Bring on 2016!

Happy New Years to all my readers! Thank you for reading and following my blog through out the years. Hard to believe I’ve been doing this for 4 years now. But yeah, thanks for joining me on my journey through life.

This year has been amazing and full of surprises. I mean, I never thought I would be in a relationship, let alone expecting another baby. I thought it would be another year of the “untouchable Pooks.” But nope. I got swept off my feet, by this remarkable man that’s been waiting for me for years. And now he’s become a huge part of my life.

No, our pregnancy wasn’t planned. But we are both taking a chance. Besides, I think it’s helped  us grow even closer. And our baby-to-be is more and more seen as a blessing. We both look forward to his or her arrival. 3 more months!!

I think it’s cute when my daughter kisses and hugs my tummy. Or when she says things like, after the baby is born, she wants to hold the baby and watch movies together. That’s so cute. ❤ She seems to be handling the news of a younger sibling better than her brother did back in the day. But then again, we didn’t really prepare or talk to him about it. So to him, his little sister came out of nowhere with no warning, and yeah. He was kinda resentful about it. Ugh! The joys of parenting. You live and learn. Unfortunately, for the first-born, things are rocky since their parents are new to the whole parenting thing. So they’re a crash-coarse. Lol.

Anyways, 2015 has been amazing. I am thankful to everyone whose been apart of it. Especially the friends and family, near and far,  that have been there to share the laughter and the odd tears. But mostly laughter.

I’m grateful for my bestie for going for long crazy walks with me, those will be memories that will last a life-time. Thanks to her I got out of London for a day, and traveled to Kitchener, Waterloo, and Cambridge. Despite our lack of sleep, we still had a good time. Haha! Thank you caffeine!

I am grateful to still be a part of the New School of Colour. Thank you Marshall for taking the reigns and keeping the program going at the Ark Aid Street Mission.

I am thankful for the new friends I meet along the way.

I am thankful that my children and I are accepted into my boyfriends huge family.

Thank you to my ex for letting my children be in my life for another year. It’s been fun!

Thank you to my man of coarse. He’s taken me to such beautiful places during our hikes, and he’s made me feel like I actually matter. Thank him for picking me flowers, and for trying to surprise me at the Train station on a sprained ankle. Thank him for never giving up on me, and for actually wanting to be a father to our baby. Thank him for trying his best to be a positive part of my childrens lives. Even though there is some resistance there from my son. He doesn’t give up. Thank him for still loving me even when I get insecure, and feel like a fat lil pregnant hippo. Lol Thank him for his patience and hanging in there during my mood swings. Thank his beautiful mind, for always coming up with solutions when I panic and get emotional over obstacles in life. There is so much I can thank him for. He truly is amazing. ❤

Onto other things…This blog is turning into a blog of thank you’s, which there is nothing wrong with that. But I’m kinda avoiding what I really wanted to type about. But since I am on the topic of gratitude…

Christmas didn’t turn out as awesome as I thought it would be. However thank my man for busting his ass to try to make it awesome. I kinda feel bad that my son was so ungrateful and rude.

My ex just had to give him  tablet for Christmas. Nothing else seemed to have mattered. I mean, even one of my gifts that I gave him nearly got thrown in the trash with the wrapping paper. That’s how oblivious he was to the other gifts. He just wanted to go back to playing on his tablet. My boyfriend didn’t even get a thank you. My son has no idea how hard my man worked and stressed about giving my children a good Christmas. Which is pretty huge, because he really didn’t have to. But he did.

Thankfully, we when we went to visit My boyfriends family, on his fathers side, the tablet got left behind. However, my boyfriends family mentioned that they noticed an attitude problem with my son. Which is why they were kinda distant from him.

As my sons mother, that’s a wake up call. Of coarse I see my children as little angels. But I mean if their first impression of my son is concerning. Then yeah, somethings not right, and clearly needs to be worked on before things get way too out of hand.

I mean, I know there has been issues with the schools. But I can not pin point exactly what it is regarding my son that is causing all this. I know him and his father have a bumpy relationship. Obviously. There has been verbal abuse in the past. And my son said he wanted to put an axe in his fathers head. He’s angry. But then again, there was a time he and my daughter were hoping me and my ex would reconcile and get back together. I told them that that wouldn’t happen. I’m sure that hurt. But let’s face it, my ex and I’s past relationship was severely unhealthy. Then there’s the change with me getting into a new relationship. At first things seemed okay. But as time goes on, it’s like my son is building a wall blocking my partner out. I don’t think he copes with change very well. Never has. Even with the arrival of his little sister. He didn’t cope well with that very well either. And now there’s  another sibling on the way. He says he’s hoping for a brother, someone he can talk to. But, he doesn’t really talk to anyone. Whatever the main root of his issues are, he doesn’t let anyone in.

My partner thinks he’s a good kid regardless. He cares for him, and wants to be there for him. I mean, lately I’ve been concerned about my sons education, since he got pulled out of school to home school. Home-school doesn’t sound like it’s going very well. So yeah, I’m worried he’s falling more behind. My partner, however, bought a grade 5 curriculum text book, that includes Math, science, social studies and English. We’ve decided that our son won’t be allowed to use the XBox One, or computer, until he completes work from the text book. 1 page, both sides per subject. That way, I can see for myself just how far behind he is, and where he needs work.

My ex can teach him whatever at his place, but we’ll ( my boyfriend and I) do what we can from our end. I mean, I already asked my ex not to let our son bring his tablet over again. The whole purpose of the visits is so that I can see my son and daughter, and vice-versa. My son doesn’t come here to visit his tablet. So yeah, I don’t even want that thing here. Over the holidays, he was glued to that thing. Freakin technology, and children do not mix.

I mean, some parents are successful with technology and kids, they use it for educational purposes. However, with our son, it’s too late for that because it’s just been flat out entertainment since he was 5 years old.

So yeah, ya know? I want my son to be successful in the future. I don’t want him to have to struggle like his parents do within the welfare system. It’s not easy to get out of, as some people claim. That’s lucky. Not easy.

And I certainly don’t want him to turn to drugs and crime just to get by. My son is better than that. He deserves better than that. It’s too bad that his confidence is so low that he doesn’t believe that, or himself.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my son more than you’ll ever know. But as his mother, I won’t deny that there’s a problem and this mother is worried for him.

So I hope for 2016, and the years to follow, we can turn things around for him for the better. I hope I have the courage and strength to be the example he needs me to be. Sure I’ve accomplished great things over the years, but I’ll need to push myself even farther. Someones gotta do it, and show him another way.

So yeah, 2015 has had it’s ups, downs, obstacles and challenges. Bring on 2016! Thanks a bunch for reading, see you in the new year! Peace and love!- Pooks

“An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”

– Yogi Bhajan

 

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Into an Abyss of Withdrawal

Honestly, I did not want to write today. But here I am writing anyways. It is just something I have to do. I can’t really explain it, but it is a part of what I am. A passion I can’t let slide no matter how depressed I may be feeling. It is a part of my purpose.

So now you know depression is the issue here. I didn’t want to write and just be a total downer. I’m not one to burden others with my shit. In person, as far as you know; “I’m fine.”

I guess a lot has hit me all at once over the holidays. A supposed best-friend rejects and kicks me to the curb just before Christmas for being “too offensive”. For being too honest. I guess people only say they respect and want honesty until they actually get it.

But then again, this is a person that has flat out told me she doesn’t like and only tolerates this other artist that paints hockey logos. Or as I referred to as the cock-eyed red head. But on Monday, there she is pretending to be all buddy buddy with her. Wow! Bravo! Someone should totally nominate this  woman for an Oscar Award. Her acting is astounding! Too bad this other person isn’t aware of her bullshit. I kinda feel bad she’s being played like that, even though me and this “cock eyed red head” did have our own issues in the past.

I personally would not be able to do that. Live a lie like that. Lying to myself and others. Seems like a shameful, deceitful way to live. But than again, I have come to the realization that not only are majority of the people cowards, but they are also fake ass people pleasers. They are not true to themselves. They are so concerned what the “others” will think about what they say, do, even appear. Clones. People mimicking people’s expectations. Sheep, just following the herd. Cowards that are just constantly lying to themselves. They come off as so rehearsed, saying the same lame catch phrases repeatedly for approval. Do you even know who the fuck you are? Like, seriously, deep down. I doubt it. People waste so much time kissing each-others asses their heads get lost up there. I guess I’m realizing just how rare genuine authentic people really are. How rare I am.

Anyways, maybe it’s karma. Even though I don’t normally believe in karma. I “unfriended” her spontaneously on FB in the past, but I at least gave an explanation and reason. I didn’t even get that. Just a cold shoulder, and a nose in the air. In the past, I did so so that she wasn’t caught in the middle of the drama between the “cock eyed red head” and I. If anything, I was trying to protect her from the drama and bullshit. But in this recent case, this other person isn’t even on FB, the person I was ranting about for snapping at me and making an unnecessary scene for sharing ideas. I guess small minds can’t comprehend that many ideas, they can only discuss gossip about people. Maybe I’ve just outgrown that crowd. Anyways, I was “unfriended” for venting. Wow, that is just fuckin dumb. This clearly shows, I need to make better friends.

Onto the other shit that hit me all at once, such as being ganged up on by fellow Idle No More members for bringing up an issue that affects and reflects on us all. I mean, if the person you steal from is aware that you are apart of Idle No More, yeah, that behavior will reflect on the whole movement. Perhaps I was hoping that whomever stole the 50 flags from the International Indigenous Unity Flag artist would do the honorable thing and either return the flags, or pay for them. It was a long shot hoping it would reach whomever was responsible. But the online bullying attack really put a damper on any hope I had for the movement, for a revolution. Just to see and experience first hand how easily they turn on their own, wow. That was devastating.

The troll on twitter calling me a thief, hobo and tramp. Rude remarks  instantly piss me off. Just ask my ex, he’s a pro at verbal abuse, and he wonders why I won’t take him back. Haha! It pisses me off more so coming from strangers that don’t even know me personally, not that my ex really knows me either and he’s always shooting his mouth off. So who the fuck is he to judge? Ya know? Not only that, but I am so fed up with sexism and discrimination, I get enough of that chauvinistic bullshit from my abusive ex, thank you very much!

Which brings me to another point that’s got me down lately, my children. Not seeing them over the holidays. Not seeing them for two straight weeks. I can’t help but feel blue as the time drags on. Supposedly my visit is scheduled for this upcoming Saturday. We’ll see. Excuse me if I just feel very pessimistic lately. This change affects our schedule we had going. Technically I should have seen them on the 3ird, but I didn’t, obviously. No idea why not. I mean, Merrymount was back open and running. So what’s the fuckin excuse?!

Anyways, as you may recall the personal research I was doing regarding the brain, and communication. Yeah, fuck that! I find myself becoming more withdrawn, not really wanting to engage or interact with people. People cannot be trusted. Everyone will just fuckin hurt you and stomp all over you. That is my conclusion to that.

Sure I attended the New School of Colour on Monday, but I wasn’t there to socialize. I only showed up to paint. Prior to making an appearance, I was saying to myself; “To go, or not to go. That is the question. That is always the question.” It took a lot just to motivate myself to leave the house.

That question pops up a lot lately, especially when it comes to events. “Do I really want to surround myself with people?” Not really.

Other than all that, I have been painting more at home. It temporarily takes my mind off things. Plus since I haven’t landed an actual job in London, I’ve been here for over a decade. I figure why bother trying to mold into your world? Your world sucks. Besides, it’s just not happening. So I might as well just do what I do, and that is art. I’m at a fuck-it-all point when it comes to society and the people in it. I’m just gonna do what the fuck I’m good at, fuck society, and their lame rules and expectations. I will paint and paint until my stone cold heart is content.

So 2015 has started off rather dark, but perhaps it’s only necessary. Pain tends to be what transforms a person. For better or for worse, I don’t know. One thing I can say is, no matter what, I’m going to keep it real and stick to honesty and truth. – Pooks

“The high-minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think.”- Aristotle

NOW FOR THE VISUALS…

Pooks sketch/ diagram of the Creative Process. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Pooks sketch/ diagram of the Creative Process. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

I gave myself a linear perspective assignment. - Pooks/ All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

I gave myself a linear perspective assignment. – Pooks/ All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Acrylic painting by Pooks using a brush and a mallet. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Acrylic painting by Pooks using a brush and a mallet. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

The Grand Finale

Time to start thinking about what to write, this is my last blog post of 2014. I know, I promised a gratitude list, as well as a new years resolution…I’ll get to it.

I don’t really have much to write about if I write about this past week. I mean, I didn’t see my children for the holidays as I had thought I would. I thought I would see them on the 27th, and they would be over for the weekend. But yeah…holiday hours. Merrymount was closed. The exchange didn’t happen. So yeah, it was a very quiet Christmas. But I guess all that quiet time gave me an opportunity to be creative, in numerous ways. Not to mention, plenty of rest. I will see my children January 3ird though, and it will be awesome.

Now it’s time to show you what I have been doing. I’ll start off with a poem I wrote. Go to the link provided here if you’re interested in reading it. http://pooks82.weebly.com/pooks-poetry/see-with-your-eyes-closed

I also updated part of that website, the Photos of the Artist section, and added a Flashback Gallery. Which kinda gives you a glimpse into my past. You may notice a lot of the other faces have been edited and blurred out. But it’s symbolic in a way, bringing forth the neglected child into the spotlight. The only other person that is not blurred out would be my birth mother, Elizabeth King. My roots from which I came from. http://pooks82.weebly.com/photos-of-the-artist/flashback-gallery

I also did this painting that I called “Round Dance.” I attempted to do this abstract piece, that was experimenting with colour theory, mixing colours. The only colours I had to use were yellow and navy blue. Any variation in colour would have to be mixed between the two. So I was getting different shades of blue, and green. A lime colour, army green, even a greyish colour. It was very tedious trying to paint with the crappy brush I was using. My lines were getting sloppy, and for a perfectionist, that drives me insane! So I took it in a different direction, and added white paint. Painting with a bottle cap. I also added india ink, and let it drip freely as I flipped it around to get the ink moving. I recall using an old business card to swipe and swoosh with. You can kinda see my frustration in the piece. Haha! It turned out pretty cool though. Even though most of my green colours have been covered up by the layers. Some of the white paint mixed in with the india ink as it was drying. So watching the transformation was quite fascinating.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

” Round Dance.” All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

What else? Oh yeah. I take a lot of “selfies”, and have fun with photo editors. In this case, I played with this thought of meeting myself. The dark side of myself meets the light side of myself. Kinda like a Yin Yang image, but through a self-portrait. That was fun. Dress up one way, make up, hair, clothes, and what not for one shot. Then change again, different clothes, different make up for another shot, just to represent two sides of myself. I kinda wanted to capture that androgynous appeal I have as well. Then the magic begins. The photo editing and combining two separate images into one. The whole process must have taken me hours. But I did it. Voila! The masterpiece!

"So we meet again old Friend." All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

“So we meet again old Friend.” All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

So yeah, that kinda displays some of what I have been up to. On to a gratitude list. I’ll start off with I’m grateful for all this spare time I had to create whatever my lil heart desires.

Now for a 2014 review…

I am grateful for…

…. my children and their love.

.. Well I think it’s obvious, is for those friendships that have come and gone. It’s been an awakening, and made me more grateful for those that do stick with me throughout my journey despite whatever I think or say. Offensive or not. I’m also grateful that they don’t try to take advantage of my time, or hold me responsible for someone I am not even responsible for.

… soup, and potatoes. some of muh fave foods.

… Merrymount. At the beginning of the year my visits changed from 2 hours to 7 hours. Then they changed to weekends. Every third Friday is a 4 hour visit and exchanges are elsewhere. My ex and I did try to do exchanges on our own for a while, that didn’t work out because of trust and communication issues. So thank Merrymount for taking us back on, and keeping everyone safe.

… the time and experience I had volunteering at The Arts Project, and the Ark Aid Street Mission. The Arts Project surrounds me with the art community, and environment, I love it. As for The Ark, oh wow. Have I ever grown and changed a lot since I first attended that place. My perspectives have changed, especially towards those experiencing poverty and homelessness. I find myself defending the homeless to this day against judgement and labels. They too are people.

… running into people I have volunteered with, and they recognize me, and stop to say hi. That’s cool.

… my neighbors and the numerous times they’ve helped me out. Either shoveling my path, or helping me out with sugar or smokes. Even mowing my front lawn a couple times.

… all the art shows I got to be a part of. Most of those experiences wouldn’t be if it weren’t for Jeremy Jeresky. He’s like a manager that way to the New School of colour artists.  I guess he practically had to beg to get my painting into Up with Art 2014. Glad he did though, and it got in, because my art actually sold this year and it helped raise money for The Unity Project! Yaaaay!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

…for all the people who have bought my art throughout the year. Including my “Brainwasher” oil painting. A painting that took me forever to complete.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

… silly moments where I can laugh at myself.

… that I am true and as honest I am. That I am as expressive as I am, even if some people get disturbed by it. I keep it real.

… Food Not Bombs. I enjoyed their vegan meals a few times this year. Including Christmas Eve, and before the Santa Clause Parade

… being adventurous and spontaneous. Halloween, what a freakin night! Haha! Having a blast with complete strangers.

… Completing the Intro to Sociology Summer Intermission coarse at UWO. Even with the anxiety. Kudo’s! Bravo! Bravo! At least I got away with one credit before I got the boot due to “mental health.” Nyeh nyeh! 😛

… writing a book! Which I had always dreamed of doing. A collection of my art, artist statements, poetry, blog posts, etc…all rolled into one. I might do a continuation on that.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

… water balloon fights with my children, and the other messy things we do. Get into food colouring…paint… walks through mud…Haha! They really bring out my inner-child. They bring out the best in me.

… all the summer festivals in London. Seriously, part of the reason why I love summer so much is because of the festivals and activities.

… the rain, and the numerous times I got rained on like a lil’ flower. Haha!

…the continuous learning. Even though I am no longer in school, I educate myself. And as I said before, there are places forming here in London, Free Schools, for the anti- capitalists, activists, anarchists, peace keepers, etc.

…being strong enough to dust myself off after that recent online Idle No More incident. I was feeling rather depressed, and losing faith in humanity. But like a long distant friend had said to me; “The world needs you.” Thank her for that. I’m not sure what for, but I do have a purpose here. My life is my message.

…My Leads worker. The workers I’ve had at Leads have all been amazing.

… my OW worker. Even though we got off to a rough start, I think we have gotten to a point where there’s respect. I think we understand better where we’re both coming from.

… my inspirations. H.R Giger, Salvador Dali, and a huge inspiration this year; Marilyn Manson

…being in touch with my biological family on FB. Apparently they are just as silly as me. It must run in the fam. Haha!

… the conservation areas in London. Sometimes it’s a nice getaway from the concrete jungle.

… for the days I do wake up early, and for those nights I do stay up late. It varies. I’m grateful for both.

… my numerous skills and talents. I’m not entirely sure how to incorporate them into society. But when it comes to creating for my own personal fun, I can do some amazing shit.

I’ll leave it as that for now when it comes to my gratitude list for 2014. I could keep going, but this blog post would clearly just go on and on. By doing that, I can see I had a pretty good year. Even if it did have some rough patches. I will make my 2015 awesome, wherever it takes me.

I don’t really have plans for New Years. I was supposed to be sitting here typing, but nope. I woke up early today and got an early start on this. I might go to a documentary film screening today around 5pm. That would give me something to do. But as for New Year celebrations…I don’t normally do anything.

My New Years Resolution…should be a goal that won’t lead to disappointment. Hm…To continue to become more Pooks, and what I think she is. Create more, write more, paint more, fight more for my beliefs and values, learn and grow more. That I believe I can do. So on that note, kiss 2014 good bye, and bring on 2015! I’m ready. – Pooks

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Saved this photo for the very end. The grand finale! Haha! All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

“With rebellion, awareness is born.” – Albert Camus