Lifted Spirit

Alrighty. Blog day!! 🙂

If you follow me on other social networks, you may have noticed that I am very chipper, “uppity”, today. I don’t even know why. I’m just filled with this unexplainable happiness. I’m optimistic. And the more I see how active activists are, especially today, it just adds to my joy. My hope.

Yes the issues taking place around the world aren’t exactly things to be happy about, but it’s the action, and the voices, and writing of the people that lift my spirits. It just feels like it’s going full force today, and I want to commend that. So to the people, the “activists” that are fighting for change, I love you, and I love what you are doing.

Idle No More, fighting for the environment for all people. Battling against oil, fracking, Capitalism, human rights for the Aniishanabe people… fighting for our following generations so that their land and water isn’t poisoned more than it already is.

Ferguson, for battling against racism and police brutality. As well as the people that held vigils, protests and rallies for Michael, Trayvon, and similar incidents. We are all one. The fact that people of colour are targets, think of Palestine, the Middle East countries that are often targeted, think of the Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, think of Furguson, Trayvon, and many coloured lives taken by our authority figures without hesitation, such as Dudley George. Think of genocide, targets are the people of colour. Modern society is a white supremacist organization. It’s time to let go of old customs, past beliefs, and live in harmony as one. Ideally one of Canada’s supposed values is diversity. It’s time to live up to it, and accept and love each-other, rather than finding petty reasons to divide ourselves from one another. So thanks to those that are fighting for that change, and that justice. Colour is not a crime. We are all beautiful, and all deserve to be treated with respect.

Occupy and Anonymous, for fighting the battle of the “classes.” Against the 1%, the bourgeoisie, or Capitalists. Fighting against Wall Street, and Federal Reserve Banks.  No one is more privileged than the other.  The monetary fascist system is bullshit. Fuck money, fuck oil. We have the resources, we are capable of creating a world that doesn’t rely on such things that are so destructive to ourselves and our environment. I think we are a smart enough species to evolve past the “rules and regulations” of the 1%. Why we still follow their lead, I have no idea. It’s time to defy, and change.

I am happy to see the International Indigenous Unity Flag at more and more public events. I support the artist that created the flag, Michael Sher, and the whole purpose of it is to encourage unity.  I actually own an International Indigenous Unity Flag, and it hangs in my window. The only difference, I got the artist to sign mine. So yes, I am very proud to have it, and I love what it stands for. The medicine wheel is such a powerful symbol and it holds so much meaning within it. But the most apparent is that we are all one.

I am happy to see more unity when it comes to  the grass-root movements. I am starting to see Occupy, Idle No More, and Anonymous emerge into one, and that is amazing. More and more people are starting to see that whatever issue of oppression we are opposing are all connected. We are stronger together. So I hope this momentum keeps up. We need each-other if we want our visions to become a reality.

I read in the news today about guerrilla tree planters randomly planting more trees in public places. Kudo’s to you! I love trees! We need more. I am happy to see that there are people that recognize the importance of trees. Not only can they supply food, but they also provide our oxygen. We tend to take them for granted.

Also when I see more people attempting to follow Food Not Bombs lead, especially after that incident in Florida  with the Elderly man who fed the poor healthy vegan food and got arrested for it for a number of occasions.  Thank his persistence. I admire that. I hope to see more people as empathetic and compassionate as he is when it comes to the homeless and those in need. Kudo’s to that man, and Food Not Bombs, and the students at Western University who held a Food Not Bombs outside of the UCC to feed their fellow students who are struggling in debt. I see feeding the hungry as noble, not a crime. Food is a right, not a privilege.

Not only that, but there is something that takes place when a meal is public, there is a stronger sense of community. It is more enjoyable to share food and interact with others, than it is being cooped up by yourselves, don’t you think? There’s that sense of unity again. I don’t think that is something that should be condemned, but encouraged. So yeah, fuck the police! Haha!

Newho, I just wanted to thank you all, commend you, and express my immense gratitude. You have the power, you are the change. Believe it! Keep it up. You are all making a difference. – Pooks

“Without deviation, progress is not possible.”

– Frank Zappa

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Stirring the Emotional Riot

After an hour of just sitting here contemplating what to write, staring at this blank space…it’s time to write.

I feel like I’ve been trying to avoid what is on my mind. Maybe it will just be better if I get it out.

Next Tuesday there will be a Rally and March in Solidarity with Mike Brown, Ferguson, and all the victims of police violence.  I will be attending, because quite honestly, I think the police don’t hesitate to kill a coloured person in this racist world. It happens way too often. I am reminded of Dudley George, whom was also killed by a police officer.

Colour is not a crime, for some reason we are the targets. Gaza, Palestine, Israel, all colour. Whose supplying the weapons? U.S? U.K? Obviously a wealthy old white man. If you think about Pipeline number 9, where it begins and ends, are aboriginal communities that experience the side effects. I know when I say side effects, it doesn’t sound like much, but literally these communities lives are put at risk. Besides the pipeline, Aamjiwnaang First Nations are exposed to the pollutants in “Chemical Valley”. Many community members there have died from cancer. Apparently, people of colour are on top of the list of extermination.

My ex told me to look of Georgia’s Stone, and what I found was frightful. Carved in stone are the following words; “Maintain humanity under 500,000,000.” That’s just one of the “commandments” written by man. Limiting the population of the earth to 500 million will require the EXTERMINATION of nine-tenths of the world’s people. That means, only 10% whom they choose, will be worthy of living.

Well no wonder your Government is trying to poison you with GMO’s, and fuck up your natural resources, they are literally trying to kill you.

As for the police, they supposedly serve and protect. Serve and protect who? Definitely not the people. I mean, they’ll show up at peaceful rallies and make arrests no problem. Yet, our Government is full of criminals, and not a single arrest is made. Instead of fighting for peace, they fight against it. The only thing they serve and protect are the interests of the Capitalists.

I think what these police officers fail to see is that without their uniform, they too are just one of the people. Not the 1%, but part of the 99%.

I fear for all people of colour, as well for anyone within the working-class or lower.  I fear for my children that are being brought up into all this. My son has already experienced some discrimination in the education system, and he’s not even 10 years old yet.

Racism seems to be an ancient form of hate we keep passing on. Partly why I turned away from religion. After doing some research and realizing it teaches people to hate each-other, and doesn’t allow people to think for themselves.

I don’t believe in a heaven, and I don’t believe in a hell. I believe those are nothing but fiction, made to induce fear so the elites can control you. The only heaven and hell there is, is what we make it here on earth. And unfortunately, too many people would rather make it a living hell. Especially the people in power. They are the ones promising you eternal life if you slave your asses off for them, so they can continue to live in luxury. Not only that, but the bible gives off the impression that if you make money, you are worthy to go to heaven. If that doesn’t make you think, or question it all, then what the fuck? Like seriously, they try to convince you, or already have for majority of the religious population, that everything will be better when you are dead. You are expected to waste your life, serving them like a machine for their sake. Meanwhile, maybe your purpose here is far greater than that.

I believe each life is valuable. Unlike capitalists that value money over life. I believe every single person was given their own unique gift to contribute to the land, and to each-other. Not for the capitalists selfish needs.

The way things are going saddens and concerns me. In a way I wish the people would just go on a Global Riot. Show your pain, show them your hurting. Tear their system down. I don’t mean to go hurting each-other, these are times when we need each-other the most.  Our differences and false illusions that separate us from each-other need to be put aside. Your blood is as red as mine. Sometimes, in order to change things, you need to deviate. It won’t happen if you’re too scared. Make as much noise as you can, because your life matters, you are valuable, and the generations that follow, their lives matter too. – Pooks

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Circles, Nests, and Paths

Well well well… Already another blog day is upon us. Well la dee da!

Last week, I was in this gloomy funk, it seemed like it would not shake off. It’s not even over anything personal. But more over things that are taking place in another part of the world. This whole thing between Gaza and Israel is so depressing. Why would people do that to fellow people? I mean, I know there’s stupid excuses that they could use to try to justify these horrific and barbaric actions. Yeah, lets shoot up schools and hospitals with innocent civilians inside.

Perhaps what affected me the most were these images of parents, mourning the loss of their children. Holding their toddler in their arms, and their toddlers head has been blown wide open. Or the father placing his dead child into a grave. It’s heart-breaking. I’ve experienced that pain, I know that loss. But I am fortunate it’s not permanent as it is with these parents I feel for miles and miles away.

I wish it would stop. I wish there was something I could do. All I can do is express and share the affect it has on me.

Maybe I am sensitive, more in tune with my emotions, or whatever. But shit like this really gets to me. People are so blind by the illusions they make up to separate themselves from each other, they don’t see a parent, a father, a child, a mother, a human being just like themselves.

It is concerning that genocide is acceptable. The U.S supplying the weaponry. Your taxes paying for this slaughter. It’s evil.

I don’t know how people can go on with their merry lives, or turn the other cheek. Ignore and pretend that everything is just peachy with their lives. We are all connected, so what affects them, affects you, like it or not. Those people dying, they are a part of you in a way. I wish there was a simple way to define that to the naive. More people need to research the medicine wheel. It is a very powerful symbol. It’s a shame religions today ignore it and consider it rubbish. Maybe they would be more empathetic towards each-other if they took the time to understand it.

Anyway, yeah, I was quite sad there for awhile, until I had my kids over for the weekend. The two little bright shining spirits that they are, got me right out of that gloominess.

This past weekend was an adventure. I even attempted to face a fear of mine, heights, just for my kids happiness. We went to Ribfest, and there was this insane ride there called the Full Tilt, I went on it with my children, and I swear I thought I was gonna die. Haha! I was so scared. But my kids loved it, they had a blast, so the temporary feeling of terror was worth it.

So rather than buying treats this weekend, I paid for an experience to share. I mean, I did pay for a couple slushies as well. Obviously, we’re gonna get thirsty. But we ate before we left. And yeah, totally worth it, because memories were created that we won’t ever forget.

Other than that, I’m waiting for a phone call from Ontario Works to confirm an appointment, considering it is almost 4pm, I am not going to get that call today. Well la dee da. So yeah, I’ll be back on Ontario Works by next week.

I don’t want to schedule another appointment with my psychologist until that is all sorted out, and out of the way. Plus OW could issue me a bus pass to get me to and from my appointments.

Other than that, back to volunteering and job searching. My son gave me a couple of idea’s of where I could apply. I love him, he believes in me, even if I don’t believe in myself sometimes.

I was talking to my ex, and apparently I’m not the only native that thinks employers don’t hire natives. He’s met a few that share the same thoughts. I have to change that perspective, because maybe that hopelessness shows. And well, if I don’t believe in myself, how could anyone else? It’s an on-going struggle.

Anyways, what else? Been trying to be there for a dying friend. It’s been hard. It was so quick and sudden too. A good friend of mine got cancer, and now she’s selling and giving her stuff away. I can understand, less to deal with when it is time to write a will. All the art and gifts I gave her, was returned. She doesn’t want to give it away to anyone else, it’s hers, and she thinks it’s only right that it goes back to the artist that created it. So I have the very first piece I ever did at the New School of Colour back in my possession.

My daughter was looking closely at the art piece over the weekend, and she’s starting to notice things within it. She held two of my art pieces together and noticed that there was an Arizona dessert scene  in both, within little circles. I’m not sure what it is about Arizona, but I’ve been fascinated ever since I was child. It was during a vacation with my family, in a souvenir shop somewhere, I saw these license plate plastic key-chains with names on them, I guess the Arizona license plate really stuck with me. On the plate was a sun set, and silhouettes of cactus’ on a dessert. I remember feeling so curious, and filled with wonder.

I totally got side tracked, I’m not sure how much longer my friend will be here. I can tell it’s hard for her. She’s so use to keeping herself busy, and chemo has been depleting her energy. Although, those Boost beverages help. She was a lot more energetic, and ate more than she has been. I haven’t really cried about it, but I am sad that this is happening to one of those most independent women I know. She accepts it, but she is fighting. She wants to remain in her apartment, she said they’ll have to drag her out in a body-bag. She doesn’t want to die in a hospital, or hooked up to a machine.

It’s weird, it’s like she’s preparing to die. Kinda like how pregnant mothers start nesting. Something similar happens when one knows they are dying.

Perhaps the reason I have not cried, is because she doesn’t need my tears, she needs to hear my laughter. So I do my best, and find things to laugh about. She’s not gone yet, and there’s still time to enjoy the little things. She’s got enough people mourning over the news of her health. I believe there’s a chance she could kick cancer to the curb. There’s also the possibility that she won’t. I won’t cry until she is physically, and consciously gone. The day I can no longer spontaneously visit like I do, because she won’t be there.

Anyway, it’s 5:16pm. Maybe I will get that phone call tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, New School of Colour will be open at the Ark. Yaaay! It’s been awhile since I painted. A whole week without art omigosh, minus that day I met up with Hailey, and we did some art at a coffee-shop. That was cool. I experimented and drew with my left hand.

So yeah, life is shifting again so to speak. Just when you think you’re on the right path, you get plunked back where you were. If I try to make sense of it, I’ll drive myself crazy. Just go with the flow. New path, new experiences to be had. It doesn’t matter what direction I go, I am, and will always be, Pooks the Artist & Writer. – Pooks

“A good traveler is one who knows how to travel with the mind.”

–  Michael Bassey Johnson

Release the Closed Door

Blog day! And there are a few things that are on my mind, completed unrelated to each-other. So I guess the question is, where to begin.

Things are going good with the visits with my kids, but as I’ve mentioned before there are some annoying things I have to put up with when it comes to my ex. Such as he thinks he knows me so well, or his idea of me, yeah that gets really annoying. He clearly doesn’t know me at all. Obviously. I mean, he was trying to tell me that I was all devastated when I turned 30 years old.  That I was all miserable about aging and that I was trashed on my 30th birthday. First off, he wasn’t there, so who the fuck is he to say what happened, he doesn’t have the slightest clue. Secondly, whoopidee shit. I’m in my 30’s.  Thanks to my Mama, Elizabeth King, for good genes, no one believes I’m 31 half the time anyways. Haha! I’m always getting I.D’ed at convenient stores. I guess the way I dress doesn’t help. I like to play with both “genders roles” when it comes to how I dress. Half female, half male… I’m pretty sure I’ve made my fascination with androgyny apparent. Thank you Diana Thorneycroft! Ever since I saw her photography back in high-school, I have seen androgyny as an art. I see nothing but beauty within in it.

Anyway, yeah, I’m pretty sure I blogged what happened on my 30th birthday here on WordPress. I was invited for dinner with 2 very sweet Christian friends of mine, whom eventually moved out to Saskatchewan. They made me a steak dinner, baked an awesome cake, we played around on the acoustic guitar, and yeah, we had some Crown Royal and Coke, but didn’t get plastered as my ex likes to assume. He doesn’t know, and has never met these fabulous friends of mine, so he has no right to say shit about their character. Let alone mine, considering our contact got cut off around that time. Thank god, because I was getting verbally abused through text messages by my ex. So it was a good thing I lost my cell, and all contact was cut off for a period of time. I has given time to actually heal so to speak.

Normally, I don’t drink. My thing is normally coffee. If I’m an addict of anything, it is caffeine. But lately, I’ve had a couple nights out with a friend that is visiting for the summer, a former co- facilitator of the New School of Colour. Matter of fact, she will be opening up and facilitating on Wednesdays starting next week, just for the month of August. Anywho, no I didn’t get plastered, my limit is 3 beers. Not what my ex called ” a beer” either. He used to call one of those large bottles “a beer”, which is like 3 in one. Whatever. I had a nice happy buzz at the St. Regis Tavern. On our second night there, after meeting up for coffee at Fire Roasted Coffee Company and creating some art ( I experimented and surprised myself drawing with the opposite hand), I got to watch her perform with her ukelele. Even the New School of Colour’s/ Old East Village media dude came out. That was cool. Lots of fun. There was lots of talent there during Open Mic Night.

I mean, my ex acts like I’m this social drunk person. But no, I’m an introverted hermit. I’m indoors, in my home majority of the time. I think the world is overwhelming and chaotic, and to avoid any anxiety, I normally stay in. Unless, I’m invited out by familiar people I know. I guess I’m like a vampire that way. You have to invite me first. Unless you are Julie or Ducky, whom, I visit spontaneously without notice. Haha!

Anyway, enough about that. I could explain myself 1000’s times, but my ex will just continue to think what he thinks. He has convinced himself that I am someone I am not. That’s his problem. It’s all in your head nut bar!

Newho, enough about him and his nonsense. It’s out of my system, let’s carry on!

My friend visiting from Montreal has asked a rather interesting question, what is it about creating art with other people? I guess she wants to pin point on that energy that takes place within the New School of Colour, and places like it. I do admit, creating art on my own, say at home, is a lot different than it is surrounded by other artists. But than again, at home alone, motivation can be a struggle. Even inspiration mind you. I mean, I was going to paint on the lid of a tin cookie container. I painted it black, and that was it. I hit a dead end. Haha! Although at the New School of Colour, idea’s tend to flow more easy. That might be because I am surrounded by art, and inspired by it. Not only that, but when you’re alone, idea’s can become stagnant. What I mean by stagnant is, you produce what you know, rather than actually pushing yourself to create something more challenging. In an environment where there is constant creating, there is that opportunity to learn from others around you, and grow. Hence, why I once defined the New School of Colour as a garden within an artist statement of mine, and why I keep returning.  I’ve been going since 2011, and the artists there just keep improving at their own pace. It truly is magical to see. As for motivation, we all become fans of each-others work, there is a lot of encouragement and praise that takes place within it. Each artist plays a role of inspiration. Even if you don’t think you’re that experienced, you could be inspiring to another artist within that studio. It doesn’t have to be the art. It could be the stages, the progress, the amount of effort put into your work, the passion. There is no doubt, that it is a positive environment, and I probably just touched base on the tip of it’s nose. There is a lot more to it, that energy that takes place, to define. I think to have an art therapist explore more on that, would be interesting to see. The information they gather from it all. I am just one perspective, one artist. There is a lot more perspectives to see through in our underground art studio. It’s quite amusing that our studio is underground, it’s like our secret little hide out. We go in and gather in our basement studio down under, and we come out splashing the community with art!

Besides all that, this month is almost over, and I will soon be back on Ontario Works, because the Dean of Art and Humanities at the University thinks I need to focus on my mental health, and what not. “I am happy to see that you are now seeking support, but I do believe that you to resolve the issues that have plagued you before you return to school rather than during your time at school. For this reason, and the fact that little was done to address your difficulties at the time they arose,  I have to deny your petition..” Haha! “Resolve”. That’s cute. Dude! I’ve been passed on from councilor to councilor ever since I was 6 years old. Now, if those “professionals” couldn’t help me “resolve” whatever is supposedly wrong with me, it’s likely it’s not going to be resolved. It’s permanent. It’s just finding what will help me cope through my waves of anxiety and depression without being doped up on prescribed drugs. I refuse to go there.

The whole, I am NOW seeking support. Sure I may not be consistent. But don’t tell me I’m not seeking support, I have. For years mind you, it’s not just a recent thing. Not to mention, when you get that freakin depressed, to the point your shutting the world out, it’s not an easy thing to suddenly snap out of. But then again, this guy clearly doesn’t understand anything regarding mental health issues.

Not to mention, that the way the economy is headed, and the global issues of today. There’s going to be more people experiencing anxiety and depression. It is becoming a norm, because technically, we are all in danger. Our own leaders and governments are putting us in that position, poisoning our food with chemicals, destroying our natural resources with oil and fracking. Our own disgusting prime minister approving genocide in another country. It doesn’t matter what race, or religion they are, it’s humans killing humans. Not only that, but humans exterminating defenseless humans, children. That is horrific. And if that has no affect on you as a human being, than what the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, you’d think people would have evolved from past events of genocide, the outcome, the consequences. Have you people not learned fuck all from what happened to your Canadian Indigenous people? You’re just going to create more people like me that cannot conform into your system, but will be accepted by fellow outcasts, rebels and freaks. You’ll just create a growing enemy.

But no, by all means. Stigmatize me. Act like there’s a cure. There isn’t. Leaders are the problem.

“the extracurricular activities you undertook don’t appear excessive”

For someone with anxiety, yeah it was. I was on the board of directors, I was a volunteer at  The Arts Project, my schedule with my children’s visits changed to weekends, I dropped some of those things so that I could focus more on my studies. But I guess I’m suppose to  drive myself like a slave until I’m to drained to properly look after my kids, or want to continue to create art. Right? I didn’t let go of the New School of Colour, sorry, that keeps me sane so to speak. It is my voice in a way. But I don’t expect a person so conditioned into the system to understand that. A sheep is driven by money, convinced they NEED money to live. Fuck the money, that’s not what you need to live. You need your natural resources, DUH!! But not only that, you need each-other! Stop killing off your fellow humans for petty fuckin reasons. It’s stupid. Money makes people stupid. Ughhh! It’s sickening. Yeah, I’d rather call myself an alien.

I got off track there. But yeah, what may be too much for one person, may not be too much for the next. But I guess this Dean cannot comprehend that.

The Dean was my art history teacher, the pop culture and media half of the course during Fall/Winter 2013. And as I explained before, he didn’t teach as well as the women do at the university. Just because you move your hands it doesn’t mean you’ll keep the class engaged. Not to mention, in the first class he said “Capitalists decide what art is.” And yeah, I was repulsed and I highly disagree with that sentence. The artist will not only tell you what art is, but they will show you. Too much credit is given to the Capitalists. Fuck them!

Anyway, that e-mail didn’t say anything about when I could register again. Hopefully in 2015. At least I was able to improve my mark in Sociology. In the mean time, back onto Ontario Works. I’ll continue to see my psychologist at the University. Speaking of which, I will have to re-book. I missed the last appointment because that e-mail got me rather distraught. Emotionally, I needed the time to cope with that disappointment. Thank my friend for inviting me  out, it’s shown me, that positive experiences can still be had even after receiving bad news. It’s not the end of the world, and I can still make the best out of life.

Onto OW, and job searching I guess. Back to square one. Some volunteering, maybe get some kind of art related part-time job I could tolerate. I’m not going to be able to support having my kids on weekends with just OW alone. So time to start thinking of places I could possibly apply to. I admit, I have lacked effort in job searching before. I like to live spontaneously, so a job restricts that to the bore of repetition. Partly why I despise dishes so much. It’s not like I can’t do it, I just don’t look forward to it. There is no creativity in repetition. My mind likes to wonder, explore, and try new things. Restrains, I don’t like restrains period. But you know what they say, one door closes, another opens. I just need to find it. – Pooks

“The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules but by people following the rules. It’s people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages.”

– Bansky