No Focal Point

I haven’t posted for a bit. No worries, I’m okay. I’m pretty much just waiting around to go into labour. For the last week or so, that’s all I have been hearing lately, even from complete strangers; “Any day now.”
Since my last post, I had 2 regular check up appointments. Last week, was rather painful. I think it should be mandatory that doctors trim their nails before measuring a cervix. As for yesterday, it went a lot better. However my current doctor that is following my pregnancy wanted to induce me right then and there, but at the time, I had my daughter in my care. And yeah, that would have just made things kinda chaotic. Even though my ex, my man, and I all discussed that if I were to go into labour while my daughter was over, the plan was to text or call the ex telling him to meet us at the hospital.
It’s kind of a relief that we can communicate between the 3 of us as co-parents. I mean, this past weekend I did get a bit emotional regarding my visits. I was upset that my ex is usually late, and when my man said he could pick up my daughter and then couldn’t. I just broke down feeling like I was the only one that cared about my visits. But that’s not true. My man had to work on Saturday, and he was offered some money afterwards if he helped someone move. He thought he’d be done in time, but clearly wasn’t. He kinda bit more than he could chew trying to be a super human. Turns out the guy he was helping out hasn’t even started to pack or whatever, and my man was expecting things to be ready to move when in fact they weren’t.
As for my ex, he usually has to wait around until he can find someone to watch over our son. He doesn’t trust leaving our son alone at home unattended, especially since our son has been stealing from his own father lately. He would take food, coffee, smokes, money, and whatever else to give to one of his buddies, whom probably pass that on to their parents. They really need to get out of that complex, it’s having a negative influence.
Anyways, it can take hours before my ex finds someone to watch our son and his unit.
So yeah, let that go. They both know how I feel about my visits. And that I’d appreciate it if we tried to stick to our agreement which is to have our daughter here by 2pm. Or close to it. Not 8pm. There goes majority of my time.
The reason I just say my daughter, is because my son still has no interest in coming over. We thought that maybe it could be that there is a lot of changes happening all at once, and he does not handle change well. Mom’s new boyfriend, Mom’s pregnant, Mom’s boyfriend moving in, Homeschooling, Etc. But according to my daughter, she told me over the weekend that my son hates me over something that happened in the past. A long time ago. Yeah well, that’s the past. I am no longer there, and if he’s going to bring random shit up and dwell, then that’s his problem.
It wasn’t easy being a single mom, with their dad in jail, trying to cope with my sons psychotic tantrums. Heck, I even called C.A.S on myself because I didn’t know what to do. He was dangerous at the time to have around his baby sister. Throwing things like dresser drawers down the stairs, and even a desk. Had his sister been crawling by, she would’ve been seriously injured. I can’t remember how many times I had to replace that baby gate. But yeah, he definitely didn’t handle a new sibling in the house very well.
As I confessed before, I spanked him once trying to get him to snap out of it, and never again. Ever since, I ask for consent to even hug my kids. It’s a good thing he wasn’t raised in the 80’s. Heck, I don’t know anyone my age that hasn’t been spanked by hand, or with a spoon, or belt. So considering, kids these days are quite pampered and shouldn’t complain. Nowadays, parents got to think of alternative ways to discipline. So yeah, compared to my upbringing, he’s being a bitch and complaining about pussy ass shit. Excuse the language, but it’s true.
Besides that, he seemed less interested in coming over when my man and I became more strict with the video and computer games anyways. Thanks. Nothing like making mom feel like I’m not the one he came to visit, he came to visit a piece of junk. And as my daughter tells me, that’s all he does at home, he plays on his tablet.
I read an article not too long ago regarding children and video games. How it interferes with the development of the brain, especially the frontal lobe. So yeah. It can cause learning disabilities, and anger issues. And as I discovered from trying to teach my son at home, he’s more behind than we think. I mean, we were getting ready to start him over from grade 1 if we had to.
But whatever. My ex thinks video games are beneficial or whatever. But some day our son will see just how much time in his life he wasted staring at a screen. He could be spending time with family, making friends, learning or doing more productive things, so on and so forth. Ya know? He’s missing his whole damn childhood.
But yeah. Like my man’s mother says, regarding homeschooling, our son will be tested by the school board, and we’ll see if he’s actually doing anything. Or learning anything. If not, I’m sure C.A.S will be called. Just what my ex was running from in the first place.
My ex did say he was thinking about pulling our daughter out of school too, because he is against vaccines. But after some research, those vaccines are mandatory otherwise your child cannot attend school. It would be unwise to pull out another child of ours out of school, especially since she’s doing so well. Take her out, and all she has is her surrounding environment as an influence. A ghetto complex. For a girl, that can lead to prostitution. I’m sure my ex wants better for his little girl. So swallow your pride, get her to take the vaccines wither you like it or not. She has dreams of becoming a baker, that’s better than a hooker. Keep her in school and maybe she can make that dream of hers a reality.
Other than all that…we celebrated Easter early this past weekend because I can go into labour “any day now”. My due date is actually during the Easter holidays. So we’ll see. When the baby comes, the baby comes. They have their own schedule. Lol
But yeah, my man did a superb job setting things up for our little Easter get together. He put my daughters and my sons Easter basket together. He set up an Easter egg hunt for my daughter, and even cooked an Easter dinner. It was my first time trying Rabbit. Which turned out pretty good actually. For some reason I thought rabbit would be a dark meat, but no, it’s white meat. And kinda tastes like chicken. Just a little blander.
I haven’t been working on any art lately. Even though my Doula thinks it would be cool if I painted something to be my focal point for when I give birth. Ya know? Something with an inspiring message that will help get me through the contractions.
I don’t know. I find myself extremely tired lately, an exhaustion that naps during the day can’t even suffice. Maybe it’s the rapid weight gain, or maybe my body is just trying to rest now, and conserve energy for when I do go into labour. It’s like an endless fatigue. At first I thought it was an iron deficiency, since I had forgotten to take my iron pills for awhile. But now that’s back into a routine, and I’m still exhausted. But yeah, my body is doing a number of things getting ready for the baby. So that’s what I’m thinking. Soon, I just don’t know when exactly.
Hopefully I have this baby before April 1st. As I mentioned before, there is a huge family gathering happening that day, and it would be nice to bring the baby. My man’s mom sounds so cute when she calls, all anxious for this baby to arrive. She recommends I get induced the next time the opportunity arrives.
According to my doctor, if I don’t go into labour by the 31st, an appointment will be scheduled for me to be induced. By then it will be too late. So hopefully this baby comes soon, or by its due date, the 26th.
Over the weekend I met a friend of my man’s, and the woman she was with is a photographer. Anyways, She offered to do maternity pics, or New born pics. But I have another photographer in mind that I wouldn’t mind helping getting her work out there. Platinum Phoenix Photography, I’ve been an acquaintance and fan of this photographer for awhile. She used to be a friend, until my supposed foster sister got all possessive and told me to stay away from her and her friends. So yeah, we don’t hang out, but I follow and support her work.
So yeah, my plan is to get some portraits done of my man and I’s baby, and mail some photos out to family members and close friends, and of coarse get the photographer’s work out there via. social media as my thank you.
What else? A friend of ours says he wants us to go out and do things this summer with him. Ya know? Baseball games, air shows, just eventful stuff and chill. So we’ll see.
I think it’ll be a good Spring/ Summer. My man is fixing up the yard. It just looks better and better. I might have grass this year, instead of a jungle. That would be awesome!
Every year I say I’m going to go to the Sifton Bog, but this year… Yes, I am going to go to the Sifton Bog damn it! I am determined!! Haha!
Uhh… might not make it down to see my relatives up north this year, maybe next year. They too want to meet the baby. That’s cool, but yeah. Traveling takes planning and finances. This year we are hoping to see my man’s 80 year old grandfather while he’s in the province. So going to see him and other family members is a lot closer than Red Lake, Ontario. It might take awhile before we can get up there. But my Aunt is excited and can’t wait to show my man all her favorite fishing spots. Lol My family likes him already, and they haven’t even met yet. 🙂
Overall things are good. Even though there is always that concern for my son in the back of my mind.
And as for this baby… I want it to come already, and then there’s another part of me that is like; No. Stay in there a little longer! Ya know? Because I remember hours and hours of contractions. It had been 7 years since I’ve done this labour thing. Lol I might not be as strong as I used to be.
That reminds me, the friend of my man’s that we met with the photographer, she was like; “aren’t you promiscuous?” Umm… not really. Like I said. It’s been 7 years since I gave birth. 5 years between dating. I was seeing someone in 2011, and haven’t dated again until I met my man for the 3rd or 4th time. During that 5 year gap, I shot a lot of men down. Might have had one one night stand in there during a drunken Halloween. But other than that, I was focused on me, my art, and my children. If that’s promiscuous, then wow. The standards of promiscuity clearly have changed. Haha!
I admit, when my man and I got together we were like 2 rabbits in the Spring time. Just completely enthralled by one another. Lol
I’m still crazy about him, but in a more meaningful kind of way. Like I said before, I think this baby has brought us closer together.
And soon, our baby will be here… Peace and Love – Pooks

“No one’s family is normal. Normalcy is a lie invented by advertising agencies to make the rest of us feel inferior.”

– Claire Lazebnik

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©


Raspberry Sue

Hello. I’ve decided I’m going to type out part of my blog today, save it as a draft, and then add to it more later. I just want to write some things down before I forget.

So last weekend, I had my visit with my children on a Friday for 4 hours. I was late, but I felt that I needed to let the puppies out once more before leaving the house.

Anyways, we went to the dollar store, and picked up some flashlights, glow sticks, and my son wanted those silly glasses with the googly eyes. We wanted things that lit up since we planned to walk in the nearby conservation area, and with the sun going down, we needed some kind of light source.

It was a short walk, my daughter got spooked by the possibility of coyotes, and her brother started talking about ghosts and monsters. However, time kinda flew that day, because afterwards we planned on going to a park, and my alarm went off on the way there. I have an alarm that goes off at 7:30pm to notify us that it was time to head back to Tim Hortons (which is the pick up and drop off place that their father and I have arranged). So we went back to Tim Hortons, and still had about 20 minutes to kill. They wanted to try what I was drinking earlier that evening, a white hot chocolate, and I was like, sure, why not? Turns out that they became very wired from the white hot chocolates. They were behaving off the wall. So when my ex came to pick them up, he was trying to have a serious conversation with me, as usual, but I was having a hard time trying to not laugh at what my daughter and son were doing. Making faces, fart noises, pretending they were melting under the table, so on and so forth. Being children. It was funny. The kinda silliness that makes you want to join in. However, I didn’t want to be rude, and yeah, tried to listen to what their father was saying, despite the silly distractions. Lol So yeah, note to self: White Hot Chocolate makes your children go bonkers.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

After the visit, I returned home, and my man and his friend were having a fire out back. I think that was the night I got emotional regarding my mans drinking, I opened up and admitted a fear. Which isn’t easy for me to do. Ya know? I do worry about his drinking from time to time. And even though he has cut back, it’s the way he talks about alcohol that scares me. He sounds like an alcoholic. He needs to drink if he’s in pain, if he’s had  a rough day, to celebrate a good day, to chill with the guys. There’s a number of reasons/ excuses. And he knows that the reason I didn’t go out with him 3 years ago, it was because of his partying and drinking. Ya know? I’m past that phase, I don’t need to drink and party to have fun. I went years without drinking, it was when I started to date him that I thought, okay maybe I can loosen up a little bit. But now that I’m pregnant, and am going to be a full-time parent again, yeah, I’m going to be a bit of a  tight ass again. I don’t depend on alcohol. And when I hear him speak sometimes, it sounds like he does.

He tries to reassure me that he will straighten his act up when the baby arrives. But the thing is, I don’t want to go through the same b.s that I went through with my ex. Ya know? I don’t want to be stuck with another little boy that just wants to party, get drunk and high with his boys, while I’m at home trying my best to manage as a parent on my own. My man, says he knows what he’s capable of, as in when it comes to cutting back or quitting. But I still have my doubts. Compared to how much he used to drink, even his friends say he’s mellowed out. So I’ll temporarily sweep it under the rug, and yeah, only time will tell if he will straighten up and man up. Actions speak louder than words.

Yes I expressed some concerns I’ve had lately regarding my boyfriend and alcohol. But, I’m going to take his advice, hang in there a little longer, and have faith that he will show me I have nothing to fear. I do love him dearly, and I can only hope that I’m not going to go through the same shit as I have in the past.

Ya know? He says he’s always wanted a family of his own, to have a child. And with what’s he’s done so far, he seems pretty sincere. It could be just past experiences/ perspectives that could be haunting me. I worry and think too much. But then again, there are people that can’t give up a crazy lifestyle for the sake of their family. Please prove my fears wrong.

Source: Facebook

Source: Facebook

On Saturday, I went to Westmount for this event called Art Blast, which was being held at the For the Love of Art Centre. I would not have known about it, if it hadn’t been for Twitter. I find that Twitter seems to be a good way to find art events and exhibitions that I can participate in.

It was my first time at the For the Love of Art Centre. But yeah, I painted non-stop for 4 hours. The event is to support their centre. There will be an auction coming up, so all the pieces that were created there will be auctioned off starting Oct 31st, and the artists get 25% back of the proceeds that their art piece sells for. That’s cool. I get to support a non-profit organization that encourages art and creativity on the west end of London, AND I get my art out there. Yaaaay!! For more details regarding the auction, keep an eye on the following Facebook page: ForTheLoveofArtLondonOntario

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

After the event, I met up with my man downtown and we did some shopping downtown.

Monday, I was home. Didn’t do too much. Tuesday, I have no idea what happened, just got some major pregnancy fatigue, and napped longer that day than I intended to. Probably means I need to eat more. But yeah,  I missed the New School of Colour this week. However, I was given the heads up that next week, the New School of colour will be on a Wednesday afternoon.

Today I was getting my appointments back in order and now that that’s taken care of, one less thing to stress about.

During the week, I have been supporting my friend Melly. If you haven’t noticed the re-blogs lately. I’m just so happy to see her standing up for something she believes in, despite the criticism she gets from people of higher supposed stature or status. Maybe I’m intrigued by her rebellion in a way. Ya know? People, even local news papers try to silence her opinions, but they don’t crush her persistence and determination. She has something to say regarding Homelessness and Poverty, and she’s damn well going to be heard. I love it! She even got interviewed on 106.9fm The X. I’m so freakin proud of her. It’s good to see her fight for something she believes in. Ya know? It’s like, my little Melly, she’s all grown up. She’s turning into quite the mighty woman. Get out of her freakin way!! Lol You can read and follow her blog at the following link:

Mel’s Life

According to my man, some family members on his side are getting a bit anxious to find out the sex of the baby. Unfortunately, I do not have that answer yet. We won’t know until early November, within the first 2 weeks, after the next ultrasound.

When we think about it, our home is never going to have a dull moment. 3 shitzus, 3 children (2 on weekends) . There’s always going to be something happening. Lol

My man and I joke around about naming our child; Raspberry Sue, no matter what the sex. Lol It gives us a good laugh. Raspberry, because my man has given my tummy so many raspberries during this pregnancy so far, that our child will probably think his/her name is raspberry. And Sue, because if our baby is a boy, my man says that name would toughen him up by the time he’s an adult. Imagine a grown man named Raspberry Sue, not one to mess with. Lol But no worries, that will not be the name of our Little Turkey Hunter, that name is just jokes. I think once we know the sex of the baby, we’ll get a better idea on what to name our child.

My man got the day off yesterday which was nice. He normally keeps himself pretty busy around the house, organizing things and cleaning. He was tuckered out by the end of the day. I find it funny how he says his dad is a workaholic, but so is he. However, I do have fun distracting him here and there.

Today I can relax, and do whatever.  Tomorrow, I go in to see my doctor for my third prenatal check-up, and that is when I can pick up a new form for my next ultrasound since the one I had had gone m.i.a. I do recall my ultrasound appointment being within the first two weeks of November. My man won’t be with me for this one, but I’ll shoot him a text as soon as I know the sex of the baby, and he can spread the news to his family.

Then Saturday and Sunday my children will be over, and I’m excited to take them out for Halloween. I finally decided what my costume is going to be, and I don’t have to buy anything except face paint. I just need jeans, and a plaid/ or button up shirt. I already have a hat I can use. But yeah, I’m going to be a scarecrow this year. A cute lil pregnant scarecrow. 🙂 Lol

Anyways, that is the basically what’s been going on in the life of Pooks. Over all it’s been good, with some worries, but not too much. Thank you so much for reading! Until next time! Peace and love – Pooks

“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.”- Shannon L. Alder

How we can REALLY stop the stigma faced by those who are homeless and in poverty #ldnont

Despite all the criticism she’s been getting from people that are supposedly “higher up” on the social and economic scale, I admire Melly for standing up for what she believes in, and using her voice AND social media in a positive way to send out a powerful message. One that I don’t think should be disregarded when it comes to homelessness and poverty. So with that being said, Go Melly! I love ya chicky! And I love your persistence and determination. Be the salmon against that current of those that try to silence you. Hugs! – Pooks

Mel's Life

Sorry for the rants and such… just sick of people’s close-mindedness and selfish comments lately. I mean, here I am, not being paid by anyone or any organization to stand up for those in our community that can’t stand up for themselves, and I’m faced with the NIMBY attitude of the people in this city on an almost-daily basis. It’s sickening, and as I said in my post, I won’t stand down or back down from people who think they hold power over me for any reason.
I stand with and for many of the people I’ve met along the way of my 10+ years of being street level, homeless, and impoverished. I stand for the people who have died before being able to see a change happen in the eyes of society.
The real solution to the stigma, issue, crisis, epidemic, whatever you want to call it, is for…

View original post 108 more words

My thoughts on Matt Brown’s Advisory Panel on Homelessness and Poverty #ldnont

I know I said in a tweet; “Speak to those who live it #poverty #ldnont” But perhaps the word “speak” isn’t the correct word to use, so I shall correct that right as of now. “Listen to those that live it #poverty #ldnont “. I completely agree with Melly on this. The people who are going to have the most knowledge regarding poverty and homelessness are the ones currently experiencing it. Not the people that think they know just because of their educational background. The Education system is an organization that is a part of the system that will tell, and teach you only what the Capitalists want you to know and believe. It doesn’t necessarily make it the truth. Listen to the people. – Pooks

Mel's Life

This panel is not going to change anything or know what to do to change anything with the current roster it has. No one on the panel is impoverished or homeless. They are paid (and publicly funded, in most cases) to work WITH those in poverty and homeless. They have fancy degrees and pieces of paper showing they can read textbooks and case studies about homelessness and poverty, but nothing other than that. This panel needs someone who has lived experience, rather than just having the panel reach out to organizations to get their opinions. This panel needs a voice or voices that can actually speak from experience and/or on behalf of those who are currently, or have ever been, homeless and/or impoverished.

Someone who isn’t a friend of Matt Brown. Someone who didn’t pay for his election campaign. Someone whose funding or job doesn’t depend on whether they tell…

View original post 225 more words

Not your Number 2

Well…here I am again. 5 days after my last blog.

First off… Thank you Laurie of Discretionary Benefits for taking care of that OW/ Hydro problem. I honestly thought my power would be off by the time I returned home, but nope. It’s on. Had my power been cut off, I swear I would have just built a  fire in my backyard (a.k.a my own personal jungle) and cooked food and boiled water that way, despite what the fuck the city would have to say. But luckily, things didn’t have to go that far. Glad to see someone step up and try to resolve OW’s fuck up.

In my last blog post, things started to get a little rocky. And well…since then, they’ve just gotten rockier. If it’s not my financial circumstances that are an issue, it’s something else when it comes to this this fuckin relationship. I mean, he tells me so and so, or family and friends of his would not approve of me being on welfare. The fact it is HIM that keeps bringing it up, makes me think that he’s the one with the issue with it.

I chose a path less traveled, the path of an artist. A “non-educated” artist on top of it. So what I do is all about expression, and not aesthetics and silly rules. It’s a lot more real that way, less tainted by the expectaions of what these prissy fucks call art.

Anyways, OW. I’ve been on and off OW for years. I’ve tried getting a post secondary education three times and fucked it up. It doesn’t help that I don’t have a big fancy vocabulary for all the essays. I like people to understand what the fuck I am saying. So yeah, the simpler, and straight to the point, the better. And I guess, I don’t write with logic, I am pure emotion. Well if I didn’t express my emotions, and was just all logic and facts, that would make me a machine. Not human. Last time I checked, I’m pretty sure I’m not a machine. Nor do I operate like one. Hence, the disgust in repetition, and I have the need for spontaneity. Creativity is spontaneous. It is not something that can be controlled.

Anyways, OW. On and off it for years since 2002. Within the time frame of 2002 – 2009, I was in 2 abusive relationships. Ya know? Can’t really job search when your supposed boyfriend locks you inside the house like it’s a prison, all because he’s paranoid and insecure. Not to mention, I had 2 kids within that time frame, so yeah. I’d be at looking after the kids while the man that should be job searching is getting shit faced instead. So yeah, there goes almost a decade that could have potentially been “experience”. But employers these days don’t look at gaps like that on a resume and think of domestic abuse, they just think; she’s lazy, So yeah, I lack years of experience. That huge gap usually fucks me over when job searching. Some credits from school did help a bit, but I don’t have a drivers license.

So excuuuuse me if I think I’m kinda fucked when it comes down to finding a job. I kinda gave up trying to fit into a system that doesn’t want me to be a part of it to begin with. Ya know? Organizations tend to make me feel like my skin is a curse. Especially here in London. Sometimes I think the only places that would hire me, and give me a chance, are with my own, the Aniishanabe. Because they would understand my struggle to live off the reserves and in this urban hell hole.

But then again, as I’ve mentioned before, I even feel like an outsider to them as well. I don’t know my own language, I don’t know my own culture. I’m what they call a “baked potatoe.” I look brown, but white on the inside. Not really one of them.

I fit nowhere, except with other artists, freaks, and outcasts.

So now the OW shit is out of the way…let’s move onto what made me walk out on my boyfriend yesterday.

What’s on my mind? What’s on my beautiful mind? You really want to know??

I don’t think he’s ready for a serious relationship quite honestly. I mean he just got out of an abusive relationship not too long ago, and from my own experience, that shit takes time for you to fully heal and get over.

So I’m contemplating wither or not things should even go any farther. Is it really worth for my kids and I to get attached to someone that isn’t fully over his ex? Is the pain really worth it? What did he say to me? Help him get over his ex?? No! If he really wants to be with me, then I shouldn’t have to.

That’s all I hear about. His ex this, his ex that. Heck, he was even bringing me to places to where he took his ex. I’m not a replacement! I refuse to be a rebound. And I’m NOT your number 2 fuckin option!! I’m not her!! He can’t even bare looking at his livingroom without thinking of her. So yeah, you know what that tells me?That tells me he still cares about her, AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH ME?!!

Should’ve known I was gonna get hurt. And now I just feel fuckin stupid! Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

He says to give him a few days, but that shit takes years to mend from.

I don’t think moving on with this relationship would be very wise, for either of us. So yeah, that’s where I’m at in my mind. Bad timing I guess.

So yeah. Shit is pretty fuckin shitty. I don’t really feel like doing anything. But I have a Leads appointment today, and I should probably make the effort. I don’t know, it would make a good distraction. – Pooks


Behind the Curtain

FUCK!! I need to go the freakin library. Print out my bill. Hand in a copy to OW, because apparently they didn’t pay it directly like they were supposed to, so I’m gonna have to try to get that set up again. AND I have to go to the Housing Stability Bank at the Salvation Army to see if they can pay the bill since OW/ Discretionary Benefits did squat, and just told me to go there. According to my red slip, my power gets cut off today. Thank you OW!. You’re so much help. Geez! Luckily though, I was told by London Hydro that that’s on hold because I am working on it. So yaaay! I have time. But it’s gotta be done today. So fuck! A lot of unnecessary running around to do. Fuck that fuckin strike! OW workers are slackin. Then I got my visit later with my kids. So yeah, I’m gonna be exhausted by the end of the day. To save my bus tickets, yeah, I’ll be walking everywhere. Except to get to my visit. Bus tickets are reserved to get me there. I can always walk back. Ughhh… tired already. But here it goes… Fuck a shower. I’ll shower later. Just want this over and done with. Some stress you may not be aware of because I’m just very internal like that.

Ya know? I went to OW for assistance earlier in the week, and yeah…just get a phone call the day before disconnection of my power to go else where. WONDERFUL!!

Now it’s the day of disconnection. And I’m stressed. Not cool. But I’m here writing it, because I don’t talk about shit that bothers me. I write about it. I draw about it. I find other ways to vent my frustrations.

Speaking of venting frustrations. Yesterday was an off day for some friends, so yeah, they vented verbally. I listened. And yeah, I absorb that shit like a fuckin sponge. That energy. That’s a lot in me now. So if I seem a bit off lately, that’s why. It would be a great time to paint. Get my own, and others frustration, all that negativity I just absorbed out onto a piece of paper or a canvas. But no no no, I got other shit to take care of.

Right as of now, I’m just waiting for OW to open, their hours are currently 10am – 2pm because of the freakin strike.

Umm… what else? A couple other things. I mean, why does there always have to be a psychotic ex in the picture? I mean, mine finally is backing off a bit and having some respect for my new relationship. However, my boyfriends ex has been texting him, and I admit, that has me on edge a little bit. From what I heard, she doesn’t sound like a very stable person. I mean, she assaulted my current boyfriend in the past, and yeah. In a fucked up way, my boyfriend and I can relate when it comes to past abuse. Anyways, the fact she seems kinda psycho, and isn’t really moving on, and keeps texting when my boyfriend wants nothing to do with her, that kind of raises a red flag in the back of my mind. Should I be concerned of my own safety? I mean, it’s been awhile since I feared going out like my biological mother. Murdered by a jealous insecure bitch over a man. But I find myself getting a bit concerned.

I mean she texted him on the day of Up with Art, and she tried again yesterday. Which kinda stressed my boyfriend out. And maybe he thinks that that is making me insecure, like I think he’ll leave me for her or something. But that’s not it at all. He’s reassured me that I have the key to his heart, I’m his girl, so on and so forth. But it’s not him I’m worried about at all. It’s an old fear of dying as my mother did that is creeping up on me.

So yeah, hopefully she just moves on, and doesn’t start any drama. So not interested.

What else? Since I got into this relationship, I am starting to see who are my friends, and which ones had other intentions. Especially with this one “friend”, whom I used to date, kinda, in the past. Maybe he was hoping we’d hook back up. But no! He blew that chance when he took me for granted, ignored me, and yeah let me slip away. Clearly I wasn’t that special to him. Maybe just a piece of ass. But yeah, he’s lucky I even considered to talk to him again after ignoring me as he did as soon as he got a job. Like he’s too good or something. So yeah, now he’s giving me this attitude since I started dating my boyfriend. And yeah. FUCK! Either accept my friendship, or fuck off! He’s behaving like an immature jealous bitch! Not only that, but he ignores our other friends now. I mean, last Tuesday my bestie sent him a message trying to set up a game night or something, like we used to do,  and he just ignored. Like grow the fuck up! You’re like 50 something years old!

On Tuesday, I noticed my Scrabble game that I had brought and left at his apartment was dropped off, and sitting in the corner of the New School of Colour studio. Either he’s getting evicted, or just just acting like a bitch. He didn’t even show up last week. He did the week before, but made this smart ass remark about me rushing off to see my boyfriend. Not to mention he was taking his frustrations out on other artists, such as one that was just trying to joke around with him, and he tried to pull this shit like she was the one trying to start shit or something. “Oh I don’t know where the hell that came from!” Dude! Chill! She was just playing. Geez! So yeah, obviously I’m not gonna stick around. He was acting kinda hostile, and I got the fuck out of there. “I rushed off in a hurry”

So yeah, not too impressed with that supposed friend.

I mean, this other guy that had a crush on me is handling my new relationship status better than this other guy. He even shook my boyfriends hand. And still cracks jokes, and clowns around with me regardless. So he clearly values my friendship, even if he was hoping we would have been more. I appreciate that. Kudos to him for being mature about it.

My freakin ex is even handling this new relationship status better for crying out loud!! What did he say? He said congrats! And now he’s moving on. He says there is another girl he’s interested in. Thank fuckin god! It took years for that guy to get the point. It’s over. Sadly, it takes another man to get that point across. A womans space isn’t respected as much as a mans apparently.

So yeah, everything can’t be sparkles, pixies, rainbows and unicorns all the time. Sometimes your cage is gonna get rattled. And yeah, it’s gonna piss you off. Life’s not perfect. But isn’t that what makes it beautiful? The imperfections? And the very very frustrating struggles. That’s what makes your story, doesn’t it?  I mean, it all comes down to how we choose to react. And well, I chose to keep my mouth shut, and just write it out and move on. It’s helped many times before.

Now off to walk off some steam and get shit done! Have a good day!

Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading. – Pooks

“The mind can go either direction under stress—toward positive or toward negative: on or off. Think of it as a spectrum whose extremes are unconsciousness at the negative end and hyperconsciousness at the positive end. The way the mind will lean under stress is strongly influenced by training.”

– Frank Herbert

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Recurrence of a Shadow

After a day of feeling exhausted, I finally feel ready to blog…at 12:25am. Yes, I am still kinda nocturnal apparently.

Where to begin?…Last Friday. I had a visit with my children, pick up and drop off location had taken place at Tim Hortons. I was running a bit late. I got there at 4pm, rather than 3:30pm.

I had a last minute job interview that took me by surprise. When I returned their call, I was just expecting to book an interview, not have the interview right there on the spot over the phone. Even though I did not get the job, due to not having a drivers license, I think the interview went better than I had expected. I’m usually kind of awkward when it comes to carrying on conversations, especially over the phone. But yeah, much to my surprise, the experience wasn’t all that big, bad and terrifying. It was just like talking to another human being. Perhaps my social skills are improving. Anyways, I would like to thank the New School of Colour, and The Arts Project, participating and volunteering with those non-profit organizations had apparently made my resume stand out. According to the man that was interviewing me, those two art related organizations made me come across as interesting. Right on. I am a very interesting person. At least I think so. Haha!

Anyways, I didn’t get the job. Although my resume will be stored in a file with a star on it, for future reference, in case I apply again WITH a drivers license. Even though a drivers license takes years to get. Still, that door is there.

I am thankful for a positive experience when it comes to a job interview, I find myself feeling much more optimistic. If I can intrigue one employer, I can intrigue another. I’m just that darn charming! Haha! That just reminded me of a fortune  that I got from a fortune cookie earlier this past week. That is why I laugh. I make myself laugh. I love it! Just can’t help but joke about it every now and then.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Anyways, back to Tim Hortons, and the visit with my children. I had loads of fun. We did what we usually do on Fridays, Park-Hopping! This time we got a little more social, and played a few games of Grounders with the other children at the park. I kinda felt like a Phys.Ed teacher in a way, being the only adult participating with this group of kids. It was fun.

Afterwards, my daughter painted my nails purple and blue, while my son continued to interact with the other children. It was funny, him and a couple of others got the whole park talking about bacon. I was impressed and proud to see how sociable he was being. I mean, at first, he didn’t want to go to that specific park because there was too many people. So yes, I am very proud of him and myself, we both stepped outside of our bubbles that day.

When the visit ended I got a thank you from my ex for getting our boy up and active.

Other than that, my ex asked me if I said that he stalks me online. Obviously I have said that in the past. I mean, how else would my kids be bringing up subjects that I wrote in my blog, or bring up things that were posted on my website? It’s kind of an odd coincidence that my daughter would be saying; “You know what’s hard to draw? A pug is hard to draw.” Hmm… that is a drawing a fellow New School of Colour artist drew that I posted in a slideshow on my weebly website to kinda showcase the New School of Colour in a way. Odd coincidence indeed don’t you think? And these odd coincidences happen rather regularly. Hmm…So yeah, he can say he’s not. Pretend he’s not. But I believe otherwise. Although to avoid any confrontation in front of our children, I just said “I used to think so”, at that particular moment of questioning.

I mean, if he’s not stalking me online, then his friends are, and reporting back to him. Umm.. that seems a bit far fetched. I highly doubt that it’s his friends that don’t know me from a hole in the ground. However, my ex has a history of having nothing better to do than gossip amongst his friends about his ex whom he’s been separated from for a good 5 years now. Pathetic indeed.

Oh another thing he had the nerve to say, “What are you good at?! Ya know, besides art.” Why does it matter to him? That’s what I’d like to know. Perhaps that is a question he should be asking himself. But no, he’s a mooch, that relies on living off of others. He has absolutely no intentions to become, or do anything with his life. My employment, or career choices, that whole journey to find where the fuck I fit is none of his business. But maybe he’s still delusional thinking he can live off of me somehow. NO!! The answer is NO!! And from here on out for the rest of my damn life, NO!!

So yes, some positive can come out of his mouth, but than that just gets blown to shit with negative bullshit.

I was invited to our daughters birthday party, which will be at Adventures in Wonderland. But I’m not sure if that’d be a good idea for me to attend. I mean, my ex and I can only communicate for very short periods of time. We’re not friends. I don’t trust him. He clearly doesn’t trust me. I mean, last year I was getting accused of ridiculous shit. Like I really want to tolerate anymore of that b.s. I think I’d rather keep our interactions to a minimum.

However, we were able to discuss other things regarding our son. I guess he’s having trouble in school again. Similar issues as to what was happening in the Public School regarding his behavior. I guess our son has been saying he wants to blow up the school, and other violent threats. Saying he hates his father, etc. etc. So now he’s only doing half days at school since he is considered a safety concern. That does not sound like the boy I know that I see on weekends.

The school called C.A.S on my ex regarding all this, they talked…and now there are future plans for my son to return to Vanier. Hopefully that doesn’t interfere with my visits. I clearly am a positive influence, and for some reason our son has a lot of pent up anger towards his father. Why is that? Ever think of getting him into some kind of counseling? If I were my son, I’d be angry too. Witnessing his father choke and disrespect his mother. His father favoring his sister over him, and verbally abusing him, and treating him like he’s stupid. Yeah, that would build up some resentment, just saying. I do try to lift my boys spirit, and counteract the abuse. But like I said before, he’s so hurt , he doesn’t believe any praise or compliment. All I can do is love him, and sometimes that feels like it’s not enough.

Anyways…just keep doing what I’m doing. Being the positive. It’s not like C.A.S was called on me. I ain’t the concern here.

Sigh…Moving on. I’m sure my ex won’t be too impressed with this post, but I don’t write to impress. I write my truth.

Other than that, I had a pretty relaxing weekend. Met up with some friends on Saturday for Soup and Sandwich night. One showed up afterward, and we went to his place to chill. We have coffee, talk about art, his experience working in the kitchen, listen to music and play dice. It’s always fun. We’re getting pretty competitive when it comes to playing with dice. Haha!

Tuesday, there was no Leads appointment this week. I remember! Next week at 11am!

At the New School of Colour I finished my soft pastel piece I was  working on. So really, it only took me 2 days to complete. I rarely copy images. Most stuff I do is out of my head, but yeah, good practice.

Resource: Chapter 6- Rocks and Ravines - Painting Watercolor Landscapes with Confidence by Brian Ryder. Pooks interpretation of the watercolour image using soft pastels. Completed 04/21/2015 - All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Resource: Chapter 6- Rocks and Ravines – Painting Watercolor Landscapes with Confidence by Brian Ryder. Pooks interpretation of the watercolour image using soft pastels. Completed 04/21/2015 – All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

At the New School of Colour I was also able to return to my abstract oil painting. After some frustration with mixing colours and not getting the same tone of blue that I wanted when I return to my art piece, I just decided to take that one section and white it right out with the intention to transform it into something else. Art is awesome that way. It can mutate. There are no mistakes. Each piece is it’s own journey. Or as another New School of Colour artist said; “Art is it’s own story.”

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

We’ve made it a routine to go to a friends apartment after a New School of Colour session. On Wednesday, we brought along another friend from the art program. This time, the night consisted of origami, music, tea and coffee.

That reminds me. During the New School of Colour on Wednesday, this friend that I visit after the sessions, he helps other artists with their work. Anyways, while he was helping a friend of ours, he told her; “Baby steps.” I think he knew that would get a reaction from me. It made me giggle because that’s what I say during our dice matches. Haha!

Oh yeah! On Tuesday night, we did a collaboration doodle together, 3 New School of Colour artists, and titled it “Kricket”. I guess when I say crooked, it sounded like I said Cricket. Haha! Good times! Love muh art peeps!

“Kricket” by Melishee, MRC, & Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Wow. I’m kinda bouncing around all over the place. Just typing whatever I can recall.

Thursday I found myself to be very exhausted. Took me all day to shake off that tired feeling. I drank tea, coffee…even ate vegetables and rice to try to get myself to feel like myself again. Finally, around midnight, I started to feel more lively. Heck, I was even trying to stimulate myself with bright colourful cartoons. I was watching Ferngully. Been so long since I seen that. A friend of mine turned Batty’s rap song into a ringtone, it brought back memories, and yeah. I just had to sit down and watch it again.

Oh yeah! I did my taxes today online. Hopefully I did that right. It was the first time I’ve done them myself. So yeah. Let’s hope I didn’t fuck that up.

Tomorrow I plan to hit the food bank, and prepare for the weekend visit with my children…that hopefully doesn’t get miraculously cancelled.

I might also hear from this male friend of mine, whom asked if I was doing anything this weekend. I told him I was available Friday, but not Saturday and Sunday. So yeah, might meet up with him sometime tomorrow. Who knows, maybe we’ll go to that art group at the Crouch Library that he’s been talking about. Hmm… we shall see.

So yeah, that’s a week in the life of Pooks. There is some light, and dark moments. You take the good in with the bad, both mold you into who you are, and well…apparently that makes me…interesting. Maybe it’s the way I cope that is fascinating. I don’t know.

I skipped some days, because I either don’t remember, or there was just nothing that spectacular to write regarding those days. Like as if you really want to read about a laundry day. Or a day when my nose is stuck in a book reading for hours. So yeah…skip that, and write about more eventful things.

I hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you for reading, and I’ll be back at it again next week. – Pooks

“Depression, anger, and sadness are states of mind, and so are happiness, peace, and contentment. You can choose to be in any of these states because it’s your mind.”

– Maddy Malhotra

Light Sensitive

I apologize for the late blog post today. I wasn’t quite 100% myself. For one thing, I had a sore lower back. So most of my day was in bed. Second, my eyes were kind of light sensitive today, especially towards artificial light. It happens every now and then. So I’ve been avoiding the screens. Majority of my day I was in bed, at least until sun down when I started to feel better. The night is so much easier on the eyes. I wasn’t necessarily sleeping. I did however read a bit today.

I’m really getting into this book I’m reading. It’s called Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson. The way the author speaks of colours and symbols, I don’t know. The artist in me is intrigued by this book. Plus I find science fiction books fun to read. It’s like diving into someone elses imagination. I think it’s the thickest book I’ve ever picked up and decided to read. No regrets. I’m enjoying the tale.

Anyways, now that you know why my blog post is late. Carrying on….

It’s funny, last week after I had posted my blog, the power went out. Very briefly. But still. Glad I blogged and posted it when I did, because my internet was pretty much down til the following day.

Friday I was cleaning, and discovered the bottom of the sink does exist. It’s not a myth!

Saturday, my visit with my children got cancelled just as I was getting ready to run to the bus stop I got the call from Merrymount. I guess my ex called in, and cancelled. No reason was given. It was disappointing, but I am fortunate to have the friends I have to distract me from dwelling on it. So that night a friend and I met up and went for a huge walk around London. The longest we took yet! As usual, our pit stops are any Tim Hortons we stumble upon along our route. And of coarse, our walks together usually are spontaneous, and random things happen along the way that are bound to give us some giggles. Such as me trying to take a picture of a statue, and the nearby houses automated lights turned on, so me and this good friend must have jumped 10 feet in the air. It startled the crap out of us, and I thought there was going to be someone coming out shortly after to yell at us. Nope. Thank goodness! There are many things that happened that night that I can reflect on. Like how foggy it got, and we said we were walking in a cloud. And the moon was kind of red and huge that night. It was awesome. Neither of us could capture an image of it with our cell phones, but it’s one of those things you cherish in the moment.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

So yes, I’m grateful to have a friend that I can just get up and go out on a wild adventure with. Especially one that will walk with me til 3:30/ 4am.

Sunday, rest. Monday, blur. I do remember not being able to sleep Monday night though. I drank Sprite, which is way too much sugar to be drinking before bed. So I was just tossing and turning. I should have drank my Orange Pekoe decaf tea, less sugar, and I can control the amount of sugar I put in it. But I didn’t do that. So that pretty much interfered with my Tuesday. By the time I got to sleep it was around 6 or 7am. My plan was to snooze for an hour or two, so that I can make it to Leads, and nap after my appointment. That didn’t happen. Once I was out, I was out. And by the time I woke up, my appointment was over. So I e-mailed, apologized and explained, and guaranteed to be there for the next one. Which will be on the 28th.

I was even late to the New School of Colour. Although, I’m usually making my grand entrance by being late deliberately. Not this time. I’ve been trying to be more punctual lately, but yeah. Tuesday was just not my day.

As for art. I didn’t get a chance to work on my oil painting, due to being out of walnut oil. I did however dive into playing with the soft pastels. I don’t normally copy images. Most images I create are out of my head. But hey, it’s good practice. So I grabbed a water colours book from the shelf, and tried to mimic an image of a ravine with soft pastels. It’s been fun. I’m just scribbling colours, and smudging them together. Then I step back from my work, and an image is coming together. It’s like magic. Since I’ve been working from the foreground to the background, I find I’m using more guide lines as I get further back into the image. Less spontaneous scribbles, and actually trying to map it out.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Wednesday, I worked on my soft pastel project some more, and socialized with friends. We’ve been making it a routine to head to a friends apartment after the New School of Colour sessions for coffee. Tuesday we just chilled, and had some laughs. Wednesday, I brought the board game, Scrabble with me. It was fun. It definitely got challenging, it made us think, but it was fun.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Then there’s today, which I already told you about at the beginning of the blog.

Other than that, within my week I did get a couple calls from some employers that want to arrange an interview. One I was a bit iffy about calling back. Perhaps it’s because of their persistence with the calls. Isn’t it suppose to be the other way around? The job seeker is supposed to be the persistent one. So yeah, that raises some concern. The other opportunity, is for Bud Gowans Formal Wear. I don’t know, maybe I’ll call back tomorrow and see if I can book interview on Monday. I can picture myself doing some kind of clothing retail for the experience. But I can’t picture myself selling security cameras and other technology. It’s worth a shot. Plus it’s close, and I wouldn’t even need to catch a bus. It’s like a 15-20 minute walk, if even. The reason I say Monday, is because tomorrow is Friday, and I’m supposed to have a visit with my children around 3:30pm – 8pm.

So yes, opportunities are knocking. Good timing too! It is almost May, and both my children have birthdays in May. It would be nice to actually get them things they want, with less of a struggle to make ends meet. And my grocery options, just maybe, we could be eating healthier than we have been. Fingers crossed!

I’ve also been thinking about the next big art event, Up with Art. Which is said to be in June. I’m thinking ahead. I think I might submit something as a solo artist, that way giving more New School of Colour artists a chance to experience it. Especially those whom have not experienced that yet. If I submit something as a solo artist, that opens the door for someone else in the program. I think I’ve made some kind of name for myself, as an artist and a writer. So there’s no reason I can’t.

I remember speaking to an artist that was upset that her art wasn’t in the last New School of Colour exhibition, but since I told her about Up with Art, her spirits have been lifted and she has hope for the next show. Empathy strikes again.

Oh yeah, before I forget! Thanks to my friend and fellow New School of Colour artist that was helping me matte and frame my work, and also kept it safe at his home. I guess it’s been there long enough that he’s decided to buy it! So that’s awesome. I guess it reminds him of a science fiction book he read, about a city floating through space.That’s cool. Sometimes a viewers perspective is far more interesting than the artists intention. I believe it was an environmental statement, mixed with some drama in my life at that particular time. Painting with a mallet definitely worked. He says the image displays a lot of energy. Haha!

Anyways, I think I’ll end it there. Sorry that it’s late. I was waiting until artificial light no longer bothered my eyes. I’ve apparently returned to being nocturnal, but hopefully I’ll turn that around again. And after a short walk in the misty rain, my back is feeling much better.

See ya again next week! And thanks a bunch for reading! – Pooks

“Never see change as a threat, because it can be an opportunity to learn, to grow, evolve and become a better person.” – Rodolfo Costa

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Observations of an Idealist

Okie dokie. Blog day!

I think I’ll start off with some thoughts here and there that I have been thinking about. One recent, one I jotted down on paper. Then I’ll review and reflect on my week. Here it goes…

So I went to The Ark for dinner ( I’m saving the food I have at home for my kids), and Sanctuary was volunteering. I don’t know who was the volunteer wearing the dark grey sweater, red shirt, and red ball cap, but he was just being a dink. An elderly man that usually comes down to the New School of Colour to socialize asked for shrimp, and not the pasta. They were mixed together in a pasta salad. Anyway, this guy was like, “Really?” Then he was trying to tell the other volunteer to not to serve him. Or only give him 2 shrimps. Really?!! You’re gonna deny a guy in need of food?! And did you ever think that maybe there is a reason some of the people specifically ask for one thing and not the other? Some people do that if they have allergies!! No need to be stingy . There’s not many people there at this time of month, so there is plenty to go around!! Yeah, I wasn’t impressed with that guy. Luckily for this respected regular, I gave him the shrimp I got because I don’t normally eat shrimp. Not a fan of the texture. Newho, he appreciated that and chowed down.

Moving on…to the things I wrote down on paper… let me find my notes. Yes. I actually wrote some notes this time! Haha!

I was thinking how some online activists say they don’t, or won’t, post meaningless, worthless posts like “you” do. They normally say that when someone has a different perspective aside from their own. There is a flaw in that. I mean they are trying to reach the people, but abuse and belittle the people instead. So what they are trying to achieve is compromised by behaving just like the people they are fighting against, the capitalists.

I mean, FB posts, tweets, whichever social media you use, those are your thoughts or things you relate to that you share. So they do have sentimental value. Your thoughts matter, and anyone  that says they don’t are wrong and pig-headed. Shame on these activists for being so bias, for thinking they are better, smarter and superior than others based on what they post via social media.

Besides, majority of these online activists don’t really share their thoughts or interpretations, they just share articles. Thus, being an echo of someone else’s thoughts that is not their own.

Not to mention, if they were so “intelligent”, than they would at least notice their own behavior as abusive and non-effective. But they just keep repeating the same bullshit whenever someone disagrees with their opinion.

They act like the religious organizations, and other social institutions, as they try to force their thoughts to become your thoughts. There is no respect or acceptance for anyone that may question or think differently.

That is a huge problem in this world, and they aren’t making it any better.

Perhaps these activists need to take a different approach regarding communication if they really want to make a difference. Is behaving like your enemy going to get you the results you desire? No. Just the continuation of this vicious violent abusive cycle. Not very peaceful, is it?

Hence why I backed out of activism, especially around here. There must be a better way to reach others without force and abuse.

I can only hope the things I do in my life-time inspire others to do some kind of positive action.

Language, verbal, and written communication does have it’s barriers. We don’t all speak the same native tongue. And online or text communication often leads to a lot of misunderstandings. But as an artist, I know one form of communication that is universal, and that is through imagery. Which is probably why I’d rather put more focus into my art, than be another ranting online activist trying to shove my opinion down your throats.

Yeah, I once admired their efforts, and their cause, but after so many abusive interactions, I’ve had enough. That is not progress. Besides, The best thing for me, or anyone really,  is to take myself out of abusive situations. Until they see that for themselves, and try something different, than no progress will be made.

Besides, I like to post whatever the fuck I want via. social media. Not just bad news. I like to think of myself as silly, fun, and spontaneous like a Jester. I can make people laugh, smile, lift spirits, and inspire. I feel like I lose that part of me focusing only on the negatives in this world. There are positive things too, you just need to seek them out.

Yes, the Capitalists are sick, twisted, greedy scum. But I won’t allow their bullshit to turn me into a bitter person. I know I am stronger than that.

Now onto my review of my week… the personal life of Pooks.

I should probably start off with last Friday, when I had a 4 hour visit with my children outdoors. It was a cold day, but I think we did our best to make the best of it. We tried go park hopping, but that didn’t quite work out. I didn’t have the proper footwear to be out on a field of wet grass. Cold wet feet, not good. So instead, we went into the conservation area. It was less cold in there since the trees kind of sheltered us from the wind. The paths were mostly ice, so I didn’t have to worry about getting a soaker. We had fun, chasing each-other down the trails.

Saturday, that was soup and sandwich night at The Ark. I went there the friend I’ve reunited with. Somewhere within the week, we went a couple walks downtown. We even went for this long hike for Vanilla Coke, but got mocha’s instead. I’ve missed her over the years, and it’s good to have her back in my life. It’s good to have my walking buddy back, and we just go on random adventures. It’s always fun.

On Tuesday, during a Leads appointment, we were figuring out what kind of learner I am. Which I think I am both a hands on, and visual learner. I also did a personality test, and once again my result was… the Idealist. INFP- Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling Perceiving. Not surprised. That’s result I get for every personality test I do. I believe that’s the same result I got 2-3 years ago. Still the same! If your interested on reading the portrait of an INFP, the link is provided below ( It makes me laugh because I do in fact relate to the result) :

In the possible career selection for an INFP, it listed the following jobs; Writers, Counselors/Social Workers, Teachers/ Professors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Musicians, Clergy/Religious Workers. It makes sense with the writer thing. Heck, I’m blogging right now. Umm.. my worker suggested maybe to try teaching, but yeah, I said I don’t feel courageous or confident enough for that yet. I’m not very good at explaining things vocally, let alone to a crowd. Large crowds usually give me anxiety. I don’t think I can do the psychologist, or psychiatric thing, I would be absorbing too much negativity. And yeah, that’s never pretty. Haha! A social worker? maybe, that depends. For what cause? Hahaha! So yeah, some possibilities to ponder.

After my Leads appointment, a friend took me out for lunch to Crabby Joe’s. That was a nice way to spend the afternoon. Thanks to my friend that took me out that day!

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm… Lately at the New School of Colour, I haven’t really been working on my painting, but more so learning from others. This week an artist came in and showed me how to do this really neat effect with ink, and a glossy coating for texture. The result was amazing!

Art by Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Art by Pooks. All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

That is not the only thing I’ve been learning this week. But another artist from the New School of Colour is actually walking me through step by step on how to measure and cut the matte boards for framing instead of doing it for me. I get to learn how to do it myself…kinda. I kinda messed up the first time, but hey, that’s how we learn, trial and error. Haha! I’m starting to get that it isn’t really that technical, mostly fractions. I’m not that great at math, but hey, it’s good practice.

Afterwards I hung out at a friends apartment, along with another friend. We talked about art, and had a lot of laughs. It was a very inspiring night.

Today I was running errands in the rain, and I got myself new shoes. I had to get my shopping done before all the grocery stores close for the Easter holidays. So yes, I am prepared for this coming weekend when my kids spend a night over. I am looking forward to another awesome weekend!

Newho, this blog post is very very long. Apparently I had a lot to share. I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! – Pooks

“Living in a way that reflects one’s values is not just about what you do, it is also about how you do things.” – Deborah Day

Past the Test

Maybe I should just make Thursday my new blog day…

Anyways, there was something I forgot to mention in the last post, about how I was catching some kind of cold or flu, but then a friend gave me garlic, and yeah, that fixed me right up within 2 days. I took his advice about dicing it up and drinking it with water, but then I remembered how he said something about how rapid things get into the blood stream when placed under the tongue. So that’s what I did, I took a nice chunk of it and placed it under my tongue, and holy hell was that hot!! Haha! You can tell garlic is related to the onion.

Newho, onto other things. Umm.. I patched things up with someone I used to hang out with quite regularly 3 years ago. We started talking and mingling again at the New School of Colour, and afterward we went for a long walk where we were able to say what we needed to say, and yeah, the past is behind us. I think we both came to a better understanding of each-other.  It is nice to have a friend that enjoys walking, and loves coffee as much I do. Not to mention, after all this time that has past, we can still relate to each-other. So yeah, grateful for forgiveness, and friendship.

Last weekend my children were over for a visit. I think were always up to something. We could be playing doctor, and I’m taped to the floor… or my daughter and I or painting and trading our art… Thank my son for suggesting to watch Big Hero 6, that was a cute movie. We missed our movie hour in the evening, so instead we had Breakfast and a Movie. I see them again this coming Friday!…Hopefully it won’t be too cold out.

"I painted this for my daughter, and she proudly hung it up in her room. The painting she gave me is in mine. " - Pooks

“I painted this for my daughter, and she proudly hung it up in her room. The painting she gave me is in mine. ” – Pooks

On Tuesday I slept in, and missed my Leads appointment. Darn it! My alarm was set, it did go off, I just slept right through it. I’ve been really exhausted lately, and I think it has something to do with my diet. Not enough vegetables. I’m like Popeye and his spinach, except he doesn’t slow down like a dying battery like I do when he goes without. Worst kind of exhaustion ever, not even coffee will suffice.

Anyways, my appointment has been re-booked to next week. Dust myself off, try to eat better, and try again. Back to discovering my strengths and abilities.

At the New School of Colour I was pulled aside to a meeting, where I and another New School of Colour member were given the torch, so to speak, regarding the New School of Colours social media sites and official website. So yesh. It’s official. Pooks is one of the New School of Colours social media guru’s. If you noticed any new tweets from the New School of Colour, that was me! I got straight to work. The official site uses Weebly, a web builder I am already familiar with. That’s what I use for my own site. Although I believe building it won’t be as quick as my own was, because it’ll require interaction with other members so that everyone is happy with it. Looks like I’ll need to step outside of my comfort zone a little bit. But whatever, I’m happy some other skills of mine can be put to use. I have been doing this social media stuff for awhile.

Before I forget, I did show up with make up and paint on my face, and congrats to the New School of Colour and The Ark. They past my test. Everyone treated me no differently, as well as the people that attend, volunteers, and staff. There was no bias or discrimination. They spoke to me like there wasn’t even paint on my face. Thanks for reassuring me that it is a safe space for all.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

I submitted my last completed oil painting into the New School of Colours next art exhibition. Which will be in the lobby of the Palace Theatre, in addition to the Ark Aid Street Mission’s play “The Living Last Supper.” That will be taking place this Friday and Saturday. p.s. It was a pleasant surprise to see that the play got into the London Free Press. Congrats to The Ark, and everyone involved with “The Living Last Supper.”

On Wednesday there was a group photo at the New School of Colour being taken, and I tried to hide in the back, but I got busted. The photographer was like; where’s Pooks? I guess I was being humble, a little modest. Trying to shed some light on the other artists. I don’t really need the spotlight, I am more than capable of drawing attention to myself when I want to.

Anyways, later on that evening a new member ( She’s been attending for about a month) to the New School of Colour was preparing to get ready to paint with a younger artist. They decided to do some finger painting, so I dared this newcomer to dive in, get messy. The result was amazing. They both had fun, their smiles and giggles lit up the room. That is the New School of Colour. That energy that took place.

I found out later that I had inspired this artist to step outside of her comfort zone. That’s cool. I thought I was just being playful with the dare. But inspiring? Cool. Just trying to share what I know is loads of fun, Art with kids. I knew she would have a blast if she took on my dare. 😉

“I taught and also learned that letting go, being brave and messy is my new idea of perfection!!!”

– Francesca

I still need to do my income taxes. Unsure what I need to bring. But I’m pretty sure I can get it all done at the Crouch Library. I was considering about going to The Ark, but the guy that does them there has been under the weather lately. So yeah, probably best to try else where.

I did get an e-mail from The Arts Project regarding Floater hours, but unfortunately they collide with my visiting hours with my children. So I will have to pass. However, the Ting Comic and Graphics Festival is coming up, and I look forward to checking that out at The Arts Project. Comic art fan here!

Newho, that is all I’m gonna write for now. Hope you enjoyed the update. It feels like a week just flew by. Onto experiencing more life. Thanks for reading! – Pooks

“A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.”- William Arthur Ward