partner speaks of his grandfather so highly, We decided on a shortened version of his grandfathers name, instead of Martin, Marty. So if our baby is a boy, Marty Adelaide King Wuytenburg. Adelaide will remain in the name because of the meaning/ history behind it. It just won’t be used for a first name, because I guess that would be “too embarrassing.”
Ya know? My ex used to be all insecure about our sons name, Anakin. Just because his loser friends mocked and made fun of it. But look at it now. Anakin is one of the most popular names in the U.S. AND when people meet our son, they love his name. I knew it was a good name! 🙂
Anyways, there’s a lot that has happened. I mean, my doctors appointments are now every 2 weeks… We’re trying to get ready for the baby…getting things here and there. So on and so forth. I think that’s enough for this blog post anyways, you don’t need all the details. Just whatever is on my mind. So yeah, until next time, peace and love! – Pooks
“The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic.”
– Oscar Wilde
Long time no see.
I’ve been basically recovering from the side effects of all the antibiotics I was put on for a while. thank goodness, at my last doctors appointment, I was told that I can stop taking them. Seriously, they made me feel like shit. And I didn’t really want to take them anymore anyways, because as a pregnant mama, I should be gaining weight, not losing weight. And well… with all the vomiting and diarrhea… I was starting to feel like a walking corpse.
Anyways, I still need to pick up iron pills, because since all that, I have an iron deficiency, and I’m not getting enough protein. Well duuuh!! Those meds wouldn’t let me keep any food within my system for long. But then again, anemia isn’t new. I’m always tired and groggy. Hence the reason why before my pregnancy I drank so much coffee. I can at least feel somewhat awake temporarily because of the caffeine. Well, now that I’m pregnant, I don’t really drink coffee as much anymore, unless it’s diluted with more milk than coffee.
Anyways, Not this past weekend, but the weekend prior, I was supposed to have a 4 hour visit with my kids but had to cancel due to my health condition at that time. I wasn’t going anywhere, unless I was close to a washroom. And walking out and about for 4 hours, that wasn’t going to happen. Not with how frequently I was running to a washroom. It was insane.
Last week I got to return home, try to recover, as my man packed his stuff at his place and moved. It was a good thing too, because apparently my man’s brother and his girlfriend got jumped and beat within that area. Not cool. Hopefully they are okay. Sounds like they got pretty banged up.
Umm… my man and I were invited to his mothers for Thanksgiving. But…I didn’t really want to go. Especially after that dispute my man’s mother and I had over C.A.S. She was kinda snooping into territory which really isn’t any of her business, that history/ battle was between me and my ex. So no, I don’t appreciate when people snoop into my past like that. It kinda put a damper on any possible trust that could have been built. Ya know? I have trust issues enough as is. So trying to force me to discuss things or bring up a dark time that nearly killed me in more ways than one, not good. There’s a reason I don’t talk about my past. I’m not there anymore, and I’d rather keep it that way. I understand, she’s only inquiring because she’s concerned for her son. Well, worrying only creates unnecessary fear. I’m not worried. That shit went down 5 years ago. Besides, even my ex said; no worries. I’ve held onto this home for 4 to 5 years. The only thing he can see them being concerned about is my psychological health, and I think that has improved over the years. I am in a healthier relationship. I’m not all depressed. I’m more grateful these days. And as for the cleanliness thing, I have a man that is teaching me to be more organized. Not to mention, my man is a bit of a clean freak. He likes to keep things orderly, and organized. Having things scattered all over the place kinda drives him nuts. Also, since we have puppies., we kinda got to keep things tidy, otherwise our mini paper shredder, one of the puppies, will chew it all up. So yeah, “cleanliness” can be scratched right off the list of concerns. So nyeh! 😛 Heck! I’m even waking up at 5am-6am in the mornings now. Instead of going to sleep at 6am. So yeah, I’d like to think that mentally my mind is in a much better place.
So yeah, Thanksgiving, we won’t be going out of town. Besides, in the past, my ex didn’t trust me taking the kids out of town then, I’m pretty sure that is still the same. Ya know? He had a fear I’d just pick them up and leave. But no, I wouldn’t do that. I’m not my ex. But, that was something my ex was concerned about then, ya know? If he doesn’t want the kids to travel with me, then they won’t. He is the primary care-giver. Might as well respect that.
Not to forget that the last time my kids were around that side of my mans family, they were severely uncomfortable. So yeah, why put them into that kind of situation again?
So we’ll be having Thanksgiving at home, with my kids, and a friend. We’ll have our own little gathering. A small group of us won’t be as overwhelming as a large group of strangers to my kids.I think they are more comfortable with smaller crowds anyways.
It’s been a busy couple weeks, I mean with my man moving in, which he is fully moved in now. Thanks to the peeps that helped him move, he couldn’t have done it without you!
It’s so weird, but nice to hear him call this place home.We still got quite a bit of work organizing our stuff. Our stuff combined is a lot, so we will need to down-size and decide what we’ll be keeping, and what goes. So yeah, the place is currently cluttered, but it’s getting better gradually as the days go by.
Health wise, I think those meds finally wore off. So yeah, feeling much better than I was. But now I’m coming down with a cold. Ughh… All that freakin puking and shit probably lowered my immune system, and voila! Catch a cold just like that. So yeah, from one thing to the next. But I think a cold will be much more tolerable.
Anyways, I won’t be cancelling my next visit with my children. So I’m excited for the weekend, and carving pumpkins, and whatever else we do. I think my daughter will be happy to see that the puppies are here. Chewie, Spaz, and their mom, Molly, (shitzus) all love the backyard.
So yeah, excited for this next chapter in my life.
Oh yeah, my next ultrasound will be in early November, and that will be when we find out the sex of our baby. Very exciting! No matter what the sex of the baby is, my man says that he or she will be raised to be a Turkey Warrior. Haha! A pro at hunting turkeys.
Newho, I think that’s enough writing for today. Peace and Love! – Pooks
“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.”
– Steve Maraboli
Well things took a drastic turn quite rapidly. Ya know? Just when I was starting to get used to the idea of being pregnant, someones gotta come along and be the wicked witch so to speak.
To make a long story short, I don’t want to have any ties to my now ex-boyfriends mother. Especially after that phone call. She called her son, she was put on speaker phone to speak to me about the news. And no no no, she can’t be supportive like the Kings and my close friends have been. Instead, she brings up C.A.S, my past, and makes me cry. To top it off, that fuckin psycho bitch laughed at my pain. So no, I want no relations with, or any ties to anyone that laughs and pokes fun at my past pain I’ve gone through the years. So basically that means breaking up with her son, and getting an abortion.
I mean, who the fuck is she to judge me?! She’s dating a fuckin alcoholic/ crackhead, and has that addict around her younger children that still live in her home on a daily basis. Rrright, and she’s going to judge me as a parent?
I stormed out after I had enough. She’s a rude, ignorant, stupid bitch. Of coarse her privileged white ass wouldn’t understand any of the shit I have been through regarding C.A.S. Not to mention her eldest daughter is a C.A.S worker. So she see’s the fairy tale side of that organization. Not the reality of that evil organization that doesn’t give a fuck if parents love their children, it all comes down to slavery, and maintaining that slavery to benefit the Capitalists. Who gives a fuck if the children get put into abusive homes. Get placed with the abuser. I believe I read in the news that a child died because of that not too long ago. Can’t really say I’m surprised. That’s what they do. Heck! Look at the fucked up home I was placed in. I don’t even have contact with that supposed family anymore. they are not worth my fuckin time.
So yeah, I stormed out…as I did, it began to rain half way on the way home. Ugh! I took shelter at Mcmahen Park, at least til the rain stopped a bit, and continued on my way. It was a long walk for someone in my condition. I shouldn’t be walking great distances. But fuck! My purse, my wallet, money, ID, and other belongings were left behind at my now ex boyfriends apartment. So, not like I could hop on a bus.
By the time I got home, my stomach hurt. So I laid in bed, and stayed there for the remainder of the day, and majority of the next day. People kept knocking on my door, my cell phone kept going off, but I did not want to be bothered.
Anyways, I wasn’t too impressed that my now ex boyfriend and someone I thought was a friend brought the police to my door. Calling the cops on a friend, or your supposed girlfriend is just a low blow. Thanks a lot. You might as well just be calling C.A.S on my ass. Like really, no friend does that.
So the police came to my door, I answered. They started babbling to me about programs that assist people that are considering self harm. Like what the fuck?!! I just want to lie down. I put my body through a lot the night prior just trying to get home. Go away!
The female officer was really annoying, so I bluntly told her that she talked too much, and that I was dizzy and just wanted to sit down. They were like; good, we can come in then. Umm… noooo. You’re not welcome.
Anyways after that, the female cop was like “No more Misses nice cop.” Whatever. I’m not scared of you. Besides I’m sure the police would jump on a chance to kill another native, or person of colour. Ya know? They seem to do that quite often anyways. Just saying.
Anyways, after they were done babbling about whatever, and I saying that I don’t need their help. I’ll be calling my freakin doctor for help. They fucked off.
Later that night I went for a walk with my bestie. She filled me in that she had nothing to do with the cop calling. Even though we talked about my current situation, she also tried to distract me here and there with humour. She’s good at that. Anyways, she said she’d come with me when I get my abortion. Ya know? So I won’t have to do it alone. It’s not only going to be hard on me physically, but mentally as well. And yeah, I’m lucky to have her as a support, and a friend. She agrees and understands why I am choosing the route that I am.
Anyways, today, my bestie and I went to my now ex boyfriends apartment. He was at work. So I went to pick up my belongings and get the fuck out of dodge. Amazingly, most of my stuff was already packed. So that just made things so much easier. How was I able to get his apartment while he was at work? Simple, I was able to do so because he had cut me a set of spare keys for his apartment, but before my bestie and I left, I put them back in the mail slot with his flyers. I won’t be needing those keys no more.
I’m sure my now ex boyfriends mother will be happy. She got what she wanted, even though she didn’t have to say it. The point was clearly taken. Can’t really trust a 2-faced family anyways. One day saying I’m an upgrade from their sons ex, next thing they’re saying is that he lowered his standards. Yeah well…FUCK YOU ALL!!
So tomorrow I have a visit with my children. They’ll be over for the weekend. So next week, I’ll be focused on getting the abortion and recovering from it. – Pooks
Well I guess I do have time to blog today. I thought my Leads appointment was today, but apparently it was yesterday. The date my worker had written on my appointment card was different from what she had put in her book. So yeah, there has been some confusion, and clearly I missed my appointment. But I will see her on the 26th. The day after my birthday. Hooray! Haha!
Newho, where to begin? Hold on… I need to check where I had left off…
Oh right! Game night! That was fun. I had my boyfriend and a couple friends over and we played Cards Against Humanity. Hahaha! That is a very interesting, twisted game. Umm.. Thanks to my bestie for bringing over the tea, and buying us a large pizza to split. Good times!
Thursday was kind of a blur last week. Probably just a regular day.
On Friday I met more of my mans side of the family. Such as his mother, her boyfriend, and my boyfriends brothers and sisters. That evening we sat outdoors at my mans brothers place, had some beers, and just talked, chilled. I was kinda put on the spot with some questions, but I was very honest. For example; my boyfriends mothers boyfriend sensed that I had a dark side to me, and asked if I cut myself. Honestly, I don’t, but I used to many years ago. I find now that there is no need for it anymore, that suppression. Ya know? I used to do it to suppress my emotions. But now look at me, through my art and writing, I have become quite expressive, and there is no shame in doing so.
Anyways, it was funny that they said I was a definite upgrade from my boyfriends last girlfriend. So yeah, yaaaaay!
They were surprised to hear that I had a book published. I mean, yes, that is quite the accomplishment. But looking at it now, I would like to do another one. But better. And maybe have it edited before publishing. Haha! I don’t know. I noticed there are some grammar mistakes within the first one. So I consider it my “rookie” book. I kinda threw whatever material I had over the years, slopped it all together, and voila! There’s my first book! I might do something similar with the second, chaotic, not in any specific order. Just because that’s just me. But at least spell checked! Haha! Not yet though.
Newho, if you are interested in checking out my “rookie” book, “Random Thoughts of an Alien Goddess”, it’s only available on Lulu. I will provide the link here:
“Random Thoughts of an Alien Goddess” basically a self portrait in many forms so to speak. However, I can’t recall if I mentioned why I call myself an alien goddess within the book or not. Those that have been following my blog for a long period of time already know. I refer to myself as an alien because I don’t quite fit into your world, and I’m kind of alienated. I’m a non-conformist to put it bluntly. But that’s okay. I’ve learned to love and accept that about myself. As for the goddess thing, that is based on a quote said by Pablo Picasso regarding women. He said they are either door-mats or goddesses. And yeah, I made my choice.
I don’t think I mentioned the cover either within my book. I mean, the time frame it was taken was discussed within the book. Yes it is a nude, but still modest and showing nothing. But basically, that “selfie” was taken after weeks of depression, starvation, and sleeping. After my attempt of a slow suicide years ago. That picture captured my awakening. Waking up as “Pooks”, not the same as I was before, wither I realized it at the time or not.
My man’s family gave my man a wonderful idea, which is basically to turn one of my poems in the book into a song. That would be cool!
Anyways, moving on.
On Saturday a reunion was held at my boyfriends sisters place. I even brought my own children there, and they were too shy to really interact and socialize with the other children. Ya know? New people. New Environment. A comment was said to me to “cut the cord already”, because they were being clingy. But it’s understandable. Going somewhere surrounded by strangers for the first time. I mean yes, my daughter is always clingy regardless. She is my youngest. But I am working on that, and she is aware of it lately. I think she’s starting to get it. Some space between us can be good.
I guess when they were speaking with the other children, my daughter said that if my boyfriend and I get married, that my boyfriends siblings would become their aunts and uncles. One of my boyfriends sisters disagreed, but my daughter is right. She’s is a smart cookie 😉 Anyways, it’s just funny that my boyfriend and I were the topic of discussion.
Which reminds me, over the weekend my daughter said if anyone tries to mess with my boyfriends and I’s relationship, she will kick them in the bum. Haha! It makes me happy that my boyfriend and my kids get along. I mean, I am lucky to have found someone that accepts my children, includes them as part of the package because they are a huge part of me and my life. As for my children accepting my boyfriend, clearly they must see how much he makes me happy.
Anyways, starting to get freakin mushy on you. that’s enough of that. Moving on.
Sunday, after I dropped my kids off at their house. I returned to my boyfriends place. He went to bed early, and I stayed up to watch a movie. Anyways, I fell asleep on the couch, and at 3am, my boyfriend woke up wondering where the heck I was. So he got up and found me sleeping on the couch, and then carried me to bed. I normally freak out when I’m lifted up off my feet. Fear of heights here. Newho, I guess I was really peaceful while I was asleep. I just thought that was sweet.
Monday!! I forget.
Tuesday was the New School of Colour and I worked on my painting. Although, my sleeve smudged it as I was holding up someone elses art piece so that they can sign the back of their art. So yeah. Guuuuuh!! More shit to fix up. I decided to make it look intentional, so I expressed my frustration, and added more sporadic smudges. Haha! Problem solved. Don’t freakin tell there isn’t any freakin problem solving to do when it comes to art. Omigosh! I swear, it’s always something.
Wednesday I painted some more at my boyfriends place. During one of our hikes in the past, I picked up a rock that I wanted to paint on. However I was having trouble regarding what to paint on it, and my boyfriend gave me an awesome suggestion. He suggested that I browse through his Chinese/ English dictionary, pick a work that I think defines him, and paint that on the rock. So that’s what I did. Except more. I painted some photography I did of storm clouds on the rock, and I put “Both Beautiful and Intelligent” written in Chinese on it. I was quite proud of it when I was done.
Today, I thought I had a Leads appointment, but nope. After checking my e-mail, I realize that my appointment was actually yesterday. So instead, I posted an ad up on Kijiji for my man. He’s trying to sell two puppies here in London,ON. Check out the ad if you are interested. The puppies are soooo cute!
Speaking of the puppies. The only male shiatsu finally got a home. My man gave him as a gift to his mom. Omigod! Did my man and I go though a lot of b.s over that puppy. Not from his mom either, but from this old lady that owns a black shiatsu already in my mans neighborhood. She claims her dog is the father, and that she has the right to a free male puppy. Ummm no. Not to forget that another male shiatsu could be a possible father, so there is no certainty which one is the father. My man gave the owner of the other shiatsu $50, and offered this woman the same. She didn’t accept it. So my man offered to sell her a puppy for $200, and she didn’t take that offer either. I mean, he had already promised his mother a male puppy years before this woman came along. So yeah, she was a nut case. I mean, she was text messaging my man, saying that if god wants it to be, it will be, and stuff like that. And saying God will make him lose his job, lose his girlfriend, his home, so on and so forth….OVER THIS PUPPY?!!
I mean, it sure didn’t seem like “god” was tampering with our relationship. More like she was, approaching me, while my mans at work, calling him a liar and a jackass behind his back.
Her attempt to talk to me about it was just plain dumb. I’m a bit of a hard-ass. Based on her crappy behavior, I told my man to tell her to go fuck herself, long before he decided that she’s getting squat. He made attempts to be fair, because he’s nice like that.
Yeah, I kinda ranted on Twitter about that whole situation briefly. #NoShiatsuForYou Haha!
Newho, Glads that’s over with. Glad the male puppy is safely out of the area, and in a new home. My man told this woman that if she bothers us again, he’s gonna charge her for harassment and slander. So yeah, haven’t heard a peep from her since. Thank goodness!
Anyways, I need to get something to eat. I’m hungry. So I shall end it there. Thanks for reading! – Pooks
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”- Walt Whitman
Back on schedule! It’s been a week since my last post, so voila! Here I am!!
I am happy to say that my boyfriend and I worked things out, and we’re going strong! So yaaaay! I’m actually kinda surprised how many people were happy for us. So yeah, as surprising as it is, I appreciate the support, encouragement, praise, or whatever you call it.
Just when you think you’re a couple of hermits, there’s people watching. O_O Lol. But whatever. I’m used to it. I kinda put the spotlight on myself through this blog. Sometimes there’s more people reading than I realize. But I usually try not to pay attention to that. The point of this blog is my opportunity to reflect, and share. It helps me mentally. Things don’t get bottled up. I write it out, and keep moving on…wither or not anything I write is valuable information or not, yaaay! It’s good for my mental health anyways. Wither my readers get anything from it or not. So miigwetch, if you’ve been following my journey and reading whatever comes out of my head. So yeah, it’s been quite a ride!
Moving on… My man is amazing. I’ve been showered with gifts, and flowers. Which includes a necklace that I wear every day now, that has 2 hearts on it that is to resemble the meaning of being together. He got me a bouquet of red roses, and when purchasing them, he told me he demanded a blue ribbon. The store clerk told him that it would not match the bouquet, but he didn’t care and just told her it HAD TO BE BLUE. Haha! (In case you don’t know, blue is my favorite colour). Not only that, but he got me 4 canvases to paint on, and he even got the picture I drew for him framed and hung up on his wall. Isn’t that awesome?! So he’s definitely not in the dog house anymore so to speak. We both have trouble explaining things verbally, and well…there was a misunderstanding. That was all.
It doesn’t stop there though. Earlier this week he told me to visit his work site so he can give me the keys to his apartment, and said there was a surprise for me on the coffee table. So I did go see him at work, picked up the keys, and when I got to his place there it was. The surprise was this unique blue bottle that he used for a vase. There was a rose in it from the last bouquet, along with flowers he picked himself. On the bottle he wrote in large letters; Can you be my love? Wow. He is amazing! I think my favorite, out of all the bouquets, are the ones that he picks himself. Even though after they sit around in a vase for awhile, they tend to stink up the apartment. Haha! You know, they decay, and go bad. But still, those are my favorite.
Anyways, there are other things that have happened lately. I think I forgot to mention that I met with my new Leads worker last week, and yeah, we’re gonna pick up where my other worker left off. So that’s cool. I don’t have to start over, or anything like that. She seems like a nice lady. The first thing she did was reassure me that she’s not one of those people that thinks she’s more “privileged”, we are all equal. That’s a good start. I’m beginning to think that the workers there are aware that I am a sensitive case, the rare idealist. But since over the years, they’ve been good to me, so I stick with their services. So yeah, my appointments are booked for every two weeks on a Wednesday. Not this past Wednesday, but next Wednesday is my next appointment. I should probably double check that….
Newho…Last weekend I had my children over, and we had a good visit. However I do wish I could get them outdoors more. It is summer, not winter. So yeah, I get kinda bored doing the same thing over and over indoors. My son goes on the computer, and my daughter and I play with stuffies… I need to switch it up sometimes. I need variety. I need to get outdoors. So the water fight was a good idea, and my boyfriend was there to participate as well. We even had water guns. It was fun. I got soaked.
Anyways, umm… my ex, ya know? I text messaged him Sunday morning to see if he was going to be able to pick up the kids. He said yes. But as the day progressed he said he was going to be late. Then he said went to rest his eyes for 5 minutes and fell asleep for 3 hours, then he said he missed the bus, and then he didn’t think he was going to be able to catch the last bus or not make it back to his home in time with the children… Then he was going to try to find a ride, couldn’t find one. And yeah, said he’d pick the kids up in the morning.
So yeah, don’t ask me – what the fuck?! It was frustrating. But in the end, I got an extra night with my kids, and they were happy to stay another night.
Normally after the pick up (or drop off at 8pm) I go to my boyfriends apartment, and he’s got dinner waiting for me. Well…this time, it didn’t quite work out that way. My boyfriend even had a candle light dinner planned. But that’s okay. Because my boyfriend is so freakin awesome, he brought dinner to us, my children and I. So we ate shepherds pie together at the table. It was nice.
My ex arrived the next morning with coffee, muffins and donuts. I walked with our children and him downtown. He lent me $40.00 so that I can afford to have them over this weekend. My budget is tight, especially considering neither my G.S.T, nor trillium arrived this month. So I appreciate the extra help when it comes to my visits with our children.
Umm… what else? I returned to the New School of Colour this past Tuesday, but didn’t work on my oil painting. I worked on something else, and socialized with muh fellow peeps!
Speaking of the New School of Colour, it will be closed next week. But that is okay. My bestie and I have already made arrangements and we’re going to be going to Kitchener for the day! That’ll be my traveling this year. It’s going to be fun. We’ll make it fun!
Today I went out for lunch with my bestie, and yeah, all she could talk about was this certain someone in her life. It’s cute. Kinda like the way I talk and gush about my boyfriend. Sounds like they really like each-other anyways. Ya know? She deserves someone that’ll treat her good. Ahem, unlike her ex. But I think I made my opinion of him obvious in the past. So yeah, I don’t need to go there. She’s happy now, and as her friend, that’s all that matters to me.
Anyways, back to cleaning! Gotta prepare for another weekend with muh babies! I miss my man, but I know I’ll see him either Sunday, or Monday. So yeah, hope you enjoyed the reading material, and I’ll post sometime next week when I can! – Pooks
“Art and love are the same thing: It’s the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you.”
– Chuck Klosterman