Because you’re Native

So I was going through the documents my doctor gave me, to give to the hospital in case I pop early.

Needless to say that I am not impressed with the way they worded things. Such as “denies” substance abuse in current pregnancy??? Wtf? I don’t do drugs period, besides the antibiotics they shove down throat. Yeah, I used to smoke weed, but I kicked that to the curb without a problem when I found out I was pregnant with my eldest son. 10- 11 YEARS AGO!!! I don’t do fuckin drugs period. Ughhhhhhhh….

image

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

It also says to monitor me for any indications to involve them (C.A.S) in current pregnancy.

A) The reason CAS got involved in the first place was because a doctor accused me of being on crack when I actually had mastitis. And rather then doing their job, Dr. Lee settled for his assumption.

B) CAS remained involved because of MY EX and the domestic abuse. But yeah, CAS, specifically Lara Downing, fucked up on that one, and thinks it’s safer to have my children with the man that assaulted their mother, than their mother. Make any sense?? Oh that’s right, I opened up with the truth that my ex was in my home when he wasn’t supposed to be due to a restraining order. I guess that would have been too much work for her to have to start from scratch. But what does she expect from a domestic abuse case? Yeah, I was lying on his behalf. Because he supposedly loved me, and was the only person that cared for me. Everybody else was just trying to tear our family apart. That’s the kind of shit a victim of abuse gets brainwashed with. Anyways,  out of spite, this lazy immature worker did everything in her power to have my kids placed with my ex. Congrats! She succeeded, and now schools wonder why they have so many problems with my eldest son. Smh. Oh yeah, and since my ex was around when he wasn’t supposed to be, that whole cleanliness bullshit that got pinned on me only, that’s on him too. That’s the fuckin truth.

Society and all these organizations are fuckin retarded!
Correction. Not retarded. That’s not the word. I know some peeps may find that word offensive. But yeah… perhaps bias, prejudice, racist, ignorant, so on and so forth, are better words to use.

Heck! Even my biological cousin shares this perspective from her own experience. She said: ” Automatic substance abuser. Because you’re native. I get labeled immediately as well, even when I was pregnant.”

So yeah. Welcome to the life of a native. Isn’t that fuckin bullshit or what?

Not all natives are substance abusers. Many of my generation learned by the example of our elders. Not all of them. But yeah, there are those trying to drown their traumatic experiences from Residential Schools. The torture and genocide of our people and culture. Sure those times may be over, not entirely obviously, but clearly our elders still suffer internally from those memories. I imagine it would be like how a soldier would suffer PTSD after returning from war. People having to live with seeing or experiencing inhumane shit that is to be kept “confidential.”

Anyways… that’s enough for this post. I will post another regarding other aspects of my life, either later on today or in the week. Thank you for reading my occasional rant. Peace and love – Pooks

“…racist thought and action says far more about the person they come from than the person they are directed at.”

– Chris Crutcher

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In Their Ideal Society

Hello again!

I know it’s been awhile since I blogged. I believe I skipped a week. But some time away doesn’t hurt once in awhile.

Anyways, umm… what are the major things that have been happening. Besides the obvious, preparing for Christmas. This year I get to have my children over for Christmas, so that’s going to be awesome. My son requested to have an awesome Christmas dinner, with banana bread and cheese cake for dessert. We shall see what we can do. As in my partner and I.

Not only that but we have also been trying to prepare for our baby that is on the way. We managed to find a play pen for a good deal at a nearby second hand store. That was awesome. And My man’s sister gave us a bunch of stuff for the baby, a changing mat, clothes, bibs, etc. etc. Even though we do not know the sex of our baby.

Which reminds me, I might be getting an ultrasound sooner than expected. During my last doctor appointment, the doctor said my baby is underweight. I found that devastating. Because now Dr. M. Kennedy, like most doctors with a native patient, jump to the worst conclusions. Oh she’s native, she must be on drugs, or drinking alcohol. He was getting ready to call C.A.S, which upset and totally pissed me off. I mean, C.A.S has interfered enough with my life, like half of it. And this freakin doctor wanted to call them just because I “have a history with them.” He said, “They are there to help.” Hahaha! Bullshit! Not with my experience. They are there to help white people, the Capitalists, and the genocide. To rid people of colour in their ideal society.

I mean, years ago, it was a doctor at Victoria Hospital that got C.A.S involved back when my son was a baby. That judgmental, discriminating jackass jumped to conclusions and rather than testing me to see what’s up. He automatically accuses me of coming down off of crack, when truthfully, as the nurses found out after the fact, I had a breast infection; mastitis. These doctors should do their jobs rather than jumping to conclusions based on race. That’s very unprofessional. So yeah, haven’t really trusted doctors since. I hate them all equally.

Anyways,  back to recent times, another doctor came in and said that they won’t be calling C.A.S because they are not concerned. However, they will be monitoring the baby’s growth throughout my pregnancy. Which is why they want another ultrasound done soon.

I have to make sure my following appointments land on Mondays, so I get the same 2 doctors as last time. They want to be the ones to follow my pregnancy, and be there when I’m in labour. The Victoria Family Medical Centre doctors work in alternating teams. So yeah, if I book a different day, different doctor. I don’t mind the female doctor, but the male one, ooooooh… he got on my bad side for even mentioning C.A.S. However, I will remain co-operative. I know what could be stunting the growth of my baby, caffeine and smoking.

Anyways, after my appointment, my man came home to me crying. I’m so fortunate to have him there as support. Even when I’m all emotional. Right away he started to do some research on healthy foods that can help with weight gain during pregnancy, and went shopping for those foods. So yeah, even my diet has changed. I try to avoid drinking beverages with caffeine. We’re even being more careful with the kind of teas I drink, since there are teas that have caffeine within them. So yeah, sticking to more fruity, non caffeinated teas. Mornings are rough without some kind of caffeine, but I’ll manage. As for smoking, I smoked maybe 10 per day, and have been cutting back. Maybe I’ll be able to ween myself off them eventually. Fingers crossed! It’s not an easy habit to kick, I’ve tried and failed before.

Other than that, I missed my Leads appointment last week. I misplaced my bus pass, which turned out to be right under my nose the whole time. Go figure. I mean, since it’s getting colder, I wear a hoodie, a fleece vest ( since I can’t zip up my coat over my tummy), and my winter coat. So yeah, lots of pockets. Anyways, my bus pass was in my sweater, under all the layers the whole time. Ughh… Luckily, I was able to re-book. I mean I was looking forward to my appointment. I was just about to head out the door, and yeah, missing bus pass.

At the last appointment I attended at Leads, my worker noticed that I was fidgeting with my bus transfer as we talked. By the time I was done folding it, she said it looked like a snowflake. So that gave her the idea to make snowflakes at the next appointment. So I was curious to see if that was actually going to happen. Were we actually going to make paper snowflakes? Not your regular kind of Leads appointment. Haha! Creativity is contagious. I love it!

So yeah, I’ll see her tomorrow and find out.

As for the New School of Colour, I completed a small acrylic painting last week, and will probably be starting something new this evening.  While I’m there, my man said that is when he will be buying me a Christmas gift, and stashing it somewhere in the house. Lol

Speaking of painting, I still have to create something for the Twitter Art Exhibit, the last piece I was working on got messed up because I spilled tea all over it. So yeah, got to make another.

I also want to paint my front window with a Christmas theme this year. I got some tips from the former New School of Colour facilitator, since I knew he did that kind of thing at The Ark in the past. The thing is, finding the time. Newho, yeah, best of luck to him wherever life takes him. We was talking about getting a PH.D and becoming a doctor in the past. Maybe that’s what he’s doing. Good luck fellow rainbow ninja! We all know how much I love doctors. Hahaha! Maybe he will turn out to be a decent one. Who knows?!

During my last visit with my kids, we went for a walk to the park, and then wondered down streets we’ve never been down. I think I have a good sense of direction, so we didn’t get lost. Lol

Anyways, that’s life lately. Thank you for reading! Peace and Love! – Pooks

“Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble.”

– Lemony Snicket

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Because Here It Is!

Well hello again!

It’s been a little over a week, so yeah I’m kinda late with this post. But that’s okay, because here it is….finally.

Umm… I’m not sure what to write, as usual. But yeah yeah, whatever, just type.

Okay, so a while back my man and I met a 65 year old woman outside the Beer Store. Anyways, she invited us over, and yeah… Won’t be going back there again. No, I wasn’t drinking, but I seemed to have been surrounded by people that were. That was kind of amusing to say the least.

Anyways, our first impression of this woman, we thought she was interested in hanging out with us because we are an interracial couple. And well…she’s part black, part native, and part white. At first she seemed cool, kinda sarcastic and giggly. But.. when we got to her place, I don’t know. Suddenly, I felt like I was put into that freakin position where people assume I’m a psychiatrist or something just because I’m a quiet person. Honestly, I fuckin hate that. I mean, a good 15 years of my life was spent listening to someone bitch. I’m kinda done with that shit. Nothing like being bombarded with a shit load of venting and negativity. After awhile, in these situations, I just wanna say; what the fuck are you grateful for?! Ya know?! Tell me something positive and good. Freakin switch it up a bit and change your damn attitude. Fuck! How and why do I attract these kind of people?! It gets a little frustrating after awhile.

I mean, I do understand her frustration and anger regarding racism, and discrimination. You know? The whole alienation thing. I get it. Not really fitting anywhere. But, you don’t see me ranting about this shit to random people either. It’s stuff I write about. If people want to read my rants or any other crazy freakin thoughts, by all means. I leave it up to my readers. It’s not forced in your fuckin face.

Not only that, but she seemed to have some abandonment issues. Trying to tell me my man is just going to up and leave me eventually, because “all men do” in her opinion. Well… I honestly don’t need someone like that filling that kind of shit in my head. Ya know? Just because she had problems in her past with men, doesn’t mean that my man is the same. I refuse to believe that. He’s been absolutely amazing as a boyfriend, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Another thing, apparently her son, whom was also there, is a friend or acquaintance of my ex. And well… I try to keep our crowds separate. So another reason why we won’t be going back. Ya know? Both my man and I agree, we need more positive, optimistic people in our lives, especially with the baby on the way.

Anyways, onto other things. I missed my Leads appointment apparently, but I was kinda focused and excited for my babies first ultrasound. So yeah, any other plans during last week kinda went out the window. Minus the visit with muh other babies, of coarse I’m going to be there for them.

I had my visit with my children shortly after my ultrasound, so that was a good day. And now that I am a little past 12 weeks pregnant, maybe I won’t have to worry about the morning sickness and nausea as much. For awhile, that was kicking my ass. Good times. Haha!

Newho, we still don’t know the sex of the baby, and are still undecided about the name were going give our child. My daughter is hoping for a baby sister, and my son is hoping for a baby brother. Either way, I’ll be happy. I mean, my partner and I kind of giggled because we said our baby already sounds like royalty with both our last names combined; King- Wuytenburg. ❤

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Umm.. My visit with my kids went well. Even though it was kind of a rainy wet day. So their father gave me some money to take them to an internet cafe kind of place, called Gamerz Block. It was pretty cool. My kids got to play games online for an hour, and during that time, we stayed dry. The workers there were really friendly, and helpful. So yeah, it was a good evening with my children.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Other than that, we’ve managed to move some of my man’s belongings to my place. Slowly but surely the move is getting done. Of coarse, no heavy lifting for me, but I do what I can.

As for today, I kinda wanted to get out of my mans apartment for the day. So here I am, at home, blogging. There’s going to be people, possible future tenants viewing his apartment today, and yeah, I didn’t want to stick around. That would just be awkward. I would feel like a zoo animal on display or something while this takes place. So yeah, I got out of there temporarily.

Oh yeah, I can’t remember the exact day it was. But my man pampered me for a day. He surprised me with Rainbow Trout, Cheese Cake, and even got me a Detroit Red Wings cap. Ya know? Just because. Yeah, I’m lucky to have someone love me so much.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Not to mention that he’s proud to be becoming a father. I mean, he shows off the ultrasound pictures to as many people as he can. It’s cute.

Hard to believe it’s happening, but soon we will be sharing the same roof, as a family. He says our home will be a happy home, filled with lots of love. So yeah, looking forward to it all. I love his optimism.

Next summer we plan to have a kick-ass garden in the backyard. That’s going to be awesome. Who knows what else?!

Anyways, I gotta move stuff around the house, to make room for other stuff. I know, I know. Be careful, and don’t over do it. Hope you enjoyed the read! Until next time, peace and love! – Pooks

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”

– William Shakespeare

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

 

Two left Standing

Well here I am, writing again. Twice in one day. Actually, now it’s past midnight, so technically it’s the next day. I just think of it as the same day because I have not slept yet.

The reason for me writing again is because my biological family had a bit of a scare tonight. We almost lost someone valuable to us.

My cousin found out that her mother was hospitalized, and that she was drinking and nearly froze to death. My heart sank when I read that on Facebook. As I’ve mentioned before, freezing to death is how two of my uncles passed away, and my grandmother.

My aunt and my uncle are the only elders left of the Kings. There’s only two left standing. And the way I see it, they are the closest connections I got to my deceased Mother, and any family history that we may have. So yes, it would be a tragic loss if either of those two were to die.

The good news is, my aunt is okay, and is recovering.

My cousin is pretty hurt, angry, sad, worried…a whole bunch of emotions regarding my aunts addiction to alcohol. Understandable, it is her mother in the hospital. Of coarse she’s going to be frantic.

Sadly substance abuse is how a lot of our people cope with life as a native. Many residential school survivors use substances to bury the pain and trauma. It’s not really an excuse, but the truth of our cultures past reality. It clearly still has an impact to this day. Very devastating.

I remember when I went up north for the family reunion, My Aunt, another relative and I went to the bar. My aunt did drink quite a bit. I don’t think she remembers telling me what she told me regarding her own experiences in a residential school. She kept her head down, her back hunched, what I saw and heard was a woman in severe emotional pain. I listened and hugged her. What she shared with me, I will not repeat. I think she trusted me with that, which is why she told me. That is her truth, that I hope she can gain the courage to share wide open one day. Anyways, I didn’t drink that night. I drank lots of Pepsi and 7Up though. It’s a good thing too, because I was able to walk my Aunt back to where we were staying. Too bad nobody sober was with her this time around.

Regardless, I am glad she is okay, and that we didn’t lost another King. I worry about those two, my Aunt and my Uncle. They are homeless. So yeah, it’s hard to keep track of where they are, and how they’re doing.

However, there is a way to help somewhat, by helping their local emergency shelter. I just checked the Aviva website, even though the shelter didn’t fund-raise enough,  or get enough votes, there’s still an option to donate to the Red Lake Area Emergency Shelter. So if you can donate, please do. Miigwech in advance.

https://www.avivacommunityfund.org/ideas/acf19439

I think I’ll finish this post off with a poem written by my Aunt. One of my favorites. If you like it, find her on FB and inquire about her book; A Book of Poetry. Anyways, here it goes;

An Indians Tears

In the realm of my dreams

no artistry comes to mind this artist has become blind

eyes that once shone with pride

behind dark glasses, they now hide

memories of days gone by

remembering, she begins to cry

“Indians don’t cry”, so they say

their pride won’t let them anyway

Too often I have cried in sorrow

wishing only for a better tomorrow

this Indian woman is not too proud to cry

you have witnessed my tears, and yet, don’t ask “why?”

is it out of respect or out of shame

that you huddle close, as you whisper my name

Don’t worry yourselves so

for I already know

my tears are a hindrance to you all

But, they will continue to fall

who knows when this face will smile again

who will be around to ease the pain

no answers reach my ears

as your eyes now too, fill with tears

don’t hang your heads in shame

for, our tears have a name

-FREEDOM-

 © 2008 Sarah Jane King

Thanks for reading. I know my family has it’s problems, but I love them. Society played it’s part when it comes to colonialism. There’s no doubt about that. So there is no point in blaming the victim. Maybe it’s time to wake up and take a real good look at how First Nations people are treated, in the past, AND in the present. Perhaps it’s time to make a right in a more positive direction. Fuck your racist elitists!

Just the fact that I can relate to my aunts poems regarding racism, and being native in this world, scares me. Especially because she wrote those poems years ago, and I am the next generation. Wow. that is pretty shocking. Are our children going to feel this pain as well? – Pooks

“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching

— they are your family. ”- Jim Butcher

The Crazy and Insane

I had posted a blog post, but apparently it vanished. So lets try this again, shall we?! I know I said I didn’t feel like writing it all over again, but I am stubborn. I was pointing out some hypocrisy.

Anyway, last week during that whole #BellLetsTalk ordeal, I noticed a tweet from Western University that just made me want to crack up laughing.

10945656_781708721895807_8841851187041725376_nIt’s hypocritical because here they are supposedly “supporting” those with mental health problems, yet that’s the exact reason I was given the boot from this University, because of my “mental health.” Supposedly it was “too late” to go see a psychologist when I did.

Anyways, I posted on FB about this, I said:

They only care because it’s a trend. It’s always about what other people will think. An image to maintain. Pathetic.

It is sad when people only “support” the mentally ill for a pat on the back, for social approval, or a gold star. So excuse me if I don’t believe in their concern, and I believe it’s staged for an audience. It’s false empathy.

Then I went on to talking about my own mental health…and other stuff….

As for my mental health, I’m doing wonders when I am not being pressured into what’s unnatural. Pressured into conformity. Without the pressure to be like everybody else, I’m fabulous! No anxiety, no panic attacks. It’s been awhile.

Conformity is the mental health problem. Your minds have been fucked with, which goes way back to childhood and all the “organizations/ social institutions” ( Education, Religion, Political Systems, Economy, and Family. Yes, families are considered an organization as well. We are to raise our children to be obedient slave workers. Forget love, it’s all about business for the system. Non- conformists raise a “red-flag” because they are a threat to the system. They can change things. No no no, don’t want that. Especially your elitists, they like the way things are.)

So the way I see it now, is that I’m not the one with the problem. They are, and they are many. They are just too brain washed to see it.

This looks like a good spot to take a break, and share a video by Morgue.

When it comes to these people and they want to label and stigmatize you, it’s like they’re saying; “You’re not like me, there’s something wrong with you.” Ummm…seriously? I’m not meant to be your replica. I know that, why don’t you?

Now I’m not saying that I am 100% cured now. That’s not the case. I’m sure I still have some issues that will randomly pop up due to a life time of abuse. That is bound to have some side effects. Such as trust issues. I rarely open up to people, and often regret doing so. People are cruel.

I have anxiety and depression. I still need to overcome my anxiety when it comes to being assertive and confronting people. That is a trigger. Although, according to my Leads worker, whom has given me examples of when I was assertive, and done okay, I guess I am getting better, and this is not permanent after all. The only barrier is in my mind. Kinda like everybody else in this insane world. I mean how many times do we need to have an oil spill, or a pipe explosion in order to realize that we need to try something else?

As for my depression, it comes and goes. I do get depressed during those gaps between visits with my children. But I think any loving parent would if they had to wait to see their child again. So yeah, sometimes I just want to sleep the days away until I see them again.

Reading the news, it’s often bad news, so that can get depressing. Oppression is everywhere, and we are trapped in this prison. I wish others would just wake up already!  The ignorance, and the conscience ignorance can get very frustrating. Many activists desperately try to get the message across. But many of the people just choose to ignore and continue on with their insanity. So yeah, there are times where it does feel utterly hopeless. But for some strange reason we dust ourselves off, and keep trying.

Discrimination for many different reasons ( being native, being a woman, poverty, mental health, being a survivor of abuse, etc etc…) can put a damper on a persons self-esteem, and cause depression. Heck, I don’t believe I’ll get a job in this city because of my brown skin. So in a way, I kind of gave up on that, and put more focus on my art. I’m a lot happier that way, than trying to be something I’m not.

In my original post that vanished into thin air… I kinda ranted about my ex. Regarding my trust issues. How lying for him is not worth it, and I took a personal vow to be more honest. My honesty now often gets me into a lot of shit. But whatever, it’s better than lying. Let alone lying to cover up someone else’s bullshit, just to get stabbed in the back. I think any woman in my position would not take him back. So yeah, he’s pretty fuckin dumb to think that is even possible. Especially since we’ve separated, I just go through more verbal abuse from him. He has stalked me online here for 5 years to get his material to talk shit. Saying I’m a witch, I’m dating a gay guy that wears lipstick ( I believe he got that from my Me v.s Me duality pic), so on and so forth. Who in their right mind would take that back??  I don’t think so.

So yeah, due to his online stalking, I was going to take a vacation from this blog, but I decided to say fuck it! I have some thoughts that need to be shared! Even if he can’t keep his nose out of my business, and has this crazy thought that he can still live through me. Umm..no! That door has been closed a long time ago!

For anyone that doesn’t really know the background of that relationship, it was a lot of abuse and bullshit. That pretty much sums it up.

So on top of my own mental health issues, I got to deal with his unstable mental ass as well. If I could, I’d rather not.

He’s not the only abuser. There are others before him that I clearly will experience side effects from as well.

But thanks to all that bullshit, and trauma, I have become more sensitive to the energy around me, and I’ve become extremely empathetic. It’s a gift, a painful gift to bear, but still a rare gift.

Not only that, but it has taught me to respect myself, that I deserve respect and to be treated better than the way any of my abusers have treated me. So I am intolerant to abuse, and disrespect. I use the power and control wheel to protect myself. If anyone displays any of those behaviors, yeah, bye!

It’s too bad more people in this world don’t do that, because then they’d realize that they too are being abused by their elitists, their leaders, the 1%. Through the years I’ve learned that abuse isn’t just a personal problem of mine, it’s a global issue. Thanks to media, for numbing us to violence, we tend to think it’s normal and okay. This is the way it’s meant to be, but it’s not. – Pooks

“Our society tends to regard as a sickness any mode of thought or behavior that is inconvenient for the system and this is plausible because when an individual doesn’t fit into the system it causes pain to the individual as well as problems for the system.”

– Theodore Kaczynski

Short and Sweet

I don’t really have much to share this week. Just some thoughts here and there, I don’t know. Maybe they will add up. We’ll see.

I had a good visit over the weekend with my children. My daughter and I get artsy a lot. I guess I feel it is important as a parent to encourage her creativity. I mean, she told me that she’s the only student that takes interest in art in her class. The only artist. That is saddening. So I feel that it is my role to keep her inspired, and creating art so that this fucked up system doesn’t rob her of that, and try to direct her else where, when her passion is in art.

I think it’s cute that she takes pride in being a “weirdo” like mommy. She has that fearlessness to be silly, and just be herself. She calls me her star. So that’s pretty cool that I am making such a huge impact on this little person. I’m inspiring her.

For the last couple of weeks, my kids keep asking me if I’m famous. Haha! I joke around and answer, “Yeah, everybody knows me!” Other times I answer with; “I am known as Pooks the artist and writer.” I wouldn’t call it fame though. I’m not rich and glamorous.  Heck, I write this blog for free. As for my art, I do sell some pieces, but not enough to make a living. A portion of what I make is to give back to the Ark Aid Street Mission & the New School of Colour, or I donate my art to fundraisers. The goal is leave my mark, to create a ripple effect. A message. To be remembered after I’m gone, and to hopefully make some kind of difference in this fucked up world. It’s not about money.

Speaking of money, I got a notice from my co-op that I owe $40. Ugh! Money money money. People are always asking for more money. It’s annoying. Especially when realistically there isn’t enough floating around physically, and yet, people always want more. No matter what, you’re in debt. We’re all fucked, yet we keep supporting this stupid system. As for my co-op, they fear the co-op has maybe 8 years or so before the government fucks us over. If you were really that concerned, you’d get involved with the community that is fighting against Capitalism. Heck, there was an event held yesterday at the Aeolian Hall specifically about Co-Ops and Capitalism. How much you want to bet that no member of this co-op even went to this event? Even when their head office is plunked in a community that is trying very hard to make some positive changes.  I was considering it, but the time collided with the New School of Colour, and this sensitive little empathetic peach needs her art time damn it! So given a choice, art will always win with me. It heals, empowers, and gives me a voice in a very symbolic way. People tend to understand symbols better than they do each-other when it comes to communication. Art is power, thank the University for showing me that.

So yeah, no idea what I owe arrears for. But I’ll eventually take care of it. Just not really in a social mood, especially regarding something as utterly ridiculous as money. I’ll take care of it when I’m motivated, but right now I just think it’s stupid. It’s all bullshit. You people are silly.

There’s more important things to be concerned about. Which reminds me about this goal setting thing at Leads for our next module. It’s like I’m expected to want money. Want to make money. Make more money. Why? I hate it. My goals aren’t the same as the average person. There is a deeper meaning, a deeper purpose. I’m expected to be selfish. Yet I’m the kind of person that asks for fuck all. But I’m supposed to want to buy and consume. Love material things.

I guess you can say I give up trying to fit in a system that doesn’t want me in it to begin with. An annishanaabe woman is considered “inferior” in this world, so why the fuck should I try to cooperate? I mean, no one in this city freakin hires me anyways. Not to mention, we just keep losing more and more jobs, that doesn’t really help. So I might as well just do my own thing. Let me be, and stop pressuring me to be something I’m not. To conform into a system that thinks I’m not worthy. No thanks. I see why a lot of natives often just create their own jobs, and businesses. Following the herd is just unrealistic.

Anyways, I was thinking that maybe I should go on hiatus for awhile from this blog. There are trolls that just follow to criticize, not to mention, my obsessive ex that just won’t fuck off. He still stalks me here, and I’m quite tired of it. I don’t know what I have to say or do for him to get the point that Caski and Pooks are over. I mean, during my visits my kids will mention things from this blog, that they normally wouldn’t know had it not be for this blog, and their father stalking me online. We have been separated since 2009/2010. My life is none of his business anymore.

I don’t know. We’ll see how if I feel like writing next week or not. But lately, I feel less and less like writing. Maybe I just need a vacation from my blog, and live a little more privately. – Pooks

“To be left alone is the most precious thing one can ask of the modern world.”- Anthony Burgess

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

The Hobo & The Tramp

Looks like I’m typing more today than I thought. Thank you @canadian_makin via Twitter, for displaying the disgusting behavior on why I think I cannot trust anyone, or have any faith in humanity. Trust me, I was holding onto the tiniest of thread. But I am just shown that people are cruel over and over again.

As you see here, it’s like he automatically assumes I’m a “hobo” and a “tramp”. Why? Cuz I stuck up for the homeless? Or because I am coloured and I MUST be a hobo and tramp then. But then again, maybe the photo I ended my last blog post with, got the reaction I thought it would. It wouldn’t surprise me if he snooped around before making his judgement call.

The photo I ended my last blog was deliberate, and I was just waiting for a person to use it against me, so I can bring up my point on why I did so.

Does the photo I ended my last blog post make me a tramp? Here it is again.

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

Yes, it is nude, but still modest. I am still showing nothing, but clearly this has shocked and devastated a viewer. Why is that? Can a woman not love herself and want to capture and immortalize the moments of when she was a young woman? I’m not going to be 32 forever, I will age. I feel I should be proud of my femininity, and sexuality as a woman. Why is it shamed and ridiculed to capture? It’s not porn. Many photographers can take photos of women nude, and have it not be considered porn. But there is something wrong when I do it. Make any sense? A lot of discrimination these days.

And you wonder why I don’t like humans. Why I question my faith in humanity. Why should I give a fuck for people that don’t give a fuck about me? By all means poison and kill each-other like the dumb ass species you are. Continue to support a system that fails you time and time again. You are that fuckin stupid, sad, pathetic, and hopeless.

I’m starting to think I should stay away from social media sites like Facebook, and Twitter as much as possible. I only get hurt. Matter of fact, just stay away from people. Maybe the only people worth suffering any pain for are my children, every one else can just go fuck themselves. You are doing a good job of that anyways, fucking yourselves right over. The slow suicide of humanity. You let it happen. And you keep picking masters like they will change things. Haha! They never do. Shit just repeats itself. You silly fools. YOU change things. Stop depending on other people do shit for you. But I don’t know why I even bother to tell you that, no one listens to me anyways. So lets just pretend that I didn’t.

There is no revolution until you cowards overcome your fears, risk it all, destroy the illusions in front of you. If you really wanted change, you would destroy everything that oppresses you by now, and the people that claim they have power over you. So sorry, I don’t believe you. Revolution my ass!

But in order to do that, you all need to do that. And, that’s not happening. Too many stupid, ignorant people still supporting and defending the system that abuses them .I imagine this man, Dave, a.k.a @canadian_makin, is just one of those stupid blind fuckin sheep. He sure does act like one with his quick judgments. He thinks he’s so special, different from the “hobos” and “tramps”. Well…we’re all human. Hate to break that ego!

But that’s what you brain washed fucks train yourselves to believe. You got this graph of a pyramid ingrained in your heads, Capitalists at the top. Anyone at the bottom or close to it deserves to be shamed. How about you erase that fuckin pyramid in your mind, and replace it with a circle. That is the truth.

Anyways, rant over. Discrimination and oppression still exist. Nothing has changed.

I think my photo has done it’s job, bringing that to light. THAT is art. Now excuse me while I take a bow. I knew it would only take a matter of time before someone would freak out and say such things as “SLUT!” “WHORE!” “Sinner!” Or something along those lines.

Bravo @canadian_makin for being the first discriminating sexist douche to say something and prove my premeditated point. – Pooks

“Reducing a group to a slur or stereotype reduces us all.”

– DeShanne Stokes

Lifted Spirit

Alrighty. Blog day!! 🙂

If you follow me on other social networks, you may have noticed that I am very chipper, “uppity”, today. I don’t even know why. I’m just filled with this unexplainable happiness. I’m optimistic. And the more I see how active activists are, especially today, it just adds to my joy. My hope.

Yes the issues taking place around the world aren’t exactly things to be happy about, but it’s the action, and the voices, and writing of the people that lift my spirits. It just feels like it’s going full force today, and I want to commend that. So to the people, the “activists” that are fighting for change, I love you, and I love what you are doing.

Idle No More, fighting for the environment for all people. Battling against oil, fracking, Capitalism, human rights for the Aniishanabe people… fighting for our following generations so that their land and water isn’t poisoned more than it already is.

Ferguson, for battling against racism and police brutality. As well as the people that held vigils, protests and rallies for Michael, Trayvon, and similar incidents. We are all one. The fact that people of colour are targets, think of Palestine, the Middle East countries that are often targeted, think of the Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, think of Furguson, Trayvon, and many coloured lives taken by our authority figures without hesitation, such as Dudley George. Think of genocide, targets are the people of colour. Modern society is a white supremacist organization. It’s time to let go of old customs, past beliefs, and live in harmony as one. Ideally one of Canada’s supposed values is diversity. It’s time to live up to it, and accept and love each-other, rather than finding petty reasons to divide ourselves from one another. So thanks to those that are fighting for that change, and that justice. Colour is not a crime. We are all beautiful, and all deserve to be treated with respect.

Occupy and Anonymous, for fighting the battle of the “classes.” Against the 1%, the bourgeoisie, or Capitalists. Fighting against Wall Street, and Federal Reserve Banks.  No one is more privileged than the other.  The monetary fascist system is bullshit. Fuck money, fuck oil. We have the resources, we are capable of creating a world that doesn’t rely on such things that are so destructive to ourselves and our environment. I think we are a smart enough species to evolve past the “rules and regulations” of the 1%. Why we still follow their lead, I have no idea. It’s time to defy, and change.

I am happy to see the International Indigenous Unity Flag at more and more public events. I support the artist that created the flag, Michael Sher, and the whole purpose of it is to encourage unity.  I actually own an International Indigenous Unity Flag, and it hangs in my window. The only difference, I got the artist to sign mine. So yes, I am very proud to have it, and I love what it stands for. The medicine wheel is such a powerful symbol and it holds so much meaning within it. But the most apparent is that we are all one.

I am happy to see more unity when it comes to  the grass-root movements. I am starting to see Occupy, Idle No More, and Anonymous emerge into one, and that is amazing. More and more people are starting to see that whatever issue of oppression we are opposing are all connected. We are stronger together. So I hope this momentum keeps up. We need each-other if we want our visions to become a reality.

I read in the news today about guerrilla tree planters randomly planting more trees in public places. Kudo’s to you! I love trees! We need more. I am happy to see that there are people that recognize the importance of trees. Not only can they supply food, but they also provide our oxygen. We tend to take them for granted.

Also when I see more people attempting to follow Food Not Bombs lead, especially after that incident in Florida  with the Elderly man who fed the poor healthy vegan food and got arrested for it for a number of occasions.  Thank his persistence. I admire that. I hope to see more people as empathetic and compassionate as he is when it comes to the homeless and those in need. Kudo’s to that man, and Food Not Bombs, and the students at Western University who held a Food Not Bombs outside of the UCC to feed their fellow students who are struggling in debt. I see feeding the hungry as noble, not a crime. Food is a right, not a privilege.

Not only that, but there is something that takes place when a meal is public, there is a stronger sense of community. It is more enjoyable to share food and interact with others, than it is being cooped up by yourselves, don’t you think? There’s that sense of unity again. I don’t think that is something that should be condemned, but encouraged. So yeah, fuck the police! Haha!

Newho, I just wanted to thank you all, commend you, and express my immense gratitude. You have the power, you are the change. Believe it! Keep it up. You are all making a difference. – Pooks

“Without deviation, progress is not possible.”

– Frank Zappa

Turmoils Locked Gate & the Invisible Path

So once again, I had chickened out with a job interview. I had gotten bombarded by the evil critic in my head. As I was getting ready for the interview, I just got really anxious. I felt under pressure to be something I am not. I tried to trick myself into thinking of it as dressing up for Halloween. But the negative thoughts won, and I ended up not even going. I had canceled my Leads appointment for this interview, and yeah, didn’t make it to the damn interview. Ugh! Fuck up.

I spoke to a friend about it, and yeah, perhaps it’s a lack of confidence.

As I was going through my clothes, changing my mind over and over on what to wear. Will it be good enough? Does this fit their standards of being fashionable? Does this make me stand out, or blend in? To criticizing my hair. I have really thick hair, and it’s very time consuming to tame. So I was worried it would get frizzy on me by the time I get there. Should I wear a pony tail? a bun? Or try something different? But the most negative thought that did me in was over the colour of my skin. As soon as they see that your brown, they’re gonna reject you.

Anyway, I felt like I was feeling all this unnecessary stress over self-image. I’m usually not that hard on myself when it comes to my personal appearance. Do all women have to go the extra mile when getting ready for an interview? Why?  It’s like we can’t be concerned whether we look professional enough, it’s whether or not we are “pretty” enough. Maybe interviews should be done blind-folded. The employer should be blind folded, because let’s face it, looks don’t determine wither or not you can do the job. That’s a stupid rule to judge by. I understand depending on the business, they don’t want see a slob. But the amount of pressure that is put on a woman is freakin ridiculous. Do you want a worker? Or a mannequin? Or maybe even a blow up doll? Maybe you want freakin Barbie and her unrealistic proportions! Got to wonder sometimes.

So yeah, thanks for the unnecessary stress. I was even picking my hang nails until my fingers were bleeding. Yeah, ouch! But that’s what anxiety does to me, it makes me pick myself apart.

It does bum me out that at the last minute, I was overwhelmed with this feeling of incompetence and self-doubt. But maybe my flaws are what keeps me humble. I mean, this society wants you to be kinda arrogant, and competitive. Well… I’m not the competitive type. Honestly, it’s one of those things that annoy me. I prefer to do my own thing, and I’m not interested in competing or comparing myself to others.

As I was getting ready, that’s exactly what I was doing!! That is so not like me at all!! Comparison? Thinking such things as; “They will choose a white girl over me.” What the fuck?!! I don’t think I’m good enough, and my nationality is part of that reason. I should be proud of what I am, but my race is often ridiculed, and shamed in this fuckin world!! Do you not see the affects of your damn racism?!

No, I’m not the most confident person. I am still scarred with a shit load of emotional and verbal abuse in my life time. Shit that comes back, and bites me in the ass in the present. Probably why my internal dialog can be such a verbal abusive bitch, which is destructive to myself, and holds me back a lot of the time when it comes to opportunities. Abuse helped mold that critic in my head, which tries to convince me that all the criticism I’ve endured is true. I’m incapable, a low life, a bum, a fuck up. You’re just pretty. Your sister is gorgeous. Nothing compared to her. So on and so forth.  No wonder I don’t feel good enough. Some of this shit in my head goes back to my childhood. It really makes it hard to believe in myself, ever. Just when I think I leave that shit behind, it finds ways to haunt me. It all comes back at the worst times, times of opportunity.

Anyway, since I felt so stressed over my image for this one interview, perhaps that job isn’t worth it. Another interview will come along, and hopefully I won’t be so hard on myself.

Morgue, the shock artist from the Venice Beach Freakshow, posted a status recently that made me think. I was recently advised to “be myself” by a friend, but perhaps I need to be so much more. Be Pooks, and what I envision Pooks to be. I need to “become”.

Anyway, Morgue’s FB status:

“Don’t be yourself, become yourself. They are not the same thing. Don’t settle for what you are, don’t become complacent. Always strive to improve, overcome and become the best version of yourself that you can be.

I am seeing a lot of people using “be yourself” as an excuse for laziness. Of course, never impose the standards of a failed society on yourself, but do not use it as an excuse to not improve. Don’t stand still, always move forward.

Don’t give a fuck what unintelligent, close minded people think of you and always strive to become a better version of yourself.” – Morgue

A nice friendly reminder. Just as Dali said he was becoming more Dali. My mission is to become more Pooks. Thank you Morgue. I needed that. To me, Pooks is greatness. An unstoppable creative force in this world. And believe me, it’s been quite the journey since the day I first signed my art with this alias name “Pooks”. It’s taken on a journey of it’s own that I don’t really have control over, I just create the art and write. Even though I try to live the mandatory “normal” life that is expected of me, the blue collar (if even) slavery.  I am currently trying to leap into the pink collar world. The road I need to be on for Pooks is elsewhere, matter of fact, it’s invisible. Not that it doesn’t exist, the road is there through what I create and where that takes me. There is no fuckin collar. I ain’t no fuckin dog! Haha!

Pooks is my creative outlet, expression, given a name, face, and persona. The art piece, that not only creates art, but is the art. Very few can accomplish that, Marilyn Manson, David Bowie, … just a couple examples. I hope to do the same.

So maybe for next time, when another interview comes around, I just need to remind myself, “I am Pooks.” To me, that is pretty extraordinary.  – Pooks

“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”- Louise L. Hay

Stirring the Emotional Riot

After an hour of just sitting here contemplating what to write, staring at this blank space…it’s time to write.

I feel like I’ve been trying to avoid what is on my mind. Maybe it will just be better if I get it out.

Next Tuesday there will be a Rally and March in Solidarity with Mike Brown, Ferguson, and all the victims of police violence.  I will be attending, because quite honestly, I think the police don’t hesitate to kill a coloured person in this racist world. It happens way too often. I am reminded of Dudley George, whom was also killed by a police officer.

Colour is not a crime, for some reason we are the targets. Gaza, Palestine, Israel, all colour. Whose supplying the weapons? U.S? U.K? Obviously a wealthy old white man. If you think about Pipeline number 9, where it begins and ends, are aboriginal communities that experience the side effects. I know when I say side effects, it doesn’t sound like much, but literally these communities lives are put at risk. Besides the pipeline, Aamjiwnaang First Nations are exposed to the pollutants in “Chemical Valley”. Many community members there have died from cancer. Apparently, people of colour are on top of the list of extermination.

My ex told me to look of Georgia’s Stone, and what I found was frightful. Carved in stone are the following words; “Maintain humanity under 500,000,000.” That’s just one of the “commandments” written by man. Limiting the population of the earth to 500 million will require the EXTERMINATION of nine-tenths of the world’s people. That means, only 10% whom they choose, will be worthy of living.

Well no wonder your Government is trying to poison you with GMO’s, and fuck up your natural resources, they are literally trying to kill you.

As for the police, they supposedly serve and protect. Serve and protect who? Definitely not the people. I mean, they’ll show up at peaceful rallies and make arrests no problem. Yet, our Government is full of criminals, and not a single arrest is made. Instead of fighting for peace, they fight against it. The only thing they serve and protect are the interests of the Capitalists.

I think what these police officers fail to see is that without their uniform, they too are just one of the people. Not the 1%, but part of the 99%.

I fear for all people of colour, as well for anyone within the working-class or lower.  I fear for my children that are being brought up into all this. My son has already experienced some discrimination in the education system, and he’s not even 10 years old yet.

Racism seems to be an ancient form of hate we keep passing on. Partly why I turned away from religion. After doing some research and realizing it teaches people to hate each-other, and doesn’t allow people to think for themselves.

I don’t believe in a heaven, and I don’t believe in a hell. I believe those are nothing but fiction, made to induce fear so the elites can control you. The only heaven and hell there is, is what we make it here on earth. And unfortunately, too many people would rather make it a living hell. Especially the people in power. They are the ones promising you eternal life if you slave your asses off for them, so they can continue to live in luxury. Not only that, but the bible gives off the impression that if you make money, you are worthy to go to heaven. If that doesn’t make you think, or question it all, then what the fuck? Like seriously, they try to convince you, or already have for majority of the religious population, that everything will be better when you are dead. You are expected to waste your life, serving them like a machine for their sake. Meanwhile, maybe your purpose here is far greater than that.

I believe each life is valuable. Unlike capitalists that value money over life. I believe every single person was given their own unique gift to contribute to the land, and to each-other. Not for the capitalists selfish needs.

The way things are going saddens and concerns me. In a way I wish the people would just go on a Global Riot. Show your pain, show them your hurting. Tear their system down. I don’t mean to go hurting each-other, these are times when we need each-other the most.  Our differences and false illusions that separate us from each-other need to be put aside. Your blood is as red as mine. Sometimes, in order to change things, you need to deviate. It won’t happen if you’re too scared. Make as much noise as you can, because your life matters, you are valuable, and the generations that follow, their lives matter too. – Pooks

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.