Observations of an Idealist

Okie dokie. Blog day!

I think I’ll start off with some thoughts here and there that I have been thinking about. One recent, one I jotted down on paper. Then I’ll review and reflect on my week. Here it goes…

So I went to The Ark for dinner ( I’m saving the food I have at home for my kids), and Sanctuary was volunteering. I don’t know who was the volunteer wearing the dark grey sweater, red shirt, and red ball cap, but he was just being a dink. An elderly man that usually comes down to the New School of Colour to socialize asked for shrimp, and not the pasta. They were mixed together in a pasta salad. Anyway, this guy was like, “Really?” Then he was trying to tell the other volunteer to not to serve him. Or only give him 2 shrimps. Really?!! You’re gonna deny a guy in need of food?! And did you ever think that maybe there is a reason some of the people specifically ask for one thing and not the other? Some people do that if they have allergies!! No need to be stingy . There’s not many people there at this time of month, so there is plenty to go around!! Yeah, I wasn’t impressed with that guy. Luckily for this respected regular, I gave him the shrimp I got because I don’t normally eat shrimp. Not a fan of the texture. Newho, he appreciated that and chowed down.

Moving on…to the things I wrote down on paper… let me find my notes. Yes. I actually wrote some notes this time! Haha!

I was thinking how some online activists say they don’t, or won’t, post meaningless, worthless posts like “you” do. They normally say that when someone has a different perspective aside from their own. There is a flaw in that. I mean they are trying to reach the people, but abuse and belittle the people instead. So what they are trying to achieve is compromised by behaving just like the people they are fighting against, the capitalists.

I mean, FB posts, tweets, whichever social media you use, those are your thoughts or things you relate to that you share. So they do have sentimental value. Your thoughts matter, and anyone  that says they don’t are wrong and pig-headed. Shame on these activists for being so bias, for thinking they are better, smarter and superior than others based on what they post via social media.

Besides, majority of these online activists don’t really share their thoughts or interpretations, they just share articles. Thus, being an echo of someone else’s thoughts that is not their own.

Not to mention, if they were so “intelligent”, than they would at least notice their own behavior as abusive and non-effective. But they just keep repeating the same bullshit whenever someone disagrees with their opinion.

They act like the religious organizations, and other social institutions, as they try to force their thoughts to become your thoughts. There is no respect or acceptance for anyone that may question or think differently.

That is a huge problem in this world, and they aren’t making it any better.

Perhaps these activists need to take a different approach regarding communication if they really want to make a difference. Is behaving like your enemy going to get you the results you desire? No. Just the continuation of this vicious violent abusive cycle. Not very peaceful, is it?

Hence why I backed out of activism, especially around here. There must be a better way to reach others without force and abuse.

I can only hope the things I do in my life-time inspire others to do some kind of positive action.

Language, verbal, and written communication does have it’s barriers. We don’t all speak the same native tongue. And online or text communication often leads to a lot of misunderstandings. But as an artist, I know one form of communication that is universal, and that is through imagery. Which is probably why I’d rather put more focus into my art, than be another ranting online activist trying to shove my opinion down your throats.

Yeah, I once admired their efforts, and their cause, but after so many abusive interactions, I’ve had enough. That is not progress. Besides, The best thing for me, or anyone really,  is to take myself out of abusive situations. Until they see that for themselves, and try something different, than no progress will be made.

Besides, I like to post whatever the fuck I want via. social media. Not just bad news. I like to think of myself as silly, fun, and spontaneous like a Jester. I can make people laugh, smile, lift spirits, and inspire. I feel like I lose that part of me focusing only on the negatives in this world. There are positive things too, you just need to seek them out.

Yes, the Capitalists are sick, twisted, greedy scum. But I won’t allow their bullshit to turn me into a bitter person. I know I am stronger than that.

Now onto my review of my week… the personal life of Pooks.

I should probably start off with last Friday, when I had a 4 hour visit with my children outdoors. It was a cold day, but I think we did our best to make the best of it. We tried go park hopping, but that didn’t quite work out. I didn’t have the proper footwear to be out on a field of wet grass. Cold wet feet, not good. So instead, we went into the conservation area. It was less cold in there since the trees kind of sheltered us from the wind. The paths were mostly ice, so I didn’t have to worry about getting a soaker. We had fun, chasing each-other down the trails.

Saturday, that was soup and sandwich night at The Ark. I went there the friend I’ve reunited with. Somewhere within the week, we went a couple walks downtown. We even went for this long hike for Vanilla Coke, but got mocha’s instead. I’ve missed her over the years, and it’s good to have her back in my life. It’s good to have my walking buddy back, and we just go on random adventures. It’s always fun.

On Tuesday, during a Leads appointment, we were figuring out what kind of learner I am. Which I think I am both a hands on, and visual learner. I also did a personality test, and once again my result was… the Idealist. INFP- Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling Perceiving. Not surprised. That’s result I get for every personality test I do. I believe that’s the same result I got 2-3 years ago. Still the same! If your interested on reading the portrait of an INFP, the link is provided below ( It makes me laugh because I do in fact relate to the result) :

https://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html

In the possible career selection for an INFP, it listed the following jobs; Writers, Counselors/Social Workers, Teachers/ Professors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Musicians, Clergy/Religious Workers. It makes sense with the writer thing. Heck, I’m blogging right now. Umm.. my worker suggested maybe to try teaching, but yeah, I said I don’t feel courageous or confident enough for that yet. I’m not very good at explaining things vocally, let alone to a crowd. Large crowds usually give me anxiety. I don’t think I can do the psychologist, or psychiatric thing, I would be absorbing too much negativity. And yeah, that’s never pretty. Haha! A social worker? maybe, that depends. For what cause? Hahaha! So yeah, some possibilities to ponder.

After my Leads appointment, a friend took me out for lunch to Crabby Joe’s. That was a nice way to spend the afternoon. Thanks to my friend that took me out that day!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm… Lately at the New School of Colour, I haven’t really been working on my painting, but more so learning from others. This week an artist came in and showed me how to do this really neat effect with ink, and a glossy coating for texture. The result was amazing!

Art by Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Art by Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

That is not the only thing I’ve been learning this week. But another artist from the New School of Colour is actually walking me through step by step on how to measure and cut the matte boards for framing instead of doing it for me. I get to learn how to do it myself…kinda. I kinda messed up the first time, but hey, that’s how we learn, trial and error. Haha! I’m starting to get that it isn’t really that technical, mostly fractions. I’m not that great at math, but hey, it’s good practice.

Afterwards I hung out at a friends apartment, along with another friend. We talked about art, and had a lot of laughs. It was a very inspiring night.

Today I was running errands in the rain, and I got myself new shoes. I had to get my shopping done before all the grocery stores close for the Easter holidays. So yes, I am prepared for this coming weekend when my kids spend a night over. I am looking forward to another awesome weekend!

Newho, this blog post is very very long. Apparently I had a lot to share. I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! – Pooks

“Living in a way that reflects one’s values is not just about what you do, it is also about how you do things.” – Deborah Day

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Lifted Spirit

Alrighty. Blog day!! 🙂

If you follow me on other social networks, you may have noticed that I am very chipper, “uppity”, today. I don’t even know why. I’m just filled with this unexplainable happiness. I’m optimistic. And the more I see how active activists are, especially today, it just adds to my joy. My hope.

Yes the issues taking place around the world aren’t exactly things to be happy about, but it’s the action, and the voices, and writing of the people that lift my spirits. It just feels like it’s going full force today, and I want to commend that. So to the people, the “activists” that are fighting for change, I love you, and I love what you are doing.

Idle No More, fighting for the environment for all people. Battling against oil, fracking, Capitalism, human rights for the Aniishanabe people… fighting for our following generations so that their land and water isn’t poisoned more than it already is.

Ferguson, for battling against racism and police brutality. As well as the people that held vigils, protests and rallies for Michael, Trayvon, and similar incidents. We are all one. The fact that people of colour are targets, think of Palestine, the Middle East countries that are often targeted, think of the Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, think of Furguson, Trayvon, and many coloured lives taken by our authority figures without hesitation, such as Dudley George. Think of genocide, targets are the people of colour. Modern society is a white supremacist organization. It’s time to let go of old customs, past beliefs, and live in harmony as one. Ideally one of Canada’s supposed values is diversity. It’s time to live up to it, and accept and love each-other, rather than finding petty reasons to divide ourselves from one another. So thanks to those that are fighting for that change, and that justice. Colour is not a crime. We are all beautiful, and all deserve to be treated with respect.

Occupy and Anonymous, for fighting the battle of the “classes.” Against the 1%, the bourgeoisie, or Capitalists. Fighting against Wall Street, and Federal Reserve Banks.  No one is more privileged than the other.  The monetary fascist system is bullshit. Fuck money, fuck oil. We have the resources, we are capable of creating a world that doesn’t rely on such things that are so destructive to ourselves and our environment. I think we are a smart enough species to evolve past the “rules and regulations” of the 1%. Why we still follow their lead, I have no idea. It’s time to defy, and change.

I am happy to see the International Indigenous Unity Flag at more and more public events. I support the artist that created the flag, Michael Sher, and the whole purpose of it is to encourage unity.  I actually own an International Indigenous Unity Flag, and it hangs in my window. The only difference, I got the artist to sign mine. So yes, I am very proud to have it, and I love what it stands for. The medicine wheel is such a powerful symbol and it holds so much meaning within it. But the most apparent is that we are all one.

I am happy to see more unity when it comes to  the grass-root movements. I am starting to see Occupy, Idle No More, and Anonymous emerge into one, and that is amazing. More and more people are starting to see that whatever issue of oppression we are opposing are all connected. We are stronger together. So I hope this momentum keeps up. We need each-other if we want our visions to become a reality.

I read in the news today about guerrilla tree planters randomly planting more trees in public places. Kudo’s to you! I love trees! We need more. I am happy to see that there are people that recognize the importance of trees. Not only can they supply food, but they also provide our oxygen. We tend to take them for granted.

Also when I see more people attempting to follow Food Not Bombs lead, especially after that incident in Florida  with the Elderly man who fed the poor healthy vegan food and got arrested for it for a number of occasions.  Thank his persistence. I admire that. I hope to see more people as empathetic and compassionate as he is when it comes to the homeless and those in need. Kudo’s to that man, and Food Not Bombs, and the students at Western University who held a Food Not Bombs outside of the UCC to feed their fellow students who are struggling in debt. I see feeding the hungry as noble, not a crime. Food is a right, not a privilege.

Not only that, but there is something that takes place when a meal is public, there is a stronger sense of community. It is more enjoyable to share food and interact with others, than it is being cooped up by yourselves, don’t you think? There’s that sense of unity again. I don’t think that is something that should be condemned, but encouraged. So yeah, fuck the police! Haha!

Newho, I just wanted to thank you all, commend you, and express my immense gratitude. You have the power, you are the change. Believe it! Keep it up. You are all making a difference. – Pooks

“Without deviation, progress is not possible.”

– Frank Zappa

Stirring the Emotional Riot

After an hour of just sitting here contemplating what to write, staring at this blank space…it’s time to write.

I feel like I’ve been trying to avoid what is on my mind. Maybe it will just be better if I get it out.

Next Tuesday there will be a Rally and March in Solidarity with Mike Brown, Ferguson, and all the victims of police violence.  I will be attending, because quite honestly, I think the police don’t hesitate to kill a coloured person in this racist world. It happens way too often. I am reminded of Dudley George, whom was also killed by a police officer.

Colour is not a crime, for some reason we are the targets. Gaza, Palestine, Israel, all colour. Whose supplying the weapons? U.S? U.K? Obviously a wealthy old white man. If you think about Pipeline number 9, where it begins and ends, are aboriginal communities that experience the side effects. I know when I say side effects, it doesn’t sound like much, but literally these communities lives are put at risk. Besides the pipeline, Aamjiwnaang First Nations are exposed to the pollutants in “Chemical Valley”. Many community members there have died from cancer. Apparently, people of colour are on top of the list of extermination.

My ex told me to look of Georgia’s Stone, and what I found was frightful. Carved in stone are the following words; “Maintain humanity under 500,000,000.” That’s just one of the “commandments” written by man. Limiting the population of the earth to 500 million will require the EXTERMINATION of nine-tenths of the world’s people. That means, only 10% whom they choose, will be worthy of living.

Well no wonder your Government is trying to poison you with GMO’s, and fuck up your natural resources, they are literally trying to kill you.

As for the police, they supposedly serve and protect. Serve and protect who? Definitely not the people. I mean, they’ll show up at peaceful rallies and make arrests no problem. Yet, our Government is full of criminals, and not a single arrest is made. Instead of fighting for peace, they fight against it. The only thing they serve and protect are the interests of the Capitalists.

I think what these police officers fail to see is that without their uniform, they too are just one of the people. Not the 1%, but part of the 99%.

I fear for all people of colour, as well for anyone within the working-class or lower.  I fear for my children that are being brought up into all this. My son has already experienced some discrimination in the education system, and he’s not even 10 years old yet.

Racism seems to be an ancient form of hate we keep passing on. Partly why I turned away from religion. After doing some research and realizing it teaches people to hate each-other, and doesn’t allow people to think for themselves.

I don’t believe in a heaven, and I don’t believe in a hell. I believe those are nothing but fiction, made to induce fear so the elites can control you. The only heaven and hell there is, is what we make it here on earth. And unfortunately, too many people would rather make it a living hell. Especially the people in power. They are the ones promising you eternal life if you slave your asses off for them, so they can continue to live in luxury. Not only that, but the bible gives off the impression that if you make money, you are worthy to go to heaven. If that doesn’t make you think, or question it all, then what the fuck? Like seriously, they try to convince you, or already have for majority of the religious population, that everything will be better when you are dead. You are expected to waste your life, serving them like a machine for their sake. Meanwhile, maybe your purpose here is far greater than that.

I believe each life is valuable. Unlike capitalists that value money over life. I believe every single person was given their own unique gift to contribute to the land, and to each-other. Not for the capitalists selfish needs.

The way things are going saddens and concerns me. In a way I wish the people would just go on a Global Riot. Show your pain, show them your hurting. Tear their system down. I don’t mean to go hurting each-other, these are times when we need each-other the most.  Our differences and false illusions that separate us from each-other need to be put aside. Your blood is as red as mine. Sometimes, in order to change things, you need to deviate. It won’t happen if you’re too scared. Make as much noise as you can, because your life matters, you are valuable, and the generations that follow, their lives matter too. – Pooks

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Release the Closed Door

Blog day! And there are a few things that are on my mind, completed unrelated to each-other. So I guess the question is, where to begin.

Things are going good with the visits with my kids, but as I’ve mentioned before there are some annoying things I have to put up with when it comes to my ex. Such as he thinks he knows me so well, or his idea of me, yeah that gets really annoying. He clearly doesn’t know me at all. Obviously. I mean, he was trying to tell me that I was all devastated when I turned 30 years old.  That I was all miserable about aging and that I was trashed on my 30th birthday. First off, he wasn’t there, so who the fuck is he to say what happened, he doesn’t have the slightest clue. Secondly, whoopidee shit. I’m in my 30’s.  Thanks to my Mama, Elizabeth King, for good genes, no one believes I’m 31 half the time anyways. Haha! I’m always getting I.D’ed at convenient stores. I guess the way I dress doesn’t help. I like to play with both “genders roles” when it comes to how I dress. Half female, half male… I’m pretty sure I’ve made my fascination with androgyny apparent. Thank you Diana Thorneycroft! Ever since I saw her photography back in high-school, I have seen androgyny as an art. I see nothing but beauty within in it.

Anyway, yeah, I’m pretty sure I blogged what happened on my 30th birthday here on WordPress. I was invited for dinner with 2 very sweet Christian friends of mine, whom eventually moved out to Saskatchewan. They made me a steak dinner, baked an awesome cake, we played around on the acoustic guitar, and yeah, we had some Crown Royal and Coke, but didn’t get plastered as my ex likes to assume. He doesn’t know, and has never met these fabulous friends of mine, so he has no right to say shit about their character. Let alone mine, considering our contact got cut off around that time. Thank god, because I was getting verbally abused through text messages by my ex. So it was a good thing I lost my cell, and all contact was cut off for a period of time. I has given time to actually heal so to speak.

Normally, I don’t drink. My thing is normally coffee. If I’m an addict of anything, it is caffeine. But lately, I’ve had a couple nights out with a friend that is visiting for the summer, a former co- facilitator of the New School of Colour. Matter of fact, she will be opening up and facilitating on Wednesdays starting next week, just for the month of August. Anywho, no I didn’t get plastered, my limit is 3 beers. Not what my ex called ” a beer” either. He used to call one of those large bottles “a beer”, which is like 3 in one. Whatever. I had a nice happy buzz at the St. Regis Tavern. On our second night there, after meeting up for coffee at Fire Roasted Coffee Company and creating some art ( I experimented and surprised myself drawing with the opposite hand), I got to watch her perform with her ukelele. Even the New School of Colour’s/ Old East Village media dude came out. That was cool. Lots of fun. There was lots of talent there during Open Mic Night.

I mean, my ex acts like I’m this social drunk person. But no, I’m an introverted hermit. I’m indoors, in my home majority of the time. I think the world is overwhelming and chaotic, and to avoid any anxiety, I normally stay in. Unless, I’m invited out by familiar people I know. I guess I’m like a vampire that way. You have to invite me first. Unless you are Julie or Ducky, whom, I visit spontaneously without notice. Haha!

Anyway, enough about that. I could explain myself 1000’s times, but my ex will just continue to think what he thinks. He has convinced himself that I am someone I am not. That’s his problem. It’s all in your head nut bar!

Newho, enough about him and his nonsense. It’s out of my system, let’s carry on!

My friend visiting from Montreal has asked a rather interesting question, what is it about creating art with other people? I guess she wants to pin point on that energy that takes place within the New School of Colour, and places like it. I do admit, creating art on my own, say at home, is a lot different than it is surrounded by other artists. But than again, at home alone, motivation can be a struggle. Even inspiration mind you. I mean, I was going to paint on the lid of a tin cookie container. I painted it black, and that was it. I hit a dead end. Haha! Although at the New School of Colour, idea’s tend to flow more easy. That might be because I am surrounded by art, and inspired by it. Not only that, but when you’re alone, idea’s can become stagnant. What I mean by stagnant is, you produce what you know, rather than actually pushing yourself to create something more challenging. In an environment where there is constant creating, there is that opportunity to learn from others around you, and grow. Hence, why I once defined the New School of Colour as a garden within an artist statement of mine, and why I keep returning.  I’ve been going since 2011, and the artists there just keep improving at their own pace. It truly is magical to see. As for motivation, we all become fans of each-others work, there is a lot of encouragement and praise that takes place within it. Each artist plays a role of inspiration. Even if you don’t think you’re that experienced, you could be inspiring to another artist within that studio. It doesn’t have to be the art. It could be the stages, the progress, the amount of effort put into your work, the passion. There is no doubt, that it is a positive environment, and I probably just touched base on the tip of it’s nose. There is a lot more to it, that energy that takes place, to define. I think to have an art therapist explore more on that, would be interesting to see. The information they gather from it all. I am just one perspective, one artist. There is a lot more perspectives to see through in our underground art studio. It’s quite amusing that our studio is underground, it’s like our secret little hide out. We go in and gather in our basement studio down under, and we come out splashing the community with art!

Besides all that, this month is almost over, and I will soon be back on Ontario Works, because the Dean of Art and Humanities at the University thinks I need to focus on my mental health, and what not. “I am happy to see that you are now seeking support, but I do believe that you to resolve the issues that have plagued you before you return to school rather than during your time at school. For this reason, and the fact that little was done to address your difficulties at the time they arose,  I have to deny your petition..” Haha! “Resolve”. That’s cute. Dude! I’ve been passed on from councilor to councilor ever since I was 6 years old. Now, if those “professionals” couldn’t help me “resolve” whatever is supposedly wrong with me, it’s likely it’s not going to be resolved. It’s permanent. It’s just finding what will help me cope through my waves of anxiety and depression without being doped up on prescribed drugs. I refuse to go there.

The whole, I am NOW seeking support. Sure I may not be consistent. But don’t tell me I’m not seeking support, I have. For years mind you, it’s not just a recent thing. Not to mention, when you get that freakin depressed, to the point your shutting the world out, it’s not an easy thing to suddenly snap out of. But then again, this guy clearly doesn’t understand anything regarding mental health issues.

Not to mention, that the way the economy is headed, and the global issues of today. There’s going to be more people experiencing anxiety and depression. It is becoming a norm, because technically, we are all in danger. Our own leaders and governments are putting us in that position, poisoning our food with chemicals, destroying our natural resources with oil and fracking. Our own disgusting prime minister approving genocide in another country. It doesn’t matter what race, or religion they are, it’s humans killing humans. Not only that, but humans exterminating defenseless humans, children. That is horrific. And if that has no affect on you as a human being, than what the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, you’d think people would have evolved from past events of genocide, the outcome, the consequences. Have you people not learned fuck all from what happened to your Canadian Indigenous people? You’re just going to create more people like me that cannot conform into your system, but will be accepted by fellow outcasts, rebels and freaks. You’ll just create a growing enemy.

But no, by all means. Stigmatize me. Act like there’s a cure. There isn’t. Leaders are the problem.

“the extracurricular activities you undertook don’t appear excessive”

For someone with anxiety, yeah it was. I was on the board of directors, I was a volunteer at  The Arts Project, my schedule with my children’s visits changed to weekends, I dropped some of those things so that I could focus more on my studies. But I guess I’m suppose to  drive myself like a slave until I’m to drained to properly look after my kids, or want to continue to create art. Right? I didn’t let go of the New School of Colour, sorry, that keeps me sane so to speak. It is my voice in a way. But I don’t expect a person so conditioned into the system to understand that. A sheep is driven by money, convinced they NEED money to live. Fuck the money, that’s not what you need to live. You need your natural resources, DUH!! But not only that, you need each-other! Stop killing off your fellow humans for petty fuckin reasons. It’s stupid. Money makes people stupid. Ughhh! It’s sickening. Yeah, I’d rather call myself an alien.

I got off track there. But yeah, what may be too much for one person, may not be too much for the next. But I guess this Dean cannot comprehend that.

The Dean was my art history teacher, the pop culture and media half of the course during Fall/Winter 2013. And as I explained before, he didn’t teach as well as the women do at the university. Just because you move your hands it doesn’t mean you’ll keep the class engaged. Not to mention, in the first class he said “Capitalists decide what art is.” And yeah, I was repulsed and I highly disagree with that sentence. The artist will not only tell you what art is, but they will show you. Too much credit is given to the Capitalists. Fuck them!

Anyway, that e-mail didn’t say anything about when I could register again. Hopefully in 2015. At least I was able to improve my mark in Sociology. In the mean time, back onto Ontario Works. I’ll continue to see my psychologist at the University. Speaking of which, I will have to re-book. I missed the last appointment because that e-mail got me rather distraught. Emotionally, I needed the time to cope with that disappointment. Thank my friend for inviting me  out, it’s shown me, that positive experiences can still be had even after receiving bad news. It’s not the end of the world, and I can still make the best out of life.

Onto OW, and job searching I guess. Back to square one. Some volunteering, maybe get some kind of art related part-time job I could tolerate. I’m not going to be able to support having my kids on weekends with just OW alone. So time to start thinking of places I could possibly apply to. I admit, I have lacked effort in job searching before. I like to live spontaneously, so a job restricts that to the bore of repetition. Partly why I despise dishes so much. It’s not like I can’t do it, I just don’t look forward to it. There is no creativity in repetition. My mind likes to wonder, explore, and try new things. Restrains, I don’t like restrains period. But you know what they say, one door closes, another opens. I just need to find it. – Pooks

“The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules but by people following the rules. It’s people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages.”

– Bansky

 

 

 

 

 

Possessed by Creativity

Besides school, and getting absolutely frustrated with this wire sculpture I’ve been working on for my Visual Arts class, I think things are good. Had to scrap my first idea with my wire sculpture, so I’ll be needing more of that really thick wire, which is difficult to bend, and somehow incorporate it into what I have so far. Yeah, my first idea , I have no idea what I was thinking. The thing needs to be able to stand on it’s base. And yeah, my first idea was kinda flimsy. The assignment is to create a self portrait out of wire. I had a slow start, not entirely sure what I was going to do. But after some brainstorming, I dove in and got started. Finally, my imagination kicked in, and I got more idea’s as I went along.

But yeah, besides that… I’ve been told that the New School of Colour is starting to get work prepared for Up With Art 2014. So hopefully I can get something completed for that, and yeah, Pooks can return to Up with Art. The last time I participated in that event was back in 2012, and even though my art did not sell, it did turn some heads. Haha!

I think my art getting a reaction is more satisfying than being sold anyways. I don’t do it for money. I create art simply because I love it. That, and it helps me pass any negativity within me that I’ve been holding, or that’s been passed on, and out onto a canvas turning it into something else entirely. It turns all that negativity into a positive through creating. It’s like my body becomes a portal of energy, and I transfer it into the art. I used to think negativity or anger were my muse, but there have been times where I’m not filled with those things, and I’m like; “Now what do I do?” What I ended up doing was focusing on other feelings. When I think about my kids, or what makes me happy it changes my art, which I found interesting. So I’ve experimented a bit with that, love, anger, and what it does to my art.

Although, I think the painting I was working on last Monday, it started off as a nice scenery, but then in the river bend I was painting came out a creepy hand in the water of this painting. So I think my subconscious took over, and that the music I was listening to had influenced that. I wasn’t planning for it to be there, it kind of created itself. Almost like I was possessed or something. Haha! Sounds crazy, but I don’t know how else to describe it. For a bit there, I was starting to think; “Everything I touch turns out creepy”. But that’s not true, I think back to other art pieces I’ve created, and that proves otherwise. I have created some nicer things that aren’t so dark.

Anyway, I will attempt to get something done for Up with Art, I will try to work on a bigger canvas. My only concern is my pace, wither or not I’ll get it done on time.

In other parts of my life, such as my children, I finally have an intake appointment booked, so my visits will soon go from Tuesdays for 2 hours, to Saturdays for 7 hours. I’m really excited about that.

Tomorrow I will be volunteering, helping serve dinner at the Ark Aid Street Mission, along with other New School of Colour artists. I haven’t really grabbed any hours lately for The Arts Project. Hours are e-mailed to floaters around the beginning of the month, and floaters kind of gotta respond fast to grab their hours. It’s kinda like a silent auction I find. It’s kinda funny. Not only are do we dress like ninjas, all in black attire, but we gotta be quick like ninjas as well. Anyways, I haven’t volunteered at The Arts Project lately because I wanted to wait until I knew more of what my schedule will be like when it comes to my children. Now that I kinda know, I know that my Tuesdays, and Fridays are open. At least until March 21st. Which by then, my schedule changes, and Fridays won’t be available. So maybe next month I sign myself up to be a floater for events, we’ll see.

My Sociology class had me thinking, especially on the topic of education, and how the Professor said that the University was like a “gate keeper”. Gate keeper to what? Employment? I’m sorry if I seem kind of skeptical about that. But with today’s economy, there are no jobs. Especially in London. Employers only hire people within their circle of friends. So if your a hermit like me, your shit out of luck. Better off chasing a crazy dream, then hoping your one of the lucky few that get picked from the herd for employment that you know deep down you’re not meant to do. I’m quite happy volunteering, or writing, which I don’t even get paid for. Or creating art, which I seldom do get paid for. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there is something to gain from an education. It’s not to blend into the system, but to learn knowledge that could come handy in other aspects. I wanted to learn about the world around me, and that’s exactly what I’m getting.

They also mentioned that education was basically for “social control”. So not only do we have churches, the government, the media, and whoever the fuck else telling you how to think. I’ve come to realize that it is all to conform. Why do we need to conform? So that we don’t use our creativity and imaginations and come up with crazy idea’s that may change things? So that we follow the flock and go to school, get a job, and make money for the Capitalists? So that we are convinced that mistakes are sins and feel guilty and ashamed of our mistakes, rather than learning from our mistakes and evolving? So that we remain idle and stagnant? We’re supposed to be okay with this? You’d have to be pretty damn ignorant to be okay with that.

Not only is the song “Smash the Control Machine” by Otep ringing though my head. But I am feeling rather grateful that the Idle No More, and Occupy movements exist.

Plus, browsing through the news lately, it’s kind of exciting to see Neil Young has woken up to what’s going on, and he is now on board. I think it’s pretty damn cool that he is having an “Honour the Treaties” tour. I respect him for that.

So yeah, Sociology has definitely got me thinking about some things. Thank you UWO. – Pooks

“They say we must submit and be one with the machine because the Kingdom of Fear needs compliance to succeed.“- Otep Shamaya

Stupid Frackin Greedy Bitches!

Fellow activists really need to stop this attitude, or mindset, that one is smarter than the other. It’s that way of thinking “I’m right, you’re wrong.” What ends up happening is that we end up bullying each-other. Trying to make someone feel stupid doesn’t help what we are trying to accomplish. In fact, it does the opposite. Rather than creating unity, it creates more fear, and deteriorates us apart from each-other.

I’ve noticed it more online, than in person. Matter of fact, I’m guilty of it. But, after much thought, I realize that is not how to go about the situation. Yes, we do encounter some ignorant people, that aren’t aware of the bigger picture. It can be challenging to explain without frustration. More challenging if the person you are trying to educate takes offense to the facts that are being said. Such as “We are all slaves.” People take offense to the word “slave”, and it should. You should be angry about it. But not take it as an attack from me or any other activist. We didn’t put you in that position, this stupid system that has been created to keep the wealthy spoiled rotten, put you in that position. I’m a “slave” too. Not by choice. I’d rather be painting, or writing. Doing what I am really passionate about.

All the people that work 9-5pm, wither they enjoy their jobs or not are slaves. Every dollar they make, they will spend, and who does it inevitably go back to? The Capitalists, Our Governments, Politicians, The Royal Family, The Pope and all those religious hierarchy,  The President, The Federal Banks, the bourgeoisie, etc, etc. The rich folk that don’t gotta do jack shit.  So while they spend your hard earned money in luxury, pampering themselves while millions of people suffer. People either struggle to make ends meet, or they are poor and starving. Not exactly fair. It’s a dumb little game, that needs to change. But this system is so ingrained in our heads, that change is feared. We are so well trained into it, we think we need money to survive. We need money so that we could eat. Say that again, we need money so that we could eat. Do we really? I bet gardeners, and farmers could live without it quite happily. What did we ever do before money ever existed?! Hmmm… Something to ponder. Before money came along, people used to trade, they used a bartering system. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that supposedly bartering has been made illegal, because the Government cannot tax it. Waaah! There’s no money for the Capitalists to gain if we bartered. Greedy bitches!

These Capitalists have become so addicted to greed, they don’t even value life anymore. Matter of fact, they will put everyone in danger, just so they can make more money. Ahem, profits they make off oil and fracking.

Look at the wars going on today. Have you not thought on why Iraq is being attacked? Because the U.S want’s their oil, plain and simple. War is no longer about fighting for freedom. It’s about fighting for profit.

As for Syria, Why is the U.S Government sending drones to kill off their people in the first place? Syria counter attacks by attacking their own people, the minority of Christians in their Country. Which Christianity is huge in the western countries. But what is it that the U.S are after that Syria feels they need to threaten Christians to scare off these military attacks?  My guess, oil. Seems to be the only thing our Governments care about. Which is freakin stupid!

These people in power don’t even think of the consequences of their actions. You cannot clean an oil spill, or a frackin spill. We do not have the technology to fix that kind of damage. But no, the Government thinks covering the land up with mesh, rolling sheets of grass over it, solves the problem. “If you can’t see it, it’s no longer a problem” kind of attitude. Just sweep it under the rug, turn your head, and pretend it’s not there. But if you look up video’s on youtube about Enbridge in Michigan, it proves, just because it’s covered up, doesn’t mean that it’s not still there. There’s a lot of damage to the environment, obviously. The animals, and the people in the surrounding area’s lives are still at risk.

I think the only thing that can truly fix an oil, or fracking spill, is lava. Lava turns everything into stone eventually. And through time, plant life begins to flourish. It’s the only thing that can put all that oil back where it belongs, in the ground. But of coarse that is something we cannot harness. That is something only Mother Nature can do. Not to mention, there aren’t volcano’s all over the world. They’re in random locations. It’s not like we can route lava from one part of the world, to another.

Back to how freakin stupid our “Leaders” are. They don’t even consider the possible futures of their own kids, or grand kids. Sure, they may be wealthy. But the environment they will leave for them will be an unhealthy one. What the heck are they going to eat and drink if we poison all our natural resources?! Hmm.. they haven’t really thought of that obviously. They are too selfish to think outside themselves, and their wealth.

Of coarse I’m concerned. I do have kids, and as a mother it is my duty to provide a bright future for them. That includes their environment. I want them to be able to eat fresh fruit, and vegetables, without having to worry about ingesting oil or any other poisonous substance, such as benzene.  I want them to be able to enjoy nature, swim in the waters, go fishing, without having to worry about the effects it will have on their health.

If you listen to the reality of the lives of the people that live with the results of these oil corporations actions, our Governments choices, it’s like a real life horror story. People in Michigan have gotten cancer, those that lived nearby the oil spills, such as Kalamazoo River.  People in Aamjiwnaang have similar stories, people dying of cancer.

I went to a presentation about fracking, which was presented at the University, one of the speakers was an 18 years old girl from Aamjiwnaang, and she shared a story about what happened to a pregnant dog that drank water from the creek. When her pups were born, they were all deformed, mutated, and they died. She also expressed the amount of death in her community has become a norm. People no longer mourn, they’ve become numb. Kudos to Vanessa Gray. She’s so young and brave to share the harsh realities that has effected her community.

At this presentation, a woman from Texas pointed out that at the beginning and ends of these pipelines are Indigenous communities. What’s with that? Clearly there is still some discrimination that needs to change.

If you are not with Idle No More yet, I suggest you start. As well as Occupy. We fight the same battle, against the same people. The more people that unite together, the better chance we have at stopping all this. As well as a better chance at creating a possible future for the younger generations, and those to come. The Greedy have gone too far. Life, and all living things are not something to take for granted. It’s simple, we need our water, or we’ll die. Same applies to our tree’s, we tend to forget they provide our oxygen.

The current system has it so we are in that mind-set to take care of ourselves. Yet, we should be acting as a whole, a giant community taking care of each-other, and our environment.  – Pooks

“Sooner or later, we will have to realize that the Earth has rights too, to live without pollution. What mankind must know is that human beings cannot live without Mother Earth, but the planet can live without humans.” – Evo Morales

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Tangled in Perplexity

Long time no see.

I wasn’t sure if I was even going to blog at all tonight, or if I even have anything to say. I have just been stressed lately, and back to late sleepless nights.

I just don’t like feeling like things are up in the air, or not lined up for certain. I am about to get the boot off Ontario Works, since I am registered to go to university. Sure NNEC is going to pay for my tuition and books, and since I have not found a part-time job yet, I was asked to apply for OSAP to see if they will pay for my living expenses and what not. To be more specific; Rent, hydro, Reliance Water bills, Union Gas bills, and Basic Needs. Not to mention, I will need some form of transportation to get me to school and back. A bus pass would have been nice, but that isn’t offered to part-time students apparently.  Also, art supplies since I will be taking Visual Arts the first year.

Anyway, after realizing that OSAP hadn’t received the papers I mailed off a month ago, I had to do some photocopying, printing, and mailing, all over again. Hopefully this time they get it, and I get some kind of response. Because I am getting awfully sick and tired of not knowing.

I have been job searching, still no luck. It doesn’t help that I tend to chicken out when it comes to applying in person.

I have been really distracted lately, thinking about school. Kinda stressed that things are not lined up as they should be. I even missed an appointment at Leads. I didn’t even look in my planner like I usually do.

I can’t stand it when things are up in the air for so long, that uncertainty. It is starting to drive me nuts.

I don’t like that I am not even a student yet, and already I’m stressed over the thing I hate; money. I can’t help but begin to wonder if it’s even worth stressing over. Yeah, I want to go to school. I want to learn new things. But what the hell am I stressing over?!! Paper that has imaginary value.

That’s something I need to remind myself every now and then. I’m not about money. Heck! I even ditched supposed friendships, and relationships that come with a price tag. People that have that “You owe me” bullshit attitude. That’s no friendship, or relationship. That’s just using people. People got a messed up perception of what friendship and relationships are if they are based on money and material things.

I admire EVAC, Occupy, and the Indignants, for putting together events such as the Really Really Free Market, which kinda brings the bartering system back to the surface. Trading things you don’t need for things you do need, no money in it once so ever. I would like to see more of that.  Matter of fact, I would like to see money disappear from existence period. That would bring the “upper class” down to the peoples level. Bring us all to the same level. What could they say makes them so superior without their precious money?

Speaking of the Indignants, I’ve been following their story about the arrests on two of their members, Mike & Bailey. All over graffiti on a brick, supposedly. But that was just an excuse really, to steal their equipment. So that they can no longer share or spread awareness as they have been for awhile. They support Occupy, and Idle No More. They attend rallies, taking videos and pictures. If anything, they educate.

I have seen more disturbing graffiti than that little brick that says; “I’m not just another brick in the wall.” It is better than a swastika, which I have seen in the city.   If anything, that little brick is inspiring, it promotes individualism. But of coarse, the system is against that. We all have to be the same. We all have to think the same. We must be numb, dumb, and blind. Turn our heads , hide in our churches, while our government, and authorities get away with breaking their own laws, endangering the environment, and the people for profit.

I followed their story on their arrests because that could happen to any activist. Wither it be, Idle No More, Occupy, People vs Greed. It’s disturbing because the police asked 2 best-friends to no longer associate with each-other, to no longer use the internet, to stop protesting, to not own a computer or camera, etc. The two arrested disagreed to those requests. So clearly it’s not about a little brick. It is the system trying to put a stop to a group from educating others on political matters.

The police have been making a lot of ridiculous arrests, making up lame excuses why. But it is really just the system losing control, and trying to use brutal force to put a stop to us activists. So it is important that we are there for each-other, we treat each-other like family.

The police confiscated (stole) The Indignants equipment. In order for them to continue to do what they do, spreading awareness, educating people, and sharing the truth, they need your help. You can do so by making a donation at the following link so that The Indignants can replace the equipment that was taken from them.

http://theindignants.org/donate/

Also, If you can sign a petition To Save Big Falls, that would be great. Family up north, and others have been fighting real hard to stop a dam from being built on traditional lands. I have a lot of family history in that area.  I visited Trout Lake last summer, which is where Big Falls is located, it is gorgeous the way it is naturally. It would be a shame to have such beauty tampered with. Not to forget, those lakes and rivers are tourist attractions, it won’t be much if a dam is built and it disrupts the surrounding environment. If you can take a moment to sign the petition, that would be greatly appreciated.

http://www.change.org/en-CA/petitions/let-s-save-big-falls-petition

I admire my Aunt, Kaaren Dannenman for organizing Idle No More events up north. She too went on a hunger strike when Theresa Spence did.

I knew I could count on her for standing up and fighting for the land, for First Nation rights, etc. In a way, it was a relief. I’m not the only one that see’s why it is so important to fight back.

I just think of my children, and know they deserve more than what we are living in. The way things are. The way things are heading. They deserve better. As their mother, I know I have to fight for their future, and their well being.

Anyway, stressing and worrying about school isn’t going to do anything. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. It’s currently out of my control at the moment. I can’t make this application process with OSAP go any faster.

Worrying about the world around me, there isn’t much I can do besides express my concern by using two gifts I’ve been given;  writing and art.

My mind is all over the place lately. It’s hard for me to stay focused on anything.

Anyway, I’m off to bed. Some sleep will temporarily silent my mind. Sure, there’s the little picture, the tasks I am to do. Then there’s the bigger picture that effects everyone. I cannot pretend it’s not there, because it obviously is. Even though I’m not entirely sure what it is I am to do to change it. I can at least support those ahead of me that are already putting things into action with rallies and protests.

I seen a video online by Sun News mocking activists, calling The Indignants “Professional Protesters.” Saying that people that support these movements such as Idle No More, or people against Oil Pipe Lines don’t know what they are talking about. Keep in mind, Ezra is being paid to be a douche. He is being paid to give the opposing opinion to try to convince viewers that protesters are just a bunch of clueless criminals. Remember, the Government pays the media to show you what they want you to see. If you want the truth, you are better off getting it from the streets, from the people themselves. The people that live it, not the people that are paid to tell it. Money has a way of corrupting.

Aside from all that, I am going to make an attempt to relax this weekend, and not worry about everything.  For some messed up reason, I worry anyways. As I said before, off to bed. – Pooks

Re-Create It

I forgot to mention in my last post, that an art piece went missing from the New School of Colour. So I pretty much brought the rest of my art home, except for the unfinished piece that I have been working on.

Yeah, it was a bit upsetting at first. But then I figured that if my art is valued enough to steal, then maybe I should be raising my prices. It’s not even my best work. I know I can do better. There wasn’t much effort put into the piece that was taken. So it’s kind of like stealing a rough draft. I’m going to re-create it, and make it better. The mediums I originally used were pencil and chalk pastel on a matte board. Next time I want to paint it on a canvas.

It’s okay. This art piece I speak of is called “Ring Leader in Paris.” Even though it is missing, it’s already out there in the world. It’s been published in a Grit Uplifted Creative Writing and Arts magazine, Issue #3. I just hope that whoever owns it now, appreciates it. Even though, I know damn well it’s not my best, and I created it with half-ass effort. Trust me, it’s nice, but not my best. Especially after seeing what I can do after creating “Eve’s Forsaken”, and other recent art I’ve created.

Anyway, the facilitator of the program feels bad that he too couldn’t find it, so he said he was going to get me my own set of oil paints that I can take home. I seem to get more done at home anyway.

This past Monday, I was struggling with my painting. My hand kept resting on the canvas and smudging whatever it was I just painting. So I will have to go back and touch that up. Thus making this current art piece even longer to complete. It’s frustrating.  I swear I have been staring at this thing for over a year now. I’ve put it down a couple times, because got  I bored of it. I walked away from it for awhile,  because of other personal issues. That didn’t help. I was even absent from it for a good month last year from heading up north. I just want this painting done, and out of my face. Haha!

Anyway, the New School of Colour will be closed at the Ark Aid Street Mission for these next 2 Mondays, that includes today. The Ark is doing some renovations. So yeah, it seems like something always comes up to prevent me from completing this painting. If not myself, then other forces that be.

Not too much happened this week. I volunteered at the Arts Project for the Pride Festival. I just kind of stand there from start to finish, counting attendance, and greeting people.

Although I did cancel a counseling appointment to go to Niagara on the Lake for a Mass Rally to save Public Health Care.  Apparently another thing on the Governments chopping block.

It’s like the Capitalists are trying to kill off the poor discreetly. I’m sorry, I cannot let that happen. The first thought that comes to my mind are my kids. They are in their fathers care on financial assistance. Public heath care is vital for people living within poverty, or lower. Is this a part of the Capitalists  “Population Stabilization” plan? Making it so that only the wealthy have access to health care. As Occupy has said; The Rich get richer, the poor get poorer. But in this case, The rich get rich, and the poor die. Every life is valuable, and has something to offer. Don’t let a bunch of Capitalists kill you off just because their brains are so corrupted by greed that they no longer value life.

People don’t have to die, just because “Authorities” playing God saying who lives, who dies,  think we are over-populating. Their only concern is their money. Which is why I say take away what the greedy value so much, money and oil. There is no reason why we can’t move onto other energy resources, they obviously exist. Too much of anything can be harmful, it’s not like our options aren’t there.

Anyway, this past weekend I got to witness bartering within my community. People trading what they don’t need for things they do. It was awesome. It was called the Really Really Free Market, which took place at East Village Arts Collective.

I know East London has a bad reputation. But there is something beautiful about it. I actually see people coming together. I see a community. People gather and make positive things happen. It’s also comforting knowing that I am not just ranting crazy shit, other people share the same views within the community.

Sure there is a homeless crowd, drug addicts and alcoholics in the area, but also there are people like myself, fighting and rebelling against a system that’s been around too long, before we could even choose. A rebellion doesn’t  always have to be a rowdy riot. It could be gardening, bartering, creating. It could be growth.  – Pooks

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”- Andy Warhol

EOA

A Fool in a Crowd

So yesterday was Canada Day, and I did something different this year. I dressed up in my Halloween Costume from last year,  a Jester, and went out to protest with the National Stop Harper Campaign. It was an event called: Save Canada Day. The people there were very welcoming. I seen people from The Indignants, Occupy, even a couple artists I recognized from the New School of Colour, and East Village Arts Collective. There were coloured people there, but I was the only native (First Nation Aboriginal). It surprised me that I didn’t see more, such as people that support Idle No More. Still, the protesters were supportive. Even shouting things like “Support the First Nations!” It doesn’t matter what grassroots group you support, we want the same thing.  We want the “Harper Government” gone. I guess that’s what I like about “People vs Greed”, another movement working to unite the grassroots together.

Why dress as a jester? Why not? The Capitalists see anyone below their class as a joke. They do not listen to the people, or take them seriously. We are seen as “sheep” to manipulate, exploit, and control. Our lives get taken for granted, and used as pawns. For example: our soldiers that get sent off to battle their fights, our “leaders” are too cowardly to communicate with their own “opponents” apparently. If you haven’t noticed, war is not about fighting for freedom. It has become fighting for money. For profits. For oil. Material things that are not worth giving someones life over for.

Someone I follow on Twitter once said something like; No one ever says “Oh no! Here comes a fool.” Pretty much stating that no one will fear a fool. But someone could say: “Oh no! There’s the pain in my ass! ” Or thorn in my side. A fool may not be feared, but they can inspire a mass of people. Fear is not the tactic we want to use anyway, that’s what the Capitalists use. That would defeat the whole purpose. So kudos to the people I met yesterday, reaching out,  sharing what they know, and being inspiring. Even in the rain.

I am reminded of my favorite book “The Jester” by James Patterson and Andrew Gross. Even though it is fiction, it is inspiring. One fool can ignite a flame and inspire others.

There was a homeless man sitting across the street from us. A police officer had stopped and talked to him. What? Did he seem out of place or something?! He wasn’t doing anything wrong, just sitting there. So one of the protesters did an admirable thing, and ran over and gave the man sitting there money. It may not have been enough to “live off of”, but enough for some food at least. I made sure I held my sign real high as this took place. “People v.s Greed.”

Even if I don’t succeed in making some kind of difference, I will at least be able to look back one day and proudly say: “I am one of those who have tried.”

It was awesome hearing others opinions. They were very close to my own. Someone said we should vote for Justin Trudeau next time. Which led someone to speak up and say: What if he does the same? And basically saying we need to get rid of the system entirely, and start over. Close to what I had in mind, I think money should be burned, and oil should be forgotten. Then maybe we would be able to truly start over, and move on to better energy resources than oil. Take away the possessions that make the greedy so greedy, and maybe they will finally value the things that truly matter in this world. Maybe without money, there wouldn’t be separate “classes” that divide us. Maybe people would actually work together on rebuilding as one big giant community. I know, it’s a dream. It’s a pretty good one too. I’m allowed to dream.

Ya know? I may not have my children on a regular basis, it doesn’t stop me from trying to provide them the future they deserve. – Pooks

Below are some links that may help you understand what I was protesting against.

Shit Harper Did – www.shd.ca

Why Not Harper – www.whynotharper.ca

Harper Crimes – www.harpercrimes.ca

Oil Sands Reality Check – www.oilsandsrealitycheck.org

Idle No More – www.idlenomore.ca

Occupy Together – http://www.occupytogether.org/aboutoccupy/#issues

People v.s Greed – http://www.peoplevsgreed.com/

 

It’s Bullshit

Last Thursday I received news that my sister is due in October, and that she will be having a boy.  So yeah, October will be an awesome month. My sister will be having her baby, and I will be an Aunt.

We chatted briefly online today, and she said she is thinking of giving her son an Inuit name meaning “Nice King.” I think it’s a beautiful name.

She shared pictures, of her, her partner, and her dog (Layla). They look so happy together, they will make a great family. I wish them the best. My sister deserves happiness in her life. I hope nothing comes between them.

I don’t think I would want anymore children, just from my own personal experience. Apparently the system, or society, thinks I am unfit, and would rather have my children in the home of my abuser. He can’t possibly be a risk! He’s just a male chauvinistic abusive pathological liar. Of coarse the kids will be safe with him! He has family history of crime and drugs. But no, the mother that doesn’t drink alcohol, or do drugs (NOT EVEN WEED) , and doesn’t even have a criminal record , is the risk. Rrrright.

My sister said it best; it’s bullshit!

But this system has something against my skin. I’m a “savage”, and uncivilized because I don’t go to church. I am not converted.  Supposedly my beliefs decipher wither or not I am a good parent.

It doesn’t help that they enable my ex to “Use the Children” to continue the abuse. Leaving the final decision to him wither or not I get joint custody. Of coarse he’s not going to grant that! Not unless I give him what he wants, SEX!! And why would I?!! I do not love him!! He cannot force me to love him either.

So yeah, when men approach me and treat me like a baby making machine, I’m like: nuh uh. Such as that dude that said Latins and Ojibwe’s would make beautiful babies. Maybe they do. But I ain’t interested in making any freakin babies any time soon. The way I see it, I will just get hurt again. They will be taken away. This society won’t allow it.

Plus, the way that dude was talking. It was like he only wants a wife for profit. So he can get more money back when he does his taxes. That’s disgusting! I’m not going to be used because of your greed. There is no price tag hanging off me! So yeah, I obviously did not call that dude back. He did give me his number. Clearly there’s a huge difference between us, what he loves (money), I hate. I absolutely love that scene in the Dark Knight, where the Joker sets all that money on fire. The way I see it, that is the solution to end poverty, and social barriers when it comes to money.

So I am hoping that society doesn’t give my sister a hard time either. I hope they leave her family alone. I wish that pain of loss, that heartbreak of losing your children,  on no one. She has always wanted a baby as long as I can remember.

I haven’t lost my children permanently, I do see them weekly. I am grateful for that. But it still hurts. I imagine it hurts my children just as much.

It is hard to move on. Because I don’t want my children to think I have abandoned them. That’s not true. They don’t know how long I have been waiting for them to come home. They don’t know how long I’ve been fighting. They don’t know what my barriers are, this stupid system, and their father.

Life’s not always fair. Evil prevails in this stupid fuckin world. No matter how honest you are, and pour your heart out. So yeah, all this created what I am today. I’ve turned into quite the skeptic, and activist.  I have turned against the system.

I tried the church thing, but we all know how that went. My blog posts being turned into sermons of what not to do, because I’m such a “sinner”.  Heaven forbid I question shit, and I think for myself! Thinking makes me a sinner apparently.

So yeah, damn rights! I’m against greed. I’m Idle No More! I support Occupy, etc. Fuck your God in the Bible, that is not my Creator! What kind of God requests cultural assimilation and pain on others?! The Creator I believe loves all, accepts all, because we are all one.

Anyway,  I’m not going down without rattling every cage I possibly can. The Government, this fucked up system we live by, religion, C.A.S, my ex, their controlling ways have created my rebellion. I will do what I can to tear the system down, or at least try to create a ripple effect. – Pooks

“The thing worse than rebellion is the thing that causes rebellion.” – Fredrick Douglass